Just as Kara and Mon were about to make out in the apartment, a being appeared in a flash of light to become the ultimate cock-blocker. He wore a dark suit and purple shirt, had long dark hair, a mustache and beard, and a playful expression on his face.
"Kara Zor-El, I love you," he said as he appeared.
"Come again?" Kara wondered.
"First, let's set the mood," he said and then materialized candles everywhere.
"Fire hazard much," Kara looked around concerned.
"Then, music," he said creating a classical quartet.
"Oh boy, noise complaint on its way," Kara grimaced.
"Next, flowers," he said creating flower bouquets everywhere. "And finally, the ring," he said forming a large diamond ring in his hand and kneeling before her.
"Well, finally someone gets it," Kara said impressed.
"I'm your one true love, your soulmate, your one true pairing as the kids say. My name is Mxyzptlk and I love you, Kara Zor-El," he said still on his knee.
"Your name would be awesome in a game of scrabble," Kara said amused.
"Tell me, will you marry me?" Mxyzptlk asked.
"Are you fucking with me? Is this the universe's way of punishing me for punking it so many times?" Kara wondered.
"I can show you the world...," Mxyzptlk began to sing.
"I don't know how you got on this planet, but she's with me," Mon said dangerously dragging Mxyzptlk to his feet. The constructs disappeared as Mxyzptlk broke his concentration.
"Another suitor. I didn't see you there, tall, dark, handsome," Mxyzptlk complimented.
"What the?" Mon wondered.
"No homo," Mxyzptlk said and then had him disappeared.
Mon suddenly found himself naked in the middle of the DEO. "Mon, can I help you?" Hank asked not phased in the slightest.
"No, I'm good. Just taking a stroll," Mon said walking off. "Don't act like you're not impressed," he said to the DEO women that were staring at him.
Back at the apartment, Kara was slightly annoyed. "I kind of need him back. He kills things for me," Kara told him.
"Relax, he's just letting it all hang out there in the DEO," Mxyzptlk said.
"Excuse me but only I'm allowed to see his dick," Kara said offended.
"This is how it should be. Just you and me together," he said.
"Oh really? Care to spell out your name, because I didn't catch it," Kara asked.
Mxyzptlk created an image of how his name was spelled in the air. "Alright, dude, what's your deal?" Kara asked.
"I am an inter-dimensional being. Take your existence, plus time, plus imagination and that is my power. You have mastered many powers in your own dimension and even found ways to manipulate the fourth, but I can show you powers beyond comprehension," he said.
"Now, let's tie this knot," he said enthusiastically and created a wedding dress for her.
"You know, this wedding dress kind of makes me look fat," Kara said concernedly.
"I'm just enthusiastic to finally be here with you," he said.
"Well, that's interesting because most people would describe me as a bitch," Kara told him.
"Your parents were failed scientists that doomed their own world. You have no place in this cosmic story. You come from nothing. You are nothing...but not to me," Mxyzptlk said to her.
"That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me," Kara wiped away a tear. "Wait, how do you even know me?"
"I watched you across the dimensions. There's no one like you where I'm from, Kara. No one as strong, independent, or as beautiful, or as brave, or as bold as you," he said.
"I know, right," Kara agreed. "So, what can't you do?"
"I can't make you love me, or stop you from killing yourself. I can't stop free will," he said simply.
"Like Genie in Aladdin," Kara recalled.
"Exactly," Mxyzptlk said.
"So, what are you offering, spaceman?" Kara asked intrigued.
"We negotiating?" he asked amused.
"Always," Kara smirked back.
"Anything...everything," Mxyzptlk answered.
"I already have everything I want. Now, I protect and provide for the pathetic losers of this planet," Kara told him.
"I can solve all the problems of this world: war, disease, famine, over-population, and even climate change," he listed off.
"What's the fun in that? Besides, the problem with power is that absolute power corrupts absolutely," Kara told him.
"None of it matters. In the blink of an eye, this planet will be consumed by its own star. I can give you immortality, instant transportation to anywhere in this universe or any other universe, power over reality as you will, travel forwards and backward in time, and control over all the minds in the universe," Mxyzptlk offered.
"You could kill half the population of the universe," Kara realized.
"With a snap of my fingers," Mxyzptlk agreed.
"You know what I think? I think that if I push you to do all the things I want to do with this universe, others like you will come for you and beat your ass," Kara smirked.
"Playing hard to get, I see. It truly is adorable. You're flustered, you're confused, your heart is actually quite calm," he realized.
"Yeah, it's my 'I don't give a shit' pulse," Kara told him.
"I'll show you how this works. I'll wow you with breathtaking feats until you fall madly in love with me," he said enthusiastically. "Once you've been adored by the all-powerful Mxy, you don't go back."
"James said the same thing about his black cock. Sadly, I did go back," Kara said to him.
"Ciao, mio, amore," he said and then disappeared.
"Hey, you speak English here," Kara said annoyed.
Kara arrived at the DEO to tell Hank what had happened. Mon was there too fully clothed. "You just got visited by a fifth-dimensional being. You have any idea how fucked we are?" Hank said anxiously.
"You've seen one of these things before?" Kara asked.
"Not here on Earth, on Mars. One of them moved a mountain range across the planet during the Zook uprising. Fifth-dimensional life forms possess the ability to warp reality to their own whims. Abilities that would appear to be magic," Hank explained.
"On Mon, we had a zero-tolerance policy for such creatures. They're very dangerous," Mon said.
"Schott: Scan the archives for fifth-dimensional incursions here on Earth," Hank ordered.
"Got it," Winn said getting to work.
"Also, I want you to send a communication to Mars, to the White Martians. I want to send them a Valentine of a sort," Hank said.
"Alright, I have their frequency," Winn said.
"Tell them to go fuck themselves," Hank ordered.
"Message sent," Winn reported.
"What's this Valentine's Day?" Mon asked.
"Centuries ago, there was this saint named Valentine who defied an emperor by marrying soldiers before they would go off to war. He was imprisoned, tortured, and executed for this," Kara told him.
"Why would the emperor do such a thing?" Mon asked.
"The emperor believed that men would not fight as well if they were anxious about their families back home, so he mandated that they all remain single," Kara said.
"Insane warriors were so disciplined and bloodthirsty that having a family meant nothing. In fact, it would give them even more motivation to fight to the death just to avoid their nagging wives," Mon said.
"How romantic," Kara smiled. "You ready for me to be a nag?" she asked him flirtatiously.
"I'll kill you if you do," Mon threatened.
"Oh, you'll try," Kara grinned.
"Of all the girls in the universe, that little imp had to pick you," Mon said annoyed.
"Well, yeah, I'm Supergirl. There's no one more powerful than me in this dimension," Kara said arrogantly.
"I'll slay him for you," Mon promised.
"Don't get killed," Kara ordered him.
After scanning for genies, elves, and leprechauns in the archive, Winn decided to get a drink at the alien gay bar. An alien couple obnoxiously slammed into him tossing his drink. "Can I get another Lallorian lager, please? Because Valentine's Day sucks," Winn said miserably.
"He doesn't like you," the alien next to him said to Winn concerning his partner.
"Well, I'm sorry," Winn said pathetically.
"I don't like you, either. You better watch yourself," the hostile alien said to him.
"Lallorian lager is for weak-minded idiots like you," the first alien said.
"That is...an excellent point," Winn said as he was being ganged up on.
The two aliens grabbed Winn with the intent to eat him when they were interrupted by a female blond alien. She proceeded to kick their asses. Chairs and tables were tossed about as they fought. Winn awkwardly kept his pistol inside his pant pocket.
"I hate bullies," she said to Winn.
"I do, too," Winn said not sure what to make of her. "That was awesome. I'm Winn by the way."
"Lyra Strayd," she replied shaking his hand.
"Strayed as in you strayed too far from heaven," Winn joked.
"I'm actually from Starhaven," she said not amused.
"Wow, that place smells like cinnamon. I don't know how that's possible, but who knows on an alien planet, am I right?" Winn smiled.
"It did smell like cinnamon until the Blight came. Now, it smells like death," she said annoyed.
"Well...shit," Winn realized. "Well, I did translate a Starhaven book called the Ten Pointed Star."
"My father would read that to me every night before he was brutally murdered by the Blight," Lyra said.
"Well, what are the odds that the only book we have from Starhaven happens to be the one you know?" Winn said.
"Very high. It's basically our Bible," Lyra told him.
"Well, fuck me," Winn muttered realizing he was totally failing to impress her.
"Have dinner with me tonight," she ordered.
"Really?" Winn wondered if this was a joke.
"I saved your life. You owe me a life debt. From now on, you're mine," Lyra said to him.
"Yes, ma'am," Winn readily agreed.
The next morning, burglars dressed in black stole from a jewelry store in broad daylight. Kara dropped in front of them. "Boys, what's your hurry?" she smirked at them.
The thieves took out their pistols and began firing at Kara. "This is getting old real fast," Kara said bored as the bullets hit her.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance," Mxyzptlk said as he appeared next to her. He forced the pistols out of their hands and then turned them on the thieves. He then used his powers to keep the thieves from being able to move.
"What are you doing?" Kara wondered.
"I saw this in a movie once," Mxyzptlk said excitedly.
"Must have been a boring movie," Kara sighed impatiently.
The pistols then cocked themselves ready to fire. "Alright...alright," Kara said getting interested.
The midair pistols then fired, blasting holes in each of their heads dropping them. "Oh, that was brutal," Kara clapped amused.
"I am delighted I have amused you," Mxyzptlk said.
"You're going to have to do a lot better than this if you want to impress me," Kara told him.
"Very well. Let the wooing begin," Mxyzptlk said and then disappeared.
Kara came back to the DEO to brief Hank on what had happened. "Where's Mxyzptlk now?" Hank asked.
"Who knows?" Kara shrugged. "You know what grinds my gears though. He took three kills from me."
"He let them escape?" Hank wondered.
Kara laughed at that. "But in all seriousness, he is one dangerous mother-fucker."
Hank turned to Winn at his computer. "Have you found anything?"
"Earth's history is full of genies, djinn, and leprechauns. Humans have been documenting reality-bending creatures for centuries," Winn said showing the documents on the big TV screens.
"Are you...trying to say that Jesus was a fifth-dimensional being?" Kara accused.
"I'm not touching that one," Winn refused.
"I say we slay him by crushing him," Mon said aggressively.
"How are we going to crush a being that is outside the laws of physics?" Kara asked skeptically.
"I'll kill him," Mon said confidently.
"Alright, knock yourself out," Kara permitted.
"We have some fifth-dimensional weapons in storage. Maybe, one of them can help," Hank considered.
"That sounds like bullshit. When could you have possibly recovered such an artifact?" Kara asked.
"I'm was at this job years before you came around, little girl," Hank said condescendingly.
"I'll have them brought up," Winn said helpfully.
That night, Kara walked with Alex back to her apartment. "So, Mon has a grudge against imps. I just find him amusing," Kara said as she opened the door to her apartment.
"You think Mon is jealous?" Alex wondered.
"I hope so," Kara smiled and then saw her apartment filled with roses.
"Damn," Alex said as she saw them all.
"How about you give some of them to Maggie," Kara said hoping to get rid of some.
"Yeah, no, I'm not giving her roses that were magically materialized by an imp. They could explode for all I know," Alex rejected.
"I guess I could give some to Winn. He's totally hopeless," Kara considered.
"I need advice for Valentine's Day," Alex blurted out.
"You're asking me? You must be joking," Kara grinned.
"Maggie hates Valentine's Day," Alex sighed.
"Sounds like you're dating a man. Are you sure she doesn't have a penis?" Kara asked.
"I'm...ninety-nine percent sure on that," Alex frowned. "Anyway, after so many Valentine's Days alone, I was just finally excited to be in a relationship where we could celebrate all the cheesy stuff couples celebrate," Alex said bitterly.
"You need to go up to Maggie and be like, 'Bitch, we're celebrating Valentine's Day'," Kara told her.
"That isn't going to work," Alex shook her head.
"I really can't relate to your problem. I tell Mon to do something and he does it, or I kick his ass until he does it," Kara said thoughtfully.
"So, I should kick Maggie's ass until she gets with the program?" Alex asked skeptically.
"Is she just a hater on Valentine's Day? I mean, I always make a point of getting drunk as fuck every St. Patrick's Day," Kara said.
"I don't know," Alex admitted. "She called Valentine's Day a manufactured day for patsies."
"Damn, that's cold. You know what? All holidays are manufactured and arbitrary, but you don't fully appreciate them until they're gone. On Krypton, we never had holidays. It was always work, work, work. Centuries ago on this planet, people couldn't even celebrate holidays the way we do today. They were either too poor or too busy for it. Did you know, that in some areas of the world you can be punished for celebrating St. Valentine's Day? So, why not celebrate it just for all those who can't?" Kara said.
"I'll...tell her that," Alex said amazed at Kara's thoughtfulness.
"I mean, what does she like?" Kara asked.
"Guns...scotch," Alex listed off.
"You sure she doesn't have a penis?" Kara asked again.
"I'm...sure," Alex said becoming uncertain now.
"How about you spend a day at the range shooting guns while drinking scotch?" Kara suggested.
"That is a terrible idea," Alex rejected.
"Here's the thing about men. They don't give a shit about Valentine's Day. They only give a shit, because they want to score. You're dating a woman, and she isn't interested in scoring the same way as men do. Mon isn't giving me shit, because I don't want it, need it, or require it from him in order for him to score," Kara said.
"That's gross," Alex shook her head.
"If you want this to work with Maggie, you need to be the man in this relationship. If she doesn't want Valentine's Day crap, then fuck it," Kara told her.
There was sudden screaming outside their window. "Do you hear something?" Alex wondered.
"I try to ignore the murder and mayhem in my neighborhood," Kara said as she finished her glass of wine.
"No, look at this. It's Parasite," Alex pointed out.
"Wow, I thought I killed him for good. Give me a sec to deal with this," Kara said leaving as Supergirl.
Kara landed in the intersection as Parasite was throwing cars around. Cops were utterly useless as they shot at him without success. "Hey, I thought you were dead."
"You're the one that's dead," Parasite told her.
"You're lucky. Not that many villains get a second appearance," Kara smirked as she blasted his chest open with her heat vision. Parasite went down with a thud.
"Too easy," Kara said to the crowd.
Suddenly, Parasite swung his fist as hard as he could at her head. Kara didn't even flinch as she was hit. "Really?" she sighed.
Mon then appeared and blasted Parasite with an energy beam. Parasite opened his mouth wide as he absorbed all the energy. "I got this," Mon told her.
"Yeah, by all means, continue feeding him," Kara scoffed.
A fast-moving object flew through the sky amazing the crowd. "It's a bird, its a plane, it's...," the crowd said all together.
"You people are tools," Kara said to them.
Mxyzptlk then landed in a Superman outfit only with a large letter M instead of an S. He landed next to Parasite and threw the monster into space. "Mxyz? Are you serious? Are you aware that the letter 'M' looks like a curse word in the Kryptonian language? You're basically telling the world to fuck off," Kara told him.
"What if I told you I know?" Mxyzptlk smirked.
"That was my kill, imp," Mon sneered at him.
"You were only making it stronger. You never learn," Mxyzptlk said condescendingly.
"I'll rip you apart with my bare hands," Mon threatened.
"Spoken like a true Insane person," Mxyzptlk shot back. "You are nothing but a thug. A thug race that rapes and pillages planets, not for your own profit but to serve a higher being. You're his bitch," Mxyzptlk said knowingly.
"Who are we talking about?" Kara wondered.
"We don't say his name," Mon gritted his teeth.
"This goddess deserves a man that is equal to her power and wits. I can give you unlimited villains for you to kill. You won't have to worry about civilians being killed or hurt. I give you a villain, you kill it, and then everything goes back to before. Don't you wish you could fight villains you have already defeated like Aunt Astra, Indigo, Livewire, and so forth?" Mxyzptlk tempted.
"I don't know. It's kind of boring fighting people I have already defeated. I want someone who is an actual challenge, like you," Kara said brightly.
"Oh, my dear. I could never hurt you," Mxyzptlk said.
"Get rid of the disappearing act. Let's see if you can take on my full strength," Kara challenged.
"Very well. I'll show you that I am the only man that can equal you," Mxyzptlk said and then flew up into the air.
"I'll make this quick," Kara promised Mon as she flew up.
Mxyzptlk waited for Kara while floating in space. Kara flew around the Earth gaining speed until she became white-hot. Mxyzpitlk merely smirked as Kara got faster-and-faster around the Earth. Kara then ignited herself as she went Prime and punched Mxyzptlk as hard as she could.
The imp was hit at the speed of light and thrown into the sun several minutes later. "Well, that's that," Kara said, sad that it was all over.
Mxyzptlk then reappeared next to her. "You have to be shitting me," Kara said annoyed.
"Quite impressive for a three-dimensional creature. You actually sent me into the star's very core. A little toasty for my tastes. Unlike Mon, I can withstand anything you throw at me. You can practice all your moves on me. You can unleash your full power on me and never hurt me," Mxyzptlk said to her.
"So, this is how it must feel to be one of my victims," Kara muttered.
"Once you marry me, I will give you the same powers that I have. You will transcend dimensions. You will be completely invincible, immortal, and omniscient," Mxyzptlk said.
"You may have great defensive capabilities but how well can you punch," Kara challenged him.
"I would never punch you, my dear," Mxyzptlk said to her.
"I'll marry you but only if you kick Mon's ass," Kara said to him.
"Too easy," Mxyzptlk smiled.
"Keep him alive though," Kara ordered.
"As you wish," Mxyzptlk said and then disappeared.
Kara came back to the DEO and met up with Alex. "I think...we should relocate to another planet and leave Earth behind," Kara suggested.
"No, this is my home," Alex refused.
"Damn...it," Kara realized her dilemma.
Mon then approached Kara. "So, you can't kill him," he surmised.
"Apparently not," Kara muttered.
"I have something that might help," Winn said opening a case.
"What will this do?" Alex asked seeing the glowing device.
"Not sure but it's off the chart on fifth-dimensional energy," Winn said.
"Good enough for me," Kara said satisfied. She then turned to Mon. "I bought us some time by telling him he had to kick your ass before I would take his hand. Use this and kill him," Kara ordered him.
"So you know, I will never be the second husband to any woman," Mon said frustrated.
"Oh, but it's okay for you to have as many wives as you want?" Kara asked.
"Yes, because a man must spread his seed far and wide. What does a woman need with multiple husbands?" Mon asked.
"Maybe she needs extra protection or assistance raising a family," Kara suggested.
"Please, that is what eunuchs are for," Mon said.
"What's stopping you from creating your harem now?" Kara asked him.
"A certain Kryptonian female said she would rip my dick off and shove it up my ass if I did," Mon reminded her.
"Oh yeah, I did say that," Kara recalled.
"When I surpass you, I will be making all the rules," Mon said to her.
"At this rate, it will take ten thousand years," Kara rolled her eyes.
"My power level grows exponentially," Mon said.
"That means nothing in the face of infinity," Kara shot back.
"Blink and I'll blow up your planet!" Mon shouted back.
"I can live in space so go ahead and be my guest," Kara said to him.
"I'll take your pod," Mon pointed out.
"And I disabled it. Your monkey brain isn't going to be able to fix it. You can barely operate a phone," Kara glared at him.
"I have instant transmission, remember," he reminded her.
"And I have a tracking device on you. I'll find you and kill your ass," Kara promised.
"Bitch!" he spat.
"Asshole," she spat back.
Alex and Winn watched their shouting match with amusement. "You'll do fine," Alex told Winn referring to his date.
A disgruntled Mon walked out of the alien gay bar after finishing his shift. "The world and your love interest is at stake, and you're still working at a bar?" Mxyzptlk asked skeptically.
"Yeah, well, Kara is a hardass," Mon frowned. "I challenge you to an Insane duel."
"An Insane duel? I never had one of those before," Mxyzptlk said curiously. "For Kara's hand?"
"Even if I don't win her in the end, it will still be a pleasure to beat your ass," Mon said to him.
"To the death?" Mxyzptlk asked for clarification.
"Of course," Mon said not intimidated.
"Then we shall do this like the gentlemen we are," Mxyzptlk agreed.
"There's nothing gentle about me," Mon stared him down.
Mxyzptlk and Mon suddenly appeared on a stage in an auditorium in costume from the American Revolutionary period. Mxyzptlk handed a skeptical Mon a flintlock pistol while he kept one for himself. "Now, the way to do this is...," Mxyzptlk said but Mon shot him prematurely.
"Did you really think I would really give you a loaded pistol?" Mxyzpitlk smirked and then aimed with his own.
"I don't need bullets," Mon said as his hand glowed. His pistol melted away as a beam of light from his hand went through Mxyzptlk's chest.
Mxyzptlk gave him a look of shock as the beam actually went through him. He coughed up blood and gave Mon a confused look. Mon casually took out the fifth-dimensional device and showed it to him. "I've cut you off," he said to him.
Mxyzptlk stumbled towards Mon and swung recklessly at him. Mon easily dodged him and gave him a good beating to the face and torso. Mon took hold of Mxyzptlk with his left hand while aiming his right hand at his gut. "Now, I am going to explain this so even you can understand. I'm about to blow my load all over your insides," Mon grinned at him.
"What the?" Mxyzptlk wondered.
"No homo," Mon smirked as he blasted a basketball-sized hole in Mxyzptlk's body that went through the auditorium and exploded a few buildings behind it.
Mxyzptlk fell to the floor not moving. Mon aimed his hand at Mxyzptlk's body and blasted it to nothing creating a large hole in the ground. Mon then heard the sound of clapping on the top row of the auditorium. "Valiant effort, indeed," Mxyzptlk complimented.
Mon soon found himself chained up suspended from the ceiling. Mon resisted the chains in vain. Mxyzptlk appeared on the ground floor with a pistol in his hand. "I see the past, present, and future all at once. There's nothing I don't know or can't anticipate," he said and then crushed the fifth-dimensional device that was now in his hand.
"Don't worry. I'll give you the Insane death you deserve," Mxyzptlk grinned as he aimed his pistol at Mon's chest.
Kara suddenly dropped through the ceiling. "I thought we had a deal," she said disappointed in him.
"We do. Now that I have kicked his ass, you will now give me your hand," Mxyzptlk said to her.
"Alright, but I want it on Kryptonian soil," Kara insisted.
"Too easy," Mxyzptlk said about to snap his fingers.
"I mean the Fortress of Solitude," Kara clarified.
"As you wish," Mxyzptlk allowed.
The two of them then disappeared to the Fortress of Solitude.
Mxyzptlk, in a tux, looked around unimpressed as Kara's stuff was flung about on the floor. "Yeah, I need to do some spring cleaning," Kara admitted sheepishly as she wore a white dress.
"It's quite alright, my sweet," Mxyzptlk said as he cleaned up the place.
The two of them came over to a control panel right underneath the ice statues of Jor-El and Laura-El, the parents of Superman. Kara poured herself a glass of orange juice, mixed in some vodka, and stirred it. "Ah, good stuff," she said mocking him.
"I'm not going to marry you," Kara said finally.
"Say what?" Mxyzptlk thought he had misheard.
"I brought you to the fortress because I don't want anyone to witness my demise," Kara said. "It's not going to work between us. I need someone to be my bitch," Kara said.
"You mean, Mon?" Mxyzptlk wondered.
"It doesn't have to be him. It could be James, Alex, or even Winn. I want someone I can train and build up, so I can break them down again. That's the problem with every villain I have ever faced is that they didn't want to go along with the program. With you, I cannot build up and tear down. You're the epitome of perfection. How can I shit-talk against someone like you?" Kara asked.
"Is that what you live for?" Mxyzptlk asked her.
"Pretty much," Kara nodded.
"I can make myself appear weak if that what it takes," Mxyzptlk offered.
"Yeah, but I will always know you're stronger than me. With Mon, there is hope that maybe someday he might reach my power. Then, together we can grow stronger as true peers," Kara said.
"So, you don't love me?" Mxyzptlk asked hurt.
"Dude, you're an asshole," Kara said bluntly. "Why would you ever want someone like me? I'm a crazy bitch. I don't even know if I can really love someone. I wasn't programmed to love. On Krypton, sex was heresy and we never expressed our emotions. God forbid I ever have a kid. They'll be fucked up with me as their mother," Kara told him.
"I can fix all of this," Mxyzptlk said confidently.
"If you have that power just make a clone of me the way you want me to be and then...fuck it," Kara suggested.
"No, I must have the original," Mxyzptlk insisted. "You had me come all this way to reject me? Explain it to your family."
Kara watched amazed as the ice statue of Jor-El reached for Kara. Without hesitation, she blasted the statue to ice shards with her heat vision. "Your family monument," Mxyzptlk said shocked.
"Yeah, I don't really give a shit about them. They didn't visit very often," Kara said dismissively.
"I will destroy this entire fortress," Mxyzptlk threatened.
"Go ahead. It ain't my house," Kara said unconcernedly. "In fact, let me help you out," Kara said as she initiated the self-destruct sequence.
"What are you doing?" Mxyzptlk asked her.
"Setting the atomic cauldron to self-destruct," Kara smirked. "I'm overloading its core."
"Let's not be too hasty," Mxyzptlk advised.
"When the cauldron goes up, it will have the force of a 400 megaton bomb. The fortress is sealed, so it should contain the blast in here," Kara said.
"You don't scare me. I know you can survive that," Mxyzptlk said.
"Oh, for sure, except when I lower my power level to nothing," Kara said simply. She sliced her finger with an ice shard to demonstrate.
"That's bad," Mxyzptlk realized.
"You can't stop me from killing myself. It's in the rules," Kara reminded him.
"Okay, there's only room for one crazy person in this relationship. Shut it down," he ordered.
"How about...no?" Kara folded her arms defiantly.
"I'm calling your bluff. I don't think you would destroy all of this," Mxyzptlk said referring to all the artifacts and archives.
"You must not know me very well," Kara smirked. "Yeah, I'm not going to tell you the cancellation code."
"There's a code? Kara, I'm begging you. Tell me the code. You want world peace? You got it," he offered.
"Yeah, I'm not really into that," Kara admitted.
"You want jewels, fancy clothes, a big mansion, a whole planet?" Mxyzptlk listed off.
"Mxyzptlk, when I die, God is going to give me all those things anyway," Kara told him.
"You can't be serious," Mxyzptlk said horrified.
"Alright, psyche, here's the code," Kara said taking him over to the control panel. "Push this one, then this one, and that one," Kara said showing him which buttons to push.
"Oh, I forgot one thing," Mxyzptlk said giving himself a facepalm. "I can do this," he said snapping his fingers.
"Self-destruct sequence has been canceled," the computer intercom said.
"Well...shit," Kara realized.
"You tried to get me to write down my name backward, didn't you?" Mxyzptlk accused.
"Well, when you're right, you're right," Kara admitted.
"Marry me or Alex is dead," Mxyzptlk threatened.
"You win," Kara relented giving him her hand. A gold ring formed around her ring finger.
Mxyzptlk took Kara into space, so she could see the entire galaxy from a distance. "So, what's next. Our honeymoon?" Kara mocked.
"Of course. Where or when would you like to go?" Mxyzptlk asked.
"Anywhere with a bed I suppose," Kara said with low enthusiasm.
"What for? Are you tired?" Mxyzptlk asked.
"I was thinking I could get some married sex," Kara rolled her eyes.
"Oh, that's quite impossible. I don't have a penis," Mxyzptlk told her.
"You better be fucking with me," Kara said stunned.
"My kind doesn't reproduce. Can you imagine if there were an infinite number of us?" Mxyzptlk said.
"Fuck me," Kara said depressed.
"Why so sad? I can give you anything you want," he offered.
"Oh really? I have a few ideas," Kara smirked.
The two of them appeared next to Oa's green battery. Mxyzptlk condensed the skyscraper tall battery into a ring and handed it to Kara. Power on Oa suddenly was shut off. Green Lanterns across the galaxy lost power. "Awesome," Kara said as she had the power of the green lantern battery.
"What's next?" Mxyzptlk asked.
The two of them then arrived at a binary planetary system where both worlds had been endlessly feuding with each other. One world was full of life while the other was completely dead with city size furnaces. With Mxyzptlk's power, Kara blasted the dead world apart. The debris fell on the other planet killing all life on the other.
"Oops," Kara said.
"It's quite alright, my dear," Mxyzptlk allowed.
Kara came to the planet Thanagar where everyone flew around in the skies with angelic wings. In an instant, their wings were gone making them all the same as humans. Kara snickered in amusement as the natives collectively complained. Kara then proceeded to troll the galaxy by making faster-than-light travel physically impossible.
"What a busy day," Mxyzptlk said amused.
"There's something I want that I don't even think you can do for me," Kara pondered.
"There is nothing I can't do," he told her.
An Infinity Gauntlet then appeared on her right hand with all the gems. "So many possibilities," Kara said amazed at it.
"The power over space, infinite kinetic energy, power over reality, power over time, power over the mind, and even power over the very soul," Mxyzptlk told her.
"I kind of want a pet raccoon that can talk," Kara giggled drunk with power.
"Of course," Mxyzptlk allowed.
"I think I'll do this instead," Kara said snapping her finger with the gauntlet.
"What have you done?" Mxyzptlk realized horrified.
"I killed all life in the universe that wasn't on Earth. Finally, my planet can have some peace and quiet," Kara said nonchalantly.
"That's 500 octillion life forms," Mxyzptlk said stunned.
"Damn, no way Mon is going to reach my kill count," Kara smirked.
"How could you do this?" Mxyzptlk said horrified of her.
"What does it matter?" Kara shrugged.
"This is gravely immoral," Mxyzptlk said obviously.
"So?" Kara wondered.
"Life is in it of itself, sacred," Mxyzptlk argued.
"What's the difference between self-replicating molecules you call life and just regular ol' molecules? What's the consequence to us? Why should we give a shit?" Kara asked.
"Don't you believe in God, a higher power?" Mxyzptlk asked.
"Maybe, but you don't," Kara smiled at him.
"I have to stop you," Mxyzptlk said reversing what she did.
Kara simply snapped her fingers on her gauntlet again. "Let's fuck up the fabric of the universe," Kara said to him. "You hold life to such a high level but this is only one of infinite universes. Let's go and purge other universes," Kara said to him.
"I can't be a part of this," Mxyzptlk said to her.
"Fine, I'll be back when I'm done," Kara said pinching space and opening a doorway to another universe.
"Stop!" seven individuals of various clothing styles and appearances came before them.
Mxyzptlk looked around in fear of them as they were surrounded by the Endless. "These your buddies?" Kara figured.
"Mxyzptlk, you have married this savage creature who has used your power to purge this entire universe of life as well as other shenanigans," the leader accused wearing a black hood that obscured her face.
"I had no idea she would do this. I can fix this," Mxyzptlk said to them.
"Consider it already done," the leader said snapping her fingers. "As for you, we strip you of your power and send you back to your home dimension. You can think over your foolishness for a few millennia," she said to him.
"No, this isn't fair! I blame you, Kara. I blame you!" he said as he disappeared from their sight.
The Endless then eyed Kara. "Although the consequences of your actions were grave, we know your intentions. Morality is intentions, not consequences," the leader said.
"You sure it isn't the other way around?" Kara wondered.
"Your marriage is annulled," the leader said zapping away her ring on her left and Infinity Gauntlet on her right. "Go in peace, Kara Zor-El."
"Can I shake your hand? You have no idea how inconvenient this all has been," Kara asked gratefully.
The leader revealed her skeleton hand and skull face from her robes. "There is only one Angel of Death, Kara Zor-El. Don't flatter yourself, child," she said to her.
"Oh...fuck," Kara pulled her hand back.
Death snapped her fingers and Kara was instantly back on Earth as if nothing had happened. "That was some acid trip," Kara said as she awoke in her bed.
That night, Winn waited at a table for Lyra to arrive. She finally did, looking like an attractive blond woman. "Wow, you look different," Winn noticed.
"Of course. How did you think I blended in?" she smiled.
"A very valid point," Winn agreed.
"So, last night wasn't just an experience for you?" Lyra asked.
"It was more than an experience. I felt a very real connection. I mean, don't get me wrong. You curved my penis in ways I didn't think were possible," Winn smiled awkwardly.
"Not everyone thinks aliens and humans should date," Lyra noted.
"Well, fuck'em. I'm the son of the Toymaker. My reputation couldn't get any worse," Winn said.
"Nor mine," Lyra smiled.
"Wait...what?" Winn wondered.
"Take me to where you live," Lyra ordered.
"Yes, ma'am," Winn instantly agreed.
Kara stayed in her apartment shell-shocked. Mon appeared unannounced inside the apartment and found Kara staring off into space. "Did you defeat him?" Mon asked.
"Yep," Kara replied.
"What's wrong?" Mon asked.
"I did horrible things to win. I didn't even know if I was going to win in the end," Kara admitted.
"What kinds of things?" Mon asked.
"I killed all life in the universe except for Earth. I bet the fate of the universe thinking there were others that could reign Mxyzptlk in," Kara said.
"Well, fuck my kill count," Mon said tossing the whiteboard tally off the wall.
"What if this life is all there is? Did I throw away my chance to escape death? Is immortality worth all the souls in the universe?" Kara wondered.
"We don't believe in heaven as you people do. We only believe in a hell where we kill and get killed for all eternity in an endless cycle of violence," Mon said.
"Your society is fucked up. You do realize that, right?" Kara said to him.
"Did you have fun?" Mon asked her.
"I guess," Kara said uncertainly.
"That's all that matters," Mon assured her.
"Alright, let's have fun in bed then," Kara said kissing him.
"Yes, ma'am," Mon smiled taking off his shirt.
Author's Notes: The Endless are Death, Destiny, Despair, Desire, Delerium, Dream, and Destruction. These seven are the most powerful beings in the multiverse only surpassed by the Arch-Angels, Lucifer and Michael, and The Presence aka God.