Chapter One

Hey,
What are you thinking?
I tried to read your face
Say,
Say what you're thinking
Don't carry 'round that pain
Smash (Goo Goo Dolls, GutterFlower)

When most Jedi said they intended to meditate, they were usually referring to retreating to the Temple gardens, or perhaps the Room of a Thousand Fountains, generally an actual meditation room. Not Anakin, though. When he meditated, peaceful settings were never the answer he sought. He went to the Temple hangar. It was there, amongst the closest friends he'd never had, of machines and shuttles, that he found true peace. When he was discovered, he was up to his waist under a Starfighter. It was a youngling Padawan who'd been looking for him, he noted, upon crawling back out from under the contraption. (He'd been repairing damage that the vehicle had sustained during the battle of Naboo.)

"Knight Skywalker," the little girl panted a little, apparently she'd ran all the way here. "Padawan Veld and Padawan Thel-Tanis are looking for you, Sir."

Tru and Darra, Anakin's mind translated blankly, as he wiped some grease off of his cheek with a sleeve. He hadn't seen either of his friends since Qui-Gon had died…Nodding in mute appreciation, he rose to his feet and went to go seek his friends out.

He'd known Tru Veld and Darra Thel-Tanis since he'd been about fourteen. They were two of his rare and far between living confidants. It was only natural that they'd be looking for him, but he'd been so overwhelmed by everything going on he hadn't had time to go find them.

"Anakin!" Darra's usually bright face was etched with concern for him, and it was obvious she had to physically restrain herself from hugging him. Masters were the closest beings to parents that Temple children ever got. The death of one's Master was devastating, to say the least. Still, he managed a smile for her. It was halfhearted, at the most, though. Losing any Master was devastating, losing Qui-Gon was about as close to a psychotic breakdown as Anakin could imagine. "Are you alright?" Darra wanted to know, her hair slightly tousled. Tru joined them shortly, jogging up behind Darra.

"We've been worried," Tru informed Anakin in a very near flat tone, one flexible arm twisting around behind his back in a nervous gesture that Anakin had long since come to recognize. He'd missed seeing it, he realized numbly. "Even Ferus has."

The blonde sniffed slightly at the mention of Ferus Olin. Ferus had been his rival for years, since the days of their formal training. Anakin had carried a disdain for the pompous man that even Qui-Gon hadn't been able to stamp out of him.

"It's bad, but I'll live." He settled on finally, leaning against the nearest wall, his arms crossed over his chest. "Don't really have much of a choice." He had to stick around and take care of Obi-Wan, after all.

"I can't imagine what losing Soara would be like," Darra told him, playing anxiously with her trademark piece of bright cloth, woven into her long Padawan braid. "We know how close you were to Master Jinn, Anakin." Her words twisted his lips into a wry variation of a grin.

"I really don't think you do," he told her with a small snort. "But, enough about Qui-Gon."

"Yeah," Tru agreed with a fervent nod. "How's the kid shaping up?"

Anakin's eyes misted coolly. He wasn't crying, nowhere near it. This was something he'd learned to do a very long time ago, when he didn't want someone to know what he was thinking.

"He is."

Seeming to sense that this too was a poor choice of conversation, Tru glanced at Darra, silently urging her to think of something that might help console their short-tempered friend. She shrugged helplessly in response to his imploring look. Anakin was difficult to deal with sometimes, particularly when he was hurting. There could be no debate that he was certainly hurting now.

"I heard they got a new model of Starfighter in, in the hangar." Tru finally pulled from the air. It wasn't a lie. There was a new shipment; he had no doubt that Anakin already knew, though. Anakin always knew, and sure enough…

"I know. I was just there, before you two sent that girl looking for me."

Darra and Tru exchanged another look. Their best efforts to help their friend weren't getting them anywhere. Anakin had been closer to Qui-Gon than most Padawans were to their Masters, that much they knew. They also knew he'd have to deal with this in his own time, in his own way. All they could do was be there for him, when he finally broke. It still brought a sad shade to Darra's eyes, though, before she forced up a big smile for him.

"Sorry to bother you, then." Then, without another word, she turned and wandered off. Tru glanced after her, his silver eyes owning their own bizarre shade, before he too bid Anakin farewell.

"Anakin," the Teevan murmured over his shoulder at him. "You can talk to us, you know."

"There's nothing to say," Anakin called back, shrugging in a would-be nonchalant manner.

Once again left alone, Anakin pondered where eh should go next. In theory, he could simply return to the hangar, and wallow away some more hours, buried in an aft vent of a cruiser, repairing some insanely miniscule malfunction…A quick glance out the window nixed that idea. The solar mirrors were turning, to signal night was falling on the Galactic City. Turning, Anakin headed back for the dormitory and his own quarters, where he felt sure Obi-Wan would still be waiting for him. He certainly hoped the boy knew how to cook, or in all likelihood they would both starve.