A/N: Oh my God, are you ever gonna forgive me? Ok, I've to explain...
First, college started again, and it was really a big mess. More than that,
my schedule changed at least twenty times, then I had to see plenty fo
assistants and such because of the courses I can follow, blah blah blah...
Humanities is really the messiest department you can dream of.
Then, I started to tutor some kid and I do that every evening, it takes a
freaking lot of time. Add to this that I have some work for college and you
have the havoc my life has been these few weeks. Now, I had another
problem... I wasn't in the mood to write Struggle. I know, it's like the
lamest excuse that can be brought up, but what can I say? I work on my
Gilmore Girls story and forgot about Struggle. Then I sent the chapter to
Meg, but she wasn't home and didn't send it back right away (don't give me
that sort of fright anymore, you know what I mean!). All this rambling to
say that I'm sorry. *insert sheepish smile*
On the replies now!
Sweet-Suicide-41: I'm glad you enjoy it! I hope you reach this chappie once, lol. Anyway, I know about sleepless night in front of the computer... I do that waaaaay too much for the liking of my mom. *innocent smirk directed to mom* Have fun!
Miriam G: don't mind me. I can crawl on my knees if I want! *sticks out tongue at you* Damn, this Is school stuff... you're tutoring me in the subject of insanity. Well, it could be for an English assignment... if teachers had some creativity. *pout* I'm glad you thought the chapter was worth the wait, I hope you say the same about this one *hangs head in shame*. Colin is... well, he becomes annoying in this chapter, but I want him to be for now. Just read on! Wait, you think Blondie is a dangerous psycho? But what the hell are YOU? Did she break her cellphone? Oops, no, you never mentioned that before. You have to stand for Lupin! Lol. Of course he won't allow you to feel sorry for him, he doesn't want pity. Would you want some? Hmmpf, those people who always think that wearing expensive clothes makes them better! What? You gave someone a pig and he thought it was a duck? Care to elaborate, I'm a bit lost here... Tell Lupin that one day, sheeps will rule the world and that he'll be crawling in front of the Sheep Queen (namely you.) Cheers.
SlytherinQueen87: My my my, you're too lazy to sign in. I'm sure you took more time to enter that than to write your name and password, lol. Thanks for the choice of the adjectives! Ooooh, do you mean you're psycho as well????? HURRAH! Welcome to my insane Struggle realm! Care to join the ranks of our army of lunatics? We're plotting the governments downfall to instaure our dictatorship *raises flyswatter* Muahahaha, Draco will never totally turn to be a good guy. I think that abused kids are scarred forever, and it's not something you can forget. Plus, I've to say that I've an obsession going for bad boys, he he he. I know there are some grammar mistakes, sorry, English is not my mothertongue at all. Anyway, maybe if I had paid attention in class. *bangs head* What the hell am I saying? English level here is digging a big hole in the ground. Ah... pov switching. Sorry, I'm not gonna give up on that. I love to write like that, it's like I can enter the characters and it's me speaking through them. Plus, on a technical point of view, I'm not very comfortable with third person narrator. I'm working on it, but I've some difficulty saying what I've got to say. I'm gonna add more Snapey! Don't worry, I love him so much I wouldn't forget him!
Twisted Silver Dagger: I'm normal, you can give me a million of galleons! *innocent smirk* you want to know if one will end up an ally for Ginny. READ ON! Lol. I agree with you, Draco is dragging her down with him and she really needs someone to hold her on the surface. And as Ron is not really helping... What somebody like Colin would say, honestly? Check it out.
Shortnsassy: yeah, normality is such a blurry notion. Then you can have your scalpel ready, my dear. Lucius down the pit!
Jewelkitten: Ta da! Next update is there! Lol, thanks for the encouragements! I like to believe that my writing improves slowly since my first posting. And that my English improves too, lol.
Goldenhorse: The inner Voice? I've come across this title already, I can't remember if I read it, though. Must check that if I've time once.
Rubberduckie713: What took me so long is accurately explained in the bit mess of rambling at the top of the page, lol. Hope you're gonna like this chappie. I've started to read your story, I hope you continue to write it!
Drxd: He he he, you shall see what happens with Colin. I think a duet of ghost pranksters have a soft spot for him..... Damn, I'm giving away my story in advance. Crazy me.
Carshaa: I don't know about Ron's IQ, but I know about his EQ (emotional quotient) It's limited to ground zero. I hope you can forgive me for the delay, I pray that my life comes to a steady rhythm, but DAMN, it never happens.
Disclaimer: I'm not in the mood for a big fight with lawyers and everything, so I'll just admit it plainly: I didn't own HP in chapter 1, I unfortunately still don't own HP. Instead, I now own a laptop called Seamus. Yep, like in Seamus Finnegan! Don't you all love the way he always gets his hair blown up and how freaking insolent he is? *cheeky smile*
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Chapter 18 :
*Blaise's pov* I'm following Pansy in the deserted halls and have tried to jinx her all the way since she left the common room. Weasley must be really brilliant in Charms; it's really a complicated spell. Ah, Pansy disappears in a grey cloud and reappears as a dog. Shit, I'm obviously wrong again.
"Blaise Zabini!" roars a voice behind me. Granger. Almighty Prefect Granger, should I say. This girl truly thinks she stands above all other students since she's a prefect. Great, I'm now in trouble, she's going to take points off, and I don't even understand why, since she despises Parkinson at least as much as me. But naturally, Granger is the teachers' puppet and always follows the rules. I turn around.
"Yes, Granger. May I help you?"
"10 points for having turned a fellow student into a dog," she snaps angrily, her arms crossed on her chest.
"Of course. Have a nice evening," I sneer at her. Tsk tsk tsk, spoiling my fun like this, she should be ashamed.
"Oh, you're not off like that!" she yells at me as I'm leaving. I spin around.
"What now?"
"You turn her back."
I go back to her and stop very close. I'm sure she hates that, it makes her uneasy. For a girl whose two best friends are boys, she's freakily screwed- up. I can see her tense as I lean forward. It amuses me to no end.
"Why don't you turn her back yourself, Granger?" I whisper with a huge smirk plastered on my face. I wink at her and start to laugh manically at Pansy who's scratching her head with her paw. Granger is on the edge of slapping me, it's fun; she's all red with anger and throws lightenings with her eyes. She's kind of cute.
I suddenly stop laughing. Wait a minute? What was my last thought again? I shake my head abruptly; I can't believe I've thought that Granger is cute. I stare at her. She's scolding at me with aggravation and her face is stern. But I can't help to notice how grown-up she is now and how her figure has changed. And she's pretty too. Her brown eyes are now clouded, but I bet they're beautiful the rest of the time. I mentally slap myself. I can't stay here, I never lose my countenance in front of people, and especially girls. I depart and hear her yell at me to stop; I don't.
All evening, all I can think about is her. Damn her. Why would I think about her? Ok, she's pretty, but it shouldn't disturb me like that. I mean, there are plenty of pretty girls in this school, so why does my mind fix on Granger? Pansy enters the room and acts as if nothing had happened. She doesn't know it's me who's on her back all the time and she probably thinks it's some bloody Gryffindor. I'm a bit annoyed. Today brought nothing. I didn't manage to turn Pansy into the magenta duck, and on top of everything, I now have issues over Granger. I really need some sleep.
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*Sophia's pov*
Colin is really angry at me for having left him with Malfoy, but we have another problem to take care of for the moment. It's already been half an hour that we're confronting Ginny in the owlery. I don't speak much for now; I listen intently to Colin who's currently ranting about how much of a freak Malfoy is. Ginny sits carelessly on the floor and looks at Colin with a hint of disgust in her eyes. Somehow, I can tell she doesn't agree with him and I swear it wouldn't surprise me if she knocked him out right on the spot.
"Honestly Gin, nobody normal would do that! You and I wouldn't do it! This bloke is mental. If you knew about that, why did you stay? He might be dangerous, he might hurt you!"
At that, she starts to laugh cynically.
"Oh, so now, everybody's worried for me? Let me laugh, will you? And never call him a freak again, or I might become really furious, and you don't want me to be furious, right?"
Colin squirms under her gaze. I think it's time I help him.
"Ginny, don't be angry with us. You have to admit that what he does is rather scary. Now, why don't you make us understand, huh? Tell us the story, I'm sick of being ignorant, and I'm sick of hearing all these stupid rumours about you."
She sighs and shakes her head.
"I can't. I can't tell you without him agreeing, I have to ask him first."
Of course, I should have known. This is going to be a problem, I don't think he wants us to know, especially "bratty Gryffindors". At the same time, I don't think Ginny wants to tell Colin. He's so thick-headed. She really didn't appreciate the way he talked about Malfoy. I don't think I would have either, if he was talking about my friend. I shut my eyes and again see the images of the blade digging in his arm. I can't help shudder at that, but even if it disgusts me, I don't want to lose Ginny's friendship over this.
Ginny leaves and it's just Colin and me now. He starts to yell at me for having left him with Malfoy. I don't pay attention; it's not my fault if he's such a coward that he's not even able to face Malfoy. When he's finished with his yelling and complaining, there's a silence. Surely, he waits for me to defend myself and such, so he can continue to shout after some stupid excuses. No way I give him this pleasure, I gather my things and head toward the door. I turn my head a bit to see his reaction. His mouth has dropped; I can't help but snort a bit.
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*Draco's pov*
I'm still in the middle of my transfiguration essay. I can't concentrate at all; all I can think about is that prat of Creevey and what he might say to the others. Even if I told him that I didn't care, I do. I know I'm a freak, and I know I'm worthless, that's a point. But being told that I'm a freak by Creevey, that's another. I think I've handled it quite well, but the disgust in his eyes still plagues me. It's the reaction of the majority of people.
I'm interrupted in my dramatic train of thoughts by Ginny who throws her books on the table, making half the library start.
"Nice day?" I start casually with my eyebrow raised. I find it entertaining how irony taints so many of our conversations...
"Terrific. I swear, if Trelawney continues to tell me that my soul is dark, there might soon be another duck to go along with this bitch of Parkinson."
"Then I guess I have little time to find a colour that would suit her..... Let me think.....Does baby pink sound good? It may go with the magenta of Pansy."
"Only if you add big apple green dots."
"I'll try my best."
"Ms Weasley and Mr Malfoy, would you like to shut up please? There are actually people that work because this is called a library. If you want to continue to insult fellow students and plot against teachers, find another place!" snaps Mrs Pince in a snotty voice. I wonder why we don't turn her into a duck too.....
I look around and realise that nearly everybody has their eyes on us. When I meet Creevey's, he suddenly looks away. Good, I scare him. Ginny has some difficulty to hold back her laughter, though. She hides behind her book but I can hear faint snickers and her back is shaking. I bit my lip to avoid laughing too, but it's communicative and I also have to hide behind my book. I guess we look quite ridiculous, both with our heads under our books. Ginny laughs so hard that she falls off her chair. This time, it's too much; I can't hold my laughter back. I don't think I've ever laughed that much. Mrs Pince comes to us with a very stern face and stands in front of us, pretty annoyed.
"You two, OUT!" she yells. I manage to gather my things in a shaky hand and Ginny's too. I pull her to her feet, but she's still laughing so much that she nearly falls again. We run out of the library under the amused stare of the others and the doors haven't even closed yet that we're already roaring with laughter. After a few minutes, we're totally out of breath and finally get a hold on ourselves. Ginny wipes away a tear and starts to breathe deeply with her eyes closed. We get up from where we had collapsed and start to walk aimlessly in the halls.
We've been walking for a while when I feel Ginny's hand in mine. She looks at me nervously.
"Draco, can I tell my friend Sophia about you? She asked me, because she needs to understand why I went with you."
I stop in my tracks. I don't know what to answer, I don't know what to do. Who's Sophia? Can I trust that girl? What is going to happen if she knows? The more people know, the more defenceless I am. I haven't built my walls for nothing. My head spins at all the havoc that could ensue if the whole story came out. They are so many Death Eaters' kids in Slytherin that I would be killed in a bout three seconds and the last thing I want is pity from people who despise me now, it's so hypocritical. I try to shake the fear that invades me, but it's anchored inside my body. I don't think that I'm ready to let other people know. Already too many are aware of the situation.
I stare at Ginny. She is anxious about my reaction. I can tell that she really wants to tell that Sophia girl, and it looks like she trusts her. She sacrificed so much for me, it's my turn to do it for her. She feels so horrible and empty without her friends, so if it can bring them back, I guess I have to allow her to do that. I take a deep breath.
"Ok. But just her. Nobody else. Not your brother, not that moronic Creevey. Nobody," I finally answer in a hesitating voice. In fact, I'm deadly scared of that Sophia. If she can't hold her tongue, if she betrays Ginny, what will happen? I've already too many issues to sort out without having that on top of it.
She smiles at me, it makes me feel better. I wonder how I've gone so far without a single friend. I don't know how I would go on now without her. I smile back.
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It's late in the evening but I can't sleep at all. At this precise time, Ginny is telling Sophia about me. Everything. I feel like the layers that protect me are ripped apart, I feel my walls cracking and breaking. Sophia is slowly clawing her way in and there's nothing I can do to defend myself.
On Ginny's side, there's nervousness and relief at the same time. I wish it was the same for me. I'm more into nervousness and deadly fright. I feel unprotected, I fear an attack. The pain in my stomach calls for the knife. I haven't cut again since my encounter with Creevey. I feel like I should be ashamed of my actions when I'm not. I couldn't cut again after my meeting with Creevey, it was like anytime I was thinking about it, I got his face scolding at me. But tonight is different; tonight, Ginny is changing a lot of things. A single look at the blade makes my doubts disappear, I can't resist.
Soon, the stinging cuts in my forearms calm me. I can hear the snoring of the rest of the dorm and the wind through the windows. I've made a bunch of new cuts, I couldn't help it. They're lining up on my upperwrists like the soldiers defending my walls. They're giving everything they have to shield me. But it's not sufficient, the unknown enemy is still digging through the barricades. I cut again and again. A dozen of gashes now bleed freely to save me. The fight has to continue.
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*Ginny's pov* Sophia listens to me without a word. No interruption, which is quite unusual. At first, I was very anxious, but I've soon realised that I had nothing to lose. If Sophia can't take in what I'm telling her, she's at least promised that she wouldn't tell anybody and she's one to keep her promises.
I tell her everything from the beginning. Well, from my beginning, the day I heard Hannah and Draco talk in the library. Sophia is motionless, she just listens and I'm grateful for that. I'm sure Colin would have already interrupted me ten times by now. Even when I mention the magical bond she says nothing. When I'm finished, I just stare at her while she tries to put everything into order and reflects on the whole.
However, the relief I could have felt is not very important. My nervousness has been replaced by another feeling. I know that specific one, it goes with Draco's self-injury. He's most probably been cutting because he's aware of what I'm doing now and I feel bad for him. I didn't want to make it a nightmare.
I begin to follow the mind bond to try and reach him better, to know if he's ok. It feels like he is, but there's an immense fear wrapping me as soon as I enter his mind. An inner battle is taking place, it's quite scary. I don't know what he's fighting, but it's violent. I feel also something else, deeper, like a fire that eats him, but I've no time to stay, Sophia is shaking me.
"Were you doing that mind bond thing?"
I don't answer, I just start tracing lines with my finger on my forearm. Where I know he's just cut. Sophia watches me with a frown; she's trying to figure out what I'm doing. Suddenly, a hint of contempt flashes through her eyes."
"He's doing it, huh? Self-mutilation."
I nod silently. There's no use in lying, both Draco and I know what people think of it.
"I will never understand it, but I can't blame you for helping him. I'm too much of a coward and wouldn't have done it myself, but you're probably doing the right thing. I hope. Can we be friends again?"
I smile widely at this. Relief washes through me and I try to make it reach Draco so he knows that everything is ok. It seems that things start to go better.
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*Lucius' pov*
I clench Pansy Parkinson's letter furiously. I like this girl, she knows what respect is. Nobody else would have had the bravery to send me such a dreadful letter. Under her appearance of the little brainless whore, there's something of an intelligence.
I reread the letter once, twice. I can't believe it. Not only Draco has revolted against my authority, but he also goes as down as to associate with a Weasley. How dare he? How dare he humiliate our family name like this?
Virginia Weasley will have to die. She should have a long time ago, in the Chamber of Secrets. Yes, I'll kill her, like I did with Narcissa. And when she'll be gone, there will be nothing left to hold Draco's conscience alive. He'll just sink in the depths of despair and anger and that's where I'll pick him up. He'll have no reason to live but he won't kill himself. That's how he'll become dangerous. Our best weapon.
I call on our Master. I hold an enormous respect for him, being in his mere presence sends shivers down my spine. His penetrating voice makes me cold, but I try to keep my countenance.
"What do you want, Malfoy?"
"I just wanted to make you read this letter Pansy Parkinson sent me today, Master. It concerns my son and I think it might interest you." I announce clearly with my head down. Nobody looks at the Master in the eyes, only his victims. I hand him the letter and after having read it, I can hear him laugh.
"Very good, very good. The Weasley girl will have to die, but not now. I want to see how she handles your little wild animal of a son. And it would amuse me to no end to see her turn Parkinson's daughter into a duck again and- Wait, is this girl the same of the Chamber?"
I nod silently, fearing that this fact angers him. But he starts to laugh manically again, even louder than previously.
"Even better! She won't die then. This girl holds a part of me inside her, she'll be powerful. If we can have her too, I think the war will become quite a game. I love society games, don't you?"
I nod and ask for permission to leave, which is given to me instantly. This meeting went better than I thought, but I'm a bit disappointed, I'm not allowed to kill the girl. Maybe I can take revenge on her family? I shake my head at that thought. I have to wait for orders, I don't want to go against my Master's plans. Narcissa belonged to me: I could do whatever I wanted, but it's not the same for the Weasleys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' Bastard!!! No one belongs to you!!! Not Narcissa, not Draco, even your own self is Voldie's!!! DAMN YOU!!! Think of hurting my baby and I swear, unmentionably horrid things will occur that will make even your disgusting skin crawl *deep breaths as everyone stares* Ahem, yes. Great chapter!!! I'm glad Sophia is being understanding. Colin is bugging me, so many people are so ignorant.
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You're finished reading this awesome chapter? *bighead mode* then REVIEW! And brighten my day with any insane comment!
On the replies now!
Sweet-Suicide-41: I'm glad you enjoy it! I hope you reach this chappie once, lol. Anyway, I know about sleepless night in front of the computer... I do that waaaaay too much for the liking of my mom. *innocent smirk directed to mom* Have fun!
Miriam G: don't mind me. I can crawl on my knees if I want! *sticks out tongue at you* Damn, this Is school stuff... you're tutoring me in the subject of insanity. Well, it could be for an English assignment... if teachers had some creativity. *pout* I'm glad you thought the chapter was worth the wait, I hope you say the same about this one *hangs head in shame*. Colin is... well, he becomes annoying in this chapter, but I want him to be for now. Just read on! Wait, you think Blondie is a dangerous psycho? But what the hell are YOU? Did she break her cellphone? Oops, no, you never mentioned that before. You have to stand for Lupin! Lol. Of course he won't allow you to feel sorry for him, he doesn't want pity. Would you want some? Hmmpf, those people who always think that wearing expensive clothes makes them better! What? You gave someone a pig and he thought it was a duck? Care to elaborate, I'm a bit lost here... Tell Lupin that one day, sheeps will rule the world and that he'll be crawling in front of the Sheep Queen (namely you.) Cheers.
SlytherinQueen87: My my my, you're too lazy to sign in. I'm sure you took more time to enter that than to write your name and password, lol. Thanks for the choice of the adjectives! Ooooh, do you mean you're psycho as well????? HURRAH! Welcome to my insane Struggle realm! Care to join the ranks of our army of lunatics? We're plotting the governments downfall to instaure our dictatorship *raises flyswatter* Muahahaha, Draco will never totally turn to be a good guy. I think that abused kids are scarred forever, and it's not something you can forget. Plus, I've to say that I've an obsession going for bad boys, he he he. I know there are some grammar mistakes, sorry, English is not my mothertongue at all. Anyway, maybe if I had paid attention in class. *bangs head* What the hell am I saying? English level here is digging a big hole in the ground. Ah... pov switching. Sorry, I'm not gonna give up on that. I love to write like that, it's like I can enter the characters and it's me speaking through them. Plus, on a technical point of view, I'm not very comfortable with third person narrator. I'm working on it, but I've some difficulty saying what I've got to say. I'm gonna add more Snapey! Don't worry, I love him so much I wouldn't forget him!
Twisted Silver Dagger: I'm normal, you can give me a million of galleons! *innocent smirk* you want to know if one will end up an ally for Ginny. READ ON! Lol. I agree with you, Draco is dragging her down with him and she really needs someone to hold her on the surface. And as Ron is not really helping... What somebody like Colin would say, honestly? Check it out.
Shortnsassy: yeah, normality is such a blurry notion. Then you can have your scalpel ready, my dear. Lucius down the pit!
Jewelkitten: Ta da! Next update is there! Lol, thanks for the encouragements! I like to believe that my writing improves slowly since my first posting. And that my English improves too, lol.
Goldenhorse: The inner Voice? I've come across this title already, I can't remember if I read it, though. Must check that if I've time once.
Rubberduckie713: What took me so long is accurately explained in the bit mess of rambling at the top of the page, lol. Hope you're gonna like this chappie. I've started to read your story, I hope you continue to write it!
Drxd: He he he, you shall see what happens with Colin. I think a duet of ghost pranksters have a soft spot for him..... Damn, I'm giving away my story in advance. Crazy me.
Carshaa: I don't know about Ron's IQ, but I know about his EQ (emotional quotient) It's limited to ground zero. I hope you can forgive me for the delay, I pray that my life comes to a steady rhythm, but DAMN, it never happens.
Disclaimer: I'm not in the mood for a big fight with lawyers and everything, so I'll just admit it plainly: I didn't own HP in chapter 1, I unfortunately still don't own HP. Instead, I now own a laptop called Seamus. Yep, like in Seamus Finnegan! Don't you all love the way he always gets his hair blown up and how freaking insolent he is? *cheeky smile*
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Chapter 18 :
*Blaise's pov* I'm following Pansy in the deserted halls and have tried to jinx her all the way since she left the common room. Weasley must be really brilliant in Charms; it's really a complicated spell. Ah, Pansy disappears in a grey cloud and reappears as a dog. Shit, I'm obviously wrong again.
"Blaise Zabini!" roars a voice behind me. Granger. Almighty Prefect Granger, should I say. This girl truly thinks she stands above all other students since she's a prefect. Great, I'm now in trouble, she's going to take points off, and I don't even understand why, since she despises Parkinson at least as much as me. But naturally, Granger is the teachers' puppet and always follows the rules. I turn around.
"Yes, Granger. May I help you?"
"10 points for having turned a fellow student into a dog," she snaps angrily, her arms crossed on her chest.
"Of course. Have a nice evening," I sneer at her. Tsk tsk tsk, spoiling my fun like this, she should be ashamed.
"Oh, you're not off like that!" she yells at me as I'm leaving. I spin around.
"What now?"
"You turn her back."
I go back to her and stop very close. I'm sure she hates that, it makes her uneasy. For a girl whose two best friends are boys, she's freakily screwed- up. I can see her tense as I lean forward. It amuses me to no end.
"Why don't you turn her back yourself, Granger?" I whisper with a huge smirk plastered on my face. I wink at her and start to laugh manically at Pansy who's scratching her head with her paw. Granger is on the edge of slapping me, it's fun; she's all red with anger and throws lightenings with her eyes. She's kind of cute.
I suddenly stop laughing. Wait a minute? What was my last thought again? I shake my head abruptly; I can't believe I've thought that Granger is cute. I stare at her. She's scolding at me with aggravation and her face is stern. But I can't help to notice how grown-up she is now and how her figure has changed. And she's pretty too. Her brown eyes are now clouded, but I bet they're beautiful the rest of the time. I mentally slap myself. I can't stay here, I never lose my countenance in front of people, and especially girls. I depart and hear her yell at me to stop; I don't.
All evening, all I can think about is her. Damn her. Why would I think about her? Ok, she's pretty, but it shouldn't disturb me like that. I mean, there are plenty of pretty girls in this school, so why does my mind fix on Granger? Pansy enters the room and acts as if nothing had happened. She doesn't know it's me who's on her back all the time and she probably thinks it's some bloody Gryffindor. I'm a bit annoyed. Today brought nothing. I didn't manage to turn Pansy into the magenta duck, and on top of everything, I now have issues over Granger. I really need some sleep.
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*Sophia's pov*
Colin is really angry at me for having left him with Malfoy, but we have another problem to take care of for the moment. It's already been half an hour that we're confronting Ginny in the owlery. I don't speak much for now; I listen intently to Colin who's currently ranting about how much of a freak Malfoy is. Ginny sits carelessly on the floor and looks at Colin with a hint of disgust in her eyes. Somehow, I can tell she doesn't agree with him and I swear it wouldn't surprise me if she knocked him out right on the spot.
"Honestly Gin, nobody normal would do that! You and I wouldn't do it! This bloke is mental. If you knew about that, why did you stay? He might be dangerous, he might hurt you!"
At that, she starts to laugh cynically.
"Oh, so now, everybody's worried for me? Let me laugh, will you? And never call him a freak again, or I might become really furious, and you don't want me to be furious, right?"
Colin squirms under her gaze. I think it's time I help him.
"Ginny, don't be angry with us. You have to admit that what he does is rather scary. Now, why don't you make us understand, huh? Tell us the story, I'm sick of being ignorant, and I'm sick of hearing all these stupid rumours about you."
She sighs and shakes her head.
"I can't. I can't tell you without him agreeing, I have to ask him first."
Of course, I should have known. This is going to be a problem, I don't think he wants us to know, especially "bratty Gryffindors". At the same time, I don't think Ginny wants to tell Colin. He's so thick-headed. She really didn't appreciate the way he talked about Malfoy. I don't think I would have either, if he was talking about my friend. I shut my eyes and again see the images of the blade digging in his arm. I can't help shudder at that, but even if it disgusts me, I don't want to lose Ginny's friendship over this.
Ginny leaves and it's just Colin and me now. He starts to yell at me for having left him with Malfoy. I don't pay attention; it's not my fault if he's such a coward that he's not even able to face Malfoy. When he's finished with his yelling and complaining, there's a silence. Surely, he waits for me to defend myself and such, so he can continue to shout after some stupid excuses. No way I give him this pleasure, I gather my things and head toward the door. I turn my head a bit to see his reaction. His mouth has dropped; I can't help but snort a bit.
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*Draco's pov*
I'm still in the middle of my transfiguration essay. I can't concentrate at all; all I can think about is that prat of Creevey and what he might say to the others. Even if I told him that I didn't care, I do. I know I'm a freak, and I know I'm worthless, that's a point. But being told that I'm a freak by Creevey, that's another. I think I've handled it quite well, but the disgust in his eyes still plagues me. It's the reaction of the majority of people.
I'm interrupted in my dramatic train of thoughts by Ginny who throws her books on the table, making half the library start.
"Nice day?" I start casually with my eyebrow raised. I find it entertaining how irony taints so many of our conversations...
"Terrific. I swear, if Trelawney continues to tell me that my soul is dark, there might soon be another duck to go along with this bitch of Parkinson."
"Then I guess I have little time to find a colour that would suit her..... Let me think.....Does baby pink sound good? It may go with the magenta of Pansy."
"Only if you add big apple green dots."
"I'll try my best."
"Ms Weasley and Mr Malfoy, would you like to shut up please? There are actually people that work because this is called a library. If you want to continue to insult fellow students and plot against teachers, find another place!" snaps Mrs Pince in a snotty voice. I wonder why we don't turn her into a duck too.....
I look around and realise that nearly everybody has their eyes on us. When I meet Creevey's, he suddenly looks away. Good, I scare him. Ginny has some difficulty to hold back her laughter, though. She hides behind her book but I can hear faint snickers and her back is shaking. I bit my lip to avoid laughing too, but it's communicative and I also have to hide behind my book. I guess we look quite ridiculous, both with our heads under our books. Ginny laughs so hard that she falls off her chair. This time, it's too much; I can't hold my laughter back. I don't think I've ever laughed that much. Mrs Pince comes to us with a very stern face and stands in front of us, pretty annoyed.
"You two, OUT!" she yells. I manage to gather my things in a shaky hand and Ginny's too. I pull her to her feet, but she's still laughing so much that she nearly falls again. We run out of the library under the amused stare of the others and the doors haven't even closed yet that we're already roaring with laughter. After a few minutes, we're totally out of breath and finally get a hold on ourselves. Ginny wipes away a tear and starts to breathe deeply with her eyes closed. We get up from where we had collapsed and start to walk aimlessly in the halls.
We've been walking for a while when I feel Ginny's hand in mine. She looks at me nervously.
"Draco, can I tell my friend Sophia about you? She asked me, because she needs to understand why I went with you."
I stop in my tracks. I don't know what to answer, I don't know what to do. Who's Sophia? Can I trust that girl? What is going to happen if she knows? The more people know, the more defenceless I am. I haven't built my walls for nothing. My head spins at all the havoc that could ensue if the whole story came out. They are so many Death Eaters' kids in Slytherin that I would be killed in a bout three seconds and the last thing I want is pity from people who despise me now, it's so hypocritical. I try to shake the fear that invades me, but it's anchored inside my body. I don't think that I'm ready to let other people know. Already too many are aware of the situation.
I stare at Ginny. She is anxious about my reaction. I can tell that she really wants to tell that Sophia girl, and it looks like she trusts her. She sacrificed so much for me, it's my turn to do it for her. She feels so horrible and empty without her friends, so if it can bring them back, I guess I have to allow her to do that. I take a deep breath.
"Ok. But just her. Nobody else. Not your brother, not that moronic Creevey. Nobody," I finally answer in a hesitating voice. In fact, I'm deadly scared of that Sophia. If she can't hold her tongue, if she betrays Ginny, what will happen? I've already too many issues to sort out without having that on top of it.
She smiles at me, it makes me feel better. I wonder how I've gone so far without a single friend. I don't know how I would go on now without her. I smile back.
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It's late in the evening but I can't sleep at all. At this precise time, Ginny is telling Sophia about me. Everything. I feel like the layers that protect me are ripped apart, I feel my walls cracking and breaking. Sophia is slowly clawing her way in and there's nothing I can do to defend myself.
On Ginny's side, there's nervousness and relief at the same time. I wish it was the same for me. I'm more into nervousness and deadly fright. I feel unprotected, I fear an attack. The pain in my stomach calls for the knife. I haven't cut again since my encounter with Creevey. I feel like I should be ashamed of my actions when I'm not. I couldn't cut again after my meeting with Creevey, it was like anytime I was thinking about it, I got his face scolding at me. But tonight is different; tonight, Ginny is changing a lot of things. A single look at the blade makes my doubts disappear, I can't resist.
Soon, the stinging cuts in my forearms calm me. I can hear the snoring of the rest of the dorm and the wind through the windows. I've made a bunch of new cuts, I couldn't help it. They're lining up on my upperwrists like the soldiers defending my walls. They're giving everything they have to shield me. But it's not sufficient, the unknown enemy is still digging through the barricades. I cut again and again. A dozen of gashes now bleed freely to save me. The fight has to continue.
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*Ginny's pov* Sophia listens to me without a word. No interruption, which is quite unusual. At first, I was very anxious, but I've soon realised that I had nothing to lose. If Sophia can't take in what I'm telling her, she's at least promised that she wouldn't tell anybody and she's one to keep her promises.
I tell her everything from the beginning. Well, from my beginning, the day I heard Hannah and Draco talk in the library. Sophia is motionless, she just listens and I'm grateful for that. I'm sure Colin would have already interrupted me ten times by now. Even when I mention the magical bond she says nothing. When I'm finished, I just stare at her while she tries to put everything into order and reflects on the whole.
However, the relief I could have felt is not very important. My nervousness has been replaced by another feeling. I know that specific one, it goes with Draco's self-injury. He's most probably been cutting because he's aware of what I'm doing now and I feel bad for him. I didn't want to make it a nightmare.
I begin to follow the mind bond to try and reach him better, to know if he's ok. It feels like he is, but there's an immense fear wrapping me as soon as I enter his mind. An inner battle is taking place, it's quite scary. I don't know what he's fighting, but it's violent. I feel also something else, deeper, like a fire that eats him, but I've no time to stay, Sophia is shaking me.
"Were you doing that mind bond thing?"
I don't answer, I just start tracing lines with my finger on my forearm. Where I know he's just cut. Sophia watches me with a frown; she's trying to figure out what I'm doing. Suddenly, a hint of contempt flashes through her eyes."
"He's doing it, huh? Self-mutilation."
I nod silently. There's no use in lying, both Draco and I know what people think of it.
"I will never understand it, but I can't blame you for helping him. I'm too much of a coward and wouldn't have done it myself, but you're probably doing the right thing. I hope. Can we be friends again?"
I smile widely at this. Relief washes through me and I try to make it reach Draco so he knows that everything is ok. It seems that things start to go better.
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*Lucius' pov*
I clench Pansy Parkinson's letter furiously. I like this girl, she knows what respect is. Nobody else would have had the bravery to send me such a dreadful letter. Under her appearance of the little brainless whore, there's something of an intelligence.
I reread the letter once, twice. I can't believe it. Not only Draco has revolted against my authority, but he also goes as down as to associate with a Weasley. How dare he? How dare he humiliate our family name like this?
Virginia Weasley will have to die. She should have a long time ago, in the Chamber of Secrets. Yes, I'll kill her, like I did with Narcissa. And when she'll be gone, there will be nothing left to hold Draco's conscience alive. He'll just sink in the depths of despair and anger and that's where I'll pick him up. He'll have no reason to live but he won't kill himself. That's how he'll become dangerous. Our best weapon.
I call on our Master. I hold an enormous respect for him, being in his mere presence sends shivers down my spine. His penetrating voice makes me cold, but I try to keep my countenance.
"What do you want, Malfoy?"
"I just wanted to make you read this letter Pansy Parkinson sent me today, Master. It concerns my son and I think it might interest you." I announce clearly with my head down. Nobody looks at the Master in the eyes, only his victims. I hand him the letter and after having read it, I can hear him laugh.
"Very good, very good. The Weasley girl will have to die, but not now. I want to see how she handles your little wild animal of a son. And it would amuse me to no end to see her turn Parkinson's daughter into a duck again and- Wait, is this girl the same of the Chamber?"
I nod silently, fearing that this fact angers him. But he starts to laugh manically again, even louder than previously.
"Even better! She won't die then. This girl holds a part of me inside her, she'll be powerful. If we can have her too, I think the war will become quite a game. I love society games, don't you?"
I nod and ask for permission to leave, which is given to me instantly. This meeting went better than I thought, but I'm a bit disappointed, I'm not allowed to kill the girl. Maybe I can take revenge on her family? I shake my head at that thought. I have to wait for orders, I don't want to go against my Master's plans. Narcissa belonged to me: I could do whatever I wanted, but it's not the same for the Weasleys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' Bastard!!! No one belongs to you!!! Not Narcissa, not Draco, even your own self is Voldie's!!! DAMN YOU!!! Think of hurting my baby and I swear, unmentionably horrid things will occur that will make even your disgusting skin crawl *deep breaths as everyone stares* Ahem, yes. Great chapter!!! I'm glad Sophia is being understanding. Colin is bugging me, so many people are so ignorant.
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