Floating Through Memories
Summary: What Kira and Athrun thought after the war ended and how it changed their lives. For the better or worse? Suicidal thoughts in each oneshot. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Seed. If I did Flay would have died a whole lot sooner.
A/N These are several short oneshot stories. As I reread part two I thought about poor Athrun and what was going through his head. Then I thought about what he last said to Kira. "We will be joining you soon..." Was he just saying that? Or were they all planning to take their own lives?
This short oneshot is from Athrun's point of view. To show what some of the others thought and felt. This is going back to when they were in space up until the point where Kira died. More tragedy and angst coming your way. Athrun suicidal?
Karone
Kira... Are you alive? If you are not then I will be joining you soon. I live for Cagalli but you are always in my heart. My one true friend who was there to show me the way. You helped me see past my fathers lies... If you die then it was for nought... This life... is unbearable. Please be alive.
I can hear Cagalli crying next to me. I can see Kira's tears as he opens his eyes to look at us. So much pain and sadness shine from those eyes... I wish I could take away that pain but I have to much of my own. I have killed so many... Just like you. I have seen many killed... I don't know what to do with myself.
I need your kindness. You hold me to this world.
I reach out for your hand. Your still alive but you have many injures. Why? Why must we endure this pain? Why can't we be how we once were? I wish I could see your innocence once more... Nothing... I feel nothing... I am nothing... How can Cagalli love me? Or even like me?
I watch over Kira as he sleeps. He wakes up only once and swiftly went back to sleep as if hoping against hope that he could just die. I saw it in his eyes... He wants to die as much as I do. If not more. He was always like that... Always a crybaby... So much kindness...
I'm nothing like him. I kill without thinking. Yet... He makes me think... Think things I have never thought of before. Such sadness... And now you are gone. Up and left in the middle of the night. Why Kira? Why run from us? We have all committed the same sins!
I don't want you to be gone... Come back to us Kira! We all miss you so much... All you left for us is Tori and a stupid letter. How can you think we wont try and find you? How can you think we don't want you around? WE ALL LOVE YOU KIRA! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!
So why? Why does it hurt so much? Why did you leave? Why am I still here? Why did Cagalli save me? Save me from myself? Why didn't I just self-destruct? Why didn't I just die when I could have without being thought less of? If I die now people will think of me as a fool...
Yet... I don't want to die. I want to live. I don't know what I'm living for though... Kira's run off and Cagalli is depressed and trying to rule a nation. She needs me and yet I don't know how to help her... I don't know how to help myself either.
I guess I will try and find Kira. It will end everyone's pain right? Why Kira? Why did you run away? We miss you so much! You are apart of us and that part of us is starting to die! Does that mean your somewhere alone? Dying?
I am prepared to follow you... Cagalli... She doesn't mean much to me anymore. She lost the fire that drove her on. Now she just exists. Lacus... Still sings the song of peace. She ignores what's going on around her. She doesn't want to believe that you would leave her...
Your other friends seem to be somewhat used to this. They are all still sad. Especially Mirillia but Dearka is taking good care of her. I'm still looking for you Kira. Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU?
I've finally found you... You've been living on earth in an apartment building. It took me a year to find you but I did it. I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. What is it? Why is it there? Kira what have you done?
I call your name at your door and yet I hear no sound inside. I break down the door to find you on your side. I run to you Kira... Only to find something in your hand. Some kind of poison. You did it Kira... You wanted to die so badly...
Your eyes are wild with fear but I can see you losing that fire. Kira my friend... Why!
I found the note... That suicide letter... I can't live any longer either Kira... Its time to stop playing pretend. Cagalli sits in the background as you fight for breath.
"Athrun... forgive me." You whisper while trying to cling to life a bit longer.
"I forgive you Kira. Rest in peace my friend. We will be joining you soon..." I whisper back.
He draws in his last breath and dies right here before me... I can feel the pain in my heart grow stronger as I listen to Cagalli and Lacus cry behind me. When had Lacus gotten here? When will there be an end to these tears? Death... It's the only solution.
Girls I'm sorry... But I'm going with Kira. To the final resting place of all soldiers. Kira my friend... I will be joining you soon. I pull out my gun and with one click I'm gone. No time to regret... I'm just... gone.
The End
A/N Another sad oneshot. I hope you all like it. Athrun's mind is more organized then Kira's. Wouldn't you say? He gave his life up... All he wanted to do was help Kira and he finds he can't help anyone.
There is going to be one more I guess you could say... Chapter but its not a oneshot. It's a poem I wrote to express these same feelings in a different way. Its to sum up all three oneshots. Thank you for the reviews. Ciao for now.
Karone