Confrontations

His flawed heart – Alack, too weak the conflict to support –

'Twixt two extremes of passion, joy and grief,

Burst smilingly.

William Shakespeare–'King Lear'

October 19, 2001—The Leaky Cauldron, London, England

Harry looked down at the smear of oatmeal and bananas on his shirt and sighed in resignation. Raising his head, he narrowed his eyes at his daughter, who glared right back at him. The expression on Dria's face drew a startled laugh from him—she looked exactly like Snape at that particular moment.

The morning started out poorly and was heading downhill quickly. Harry woke up late, and Dria was still not over her cold. She had fussed and fought him while he dressed her and was now expressing her displeasure with the breakfast he'd ordered for her. "Dria, you have to eat your oatmeal, so I can get us cleaned up before our friends get here."

"Don't like, Daddy. Want o's!" Dria clamped her lips together and twisted her head, refusing the spoonful of oatmeal Harry offered.

Harry gritted his teeth and said, "Sweetie, I already told you, they don't have Cheerios here at the Leaky Cauldron. I'll try to get some today, but for now, you have to make do with this." He held out the spoon again, but Dria kept her head turned away from him, so he dropped it into the bowl and muttered, "I give up."

Reaching for a napkin, Harry wiped his daughter's face and hands, then let her down from the table. He glanced at his plate of now-cold eggs and sausage, muttered a warming spell and ate, not really tasting the food. He felt as though there was a solid lump of lead sitting in the pit of his stomach. 'This is ridiculous. Ron, Hermione and the Weasleys are my friends—why am I dreading seeing them?'

He knew why. Guilt. Guilt for running away. Guilt for leaving everyone behind to deal with Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Guilt for never contacting them, letting them worry about his well-being. Harry felt so pressed down with remorse, he could scarcely breathe.

He stood, put the dirty dishes on the tray and placed everything outside of the room door. Harry glanced around and noticed Dria was busy, playing with her blocks, so he walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out a clean shirt and a robe. Tossing the robe down onto the bed, he eyed it while he changed shirts. He hadn't worn wizarding clothes since he'd moved to America and had mixed feelings about donning them again.

Suddenly, there was a pounding on the door. Harry swallowed hard, slipping on the robe as he went to greet his friends. When he opened the door, he just stood there, staring at the concerned faces on the other side. Nothing was said for a moment, then Molly Weasley burst into tears and cried, "Harry!" She reached out and engulfed him in a tight hug as the others began chattering and patting him on the shoulders and back.

Harry felt a tug on his robe and pulled out of Molly's embrace just as a tiny voice asked plaintively, "Daddy 'kay?" The room grew quiet as he picked up Dria, who promptly hid her face in his shoulder when she noticed the four sets of eyes fixed on her.

"Who's this?" Ron asked, a confused expression on his face.

Smiling at the people surrounding him, Harry said awkwardly, "Umm, I'd like to introduce my daughter, Dria." He glanced down at the top of his daughter's head and whispered softly, "Dria, it's okay. These are daddy's friends. This is Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Ron and Mrs. Hermione." He pointed at each person as he said their name.

"Oh Merlin, Harry, she's beautiful," Molly exclaimed, reaching a hand out and gently touching Dria's dark curls. Dria peeked curiously up at the older woman then gave a tentative smile. Molly smiled back as she asked, "Can I hold you, sweetie?"

Dria hesitated then extended her small arms and leaned toward Molly. Molly took her and turned to Arthur as she cooed, "What a pretty little girl you are. Oh Arthur, I can't wait to become a grandmother, although," she shot a dark look at Ron and Hermione, "some people don't seem to be in a hurry to help me become one."

Ron grinned at his wife as she blushed then answered his mother, "Oh, I don't know about that, mum. You might want to practice on Dria here for the next seven months or so, then we'll see."

"Hermione?" Molly asked. Hermione bit her lip then nodded, a slow smile crossing her face. Molly laughed, "Thank goodness. Arthur, did you hear that?"

Arthur chuckled, "Yes dear. You finally get your wish. You're finally going to be a grandma." He turned to Ron and Hermione, "Congratulations, my children. I'm very proud of you." He hugged them both then looked over at Harry and said, "Harry, we're so glad you're back, and with such a wonderful surprise. However, you said in your note that you needed some help from us. What do you need?"

"Well, there are some things that I need to take care of over the next six months, and I was wondering if I could leave Dria with you once in a while." Harry took a deep breath and continued, "I'm filing for a divorce and will be meeting with my lawyers, and I don't think Dria needs to be dragged through all that."

Arthur and Molly looked at each other then Molly asked, "Are you sure, Harry?"

Ron placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. Harry smiled gratefully up at his friend then answered, "That's why I returned to England. I need to move on with my life, and I can't while I'm still married to Severus."

Hermione asked gently, "Can you tell us why, Harry? You two were so happy, then all of a sudden, you disappeared. Professor Snape was devastated—he looked for you for almost a year."

"He did?" Harry was surprised. "I didn't think he'd care one way or the other." He closed his eyes for a second as he collected himself then said softly, "I don't really want to go into the whys right now, okay? Maybe someday…"

Ron watched his parents and wife as they silently communicated with each other then replied, "We're here for you, Harry, no matter what. I've no doubt that mum and dad will be more than happy to watch Dria for you, and so will Hermione and me. No worries, okay mate?"

Harry grinned apologetically as he asked, "Tomorrow okay with you? I'm going to Hogwarts to see Dumbledore, and I probably should talk to Severus as well."

Hermione frowned, "Don't you think he wants to see Dria, Harry?" She carefully watched Harry's reaction to her question then gasped when she realized, "He doesn't know, does he? About Dria, I mean."

Moving over to the window, Harry stared out at the clouds that were drifting slowly across the blue sky. "No. I was going to tell him the night… umm, the night I left. Afterward, I was so hurt, so angry that there was no way I was going to tell him." A shiver ran up his spine when he considered the reaction his spouse might have to the news. Harry thought longingly of escape, of jumping on his broomstick and flying away from the situation. He turned and faced his friends, "However, as time went on, I realized that what I did was a mistake—Severus should have been allowed access to his daughter. That is something we'll have to work out—visitation might be tricky with me in the States and him here."

"What? You're not leaving, are you Harry?" Ron exclaimed.

Harry reluctantly met his friend's steady gaze, "I have to, Ron. It would be too painful to stay here, and I've built up a life there. I'm establishing a name for myself in the art world plus I have a home now, one that I feel comfortable in."

Hermione crossed the room and hugged Harry. "Whatever you need to do, we'll support you, Harry. We're your friends, and I for one don't want you disappearing again." She moved back slightly and punched him in the arm, "That was a really lousy thing to do to us, you creep."

"Ow." Harry rubbed his arm and glared at Hermione, who grinned back at him unrepentantly. He sighed as he admitted, "I guess you owed me that, but don't do it again, okay?"

Ron pulled his wife away from Harry, "You know how she is, mate, and she's worse now she's pregnant." He ducked away as Hermione took a swing at him and said, "See what I mean? Bossy little thing." They all burst out laughing when she stuck her tongue out at him.

Arthur announced that he needed to get back to work and Molly handed Dria back to Harry. They made arrangements for him to drop her off at the Burrow before he headed to Hogwarts in the morning, then the elder Weasleys took their leave.

Hermione looked at her husband and friend and grinned, "I'm hungry. Fortescue's has some wonderful pickle flavored ice cream, and I could go for a triple scoop sundae, doused with chocolate sauce." She laughed at the gagging sounds the men made as they headed out of the room.

The trio spent an enjoyable afternoon on Diagon Alley as they chatted about everything and nothing, catching up on each other's lives. Harry relaxed as the day went on—he was relieved his friends had forgiven him so readily.

They made a quick stop at Gringotts, allowing Harry to reopen his account and deposit some of the money he'd brought with him from America, then they hit Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. Harry purchased several new robes for himself, since he'd only kept one during his time away. Hermione insisted that she and Ron wanted to buy something for Dria, and they finally settled on two diminutive sets of robes; one, a pale pink velvet formal robe with lace on the collar and the other a deep green set that matched her eyes.

After they had dinner back at the Leaky Cauldron, Harry hugged his friends and wearily took Dria back to their room. It had been a long day, and he still wasn't recovered from their trip. He bathed his daughter and tucked her into the bed, watching as she quickly fell asleep. He settled into the bed beside her, but found sleep to be elusive.

Finally, after hours of staring at the ceiling, his eyes drifted shut.

October 20, 2001—Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Severus prowled along the edge of the Forbidden Forest, collecting various ingredients he needed for his potions. It was early in the day, earlier than he was usually out, but he'd felt restless, unable to focus on any of his work. His young husband was supposed to come to Hogwarts today and even though he'd accepted the end of their relationship, he was unsure of what his reaction would be should he accidentally encounter Harry.

He heard the faint sounds of gravel crunching and turned to see Harry walking along the shore of the lake. Severus stepped back into the safety of the shadows of the trees and watched his lover approach the school and disappear through the front doors. His chest felt tight and he realized that two years absence hadn't lessened his feelings for Harry—it was going to be harder than he'd originally thought to let go.

Harry strode purposefully through the halls of Hogwarts, waving as several people called greetings to him but not stopping until he reached the gargoyle that stood at the entry to Dumbledore's office. He looked helplessly at the statue, not knowing the password and uncertain how to gain entrance.

"Problems, Mr. Potter?" an amused voice asked from behind him.

Harry swirled around and came face to face with Minerva McGonagall. "Professor McGonagall! How great it is to see you." Harry leaned over and lightly kissed her on the cheek. He glanced wryly at the statue and said, "I… uh… I don't know the password. I've got an appointment with the Headmaster."

"Yes, I'm aware of that. Droobles Best Blowing Gum. He's waiting for you, Harry." She motioned at the now-open doorway, waiting for him to enter. Minerva followed him up the moving stairs and into Dumbledore's office, where she quietly seated herself in one of the chairs around the desk.

Albus watched as Harry sat in the chair next to Minerva, noticing the slight changes in the young man. Harry seemed quieter, more mature. He'd obviously grown up from the impetuous boy into a man during his sojourn in America. Albus cleared his throat to get their attention then smiled over at Harry. "Harry, you have no idea how relieved we were to receive your owl the other day. We were beginning to fear that Tom and his cronies had gotten to you."

Harry shifted in his chair, "Sorry about that. I… uh…" He glanced over at Minerva then bit his lip. He didn't want to tell anyone the real reason for his leaving—even though Severus had hurt him, Harry didn't want to strike back by causing a scandal at the school.

"It's okay, Harry. I understand," Albus said gently. He leaned back, rocking back in his chair until he was sitting on two legs, steepled his fingers in front of his face and came directly to the point, "In your letter, you mentioned that you were planning to seek a divorce from Severus, but that there was a matter that complicated things. What matter is that, Harry?"

"Our daughter." Harry replied flatly.

"What?" Albus and Minerva cried in unison. Albus' chair dropped down with a resounding thud and Minerva rose up in her seat, her mouth gaping open.

Harry looked on in amusement as his two companions sputtered their astonishment at his announcement. He grinned, "Surprise?"

Albus regained his composure quickly and leaned back again, carefully keeping all four legs of his chair on the floor this time. "A daughter, Harry?" He searched the young man's face then stated, "This isn't going to sit well with Severus."

"Tough. He didn't exactly worry about my feelings when…" Harry voice faltered as he turned his face away, trying to hide the tears that sprang unbidden in his eyes. After a minute, he faced his former Headmaster and quietly asked, "Is he here, Albus?" 'How is he? Does he miss me as much as I miss him?' hung in the air, implied but not voiced.

"Minerva, my dear. Would you please go find Severus for us? I would like a moment to speak with Harry alone." Albus smiled sweetly at Minerva as she stood up and shook out her tartan trimmed robes.

"Certainly, Albus. Will fifteen minutes do?" When Albus nodded, she ruffled Harry's hair affectionately, "I'm pleased to see you looking so well, Harry. Don't worry, everything will work out for the best." She made her way to the door and hesitated, "I'm looking forward to meeting your daughter, Harry. Maybe tomorrow, depending on how things go?"

"Sure, Professor McGonagall," Harry agreed as she departed. He glanced over at the Headmaster and grinned. He hadn't really noticed before because he had been so nervous, but Albus was wearing dark brown robes, sprinkled here and there with images of different types of dragons. Every minute or so, one of the dragons would puff a miniscule burst of fire from its mouth and a small wisp of smoke would rise from the fabric.

"Harry, I need to tell you. Severus knows you're planning on the divorce. He came in as Minerva and I were discussing your owl and overheard part of our conversation. I'm sorry, Harry."

Harry shrugged, "It's okay, Professor. I'm going to talk to him today, so it doesn't really matter that he found out a day or two early. I'm just not sure how to approach the whole subject about Dria."

Albus sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, giving himself a chance to think. He sighed again as he said, "Dria's existence does add a new twist to everything. Harry, I'm not sure how much you know about wizarding law but…"

"I've already seen a lawyer in the States, Headmaster," Harry interrupted. "I know my keeping Dria a secret damages my case, but I also know that the reason I left won't help Severus any."

"About that, Harry—you do realize Severus'… association with Lucius Malfoy has helped our cause against Voldemort, don't you?" Albus' blue eyes dimmed sadly as he watched the pained expression on Harry's face. He continued softly, "Please consider that when deciding what you want to do, Harry."

"I've already decided." Harry's words were confident, but his voice held a note of uncertainty, as he considered the implied meaning behind Dumbledore's words. Surely he didn't mean that Severus had been sleeping with Malfoy as part of his job as a spy. Harry's stomach roiled slightly at the thought. He flinched when the office door flew open before he could question the Headmaster more, his eyes darting to the entrance where his husband was standing.

Albus stood and moved toward the newcomers, "Ah, Severus. Here is Harry, waiting to speak with you. Minerva, we should go check on Mr. Filch. I believe he's adding some so-called improvements to the dungeon and we might need to halt his progress. Gentlemen." He nodded regally as he escorted Professor McGonagall from his office.

An uncomfortable silence surrounded the two men remaining. Harry finally jumped up from his chair and faced his spouse, "Severus, you look good."

Severus smirked at Harry's polite fabrication. He knew he looked exhausted—the dark purple circles under his eyes and his tired squint proved it. He ran his eyes over the lithe body of the other man, widening slightly in appreciation. Harry's body had matured from a teenager's to a full-grown man. His shoulders had broadened, yet his waist still remained as slender as ever. He took a deep breath and then exhaled quietly. "So do you, Harry. How have you been?"

Harry shook his head slightly in disbelief—here they were after two painful years, attempting to make small talk. "I'm fine. I believe the Headmaster informed you of the reason for my return, correct?" He noticed the other man's reaction to his words; Severus winced and briefly closed his eyes, then opened them wide and nodded.

"Yes, and I wanted to tell you that I'm not planning on contesting the divorce. You deserve to be happy, and if this is what you want, so be it." Severus was proud that his voice remained level, not betraying the pain that pierced his heart.

"There's something you need to know before you promise anything, Severus." Harry paused then took out his wallet and withdrew several small photos from a plastic liner. He silently handed them to Severus, then stood there, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

Severus frowned down at the pictures in his hand, his normally agile brain refusing to acknowledge the significance of what he was looking at. The images were obviously muggle in nature, the figures frozen stiffly in time. The first one showed Harry, tired but exhilarated, lying in what looked like a hospital bed, holding a tiny infant up for the camera. The second photo was of a small girl, locked into a muggle high chair and food smeared liberally all over her face and hair. There was a piece of cake on the tray in front of her and her bib read 'Happy 1st Birthday'.

The third picture brought Severus literally to his knees—it was his mother's face, looking out at him. He shook his head, as if to clear his vision, but the image remained unchanged. The young girl was laughing as she sat on the back of a pony, with Harry hovering protectively beside her. Severus looked up and stuttered, "Ha—Harry?"

Harry knelt beside his husband and smiled faintly as he looked at the photos, "Her name is Alexandria Lillian Potter-Snape. She was born on May 1, 2000 in New York City."

"You… you named her after me?" Severus was quickly doing the math in his head as Harry nodded. Born May 1st, which meant she had been conceived around the end of July—Harry's birthday, probably. It also meant he'd been about three months pregnant when he'd walked in to see Severus with Lucius. 'Shit!' "Oh Harry," he whispered, eyes closed in pain.

Harry shifted until he was sitting cross-legged, tailor style. He stared down at his hands as his fingers twisted back and forth. "By the time she was born, I'd gotten over a lot of my anger toward you. I was still hurt, but mostly I just wanted you there. I missed you terribly, so I decided to give her your middle name." His eyes flew up to meet his husband's as he asked hesitantly, "You don't mind, do you?"

Severus shook his head, his hair swishing almost violently at the movement, "You honor me by that, especially considering everything that happened." He glanced down at the photos he had clutched in his hand, and said slowly, "This changes everything, Harry."

Jumping to his feet, Harry raked his fingers through his hair as he paced, "It changes nothing, Severus. I still plan on filing the divorce papers. The only thing we need to work out is how we're going to handle visitation."

"You're planning on raising our daughter in a broken home, Harry?" Severus narrowed his eyes as he slowly got to his feet. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Harry spun around and glared at the other man, "She's done fine up until now. There's no way we're getting back together, Severus. I don't trust you. Do you have any fucking idea how I felt that day, walking into our cottage and seeing you with… with that slimy bastard?" His volume increased as he spoke, until he was practically yelling with his last words.

"Harry, I know I hurt you, but you have to believe me when I say that I never intended to do that. I love you, and I've never given up hope that we could work things out."

"Ha!" Harry snorted with derision. "You think a few words will fix this, Severus? What, you tell me you love me, and then what? I'm supposed to fall into your arms and forgive everything? Not bloody likely." Severus reached out as if to touch the younger man and a flash of gold flashed on his hand. Harry's eyes widened when he realized that Severus was still wearing his wedding band—his own hand instinctively clutched at his shirt, where his own ring hung suspended with the pendant his husband had given him. He turned his back so Severus couldn't see the pain that was radiating from him.

Severus dropped his hand in resignation. Harry obviously hadn't forgiven him yet, but he hoped that he could convince his husband that he was sincere. He resolved to woo Harry, to make up for all the pain he'd caused, but he needed time in order to accomplish that. He needed to talk Harry into postponing the divorce. "Harry, please? For the sake of our daughter, and for what we once meant to each other, can you give me a chance? Give us a chance? Please don't do anything about the divorce until after Christmas, at the earliest."

Harry slowly turned around and looked at his husband. He bit his lip as he saw the love and sincerity clearly shown in Severus' black eyes and nodded his head jerkily. "Alright. I'll give you until the new year, but I should tell you something. There's someone in America that I'm interested in. We're just friends right now—I didn't think it was fair to start something with him before everything was settled between you and me, but… If we're going to try this, I want complete honesty between us. I'm not going to cut off communication with Josh."

Anger and relief warred for a place in Severus' heart. He was thankful that Harry was willing to attempt a reconciliation, but how in the hell was he supposed to fight against a phantom would-be lover? He had no choice but to accept the situation—for now. He smiled and said, "Thank you, Harry. You won't regret it, I promise."

"Now, in light of our new policy of complete honesty," Harry swallowed with difficulty as he tried to force the words past suddenly bloodless lips, "Is your… your affair… with Lucius still continuing?"

Severus cringed when he thought about the answer he had to give, but calmly replied, "Yes."

Green eyes widened in pain as Harry lashed out, "That was a fucking easy answer to one of the most difficult questions I have ever asked. You bast…"

Harry's words were cut off as he was slammed back against the wall. "You oblivious little idiot. How in Merlin's name can you think ANY of this is easy for me? It's my fucking duty, Harry, nothing more."

Harry looked up in surprise as Severus continued, "You've told me a bit of what you've dealt with, but do you have any idea what I've been through? What I'm going through even now? What my job as a spy, my position in the Order has cost me? I lost the one person I have ever let into my life and heart. I lost the first years of my daughter's life—time I can never get back."

"Severus…"

Snape's voice lowered to a whisper as he moved his head even closer to Harry's upturned face. "I've lost nights filled with passion and days filled with laughter. I've lost everything that ever mattered to me."

As the last words hissed from his lips, Severus leaned down and took possession of Harry's mouth. The kiss quickly turned carnal as Snape's knee forced itself between his husband's legs and his arms twined around the smaller man and jerked him closer.

Harry groaned as Severus began nipping his way down his neck, leaving a trail of fiery sensation in the wake of his lips. Hands gripped his derriere as his groin was pressed into a hard leg.

"Sev… oh, Merlin… Sev'rus, don't stop…"

Suddenly he was thrust backwards as the older wizard gasped for air. "That's what I've lost, you twit." With those words, Severus twirled and rushed out of the room. A frustrated Harry slid to the floor, staring blankly at the closed door.

"Maybe the answer wasn't as easy as I thought."

Severus stormed through the passageways, indiscriminately deducting house points from anyone who was in his way. By the time he reached his room in the dungeons, every house, including his own Slytherins, was down more than one hundred points.

He slammed the door behind him and stood in the middle of his sitting room, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He was angry with himself for losing control, for attacking Harry just when they'd reached a tentative peace between them. Severus prayed to the gods above that he hadn't damaged their truce beyond repair.

Moving to the fireplace, he stared down at a photo sitting there. It was their wedding picture—the frame was a deep mahogany, silver snakes and gold lions carved along the edge. He smiled at the photo—Harry had insisted that their robes match, except for the color. His had been the blackest velvet available, while Harry's were emerald green. Both sets had embroidery along the edges of the cuffs. Harry had laughed at the symbolism of the entwined snakes and lions, likening it to their own relationship.

Merlin, they'd been so happy that night. The moonlight caused Harry's green eyes to glitter, the love evident in them overwhelming. The photo-image Harry and Severus waved, arms encircling their waists, then they turned to face each other and passionately kiss.

Severus reached out and ran a tender fingertip along the photo-Harry's body. The image of himself turned to glare out at him, then possessively gathered Harry in a tight embrace. He smirked down at the photo—he'd always been overprotective of his husband.

Sighing, he began to move away from the mantle to head to the bedroom then glanced down at his hand. He was still holding the photos of Harry and Dria—he meticulously smoothed out the wrinkles his tight grasp had caused and propped them up, one by one, against the frame of the wedding picture.

As he looked at the photo of his daughter and husband, he silently promised himself he would get his family back—no matter what.