Harry and Ron led the pack into Hogsmeade, everyone laughing and singing and jumping for joy. Why was this archery contest so important, you ask? Why was everyone more excited about a silly archery contest than for Harry to destroy Voldemort, you ask? I've really no idea. Apparently people at Hogwarts have no lives.

Anywho, when they arrived in the middle of Hogsmeade they saw, not exactly to their surprise because they knew they were coming for the archery contest, but perhaps to the surprise of an average everyday witch or wizard coming to Hogsmeade to shop, a gigantic banner hung across the street from Zonko's to The Three Broomsticks that exclaimed, "Welcome Archers!" in huge writing.

Harry's face lit up at the sight of it.

"That means me!" he exclaimed to Ron, who patted him gently on the back.

"Yes, they do mean you. Good job, Harry!"

Harry beamed even more and looked around him.

Underneath the banner was the entrance to a huge "pit" if you will, containing some people, the other contestants we shall presume, and around the pit there were very large bleachers and people filing in from all sides.

Harry turned to everyone following him – the group was actually quite large – and said, "I've got to go into the center, I think, seeing as I'm the contestant," he beamed again, "The rest of you should file into the bleachers. And don't forget to cheer for Potter!"

Harry looked at Ron for a moment.

Ron looked at Harry for a moment.

Then they both turned and went their separate ways.

Actually, they walked together for about fifteen feet until they reached the entrance to the pit and Harry walked through while Ron climbed up the bleachers on the side.

Once inside Harry took a look in the stands. On the left side he saw Snape running after something, he wasn't quite sure what. Looking closer he realized he was running between people after the same orange monkey from chapter one.

Snape yelled in outrage as the monkey once again slipped past his fingers, "AUGH!" which we all know is Snape-language for: "You stupid monkey! I'm going to get you and hang you by your toenails! Then I shall kill you and fry and eat your brains!"

On the other side of the stands Harry gasped as he saw the last people he ever thought he'd see there in the front row: Professor Dumbledore, Sirius, James, and Lily. A huge smile came on his face as he ran over to them.

"What? How?" Harry stumbled through his words. "But – aren't you all dead?" at this Harry poked his father in the stomach.

Sirius gave a bark of laughter and Dumbledore's eye twinkled.

"No," Sirius said, "That's just a nasty trick of the eye. We're alive and kickin'!"

Lily smiled down on her son. "Yes, we just thought it'd be fun to pretend we had died when you were one to put you through all this pain and suffering!"

Harry looked skeptically at her, but then smiled and hugged his mother and father before being pushed back out into the pit.

The smile on Harry's face fell immediately into one of complete shock as he looked around and saw the second to last person he ever thought he'd see here: Voldemort.

If it strikes you as odd that Harry's scar has not hurt this entire time and that no one is trying to take Voldemort down, then you are probably not paying enough attention, because that means you haven't realized how demented this story really is.

Voldemort gave a small, cold laugh. "Hello, Potter."

Harry gave a big, warm laugh. Then blushed and coughed a little.

Then Harry gave a small, cold laugh. "Hello..." he searched frantically for a 'last' name for Voldemort, "Mort."

Voldemort looked at him strangely, "Mort?"

Harry blushed a little, but puffed up his chest and nodded his head, "You heard me."

Voldemort gave him one last strange look before shaking his head slightly and putting that ever-so-lovely maniacal grin back upon his nose less face. "Harry Potter, you have been invited here to be in this archery contest. Here are the rules: when you lose, you will die. And you will lose. Lucius is virtually undefeatable." Voldemort pointed at Lucius who was practicing his shot, hitting the bulls' eye each time.

Harry looked around at the other contestants, his eyes widening as he looked at each of them. Besides himself and Lucius Malfoy there was Viktor Krum, Gilderoy Lockhart, Dolores Umbridge, Colin Creevey, and Milicent Bulstrode.

Voldemort clapped his hands once and began to address the audience. "You all are very special guests at this tournament today. Today is the day, my friends," at this word he gave an involuntary shudder, "That I will defeat Harry Potter once and for all! Or, well, Lucius will beat him at least and then he shall be killed by someone in the stands who I will not mention at this time. That is – when he loses this contest." Voldemort grinned at the stands for a moment or two. "And now, let's get started!"

At once seven Death Eaters walked into the pit with seven targets and set them in front of the contestants.

Harry took a deep breath and grabbed an arrow from the cylinder over his shoulder and put it in place on his bow, hoping his archery skills would finally help him out.

Suddenly, Ron appeared at his side and gave him one last hug. "My darling," his whispered in his ear, "I believe we are slightly screwed."

Harry looked at his teary eyed friend. "Goodbye my love." And with one last glance Ron walked back onto the bleachers.

Harry took a deep breath and placed his arrow on his bow, lifting it up and closing one eye, the better to see where he was shooting.

"Merlin help me," he said to himself.

Voldemort stood once more, "Everyone ready? Aim! FIRE!"

Immediately seven bows were let go from one side of the pit and flew to the other side. Krum's, Colin's, Milicent's and Umbridge's landed on their targets, Lockhart's flew into the stands and hit the orange monkey Snape was no longer chasing ("No! Not Tickle!" Snape exclaimed, "Why? WHY! WHYYY?"), and two landed directly on the bulls' eye.

Lucius' and Harry's.

At once the crowd erupted into cheers and Harry shot a smirk at Lucius who glared back at him.

Voldemort's nose –err, slits- flared in anger as he saw Harry hit the target. "Bring out the new target!" he yelled and at once three Death Eaters brought out an even larger target.

"Now," Voldemort said, "Each contestant will have a chance to hit the target. Whoever comes closer to the bulls' eye will win."

The crowd erupted into cheers once more.

"If Lucius wins, Harry Potter will die. If Harry Potter wins – well. He won't." Voldemort said and rubbed his spidery hands together. "Lucius will go first. Ready?" Lucius took his place at the line on the ground, "Aim!" Lucius pulled his bow and arrow up in front of him, "FIRE!"

Whoosh! Doing!

Lucius' arrow landed directly on the bulls' eye and a few people clapped.

Harry's entire body was shaking. He was so frightened. "I'm too young to die!" he screamed.

Everyone looked at him strangely.

Harry looked strangely back at them. "Did I say that out loud?"

Voldemort gave another high screech of laughter. "Goodbye Harry Potter. Ready, aim, fire." He said lazily.

Harry took his place, pulled out another arrow, and aimed directly for the center. At "fire" he pulled back, closed his eyes and –

Whoosh! Doing!

Everyone erupted once more into cheers, much, much louder than before. Harry opened his eyes.

He had split Lucius' arrow right down the middle!

Voldemort was so angry his face twitched several times and he gave a small growl. "Kill him anyways!" he yelled and from the stands Peter Pettigrew stood up and said, "Avada Kedavra!"

A bright flash of green light came shooting towards Harry closed his eyed and braced himself for death... But it never came.

Slowly, Harry opened his eyes and looked around, below him stood Dobby, glaring up at Pettigrew. He held a glowing green ball in his hand. Dobby turned and smiled at Harry. "I heard that coming from a mile away," he said and closed his hand tight, the spell disappearing.

The crowd erupted into cheers yet again.

Voldemort stood with his mouth slightly open, apparently at a loss of what to do next.

Harry glared at him and took a few steps towards him.

Voldemort threw himself at Harry's feet. "I'm sorry Harry! I'm so sorry! I never meant to kill everyone! The Death Eaters – They made me!" the Death Eaters glared at him, "We did not!"

Voldemort's red eyes filled with tears as he looked up at Harry. "Can you ever forgive me? Here – Have the Horcruxes!" and from his pocket he produced a large locket, a golden goblet, and an egg shaped glass container filled with water. Then he hissed something no one but Harry could understand and Nagini came through the bleachers.

Harry gave Voldemort a confused look.

"Destroy them," Voldemort said, and handed him the locket. "I've really no idea who had this; I only summoned it yesterday." Then he handed him the goblet, "This was in Hogwarts of course; hidden extremely well." Then he handed him the little egg container. Harry looked at him strangely. "It's a sea monkey," he said. Harry continued to look at him strangely. "Well I thought it was clever." Then Voldemort pointed to Nagini, "And I never really liked her anyways."

Harry's face brightened and he gave Voldemort his hand and helped him up.

The crowd cheered once more.

"And now," Harry said to the crowd, "I will destroy Voldemort's Horcruxes once and for all!" he placed the locket, the goblet, and the sea monkey on the ground. "Destroyo! Destroyo! Destroyo!" and they were all gone.

The crowd went wild.

Then Harry turned to the snake. "You're actually sort of cute," Harry said to her. "Too bad, Destroyo!" and she was gone.

I'll bet you know what the crowd did.

Hermione, Ginny, and Pansy had Draco cornered against the side of he bleachers.

"You have to pick one of us, Draco! This can't continue!" Pansy screamed at him. Ginny and Hermione nodded.

"So go on," Hermione said, "Who's it going to be?"

Draco's face looked terrified. "I, err, I, uh -"

At that moment Ron stood up, looking at his watch, a petrified expression on his face. "There's only four days until the dance!" he exclaimed, "We have to go get ready!"

Everyone screamed and filed in a very organized fashion off of the bleachers, running back to Hogwarts.

Draco stood up, "I'll give you my decision at the dance!" he said and ran off.

Ginny, Pansy, and Hermione shrugged and walked back to Hogwarts.

Voldemort gave Harry puppy dog eyes. "Do you think we could -"

"Sure," Harry said and he and Ron and Voldemort and the Death Eaters all held hands and skipped off to Hogwarts.