A/N: new chapter, yaaaay! and I gotta say that this is my favorite chapter out of all of them ('cept for the second one, ahaha), I had a lot of fun writing this one. lots of angsty drama, yay XD. but a lot of OOC-ness in my opinion too, I think Lightning's really, uh... well, not Lightning in this chapter. but lemme know what you think, since that's what matters.
Disclaimer: See chapter one.
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"There Was Only You and Me"
Chapter V - "With All That I Am"
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A week went by. And with everyday that we spent together, it always felt like the first few minutes. Every kiss, every embrace, every moment that we shared always felt like something new to me. And maybe it was. But either way, I was as happy as anyone could ever be. Each night he would walk over from his house (so that there was no vehicle in the driveway) and spend the night, and we could just talk and talk for hours. Usually he sat on the couch while I laid my head in his lap when we talked to each other. Most of the time, this was how the night was spent, one of us talking the other to sleep, and we'd have to wake the other up and we'd both go into the bedroom.
We've only gone as far as we did the first night three times, but I think we were both just fine with that. I really just enjoyed sitting and listening to him talk, probably because he never has anything negative to say. He makes me forget about anything I might have to worry about.
In the morning though, he always left a little earlier than usually needed to go back to his house before work. One reason was so he could have time to get ready before he needed to be there, and another was that no one was usually outside until a little later. We knew it would be a little hard to explain why it was that he was coming out of my house every morning if anyone noticed.
This was a new thing that was starting to run itself through my brain lately. We had talked about it a little bit, but not all that much. Our secrecy. I knew we couldn't keep it from the town forever, and I'm pretty sure he knew that as well. And nor do I really want to. But… it wasn't like we could climb on top of Willy's Butte and announce it to the whole town like it was nothing out of the ordinary. Not that I thought of our relationship as unordinary, but I knew that others might.
The sound of the door closing broke me out of my thoughts. I was sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee in my hands. I looked into the living room and saw him standing there taking his boots off. Smiling, I stood up and walked over to greet him with the usual kiss.
"Hey there," he said once we broke apart. I greeted back with a simple 'hello' as I took his flannel off and hung it on the coat hanger.
"Do you want some coffee?" I asked him, leading him into the kitchen. "I just made a pot a couple of minutes ago."
"Sure, why not?" he said.
He sat down in one of the chairs as I pulled a mug out of the cabinet, and poured the dark liquid into it. I asked him how his day was, and he began telling me about a customer who had come by and ended up chatting with him for near an hour about the 'junk business' as he called it. And as he spoke, I added the amount of sugar and cream that he preferred into the mug, and I listened. Turning around, I handed him the mug and he took hold of it with a 'thank you.'
He continued talking and I sat down, taking a sip out of my own mug.
"So, Lightnin'," he said after a few minutes. I looked and him and watched his fingers as they traced the rim of his coffee mug. It didn't take much for me to notice that he was nervous about something.
"I was wonderin'…" he trailed off for a moment and then looked up at me. "How long're we gonna… keep this a secret?"
Looking down at my own mug, I said, "I don't know."
It was silent for a few minutes more before he spoke again. "Well we're gonna hafta tell 'em some time."
I knew that. Ii would be impossible for us to keep it from them forever. But…
"I can't…" I mumbled.
Silence engulfed us once more, and for a quite a while, too. I almost wondered if he had heard me.
"Whaddaya mean?" he then questioned softly.
I gripped my mug tighter. Didn't he get it? "I mean, Mater, that we can't tell them," I told him in a tone harsher than necessary. I wasn't looking at him, but could tell that he flinched. I could've punched myself.
"Why?" he asked, his voice sounding hurt. God, why did I have to snap at him? I couldn't stand to hear him like that.
I sighed but I didn't reply. I knew I wasn't making things any better, and the conversation already took a turn for the worst. But I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't even have a good grip on the situation, let alone know what to do with it.
"But they're our friends," he suddenly said. "And I feel like I'm lyin' to them."
I sigh again. "It's because they're our friends that we can't tell them!" I exclaimed. Finally looking at him, I saw him visibly jump as I shouted. I don't know why I was getting so frustrated. But how can he be so willing to tell them something that could just as well get them to hate us? I don't… I can't, I'm not strong enough…
I stood up from the table and turned away from him. I couldn't look at his eyes anymore, so full of hurt now.
"Lightnin'… what're y–,"
"I'm scared, okay!" I shouted at the wall. Suddenly, it was all so overwhelming. It had been worrying me since the day we had to lie to Sally about him being here, and it's just been building up since then. "It's because they're our friends that I'm scared to let them know!" I had to stop to choke back a sob that was building up in my throat. Oh great, now I was crying. "What if they don't accept it! What if they hate us for it!" Tears were falling from my eyes freely now, but I didn't care enough to wipe them away.
I turned abruptly to look at him, only to find him standing right in front of me. In an instant, he had me in his arms, one hand smoothing my hair in a comforting way. I grabbed fistfuls of the front of his shirt, burying my face in his chest.
"They won't hate us," he told me softly. There was such a surety in his voice, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. There was absolutely no doubt in his voice.
"It's just…" I hiccupped. "They all care about me in a way no one else ever did before. They're my family, Mater, and I don't know what I'd do if they…"
"But ya see, you just said it," he said.
I lifted my head away from his chest to look up at him. "Huh?"
He smiled at me. "You said they care about you. And if they care about you, they won't mind this." With that, he took hold of both of my hands in his, bought them to his lips and kissed them.
"Us," he finished.
He was right. I guess there wasn't much else I could do but trust our friends, and tell them the truth. They meant the world to me, everyone who lived in this town did, and I knew they cared about the things that went on in one another's lives. Not in a nosy way, but in a family-caring type of way. And if Mater and I were happy together, then I think they'd be happy to know.
I sighed once again, but this time in a happy manner. "Thanks, Mater," I said. He just smiled and nodded
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"Mater?"
"Yeah?"
I shifted my head a little bit for a more comfortable spot on his lap. "How long have you… had feelings for me?" I asked a little hesitantly.
The hand that he had running through my hair stopped moving for a moment, then started again.
"Why?" he asked. I shrugged. It had been one of those things I would ask myself while he was away at work. I just hadn't remembered to ask him until now.
"I'm just curious, I guess," I told him truthfully. "I mean, that night on the porch couldn't have been when you first felt anything for me, you know?"
For a good couple of seconds, he didn't reply. I almost had to wonder if the question had bothered him. I couldn't imagine why it would, though…
"I don't know… exactly," he said out of nowhere, almost causing me to jump. "But… I think I dun did realize it what it was that night you was taken away by all those media folk."
My eyes widened.
"Really?" I asked incredulously.
"Really," he answered. "I remember watchin' as they all left with you, I thought I was never gonna see you again, and I just… gosh, I don't think I'd ever felt so sad in my entire life. And I just realized how I felt, especially when I saw you again the next day at the race."
My god. I lifted myself from hid lap so that I could look at him. He looked at me, confused as to why I got up.
"Mater…" I breathed. "You felt that way for that long? All this time?" I questioned. He simply nodded as though it were nothing. "But… you'd only known me for a few days, and for most of that I treated you like crap!"
He just smiled. "Aw no, ya see from the first time I met you, I could always see the person that ya are now under the person that you were then," he said to me. But…
"But you never said anything," I said. "You never told me, and all that encouraging with Sally and I…" I couldn't finish. Sally and I… how horrible must it have been to watch the two of us happy together while he just stood near us, not saying anything.
Mater's smile remained, but now it seemed a bit a sad. "You was happy," he said simply. "I didn't wanna tell you nothin' that woulda wrecked it for you. And I knew you liked Miss Sally, so that was…"
He stopped for a moment and looked down. I looked at him worriedly. But he looked back up and finished what he was saying, "That was what I encouraged ya to go after."
I couldn't believe it. "Mater, I –,"
He held up a hand, silencing me. He shook his head and said, "Now don't go apologizin' for nothin'. There's nothin' you did but be happy, and I have no regrets. Things are the way I used to wish they would be."
For a good few moments, nothing was said. It was just so hard to think that all that time, he loved me. I never noticed, never even saw anything odd in the way he acted around me. But then again, he probably made sure that I wouldn't. But… to look on at the one you love be happy with someone else… I just couldn't imagine.
"And Lightnin', I… I wanna tell you something," he said uneasily. I looked at him, worried.
"When you and Miss Sally… ya know, split up," he began. He was nervous, I could tell. Both of his hands were fidgeting with each other, and I placed one of mine atop them.
He took a breath and continued. "When that happened, I… I didn't feel bad. I… was sorta happy."
My eyes widened at his words. I didn't know he was capable of feeling something like that. But now as I looked at him, he looked as if he felt bad for it, and it almost looked like he was about to cry.
"And I… I felt so terrible for that. I couldn't even talk to either of ya for a whole day," he told me.
Now that he said it, I remember now how I couldn't get a hold f him the day after the breakup. And I remember because… I had really wanted his company since I had felt horrible about everything.
"Mater, I understand," I said softly. I didn't understand entirely, but I think that I would've felt the same way if I had been in his position.
"You're not mad?" he asked.
I placed a hand on his cheek and looked at him straight in the eye. "No," I whispered. "I'm not. And…"
I swung one leg over his lap and kept the other where it was, straddling him. With my hands on both of his shoulders, I leaned downward to press my lips against his. He returned the gesture quite heartily, wrapping his arms around my midsection.
But after a few seconds, I pulled away. "No matter what happened…"
I pushed his flannel off of his shoulders, and off his body.
"… in the past…" My hands slid down to his waist and pulled up on the muscle shirt he had on underneath, and I allowed him to take it the rest of the way off. My hands then came to rest on his chest, and I leaned in to kiss his neck.
"… right now…" I breathed onto his skin, making him shiver a little bit.
I kissed a lower spot on his neck. "… I'm yours…"
Another kiss, this time on his chest. But of us began to breathe a little heavier. But I stopped for a moment to look at him.
"Forever and a day, Mater," I finished. "You don't have to be without me anymore. I'll be here with you forever."
And I truly, truly meant it.
He let out a small chuckle, smiling up at me. He reached up and placed both of his hands on either side of my face.
"I love you…" he said with such a timeless happiness in his tone. He pulled me down and kissed me, filling me with all of his emotions at once. All of the peace, joy, love, and everything else he was feeling melted into me, mirroring the feelings that were rushing through me.
I love you too, Mater. With all that I am, I love you.