Author's Notes: This chapter will be appropriately positioned in Adventures of Supergirl Season 3 when CW Superman and Lois airs in February 2021. It takes place right after the bonus episode: Wondergirl.
Spoilers (Duh)
A little Amazonian girl enthusiastically ran through the green meadows, across the beautiful waterfalls, through friendly forests, majestic mountains, the sandy beaches, and finally, a large Olympic stadium carved from a cliff wall. The girl cheerfully made her way through the Greek towns until she encountered death personified blocking the sun. The girl looked up and saw white boots, an all-black outfit, a white cape, a white S-crest design on her chest, and her shiny blond hair. The woman's outfit clashed with the sunny lively environment. The girl stared at her in terror as her mere presence gave her chills.
"Hey, there. Where is everyone?" she asked in Greek.
"At the arena, my lady," the girl pointed out nervously.
"The arena?" Kara looked around. "Oh, that makes sense," she said eyeing the nearly empty town. Kara eyed a shop that sold Amazonian armor and clothing. She placed some gold coins on the counter to compensate and took the merchandise. Within a flash, she was now in an Amazonian costume. "How do I look?" Kara asked the freaked out girl.
"Wonderful," the girl said.
"Wonderful, huh? Try...super," Kara corrected.
Kara nonchalantly entered the stadium and saw tens of thousands of young women all clustered tightly together in the stadium wearing simple white Greek garments. She then eyed a number of Amazonian women conducting fairly random physical feats for the crowd involving horseback riding, lasso manipulation, climbing, swinging, and target practice with various weapons. In the middle of the arena was an obstacle course with several wooden poles one would presumably have to jump around on. In a box overlooking the stadium was Queen Hippolyta.
"Mon would kill to be here," Kara mused upon seeing so many attractive immortal women in one place.
Kara happened to wear the same uniform as the contestants. It was a gold one-piece suit, armbands, and headgear that served no particular purpose. She lined up with the others at the starting line. Queen Hippolyta looked over the contestants slightly confused as to why there was one extra but thought little of it. The gong was hit and the race was on. The Amazonians and Kara ran towards either the ropes or a ladder structure. The ropes were meant for stronger warriors that had strong upper-body strength while the ladder could be used by those who were fast enough to get to the top, swing around like a pendulum, and then jump onto the platform. Kara played along and went up the rope quickly to get to the platform. She then went through a jungle gym obstacle course that required one to swing from one pole to the next. After that, she jumped each of the tall wooden poles descending towards the ground, across a narrow beam, and then off the ledge into the water. Upon diving into the water, Kara swam towards the shore and got on a black horse.
Riding long and hard, Kara maneuvered her horse towards a bow on a pedestal. Grabbing the bow, she fired an arrow through a target causing a blue flare to go up in the air. Kara rode through the forest and got another hit sending a blue flare to go up. She crossed over a cliff divide and scored another hit as she went up and down the mountainous hills. Her horse however hit a tree branch and fell to the ground stunned. Kara went over to the horse to persuade him to get back up. When the horse refused, Kara frowned as other contestants were almost on her.
"Well...shit," Kara sighed.
The Amazonian contestants rode as fast as they could back into the stadium only to find that Kara had already beaten them on foot. As they came in, Kara threw a spear through a ring with perfect accuracy. The crowd cheered for Kara completely oblivious to who she was. "Thank you, I'll be here all week," Kara gave a bow to the crowd.
Queen Hippolyta approached Kara with a pissed-off expression. "So, what trophy do I get?" Kara asked smiling.
"None," she replied.
"What? That's not fair," Kara said outraged.
"You cheated, Kara Zor-El," Queen Hippolyta accused.
"Say what?" Kara denied.
"That is the truth. That is the only truth and truth is all there is," Queen Hippolyta said.
"Truth is a point of view," Kara objected.
"You cannot be the winner...Kryptonian, because you are not Amazonian. There is no shame in this. Know the truth in your heart that you would never become an Amazonian warrior if you were one of us. And no true hero is born from lies," Queen Hippolyta told her.
"Damn," Kara said feeling roasted.
"You become a true golden warrior through acts of bravery, patience, diligence, and the courage to face the truth," Queen Hippolyta pointed out the golden statue in the arena.
"I think I more than qualify," Kara said arrogantly.
"No, because bravery requires fear and you do not fear anything," Queen Hippolyta scolded.
"Well, where can I find number two so I can congratulate her properly?" Kara mocked.
"Our world is not ready for all that you can do," Queen Hippolyta told her.
"I know, right?" Kara grinned.
"So, until it can, I need you to get the fuck off my island," Queen Hippolyta ordered.
Wonder Girl MCMLXXXIV
Washington DC
In the summer of 1984, Maxwell Lord Sr. was on TV vaguely making promises about his company. "Welcome to the future. To be honest with you, life is good. We have a real problem here - it can be better. And by the way, and why shouldn't it be. It's horrible. I mean, look, I'm for it - everything we have ever dreamed about is right at our fingertips. But I will ask you this: Are you reaping the rewards? Just think about it. Do you have it all?" he asked his audience.
In Metropolis, a random jogger was wearing headphones in a busy city and not looking both ways when crossing the street. On the other hand, two asshole frat bros were speeding with no care in the world. Kara suddenly intervened kicking the car before it could run over the jogger. The car went into a rapid spin into the intersection and was hit by a large truck destroying the car completely and killing the occupants.
Kara winced at the sight of the car crash and then offered her hand to the stunned jogger. "It doesn't seem to matter what time period I happen to be in, I'm always the traffic cop on this planet."
Kara was wearing an all-black one-piece uniform, black cape, and black boots with no symbols or identifications. She looked like a Jedi. Kara brought the jogger to her feet and smirked at the stunned faces staring at her. She then noticed a newly wedded bride fall of a bridge when some punk kids ran by her.
"Damn it," Kara muttered and sped over to her catching her before she could hit the ground.
Kara then found the three girls that had caused the accident and stopped them in their tracks. Kara grabbed the first girl by her shirt and lifted her off the ground. "You wanting a manslaughter charge added to your petty theft?" Kara asked as she took the stolen sunglasses out of her pocket.
"Who are you?" the girl said freaked out.
"I'm Wonder...girl...damn, that sounds terrible, doesn't it?" Kara tried it out.
The girl nodded. "It if it isn't broke, don't fix it," Kara muttered. "Supergirl."
"But you look like you could be my mom," the girl pointed out.
"You shut your whore mouth," Kara ordered.
At the mall, Kara was enjoying a cup of coffee while listening to Maxwell Lord prattle on about his oil company on an old TV. "They are very, very, very good people - welcome to Black Gold cooperative. Or, as I have been saying for a long time, and I think you'll agree because I said it to you once, the first oil company run for the people, by the people. And by the way, think about having everything you always wished for. For a low monthly fee, you can own a piece of the most lucrative industry in the world. I'm not kidding, folks. And every time we strike gold, you strike gold. I say, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, you deserve to have it all. I've been saying this for a long time, do you have everything you have ever wanted? Are you tired of not having more? Now, if you remember, join me, today. My operators, very professional people, the best in the business, are standing by. The people that are friends of mine tell me, Maxwell, you don't need a pile of money or a business degree to get started. You don't. You don't even need to work hard for it, either, I'm telling you. At Black Gold cooperative, all you need is to want it. It's so true."
Kara nodded her head completely sold. As it was, her finances were under a conservatorship by Brainiac 5 due to supposed wasteful and erratic spending on her part that involved a battle station the size of a small moon. Her coffee break was interrupted when four men decided to rob a jewelry store. Kara reflected on the frat bros in their sports car, the girl that stole the sunglasses, Maxwell Lord's advertisements, the mall shoppers, and the jewelry thieves.
"Oh, I get it! Everyone's greedy in the 80s," Kara realized out loud.
The thieves would have gotten away with it, too, if one of them didn't stupidly drop his revolver on the floor causing a lady to scream "gun." Immediately, the entire mall was in a panic.
"Really?" Kara rolled her eyes.
For all the public knew, some civilian had just carelessly dropped his revolver on the floor. Mall cops were on the scene to arrest the offender. One of which pointed his weapon at one of the offenders flagging all the people around him. The situation escalated as one of the thieves grabbed a little girl and hung her over the edge on the third floor. The other thieves tried to calm him down not wanting a murder charge via association.
As the girl dropped, Kara grabbed her in time and placed her on the floor. She then jumped up to the third floor and grabbed a hold of the thief swatting him down to the floor. The second thief took out his gun spooked by her appearance. "Yeah, try it," Kara smirked at him.
The second thief ran off. Kara eyed the surveillance cameras and blasted each one of them with her heat vision. She then sped towards the second thief backhanding him into a store shattering the glass window. Kara then leaped across the mall's third floor to the other side and confronted the third and fourth thief. One of them suspiciously looked like Clint Eastwood if he smoked crack.
"Oh my gosh," a black girl said of Kara.
"Kid, what the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you see there's an armed robbery in progress? Where the fuck are your parents? Why aren't you behind cover? God damn," Kara said to the mesmerized girl.
The third and fourth thief went for their pistols. Kara grabbed their wrists crushing them, held their hands up to the ceiling, and crushed their weapons. "Don't get me wrong, I love guns. Like, occasionally, I want to make love to my guns. And I would have defended your right to bear arms even in this place but, God damn it, you just had to rob a jewelry store and fuck it all up," Kara scolded the thieves as she brought all four of them together.
Kara then tossed the four thieves out the mall window where they crashed onto the roof of a police car. Instead of immediately clearing the mall of the gunmen, the cops simply decided to form a defensive perimeter risking hundreds of lives.
That night, Kara went to her room at the Watergate hotel, got dressed in white, and went to a French restaurant. After taking their sweet time getting to her, a waiter finally came up to her. "I'm sorry. Are you waiting for someone?" he asked helpfully.
"Actually, that's none of your damn business," Kara told him off in French.
The waiter merely gave her a blank look. "Damn it," Kara realized he didn't speak French. "I'll have your most expensive item. I don't even care what it is. I'm not going to even eat it."
The next morning, Kara went to the Smithsonian and found a fellow blond woman struggling to get her papers in order on the floor. Kara gave her a sympathetic look and decided to help her. "Thank you," Barbara said appreciatively.
"We blonds have to stick together. I'm Kara," Kara introduced herself.
"Barbara, I'm geology gemology, mythology," Barbara said assuming Kara was also a Phd.
"Astrology, alchemy, creationism," Kara listed off.
Barbara gave her an odd look but decided to go with it. "Hey, those are cool," she pointed out Kara's cheetah high heels.
"I know, right?" Kara smiled in epic foreshadowing. "It's because I'm so fast."
"Do you want to get lunch?" Barbara suggested. "I mean, not now, obviously, this morning, but later."
"I have a lot of not work to do. Maybe some other time," Kara declined getting some weird vibes from her.
"Are you Barbara Minerva?" the museum administrator asked.
"Yes, you hired me, remember?" Barbara said awkwardly.
"Right, well, the FBI is dropping off some artifacts," she said.
"The FBI? Wow, here?" Barbara asked stunned.
"Apparently that jewelry heist was just a front for black market jewels, artifacts, and the like," the administrator said. "We could use your help in identifying them."
"Yeah, of course, I'll help the FBI. Whatever they need," Barbara said enthusiastically.
"Wonderful, nice to meet you," the administrator said taking off.
Kara smirked as she listened to what should have been a closed-door discussion. "Have a nice day," she said politely to Barbara and walked off.
After touring the museum, Kara nonchalantly entered Barbara's workspace without any credentials or clearance. "I wonder what this could be," Kara said looking at a large crystal.
"That is...actually kind of lame. It's probably no more than 75 dollars ($200 today)," Barbara figured.
"It's a wishing crystal," Kara said reading the Latin.
"You know Latin?" Barbara asked surprised.
"It was required knowledge in my exorcism course," Kara told her.
"A lucky charm?" Barbara guessed.
"I really wished I had a coffee," a lab worker asked the crystal not taking it seriously. As it happened, another lab worker had an extra coffee just for him.
"Did you see that?" Barbara asked amazed. "Can you imagine? There are so many things I would wish for," Barbara said.
"Yeah, what a dumbass. He could have wished for anything but got a cup of coffee," Kara shook her head dismayed.
"Well, it's not serious, you know," Barbara told her.
"Sure," Kara allowed. "Well, nice knowing you," she said about to leave.
"Yeah, thanks for...you know...talking to me," Barbara said meekly.
Kara saw a defenseless creature in front of her and her predatory instincts kicked in. "How about we get early dinner and discuss how lame that stone is," she suggested.
"Seriously?" Barbara asked hopefully.
"Yeah," Kara said sincerely taking her away.
At a nearby restaurant, Kara laughed as if she were having a good time. "You...are...so...funny," Kara lied. "In fact, no one has ever made me laugh this hard in a long time. It's too bad no one else got to hear our witty exchange. You know, I don't get out often," Kara said referring to her 12 thousand year hibernation.
"That surprises me. You seem like the type that would go out a lot. I'm sure people ask you out all the time," Barbara assumed. "I figured you would be popular with your looks and confidence. I would know, I've never been popular."
"Actually, I envy you," Kara said seriously.
"You envy me? That doesn't make any sense," Barbara said self-deprecating. "People think I'm weird, they avoid me, talk behind my back."
"Barbara, my life is not what you think it is. We all have our struggles," Kara said loading up her big reveal.
"Yeah, we do," Barbara agreed. "Have you ever been in love?"
"Yeah, long time ago," Kara said giving a half-truth. Technically, she hadn't been with Mon in thousands of years. "How about you?"
"Oh, yeah, lots of times," Barbara said sarcastically. "So what happened to him?"
"Actually, it was a her," Kara lied.
"Oh," Barbara realized.
"Sometimes, our struggles in life are beneath the surface," Kara said knowingly.
Barbara stared at Kara wanting to say something but not able to do so at that moment. "Thank you for telling me and putting your trust in me with your secret."
"You're a good person, Barbara, and I'm an excellent judge of character," Kara smiled.
That night, Barbara was by herself walking in the park when a drunk guy in a suit started harassing her. Eventually, the man started pulling on her clothes when Kara stepped in and threw the man into the lake. Kara then caught Barbara as she was about to faint. "You're lucky I happen to be on one of my enthusiastic walks," Kara said to her.
"How did you?" Barbara wondered amazed.
"Basic self-defense, I used his momentum against him," Kara lied. "I'll teach you it. It's no problem. You okay?"
"Yeah, thank you," Barbara said appreciatively.
"You should go home," Kara advised.
"Can I go home with you?" Barbara blurted out.
Kara froze at that. "I can't believe I just said that," Barbara said shocked.
"No, it's okay. No one else heard it but me. It makes perfect sense, Barbara. You need someone in your life that will be soft and gentle with you," Kara said.
"Yeah," Barbara agreed.
"And men aren't' going to give you that. Not that one. Not any of them," Kara told her.
"Does this make me...gay?" Barbara asked horrified.
"It makes you human," Kara corrected.
Kara took Barbara to her hotel at Watergate and gave her a very tasteful hot lesbian sex scene.
The next morning, Barbara found Kara already gone from the hotel room. So, she got her clothes together and quickly made her way to the Smithsonian. As she did, she gracefully avoided a water spill with her high heels, gained positive attention from the men in her office, and encountered Maxwell Lord, of all people. "This is someone I'd like you to meet, Maxwell Lord," the museum administrator said to Barbara.
"It's a real pleasure, all mine, Miss," Max said to her.
"Actually, it's doctor," Barbara corrected becoming more assertive.
"Can you do your catchphrase, please?" the administrator requested of him.
"Life is good, it can always be better," Max said dramatically.
"Mr. Lord is considering being a friend of the Smithsonian which entitles him to a few private tours of our facility and he asked you by name," the administrator said.
"What can I say? I'm an excellent judge of character, the best. Like you, I have an obsession with gemology. I asked a lot of people here and they all said you were the one I should talk to," Max said.
"Absolutely, I'll let you two get on with it," the administrator said leaving them.
"Let me put my purse in my office, and I'll be right with you," Barbara said going to her office, Max couldn't help but see the giant-ass crystal on her desk.
Kara nonchalantly entered the museum office without credentials or clearance as before and noticed Barbara and Max joking around with the artifacts having a good time. Kara stared at Max as if she were seeing a ghost. She had killed his grandson, Maxwell Lord III. Max tried his catchphrase on Kara to see her reaction.
"Absolutely," she agreed.
"I've been giving Maxwell Lord, here, a tour of the facility. He's promised to make a generous donation to our department," Barbara said excitedly.
"I'm hosting a big party to celebrate my generosity. I hope you have something to wear," Max said to Kara.
"Of course. You know, parties like these might encourage other rich types like yourself to be more involved in philanthropy," Kara said.
"I completely agree one hundred percent. You know, I'm quite an excellent dancer if I say so myself," Max said showing off some of his moves.
"You are a great dancer," Barbara gushed.
"I should be going, but I will see you, tonight," Max said as he left.
Barbara gave Kara a conflicted look. "Is it okay that I like him?" she asked.
"Don't feel you have to be constrained at all," Kara allowed.
"You know, I made a wish on that crystal," Barbara admitted.
"Oh really?" Kara asked intrigued.
"Yeah, I wished I was more like you, strong, sexy, cool, special," Barbara revealed.
"Thanks, Barbara. That means a lot," Kara smiled appreciatively.
At the party, Kara was in a tasteful white dress and got all the attention until Barbara came in looking fierce in a tight black dress. Kara couldn't help but notice that Max and Barbara were making out in her office. "Could she be Maxwell's grandmother?" Kara wondered. "Did I just have lesbian sex with Maxwell's grandmother?"
Kara turned away from such thoughts and then noticed a familiar-looking man walking around in jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket. "God damn it, Steve. I told you to stay at the hotel," Kara scolded.
"I got lost," Steve excused.
"For a few days?" Kara asked incredulously.
"To be honest, I'm not over what you did to me," Steve admitted.
"Let's talk about it," Kara nodded.
Kara and Steve walked around the Washington Monument as they had a heart-to-heart. "You shot down my plane nearly killing me, then you took me back to Themyscira, got me a sex change, and then left...for several decades," Steve complained.
"Steve, I ended the war, saved your life, and greatly increased your lifespan. You should be thanking me," Kara said.
"Why did you have to use your laser vision to shoot down my plane?" Steve asked outraged.
"If you had been shot down or crashed, the gas on your plane could have killed thousands of people. I wasn't going to dishonor your memory with that. You're a glorious martyr. You're welcome," Kara told him.
"What?" Steve asked incredulously.
"I see what's happening here. You're face-to-face with greatness and it's strange. You don't even know how you feel. It's adorable. It's nice to see that humans never change," Kara said arrogantly.
"That's not it," Steve objected.
"Open your eyes, breathe it in. I know it's a lot to take in, the hair, the bod. It's like staring at a goddess. So, what can I say except you're welcome? For ending the war, stopping Ares, and saving your ass. Honestly, I can go on-and-on. I could explain how I defeated mind-controlling Kryptonians and invading Jin-Saiyans. Creating a galactic empire a thousand years into the future, that was me just messing around," Kara said.
Steve simply stared at her. "What's the lesson? What is the takeaway? Don't mess with Kara when she's on a breakaway. You see each individual hair? That's how many victories I've won. Look where I've been, I make everything happen the way I want. So, let me say, you're welcome for the wonderful world you know. It's okay, really, you're welcome," Kara finished.
"I feel...betrayed," Steve admitted.
"Deal with it or I'll send you back to whore island," Kara said dismissively.
"You know, my life on that island is becoming a blur to me now. All I can remember is non-stop lesbian orgies," Steve said shell-shocked. "I feel really uncomfortable and backward, to be honest with you."
"Either you stay a man, in this time, or you can go back to immortality as a woman. It's your choice," Kara said.
Steve eyed an airplane overhead. "That's amazing," he said distractedly.
"Let's get you back to the apartment and jumpstart your dick," Kara invited.
"Damn," Steve said amazed.
The next morning, Kara awoke with a start finding Steve eating pop tarts in bed. "These are like crackers but with fruit filling inside them," he said amazed.
"I know, right?" Kara said just as impressed.
"And the coffee machine is so damn efficient. I've had three so far," Steve said completely jacked. "All of this is amazing."
"If you think the 80s are amazing, you'll love the Internet, cell phones, and Netflix," Kara smiled.
"What you did to my dick was just so incredible. I've been missing it for so long. Can we stay in?" Steve asked.
"Of course, we can," Kara assured him. "Wait...I recall a time when my cousin disappeared with Lois for a few days and the whole world went to hell. Am I following in his footsteps?"
"That's a fair point," Steve said seriously.
"I can't be like him. Girls get it done," Kara said getting up.
"We should probably shower first, though," Steve suggested.
"Absolutely," Kara agreed.
While Barbara was lifting some serious weights and Max was making himself a literal genie, Steve tried to get himself ready by putting on a cheetah-themed t-shirt in epic foreshadowing. "This is dynamite," Steve said putting on white pants and jacket. What do you think?" he asked her.
"Yeah, yeah, no," Kara disagreed.
Kara watched as Steve put on multiple outfits that all made him look very gay. After an hour, Kara dressed him in jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. The two walked around the city and then headed to an escalator. "Let's do this together. If you mess it up, you die," Kara said as they went down to the subway. There, they found some 80's teen stereotypes sporting radical mohawks.
Steve stared at the subway train as it came by them. "Holy shit," Kara said as she grabbed Steve preventing him from getting hit. They traveled to an art museum and found some freestyle breakdancers. Steve kept his distance as one nearly kicked him in the balls.
"So, what was that?" Steve asked after they had finished through the museum.
"That was all art," Kara said.
Steve then eyed a trashcan wondering if that, too, was art. "Is this art?" he wondered.
"Why not?" Kara said dismissively.
"When I think of art, I think of Renaissance paintings and Greek sculptures. I don't know what any of that was," Steve said referring to the museum.
"With the introduction of television, movies, comics, and other media, that kind of art has become obsolete. Now, artists scam museums and rich types into buying purely random pieces to keep the industry going," Kara explained.
"How can you tell the difference between real art and a scam?" Steve asked.
"I don't have to. I have a machine that does that for me in the distant future," Kara said referring to Brainiac 5. "In a few decades, professional critics will be overthrown by the common people. It will be glorious."
"Is that a plane?" Steve wondered seeing a space shuttle painting on the side of a building.
"That is a primitive chemical rocket. Let's go," Kara invited him inside.
Inside the space museum, Steve was just stunned by what he was seeing. "This is incredible."
"Steve, let's talk about things about you that don't involve...your old job," Kara suggested.
"I don't know, Kara. That sounds dangerous, risky even," Steve said doubtfully.
"You're right. Let's go to a war museum so you can be amazed at how efficient humans have become in killing each other. You'll be impressed," Kara said.
"Lead the way," Steve said enthusiastically.
By afternoon, Steve was shocked and appalled by what he had seen. "Damn," was all he could say.
"Yeah, imagine I was in every one of those wars but only helped out in a very marginal way as to not be noticed by history," Kara mused.
"That would seem like a total waste of potential," Steve said thoughtfully.
"I know, right? Good thing I slept through all those decades," Kara said as they headed towards the White House.
The two nonchalantly went through the White House and entered the Oval Office to meet with President Reagan. Kara took a knee before him and bowed her head. "Rise, my friend," he said warmly.
Steve gave Kara a WTF look and wondered who this man even was. "This is Captain Steve Trevor, US Army veteran pilot of World War I," Kara introduced.
"You don't say. You're a great American. This country owes you a huge debt," President Reagan complimented.
"Thank you, Mr. President. It's an honor," Steve said stunned.
"What do you need me to do?" Kara asked.
"One of our own has become trapped in a district of Cairo, Egypt. Now, the Egyptians are good friends of ours, but, as you know, there are some unruly customers there that don't particularly like us," President Reagan said.
"Who is the target?" Kara asked.
"Maxwell Lord, a good friend of mine and supporter. If you could bring him home in one piece, I would be most appreciative," President Reagan identified.
"Is Egypt no longer part of the British colonial empire?" Steve questioned.
"Not anymore, their loss," Kara replied. "What am I dealing with over there?"
"The Muslim Brotherhood," President Reagan said grimly.
"I will bring him back or avenge him," Kara promised.
"So...how are we getting there?" Steve asked curiously.
That night, Kara brought Steve to an airport hangar and showed him a fighter jet. "Oh my Betsy," Steve said amazed.
"You want to fly it?" Kara asked.
"I wouldn't even know how to begin," Steve admitted.
"It's easy. I'll show you how," Kara said as they got into the cockpit.
Steve pushed all the right buttons and switches as Kara directed. Suddenly, the jet engine came to life. Steve began to cry overwhelmed by the experience. "Wait, why don't you just fly me over there?" he asked realizing something.
"If I did, your skin would be ripped off your bones at that fast speed. Also, I'm empowering you, right now. Do you feel empowered, relevant, necessary?" Kara asked.
"Hell, yeah," Steve nodded.
"Punch it," Kara ordered.
The lights and alarms went off as the control tower spotted the moving jet. "Do we have to get clearance or something?" Steve wondered.
"Truth be told, this isn't even my jet," Kara said nonchalantly.
"We're stealing a military fighter jet?" Steve asked incredulously.
"We're doing the president's bidding. That makes it okay," Kara excused. "But you better hurry the fuck up before they shoot us down."
"Okay, I got this," Steve said building up speed.
"Oh, I forgot to mention this thing called radar. It allows them to see us even in the dark," Kara recalled.
"Will they shoot at us?" Steve asked anxiously.
"Probably," Kara said unconcernedly.
"Well...shit," Steve said as he tried to get them in the air.
Steve did the best he could to get the jet in the air and barely made it before hitting the barricade. Kara then casually took out a device and pushed a button cloaking the jet.
"The fuck is that?" Steve asked incredulously.
"A cloaking device, future tech," Kara explained.
"You tell me important shit like that," Steve said nearly a nervous wreck.
"Enjoy the moment, Steve," Kara advised.
As they flew over DC, they saw Fourth of July fireworks. "Can I get closer to them?" Steve wondered.
"Fuck it," Kara shrugged.
Steve flew into the fireworks creating a jet image in the dazzling explosions. "I got an idea," Steve said as he flew them into the clouds. There, they could see the fireworks reflecting off the clouds down below. "You know, flying is knowing how to ride it, catch it, join with it. Yeah, it's like anything."
"Did you...just make a sexual innuendo about air?" Kara wondered.
"I guess...I guess I did," Steve said amazed at himself.
"By the way, an ordinary F-15 doesn't have enough fuel to get all the way to Cairo," Kara said obviously.
"Shit! What do we do?" Steve asked stunned.
"But this is no ordinary jet," Kara smirked.
Kara switched on the auto-pilot. "We have time to kill and no one is watching," she said to him.
Steve merely gave her a fearful look.
Several hours later, Steve and Kara drove around Egypt in a piece-of-shit taxi cab. "So...we have time to kill and no one is watching," Kara brought up.
"No, fuck no. My dick and my balls are so incredibly sore right now," Steve rejected.
"You should use them while you still can," Kara said knowingly.
"And why is that? After this mission, you're going to take me back to Themyscira again? Or get me killed again?" Steve asked bitterly.
There was a long awkward silence between them. "Why is this Maxwell Lord so important to you anyway?" Steve asked.
"I killed his grandson and heir. Maxwell Lord III was clever, resourceful, inventive, and tenacious. He was the kind of villain I loved to hate. We had a lot of fun together," Kara recalled.
"But?" Steve wondered.
"He went too far. He was planning to mind-control me in such a way that I would destroy Metropolis and kill my own sister. It was then that I knew I had to end him," Kara said somberly.
"Sounds like an asshole. So, why do you feel the need to help his grandfather?" Steve asked.
"Morality goes both ways, Steve. I could have done more to stop his descent into villainy. For a moment there, we were both on the same side. I could have brought him into the light instead of playing our stupid games. Now that his grandfather is in trouble, I feel the need to make things right...before they go wrong again," Kara said.
"So, you're not going to actually change the timeline to save his grandson?" Steve questioned.
"No," Kara said obviously.
"So...what the fuck?" Steve wondered.
"It's not about what actually happens in reality, it's about how I feel, alright. I don't know if my entrance into this time has caused Maxwell Lord Sr. to be in danger or not. I don't know if what I am doing now is what I should be doing. I'm just going with my gut because it makes me feel better," Kara said honestly.
"That's the most narcissistic thing I've ever heard," Steve said astounded.
A militant convoy went past them with Maxwell's face pushed against the windshield. "Help me," he said silently.
"Speak of the devil, turn around," Kara ordered.
"What are the odds we would both be on this highway at this exact moment and time?" Steve questioned.
"Stupid low," Kara agreed.
Steve drove right behind the convoy. Immediately, the men in the troop carrier truck fired on them with AK-47s blasting holes in the hood and windshield of the car. "I got this. Stay with them," Kara said getting out of the car.
Kara ran towards the troop carrier door, tore the steering wheel out the window, and dropped down. The troop carrier swerved across the road and ended up tumbling in the desert sand. In the panic, a 50 Cal gunner fired on Kara even with two of his own cargo trucks in front of him. The two cargo trucks swerved to avoid getting hit. Kara was hit multiple times without effect. Kara fired heat vision on the gunner killing him instantly and turning his gun to scrap. Kara leaped onto the truck, came down onto the hood, and punched out the windshield. She grabbed the driver and forced him out of the truck.
Now behind the wheel, Kara went for Maxwell's truck. Two gun trucks fired machine guns on Kara's truck to disable it. Steve rammed his car into one of the gun trucks forcing it off the road. He heroically got on top of it busting off the gun. Kara's truck was blasted apart by machine-gun fire revealing Kara unharmed. She raced towards Maxwell's truck only to be slammed by two gun trucks. The two gun trucks attempted to crush her between them. Kara backhanded both vehicles causing them to flip over off the street. Steve managed to get inside the remaining gun truck, beat up the occupants, and take control.
In the distance, some kids were playing soccer in the street. "Fuck me," Kara realized.
Kara sped towards the kids and took them off the street before they could be hit by the lead truck. Kara then fired heat vision on each of the remaining vehicles quickly disabling them. The militants evacuated their burning vehicles and fired on her. Kara swat them all down within a second and then found Max being held hostage. "He's coming with me," he said pointing a pistol at Maxwell's head.
A shot suddenly took out the hostage-taker. Kara eyed Steve with a pistol. "Maxwell Lord, remember me from the museum? I'm here to rescue your ass," she said to him.
"Most appreciated. You are the greatest. Let no one say otherwise," Maxwell said to her.
Kara turned to the kids. "What the fuck are you doing playing soccer in the middle of the street? Do you want a Darwin award? Where are your parents? God damn," Kara said to them in Egyptian.
The kids merely stared at her. "This is our little secret. You tell anyone, I'll come back and kill you," she threatened.
"Are you hurt?" Steve asked concernedly.
"As if?" Kara mocked. "Yeah, I'm fine," she assured him. "So, what's your story, asshole?" Kara asked of Max.
"I borrowed a crystal from your museum that apparently grants wishes. For a reasonable fee, I gave people their wishes," Max said reasonably.
"Where's the stone now?" Kara asked.
"It turned to dust. I am now the stone," he smirked.
"You wished to be the wishing stone? I'm impressed," Kara said. "But that means you depend on other people's wishes to get ahead."
"They just need to say their wish while physically touching me," Max explained. "One wish per customer."
"You're going to renounce this power of yours...after the election," Kara said.
"Look, I'm not crazy. After I make a ridiculous amount of money and pay back all my investors, I'm golden," Max said sincerely.
"Let's get the fuck out of here," Kara said looking around.
The three drove to Cairo International Airport and saw a giant-ass wall surrounding a particular district. "Max, what the fuck is this?" Kara asked.
"This oil-man wished to wall his community and expel infidels," Maxwell shrugged. "For a reasonable fee, of course."
"Well, that's topical," Kara rolled her eyes at the giant wall.
"Wait, I can use my wish to get rid of the wall, right?" Steve asked.
"Save your wish for something really important," Kara advised.
"What's more important than ensuring people have water, food, and access to medical supplies?" Steve asked.
"God damn it," Kara said stopping the car. She eyed the wall and fired heat vision at it horizontally causing a whole section of it to fall. "You happy? I tore down the wall. Am I saint now?"
"Holy shit," Max said spooked.
Back in DC, Kara supervised Max's dealings at Lord Tower. "What do you wish for?" he asked a diverse group of people one-by-one. After they gave their wish, Kara would give the thumbs up or thumbs down. One particular character was an evangelical pastor.
"The sex-tape is gone," Max assured him.
"What...the...actual...fuck?" Kara wondered as she heard the whole story. "You're his father...you sick fuck."
The pastor then exited the room feeling relieved. "I'm thinking I'll go to his congregation and grant everyone's wishes. Then, they'll think I'm a prophet or some shit. I just have to find a way for them to wish for something rather than to pray for it," Max said ambitiously.
"Max, stop," Kara rebuked him.
Max's college-aged son then entered the room. Kara eyed him with a haunted expression on her face. He would die during a viral outbreak at the CDC years later. "Max Jr., I am so close, you wouldn't believe it. Soon, you'll have everything you ever wanted, it's so true," Max said to his son.
"I want to be a doctor," he smiled.
"I'll send you to the best medical school money can buy," Max assured him. "Remember that my greatness and success is your greatness and success."
"Okay, dad," Max Jr. nodded. "I wish to one day be the best doctor in the world."
"Granted," Max smiled at his son.
Kara turned away wiping away a tear. "Alright, we're done here. Let's go talk to the president."
At the White House, Kara, Max, and Steve sat down in the oval office. "Let's see: Mary Sue feminist icon, corporate greed, oil and gold companies, Trump impersonator, anti-gun, sexist misogyny, national walls, hypocritical pastors, a compromised President Reagan, nuclear weapons, the Star Wars program, and...furries," Kara checked off.
"What's that?" Steve looked over her notes.
"It's my liberal Hollywood bingo. As of right now, I almost have a blackout," Kara said.
President Regan then entered the room. "Good job, you two. Exceeded all my expectations," he said of Kara and Steve.
"You give me more credit than I deserve," Kara said sincerely.
"So, what's do you have for me," President Reagan asked.
"A plan to have you win every state in the 1984 election and keep the Senate," Kara said.
"What about Congress?" President Reagan asked.
"Fuck Congress," Kara rolled her eyes. She then placed an orb device on a table. "This is Myriad. Once I activate it, I can persuade the American people that you're a very very nice guy."
"But I am...a very nice guy," President Reagan said confused.
"Yeah, well, apparently not everyone agrees," Kara said confused, herself. "In order to make America great again, you need to not only win but win big. After you win, the Democrats will stop fighting and be good people again."
"I'll be," President Reagan mused.
"I need access to your satellites to relay the signal. Not only will you win by a landslide, but I will sow the seeds of freedom, democracy, and spirituality into the hearts and minds of Eastern Europe. Within the end of this decade, that Berlin Wall is coming down, baby," Kara said confidently.
"Sounds like Christmas came early," President Reagan joked.
"Why not wish to have all this happen?" Maxwell asked.
"Because if you die or are forced to renounce your wishes, we're fucked," Kara reminded him. "I want this permanent and irrevocable."
Gunshots could then be heard in the hallways. "Time to leave," Kara said as the Secret Service whisked President Reagan away. Maxwell Lord was escorted towards the exit with Secret Service agents surrounding him.
Barbara then appeared as the source of the chaos. "Come with me before you do any more damage, Maxwell."
"Come on, I just had a few indiscretions," Max said defensively.
The Secret Service fired on Barbara with all of their bullets bouncing off her clothes and skin. Barbara punched and kicked them all down even as she was being shot at. She took hold of the last agent's gun, forced the bullet out of the chamber, and then smacked it towards Max sending him to the floor. "I hate guns," she glared as she crushed the gun in her hand.
Max crawled away as Barbara advanced on him. Kara suddenly punched her across the room in her all-black outfit. "Kara," Barbara realized. "You don't even work at the museum, do you?" she accused.
"Well...no shit," Kara smiled. "Look, the whole nervous submissive insecure office worker that gains magical powers, trashes her apartment, and becomes more like a cat. It's been done before...or...it will be," she said referring to Catwoman.
"And you are merely a female rip-off of someone greater," Barbara countered.
"Damn," Kara wiped away a tear.
Max ran off to the second floor. Barbara went after him only to be thrown to the floor by Kara. "I have to stop you from using Max. You're going to use him to fill your pockets, steal elections, and take us back to the 50s," Barbara said scornfully.
"Would that really be such a bad thing?" Kara wondered.
"It turns out wishing to be like you came with some surprises," Barbara said getting back up unharmed.
"Shit," Kara realized.
Kara watched passively as Barbara swat down all of the Secret Service agents within a few seconds. "Alright, you can stop," Kara said grabbing her arm in a tight grip.
Barbara got out of her grip and threw her against the wall. "The fuck?" Kara wondered. Kara aimed her eyes at Barbara for the kill and fired heat vision. Barbara went through the heat vision and slammed Kara against the wall.
"You have a power you can't possibly understand," Kara told her.
"Oh, I can't understand, poor me, poor lonely me, couldn't possibly handle your power," Barbara mocked as she threw Kara to the floor. Kara pointed her index finger at Barbara and attempted to paralyze her with a white beam. Barbara caught the beam and converted it to her side. She then threw Kara from side-to-side tearing through the White House pillars.
"I think I'm handling your powers beautifully," Barbara said fiercely.
Barbara sped towards Max and Steve and pushed them away from each other to the floor. "People like you have had everything while people like me had nothing. And now it's my turn, our turn."
"Defying me will cost you everything," Kara promised. "You have my powers, my figure, my blond hair. You could be my twin. Join me and we could rule the galaxy together," Kara offered.
"You pretended to be gay to sleep with me, to see if you could out myself. You're the one galavanting with Maxwell Lord creating walls instead of bridges, poisoning the land with oil drills, supporting the military-industrial complex, taking us further into debt, and stealing the election all in the name of making America great again," Barbara sneered.
"I'm not the bad guy here," Barbara concluded as she dragged Max away. "Get anywhere near me and I'll kill him."
Steve suddenly tried to tackle her only to get his ass kicked. Kara frowned at him as he lay on the floor. "Good try, Steve," she mocked.
Barbara dragged Max into Air Force 2 helicopter and took off into the air. "You going to kill me?" Max wondered.
"If I did, it would renounce all the wishes that have been made including my powers," Barbara said. "No, you're going to make my wish. I wish for every man on Earth to become a woman."
"Seriously? Wish denied," Max said stubbornly.
"Do it or I'll kill your ass," Barbara threatened taking him by the throat.
Kara and Steve entered a secret broadcasting center near the Hoover Dam. "I have a presidential order saying I can do whatever the fuck I want here. It's a matter of national security," Kara said.
"What do you need?" a general asked.
"Give me your electricians and whatever equipment you have. We're going to have to reverse engineer the shit out of this thing," Kara said with the Myriad orb in her hand.
Suddenly, Steve and all the other men in the compound became women. "Did you do this?" Steve asked of Kara.
"God damn it," Kara realized what had happened. "Barbara, I know you can hear me. I'm at the Hoover Dam. If you want to stop me, you'll have to come to me."
Inside the compound, the now women were in an uproar. "Soldiers! You're still soldiers of the US Army, damn it! We will fix this together. Now, are we online?" Kara asked.
"Yes, ma'am," one of them squeaked.
Kara worked on the computer and isolated Max's signal on the planet. She then turned Myriad on taking control of his mind through a direct particle beam via satellites. "Wish to turn everyone that had been turned into women back into men," Kara ordered Steve.
"What are you going to wish for?" Steve asked.
"Just do it," Kara rolled her eyes.
"Fine," Steve said immediately turning all the women in the room back into men.
"You should have tried out the equipment. It would have been mind-blowing," Kara told them all.
"Now, what's your wish?" Steve asked seriously.
The alarms went off as a bogie was incoming. The Gatling guns hidden in the rock fired on the target non-stop without effect as Barbara landed on the dam. She fired heat vision on the Gatling guns destroying them and swat down the army guys. Kara went out to meet her. "What have you done? We could have had a utopia," Barbara spat.
"How is the human race supposed to continue without men?" Kara asked skeptically.
"It would only be for a generation. There are plenty of sperm banks to continue the species but this time women would have the advantage," she said angrily.
"Yeah, well, not everyone is like you," Kara pointed out.
"I don't care anymore. I'm sick of tired of being belittled and patronized. Now, I'm at the top of the food chain," she said. Kara eyed Barbara's teeth becoming more like fangs, her nails like claws, and her eyes becoming yellowish.
Barbara sped towards Kara and punched her off the railing. Barbara went after her with several swipes missing each time as they jumped around the rocks. Kara gracefully landed back on the platform but was immediately kicked into a wall. Barbara was now connecting this time with punches and kicks. Kara merely blocked her punches and kicks but was starting to feel them. Barbara was just as powerful as she was via that wish. Barbara punched at Kara in rapid succession and slammed her repeatedly. Kara finally backhanded her to the floor.
Kara shrugged as if her attacks meant nothing to her. "You're not like me, Barbara. Nothing good comes from lies," Kara lectured.
"Do you...listen to yourself?" Barbara asked incredulously.
Barbara hissed painfully as her muscles and bones started to warp. Her hands and feet became more like paws. Her ears perked to the top of her head and became pointed. Her nose became flattened and more sensitive. Without knowing it, Barbara's body was becoming more like a cat. She sprung into the air with her claws outstretched. "Yeah, no," Kara said taking her down to the floor.
The two took to the air punching and kicking at one another until Kara kicked Barbara into a powerline tower. Barbara quickly recovered and flew at Kara putting her into a wrestling hold. The two struggled in the air until slamming into a small pool nearby. Kara and Barbara punched at each other in the water until Kara rose to the surface first. As Barbara came up, Kara fired on her with heat vision incinerating her clothes off her body. Barbara then looked down at her body and saw Cheetah fur all over her body.
"What the fuck?" she wondered.
"That was my wish," Kara smirked. "Dangerously cheesy."
"Are you insane?" Barbara asked incredulously.
"Bitch, I just might," Kara allowed.
At this point, Barbara looked half-human, half-cheetah. "My wish had a delay of an hour. Once you go full cat, you'll lose your powers, your humanity. Now, give up and renounce your wish," Kara ordered her.
"Never!" Barbara spat even as she continued to change. She grew a tail in the back and her legs began to reverse themselves.
"Renounced your wish and I'll renounce mine. That's the only way this is going to work," Kara told her.
Barbara looked over her furry body. "Maybe...this is the way," she said softly.
"Wait...what?" Kara wondered.
"This was what I was meant to be, an apex predator. Thank you, Kara," Barbara said sincerely. "I now know humanity isn't for me."
Barbara's head and face slowly morphed to that of a cheetah as her thoughts became simpler. Her jaw pushed out forming a small snout. Finally, she was completely changed. The cheetah that once was Barbara Minerva swam over to Kara and licked her face having only a vague recollection of who she was.
"You're welcome," Kara said awkwardly.
Steve came by Kara's side and noticed her uniform was torn and she was bruised from the fight. He then noticed the cheetah sleeping peacefully near the pool. "That did not go as expected," Kara mused.
"I found...Maxwell Lord. He's not too far from here," Steve said.
"Excellent," Kara said changing her tune.
Kara landed where Max was hanging out in the mountains with no way to get down. "Don't worry, Barbara is taken care of."
"Thank God," Max said relieved.
"Now, what to do about you? You see, if you renounce your wish, it fucks up the good we have been able to accomplish together. But, I don't know if I can go back to the future knowing you have these god-like powers," Kara said.
"I'll be a good boy," Max promised.
"I have a compromise solution. You can keep your powers but not remember you have them," Kara said as she gave him a kiss. Max then eyed her not recognizing who she was.
"God damn, Max. How did you get your ass up here?" Kara asked him.
"I don't know," he said looking around.
"I'll help you down," Kara offered.
On the African Savannah, Kara and Steve eyed a female cheetah running off. They were next to a WW1 plane Steve was familiar flying with. "So, everything ended as it should be," Kara mused.
"No, no it didn't. This story is totally fucked," Steve rebuked her. "I don't even know what side I was supposed to be on."
"Hey, you and me both, dude," Kara nodded. "So, ready to explore the world of which you have no skills, education, or identity?"
"I've been given it some thought, and I kind of like immortality. You know, being a girl isn't so bad, really. There were some swell moments, and I think I made my mark on history already," Steve said.
"But Steve, think about your dick," Kara reminded him.
"I'll come back when I find an Amazonian girl that wants to see man's world. Then, she can be the fish-out-of-water and I can be her teacher," Steve said thoughtfully.
"You want to know a secret, Steve? It's the queen's daughter," Kara gave him a wink.
"No shit?" Steve asked amazed.
"She's the only one on that island that wants the D," Kara confirmed.
"Well, damn," Steve smiled.
"I've enjoyed having this adulterous affair with you, Steve, but I have to get back to my ship. I have thirty more years to go," Kara said.
"I understand. I'm ready to go," Steve sighed.
Kara then took hold of him and brought him back to Themyscira's beach. "That was fun. Thank you," he said and then made his way up a hill towards Queen Hippolyta and Princess Diana. As he did, his body morphed to that of a slender athletic woman with dirty blond hair.
"You're back," Diana said pleased giving her a hug.
Stefanie Trevor then turned back to Kara still on the beach and gave her a wink.
Epilogue
Maxwell Lord Sr. invested the money he received from his client's wishes to form Lord Industries. He never remembered nor used his wishing powers again and still lives to this day. His son, Maxwell Lord Jr., and his wife became CDC researchers and tragically died during a lab outbreak. Their son, Maxwell Lord III, inherited Lord Industries and was instrumental in stopping the criminal Kryptonians with Supergirl in the Spring of 2016. Soon thereafter, Maxwell Lord III was killed by Supergirl without issue.
President Reagan would win a landslide victory in the 1984 Presidential election and the GOP would keep the Senate for two more years. He passed away due to complications with Alzheimer's in 2004.
Steve Trevor and Diana Prince left Themyscira and settled in Metropolis in 2014
Barbara Minerva aka Cheetah was featured on a National Geographic cover in 1986 and gave birth to 5 cubs.
Author's Notes: Whenever you have a villain with unlimited power and wishes, it is often the case that he's either incompetent or stupid allowing the heroes to win. As with Jafar, it is the case with Maxwell. Steve possessing some random guy to give us a really creepy pay-off at the end was unnecessary. You don't move on by dating the guy that your lover possessed. Meet Joe Black and Ghost did it better. Barbara's transformation came out of nowhere even as Cheetah stuff was thrown into every other scene. Barbara's journey was identical to Catwoman in Batman Returns. The invisible jet scene made no sense on all levels. It was filler because I knew from the start that Maxwell's wishes would be reversed at the end of the film and Steve would still be dead.
For conservatives, this was a kick to the balls. For liberal feminists, it may have been empowering. My job is to make everything ridiculous and question everything. I'm not particularly sure what side I should be on here. I don't substitute myself into Kara or any other character. A lot of scenes I didn't particularly think were relevant to Kara were cut and Maxwell was modified quite a bit. Adventure's canonically speaking, Maxwell Lord of SG Season 1 was Maxwell Lord III for continuity's sake. It was a mistake for CW SG to steal a WW villain for season 1. It just makes it difficult for me to keep it all straight.