Title: "Believe in the Future"

Author: Arashi

Fandom: xxxHolic

Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki

Rating: Mostly R: tiny bit NC17

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Dedication: lahlio in lj land. Thank you for the help on this one!

Warning: Spoiler for Ch101+

CH 1: Hidden Emotions

Doumeki Shizuka wasn't sure how things had turned out the way they had. It had been about six years since he had met Watanuki Kimihiro and that woman, Ichihara Yuuko. He vaguely remembered his grandfather had foretold their appearances and importance in his life, and had told him so a long time ago. Even as a child, Shizuka had understood life far better than a majority of his peers, and his grandfather, Doumeki Haruka, had not failed to notice this. Haruka knew that Shizuka was his true successor. His son had resumed a majority of his duties after his death, but he lacked the special "abilities" required to really be a temple priest.

It had been Yuuko that convinced Shizuka to become the temple priest at the age of nineteen, after his parents had left to travel abroad. He had graduated secondary school and entered an average university, only to lose interest after a couple of semesters. When he had returned home, there was nobody there to greet him. He had known his parents would be gone, but the reality of it hit him harshly as he started to go about his daily duties in solitude. He had never minded solitude, but he had also never experienced it for any extended length of time. Watanuki had been away at a university. At that time, he was still chasing after an impossible goal named Kunogi Himawari. The boy had become a man then, though, and eventually lost his goal as Yuuko had warned him numerous times would eventually happen. Despite this, Watanuki continued his studies to this day, determined to finish what he had started. Their friendship had continuously morphed over the years into something that was absolutely irreplaceable. Neither had really spoken of it. They both just knew.

Yuuko was the only person he saw on a regular basis for his continued lonely years. Without her precious Watanuki around, the woman almost seemed lost. Naturally, she had asked for his help with many a client and he had always obliged her. In return, she had offered her assistance, should he ever need it, and a lot of drunken nights. It seemed Yuuko wanted nothing more out of life than to run her shop and drink herself oblivious. She was an amazingly simple woman, beside the fact that she was technically a powerful Dimension Witch.

Currently, it was August. That meant it was time for Shizuka to prepare the temple for Obon. He was hanging lanterns when he noticed Yuuko, dressed in an outrageous kimono, ambling her way to him by means of the stone walkways. She called out his name loudly and waved as if he hadn't already been aware of her presence. He replied simply and returned to his task.

"Such a hard worker, Doumeki-kun!" said Yuuko cheerfully as she came to a halt near him. Mokona suddenly popped out of her handbag. "Alright, Mokona! Let's help Doumeki-kun decorate, shall we?"

"Of course!" piped up the black creature. His mouth suddenly opened unnaturally wide and a whirlwind of chaos temporarily erupted from it.

When Shizuka cautiously lowered the arms shielding his face, his eyes slightly widened. The entire temple grounds were now properly –and a bit eccentrically- decorated. "What?….Why did you…"

"Okay! Let's drink!" exclaimed Yuuko happily as she cut Doumeki off and skipped away.

"…Oh. I see," said Shizuka in a flat tone soon following the woman.

"Aaaah! This is the best!" sighed Yuuko blushing as she downed her third consecutive glass of Doumeki's stockpile of finely aged sake. Mokona cheerfully agreed.

Shizuka automatically went to refill her glass, as he had done countless times before. It was routine now. He noticed her wistful expression and returned her gaze quizzically.

"You've both turned into such fine young men," she said with a smile as she swirled the sake in her glass. She looked out through the open shoji doors and sighed as she fanned herself.

"You miss him, don't you?" he asked after taking a sip of his own glass of alcohol.

"…Yes," answered Yuuko after a brief pause, "and…I don't think I'm alone in my feelings, ne, Shizuka?" she finished using his given name as she occasionally did when trying to emphasize a point.

He stared into his sake glass and kept his face expressionless. "When…is he supposed to come back?" he asked after hesitating. It was ridiculous to hesitate in front of that woman, though. She usually knew what people felt or thought before they themselves did.

"I get the intuition it's going to be soon." She suddenly perked up. "Ah! Doumeki-kun! You already have guests! I'll keep them entertained while you go get properly dressed."

Shizuka nodded and stood up. He watched as the energetic, buzzing woman graciously greeting some of his regular temple visitors. Before he left the room to get ready, he idly thought it would be very nice to see Watanuki during a holiday again.

Watanuki Kimihiro stood staring down at his parent's grave. He bent over and placed the flowers he had bought on the stone. From his bag, he pulled out two sticks of incense and lit them before sticking them in the sand-filled hollow carved into the tombstone itself. He knelt and placed his hands before his bowed head and prayed. This was the first year in a quite a while that he had actually made it to pray at their grave during Obon. And it wasn't really that far from where he grew up. Damn Yuuko and her slave driving he thought with a sigh.

Yuuko. Shizuka.

That's right…he was returning home after a six month absence. He would get to see them again. As much as he hated to admit it, that was a comforting thought. They were the closest thing he had to a family now, really. A troublesome family, but a supportive one nonetheless. As he picked up his bag and left the cemetery, headed for the train station, he wondered what kind of torture Yuuko had in store for him…or what torture she had put Shizuka through recently.

"Yaaaay! It's getting dark! Light the lantern, Mokona!" exclaimed a very trashed Yuuko waving around her lantern so obnoxiously, Shizuka was surprised it didn't break. The woman and creature looked hopelessly confused when they searched for a source of fire, and could not find one. Never mind there were candles lit all around them; that would be too obvious for them to notice at this point.

"Here," he said snatching a nearby candle and carefully lighting all three of their lanterns. In truth, he actually found Yuuko's drunken antics quite amusing. Perhaps some of Kimihiro's ridiculously spastic personality had worn off on her over the years. This theory seemed rather sound as she skipped off into the small crowd of people celebrating on the temple grounds with Mokona in tow. He wondered if the small thing would freak anyone out, like it had last year. Ah, well, Yuuko was more than capable at handling situations such as that. Mere Childs play to her, as she had once proclaimed dismissively.

Shizuka hung his lantern nearby and left to retrieve his smoking kit. Another thing Yuuko had pushed him into doing, not that he had really put up much resistance. Sitting on the ledge of the porch of his house, not far from the temple, he opened the wooden box and removed the kiseru that had belonged to his grandfather. After stuffing it with tobacco the woman had personally recommended, he lit it and puffed on the pipe leisurely as he stared off into the forest.

---

Kimihiro wandered through the familiar entrance to the temple Doumeki was now the priest of. It hadn't surprised him in the least that Shizuka ended up filling the position his grandfather –whom he still frequently spoke to in dreams- had left open. And, since Shizuka had grown to adulthood, it still queered him out exactly how much the man looked like a clone of his grandfather. Well, at least their personalities were different. For starters, Haruka-san actually smiled quite a bit. He knew it was definitely not within Shizuka's nature to truly smile. Apathy, surprise, and scowling were about the extent of his expressional capabilities. He knew what lie beneath the façade, though. For such an expressionally deficient person, Shizuka had very intense and deeply rooted emotions. He had struggled –and still did- to get the stubborn man to admit his emotions, but he really had no right to argue. He bore his own emotional barrier when it came to his friend. It still humiliated him that he needed an irritatingly laidback man to exorcise the spirits that yet accumulated around him frequently. He thanked Kami-Sama that there hadn't been many at the university, or he would probably have died from the embarrassment of having Doumeki travel to save him.

A loud voice suddenly erupted from the center of the small crowd of people in the courtyard, and Kimihiro recognized it immediately. Yuuko. No, worse…drunk Yuuko. Without a second though, the lanky man started to run past the crowd, headed for the sanctuary of any place that was away from that woman. He didn't want to go to the temple. That was too obvious, and since he was familiar with the grounds anyway, he jogged around the side of the building and towards the house. When he arrived at his destination, he came to an abrupt halt and leant against a wooden pole panting. The bento box he was carrying suddenly seemed much heavier…

"Yo."

"Uuuuwaaaaah!" screamed Kimihiro startling so badly –and flailing his arms, as usual- that he flung the bento box right out of his grasp.

Shizuka quickly caught it while also keeping a firm grip on his pipe. "Ah...you remembered," he stated simply as he carefully set the box aside.

"Wh…what kind of greeting is that!" gasped the over reactive young man clutching the front of his yukata. "Not even a 'Welcome back'! With you, it's always about the damn food!"

Shizuka merely let out a small smirk as Kimihiro sat down next to him with a thud and a "hmph". He slyly observed him as he stared off into the forest looking irritated. In his –and many others- opinion, Kimihiro had grown into a beautiful man. His cerulean blue eyes weren't so large, but still prominent, his face had slimmed slightly, he had let his hair grow out just a bit, and he had grown impossibly taller, as had Shizuka. He still wore his glasses, but they proved to be an appealing accessory to his effeminate appearance. Like that woman, he was stunningly attractive, especially in the dark blue yukata he now donned.

"Did you make ohagi?" he asked when he was done admiring his friend.

"Eeeh!" reeled Kimihiro snapping his head towards the lounging man and scowling. "Of course I did! And don't go thinking I made it for you! Yuuko-san requested it, and I can't very well ignore a request from her, now can I!"

"…True," affirmed Shizuka. He had been dealing with the woman more frequently than Kimihiro for years now.

"WATANUKI-KUUUN!"

Kimihiro cringed when he heard the loathsome woman in question call out his name at decibels that made his screaming seem tame. He looked up just in time to be glomped by Yuuko…and Mokona. All three hit the floorboards in a tangled, noisy heap making Shizuka plug his ear to avoid further hearing loss.

"Ahhh! Y…Yuuko-san! Get off of me!"

"But, I'm just soooo happy to see you again, Watanuki! We've missed you!"

"Missed you! Missed you!" parroted the drunken Mokona.

"Eh…is that bento?" asked Yuuko turning her head to the side where it rested on Kimihiro's chest. "Ooooh! Did you make ohagi!" she suddenly exclaimed leaping off of the slender man, leaving him gasping on his back.

"Geez…" he whined. "It really is always about the food with you two." When he sat up –and noticed Yuuko and Mokona already tearing apart his bento- he was surprised as a lantern was shoved in front of his face.

"Here," said Shizuka as his friend took the offered object. "You should light this."

"Oh yeah, you're right…" he commented looking around for a candle.

Shizuka held one out to him as if anticipating he too would have difficulty finding it, as Yuuko had. "Welcome back," he stated simply.

Kimihiro faltered as he reached out to retrieve the candle. This was the first time he could remember the dolt actually welcoming him home, so he had no idea what to retort. He resorted to a genuine grin and a nod. He was further shocked when Shizuka returned the smile.

"Ah, thank the gods, they finally passed out!" sighed Kimihiro carefully covering up a snoring Yuuko and Mokona sprawled out on the tatami floor.

"Yeah," replied Shizuka in his characteristic indifferent tone. He stood up and tucked his arms into the sleeves of his yukata. "Your room is ready if you don't want to leave."

Kimihiro looked up at the tall man from his vantage point sitting on the floor. The archer returned his gaze evenly, and even though he did not speak a word, his eyes spoke volumes. Or maybe it was just another "gift" he possessed given to him by his seer's blood. He had always been able to read people easily if he stared into their eyes long enough. Idly, he remembered he had heard Yuuko mention that eyes were the "windows into a person's soul that contained the source of their power". And, really, they had in all actuality swapped a portion of their powers and sight long ago.

"Are you alright?" he asked Shizuka making him halt as he turned to exit the room.

"Yeah, why?"

Typical response. "I don't know," admitted Kimihiro frowning slightly at the man's backside. "You seem kind of…out of sorts."

"Really?" Shizuka asked glancing over his shoulder briefly. He paused for so long that Watanuki wanted to strangle him…again. "Maybe I just had too much to drink," he finally said dismissively, and then left the room.

"That guy…" fumed Kimihiro annoyed as he stood up and literally stomped out of the room. As he changed into a light cloth robe he wondered what was bothering the lumbering dolt. It was highly uncharacteristic for him to be bothered by anything at all. He couldn't even remember the last time Shizuka had seemed troubled. Well, there was nothing he could do if the idiot was intent on remaining silent. This was the last thought that passed through his mind before he drifted asleep.

"He has a hard time expressing his emotions, you know. He's always been like that."

"…Huh?" Watanuki glanced around confused until it suddenly occurred to him where he was. At the temple, just in a different state of mind. "Haruka-san!" he said and his face lit up at the sight of the spirit. "How have you been?"

From his position sitting on the steps to the main entrance of the temple, Haruka smiled at the young seer. "I've been fine, Kimihiro-kun," he answered, pleasant as usual. "And I see that you are fine as well."

"Yes! I've been studying hard lately, so it's nice to get a break for the holiday," he said as he sat down near the priest.

"That's good to hear. I'm glad you came, though," Haruka said before taking out a cigarette and lighting it. "I'm a bit worried about Shizuka."

"Yeah…he is acting a little strange…even for him," deadpanned Kimihiro. "Do you know what's wrong with him?"

Haruka leisurely smoked his cigarette in thought for a few moments. "Well, I know he has something heavy on his mind, that's obvious to us both, but…it's difficult to say what it is that is truly troubling him. He's always been a hassle to try to read."

"I'll say…" Kimihiro agreed rolling his eyes and causing Haruka to chuckle.

"I have confidence that you will know what it is soon, though, Kimihiro-kun," said the priest with a wistful expression as he gazed out at the grounds he could no longer really walk anymore.

"Eh? What do you mean? How would I be able to figure out someone like him? It's impossible!"

Haruka smiled kindly at the young man sitting near him. "You'll know soon," he reiterated, "because…you're already aware of it."

"Wha…" Kimihiro trailed off as he watched Haruka stand up and start to walk away. Darkness started to envelop the man and little lights appeared that frequently accompanied pure spirits. This meant he was going to disappear. The dream was going to end…but he wasn't done talking with him yet…

"I'm very thankful you have become a good friend to Shizuka," said the priest with a joyful smile as he began to dissipate. "Without you in his life…he would be a very lonely person…just like you once were."

---

Watanuki's eye's fluttered open. Two things were out of the ordinary. First was it was still dark out; second was the hesitant touch that ghosted across his bare arm. He immediately froze. Since he was lying on his stomach, he couldn't see if the thing that had touched him was alive or dead. But, Doumeki was nearby and surely Yuuko would save him if a demon tried to eat him. These thoughts calmed him and he relaxed a bit.

The touch returned, this time smoothing over his hair slowly. Now he knew it was definitely a living human hand. A very warm human hand that was now moving the wisps of hair from the nape of his neck. He startled when he felt hot breath make contact with the sensitive skin, but soon discovered he could not roll over. He was being held down by one of his arms. He made a small sound of discomfort but was silenced when he heard a quiet "shhh" whispered directly into his ear.

For a brief moment, he thought Yuuko was pulling yet another prank on him, until his gaze fell on the hand that was holding down his arm. It was large, masculine, and tan. This baffled him so greatly that he didn't resist when his robe was slid off of one of his shoulders. He felt the sensation of soft lips brushing lightly over sporadic areas of his exposed skin and his breath hitched. He couldn't stop the breathy sigh that escaped him when the lips became more confident and lavished attention on any bared flesh they could make contact with.

The next thing his dazed mind registered was being rolled over by the arm he had been held down by. It happened in one swift, fluid movement, and he only knew of one person strong enough to pull off that maneuver. His wide blue eyes locked onto intense brown one's that felt like they were trying to pierce into his very soul, and for all he knew, they may already have.

"Wha…Shizuka?" he managed to mutter as his mind reeled out of his control. "What…are you doing?...uhn…"

Shizuka was internally glad that he was getting such a positive reaction out of the slender man he had been thinking about molesting for many years now. Absence made the heart grow fonder, but also made lust ten times stronger. He had known the second he had glanced Kimihiro running towards the house that he was at his breaking point. He had reached the limit of his restraint and no longer cared what consequences would come from his actions. Cautiously, he pulled his head away from its task of quieting his friend, and observed him closely as he waited for a reaction of some sort.

Kimihiro did not know what was happening. Some part of his mind registered what had just occurred, but in its supreme denial, it would simply not accept it as fact. "Am…I still dreaming?" he asked quietly with a drowsy and confused expression.

He sighed in a rare moment of exasperation, and rested his forehead on the pillow next to his stunned victim. One of his hands seemed to have a mind of its own, though, and it automatically slid underneath loose fabric, roaming Kimihiro's narrow chest. His skin felt even softer than he had imagined it would. The sharp intake of breath that sounded so very close to his ear further encouraged him, as did the quickening heartbeat beneath his hand.

When Shizuka removed his hand from beneath the robe, it traveled to the sash that held it together. Slowly, he pulled the knot loose with his head still resting beside Kimihiro's to listen to every quiet sound he uttered. How odd that he was so subdued during something like this when he screamed his brains out over far more trivial matters. He lifted his head to examine his friend's expression as he used one hand to move aside the fabric of the robe. Confusion. Slender hands came up to push him away as the situation started to somewhat sink into Kimihiro's mind. Shizuka promptly snatched both of his wrists in the vice-like grip of one of his hands and pinned them above the now terrified looking young man.

"….What?" he asked peering down as he lightly ran his hand over the firm torso below him. "Don't tell me…you're still a virgin?"

"Huh?" said Kimihiro seemingly distracted by the unfamiliar touch. "…No…of course I'm not…but…" He was cut off when his friend's lips unexpectedly crushed against his. At first, the kiss was rough and almost hurt, but it soon became softer and he couldn't help but react to it. When the archer coaxed his mouth open he wasted no time in plunging his tongue into it and ran it languidly around his. During this time his robe was skillfully removed completely, leaving him in only his boxers. He barely noticed, lost in the taste, smell, and touch of Shizuka. Hesitantly, his shaking hands –now free- moved to fist the cloth of the robe the man above him still wore.

The hand that had grasped his face trailed down his neck, over his collar bone, down his chest, and strayed directly into his boxers. Shizuka was pleased when he heard the thin man gasp sharply and break away from his mouth to continue gasping. His blue eyes had clamped shut and his breathing became erratic as he felt the warm hand stroking the very place it should have never been. Ever. But…it felt so good…

"You're a bad liar," whispered Shizuka in a husky tone into his ear. "Judging from your reaction," he gave his friend's now rock hard erection a gentle squeeze to emphasize his point, "you are still a virgin. ….What a surprise. I thought you would have slept with at least one person by now."

"Wait a…minute," said Kimihiro in between gasps. "…Stop…don't…" His words trailed off into a moan he couldn't suppress and his back seemed to arch into the offending hand of its own free will.

"Stop?" asked the archer quizzically before briefly kissing the writhing man beneath him. "Your body doesn't seem to want me to stop." He removed his hand from the boxers and withdrew slightly from the flushed beauty to take in every detail of the scene before him. Kimihiro had never looked as striking as he did now, panting as he tried to catch his breath, most of his lithe, pale body exposed and trembling, his eyes a deeper shade of blue and clouded with desire.

He couldn't go any further with the thickheaded man. This he knew, and while it disappointed and frustrated him, if he didn't play his cards right everything would blow up in his face. Shizuka would not allow that to happen. While he really didn't care about the consequences of his actions, he believed his actions should at least be sound. Plus…the thought of being alone again did not sit well with him at all. Carefully, he pulled the fabric of Kimihiro's robe back together, tied it loosely, and then covered him back up. The seer looked drowsy and confused during the whole process. Momentarily, he met those lovely blue eyes and smiled before standing and leaving the room.

Kimihiro lay stunned on his futon staring at the ceiling as he finally caught his breath. Thankfully, his body relaxed too from it rather 'worked-up' state. What the hell had just happened? Why did he react to it? Why couldn't he stop him? Why was he feeling a strange, tingling sensation spreading throughout his chest? His brain spat out questions at him until it blew its own fuse and ceased to function. God, he was tired. He tried to stay awake and further ponder the bizarre turn of events, but his mind was numb. Soon, he drifted asleep.

TBC

Author's Note: My first Holic fic! I know…I stopped at a terrible place, but it was the only thing my feeble mind could come up with to conclude the chapter with. I didn't want everything to happen right away since I am taking a more serious viewpoint for this story. Plus, Watanuki-kun is just one of those people you have to coerce into things. Let my know if it's terrible or anything. I seem to have little confidence in my abilities as a creator lately.

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