Tired after a full 24 hour shift, Matt Casey closed the door to his truck, hoping to make the trek to his front door without being interrupted by his neighbor, whom was just returning from a walk with her dog.
Not looking at the older woman, whom was already waving at him as he had been spotted, he walked inside the building, quickly opening the mailbox. He hadn't looked in here for a while, most days when he got home he just laid on the couch, hoping for another day to pass.
It had been weeks since Gabby had left, but it seemed like an eternity.
Behind him, his neighbor entered the small hall, the older woman immediately greeting him.
''Long shift?''
''It was a busy one,'' Matt smiled friendly, not wanting to have any more small talk.
''Gabriela still visiting her family?'' She asked as Matt reached out into the mailbox, grabbing it out and wanting to bolt into the apartment. He just nodded at her, walking inside the apartment before he would have to talk any more about the fact that Gabby wasn't here.
He couldn't even face himself that things were over between them, let alone tell his neighbor.
Throwing the stack of mail on the small cabinet by the door, he walked further into the house to put his bag on the table. He would sort it out later, his uniforms would just end up at the pile next to the washing machine.
Coming home from a long shift had been one of his favorite moments of any day. He and Gabby would come home and have breakfast together, usually taking a nap after. Those hours, cuddling between the sheets, neither of them really sleeping, but enjoying each other's company was something he longed for so much.
For a moment, he couldn't even remember how long she had been gone.
He thought he would get over it, he had done so when Hallie, his fiancée, had died. Taking it a day at the time, he had eventually come out of the dark hole he had been in for those weeks. He wouldn't say it was harder right now, but it felt different, knowing that she was out there, only a short flight away.
Putting his bag down on the table, he grabbed some of the take away cartons and walked to the kitchen, throwing them away.
For years the kitchen had been filled with the most amazing smells, making dishes he had never had before and so tasty he couldn't even have dreamed of them.
Not him, any day he would successfully make a grilled cheese that tasted halfway decent could honestly be called a miracle. But every time Gabby had been in this kitchen, it had lit up the room.
Not feeling like doing anything, he just checked the lock on the door once more, making his way to the bedroom.
Laying down in bed, he just laid in the cold, missing Gabby more by the minute.
He was on the couch later that night, looking forward to the match that was on. He just hoped that it would take his mind of all the things he was going over in his head.
The last thing he wanted to do was another night where he would only be going over all the things he could and should have done differently.
As the preshow was starting for the Blackhawks he wanted to get up to grab a beer, only to be interrupted by the doorbell. Walking to the door, he wasn't looking forward to whoever he was on the side, besides only the one person he really wanted to see.
For a moment, all he could hope that Gabby was on the other side. He knew that it was almost impossible. But still he hoped.
Opening the door, he tried not to be disappointed as it was Kelly Severide, holding a six-pack of beer.
''Figured we could watch the match together,'' Kelly said as he held up the six-pack.
Walking to the kitchen, Matt put the beers away in the fridge and grabbed two cold ones out instead, handing one to Kelly.
''How have you been doing?'' Kelly inquired, although he knew the answer. He knew Matt was keeping strong at work, but he was not doing well splitting with Gabby.
''Like crap,'' Matt finally admitted. For weeks he had been trying to keep up the façade and at work he had succeeded. Leaning back against the kitchen counter, he crossed his eyes, looking down.
Being vulnerable in front of his friend wasn't something he feared, but still felt strange.
''Have you heard anything from Gab- her?''
''No, eventually we will have to be in contact, because of the divorce papers – there is some stuff here she might want to me send to Puerto Rico. Or bring to her brother, I don't know,'' Matt sighed as he thought off all the stuff that was in the boxes in the bedroom. He had packed it away in boxes, no longer being able to look at it as it only sunk in more how much he missed her, each time he looked at it.
''You can say her name though.''
''Figured it would hurt.'' Kelly said, not sure what to say.
''It does,'' Matt admitted, turning around as he grabbed another two beers and they made their way to the couch.
''You know Boden told you that you can get some furlough if you want to. It might be good to you, to clear your head, you know.''
''Can we just go and watch the match now?''
''Anytime,'' Kelly said as he sat down on the couch.
Looking side, he was concerned about his friend. It was hard, as he and Gabby had been close as well and he struggled not getting in between their conflict. He was proud of Gabby for following her dreams, but it was hard to see Matt so heartbroken. He knew it was none of his business, but for the sake of both of them, he hoped they would someday be together again.
''You know, I wanted to get her tickets for a Blackhawks game for our anniversary, she said that she wanted to go when we were watching a match together. Figured I could arrange a night out to the match, fancy hotel, do something nice the next day,'' Matt admitted, his eyes full of tears as Kelly looked aside at him.
''I am really sorry, Matt.''
''Each day – every hour – I tell myself I did right by staying in Chicago. I am just not sure anymore,'' Matt admitted, staring at the TV and taking another sip of beer.
''I know it can feel like that. But maybe she will come back. I know you wouldn't be happy going there. It is beautiful what she is doing, but it isn't for you,'' Kelly sympathized.
''I am not happy without her either,'' Matt sighed, feeling bad for spilling this all out to his friend, but it felt good to get it off his mind after these thoughts had been here for weeks.
''Have you reached out to her?''
''No.''
He wanted to, he tried. He wrote paragraphs, letters to her on his phone, only to eventually delete it again. There was so much that he wanted to tell her, but everytime he tried he seemed to be lost for words.
''I don't know what to say, or what the right thing to do would be-''
''I know, I just appreciate you being here, lets enjoy the match now,'' Matt said as he forced a smile on his face.
He appreciated his friend coming to check on him and cheer him up. It helped even more that the Blackhawks won and after having another beer, Kelly took an uber home.
Walking with him to the door, Kelly stopped for a second.
''Take care of yourself Matt. It will be okay, eventually,'' Kelly told him and Matt nodded, appreciating that his friend was here for him. As much as he said he didn't want the support, he was really happy that Kelly cared about him.
''Thank you, you too. See you at the firehouse Wednesday,'' Matt told him, waving and closing the door.
Closing the door and locking it, he turned around, yawning as he was ready to go bed. Ready for it, but not looking forward, knowing that it would be another lonely night. Every time he woke up in the morning, just a few a second, it seemed like those mornings they had woken up together. For a second it always seemed that when he would reach out to her side, her warm body would be there. But each time he did, his hand just met a cold, unslept side of the bed. But that one second, was easily his favourite part of the day.
His eye fell on the mail that was here by the door, not having looked at it yet. Digging through, it was mostly just flyers from local restaurants, a letter from the power company. But at the last envelope, his heard skipped just a beat.
The envelope didn't say a whole lot, just his name, the address and the stamps to actually get it to his mailbox.
It was easy to miss amidst the stacks of the flyers from the Chinese restaurant down the corner and the another telling him to order another pizza. As if he hadn't ordered enough pizza's every since Gabby had left.
It did however, in the return address, tell him that this envelope had come from Puerto Rico.