A/N: Hello everybody! See how this is updated more often? I'm so proud of
myself *wipes tear away*. Ahem, yeah... let's move on now, I don't want to
humiliate myself for too long... but first, I have to comment on the fact
that I saw one of my fav movies yesterday night! The Borrowers! He he he.
And Tom Felton is just so cute in Peagreen's role, he's funny. Ok, this
time, I definitely move on... *nods vigorously*
This chapter is mainly sappy, but I needed sappiness when I wrote it and I wanted things to take another step, he he he. Don't imagine too much, they're definitely not lovers yet. Yet... *innocent smirk*. But they're getting closer *chants*. And on with the replies!
Oops, forgot to tell you: hasn't been beta-read, deal with my apocalyptic way of writing!
Terin: I'm going to finish this... One day. Lol, yes, I'm gonna finish it, but I love to work on it so much that I'm not exactly in a hurry. *sheepish smile* Continue to read and enjoy!
Drxd: I update, see! Of course he's not a freak! Colin is. And Ron too. And Lucius, definitely. But Draco... he's a broken dragon, a fallen angel... and he's my favourite character, so Colin can go down a pit! Muahahahaha.
Jewelkitten: twisted view, yep. Totally. Ron too, by the way. Nearly everybody does. They don't understand and it's not gonna change, at least not immediately. Well, read, rumours can kick pretty hard.
Rubberduckie: you know that you're definitely on the edge of hysterics? Take a deep breath and calm down! Hey! I update, sometimes. *sheepish smile* I will gladly send Colin into a pit, but for now, I wouldn't deprive Hannah from her victim for a prank! Blaise is not stupid... another of my fav characters! Wish he actually WAS in the goddamn canon... I know, I think I would have done a lot worse to that bloody git of Colin, but it's not finished yet... and in next chapter (that I'm currently writing) Ginny will need some help to keep her self-control... Yep. Sure, my English is better than yours... *shakes head disapprovingly.* Happy new year to you too! Well, if you have an idea of prank, you can submit it, I'll see what I can do *innocent smirk*. Nope, sorry to disappoint you, but I rule the world, not you, not the Hannahs. ME *insert manic Voldie-style laugh*
Elessa Morgan: Reviews don't have to be constructive, check the review sections and the long ramblings of certain people. Do you really think it's actually constructive? Review again, I just need that to be in a good mood!
Angelic Fire: he he he, the changing of pov. How many complaints will I receive about it? *grin* I don't care, you still review in chapter 20, so I guess you went through it and are still alive! Fatal twist, yep, that would be the word. Looks can be deceiving, huh? I've always thought that Colin Creevey had a nasty side and I use fanfic to bring it up... I love fanfic. Muahahahaha. Lil romance... LIL? He he he. *chants* maybe... who knows? Oh, right *slaps her forehead* I KNOW! Muahahaha...
Jhaylin: Yep, sorry to burst your bubble but in my fic, Colin Creevey is a weak little bastard who needed something interesting to say to catch a spotlight and gain some consideration from his fellow morons, namely, the Gryffindor house. See, I update! *cheeky smile*
Chazza: Your review made me laugh a lot! Just the comment about Ron and me being blessed by God made me laugh out loud and my mom started to yell at me coz I was again (ok, for the fifth time of the day) on ff.net. Was funny. I keep bloody writing, and well, at least, you review, what can I say? At least, it's clear and I'm updating and already writing next chapter!
Fire'N'Ice: God, finding your way to the review button again? Lol. I missed your reviews. Well, obviously, I have a good grammar since you hardly correct anything. But who knows, maybe it'll improve this summer *hint hint* I really hope I can convince my mom, it's really the BIG step that would make everything work out or fail miserably and no need to tell you that I totally reject solution 2! Yep, personally, I LOVE having replies to my reviews, so I do the same for others! He he he... and NO ONE insults my twin about her beta-reading! *innocent smirk* I'm the only one allowed to do that. Twin privilege, he he he.
Goldenhorse: Hi again! It's been a long time. Well, yes, this review button is lonely! Poor thing, I hope you're gonna use it again! Colin is MORE than arse. ARGH, please, not that! Not PANSY!!!!!! Self-centered bitch! Not you, her! *sheepish smile*
Riye Link/ Reue: I started to write more as soon as I posted the chapter 20, I promise! And I'm posting this now, but I've already started to work on next chapter! Muahahaha, Baby Norbert will burn your sledge hammers before they even touch me! Good dragon, good. *pats his head*
Ravenmist: Well, I'm glad you like it and that my English isn't too bad. Technically, it's supposed to be my 3rd language, cause I live in Switzerland and German comes 2nd, I'm messed up, what can I say? I continue, continue to review!
Citty: Yep, I'm French, I live in this hellhole called Switzerland, my teachers always said that my writing was bad and my English teacher didn't like me and pushed my English top grades down to annoy me. Stupid bastard, I despise him so goddamn much! Lol, I was fed up with fics where Ginny still had no friends after years when I started to write this one. Oh no... don't tell me your another Voldie-poo obsessed weirdo... Well, you'll probably be good friends with Miriam G, she's already planning her wedding with him. Ah, sorry, I just can't imagine anything else than Draco/Ginny, so well, Blaise, as much as I love him, had to be with someone else. And Hermione is good for him, he he he. Two brains together, they should be ok. This is not long enough! *pout* I hope you'll continue to review!
Andrea: You havent' reviewed, I don't think you've ever read past chapter 7, but if you do, I hope you LOVED my replies and chaotic author's notes. *smirk*
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Chapter 21:
*Ginny's pov*
I slowly open the door to Draco's dorm. I'm scared he's not alone, even if it's rather improbable since Slytherin is playing the Quidditch match of today. I'm relieved to see that the room is empty except for him, I really don't know how I would have explained my presence here and I don't need more trouble now.
I move cautiously, I don't want to scare him and he's sleeping. I watch him for minutes, sitting next to his bed. He's got red finger marks around his neck, I can easily imagine what happened to him and shudder at this thought. His arms are bruised and some cuts have reopened. He obviously has received attention, but blood is still seeping from certain deeper wounds.
He's sleeping on his stomach and has no shirt on. I can see the work of his father, I'm on the edge throwing up. Bruises, gashes, bruises and gashes. Tears are welling in my eyes, everything becomes blurry. Soon, the only thing that I distinguish through the water is his silver hair, shining in the sun. I reach for it and softly stroke his head; I trace his features with my finger. I don't understand why his father does that, he should be proud of his son. I soon find myself sobbing, which wakes him up. I collapse next to him.
"Ginny? What are you doing here? How did you come in?" His voice is a raucous whisper, it seems so fragile. I try to calm down a bit, but it's not a real success.
"Snape told me the password. I needed to see you, because-" I trail off. How can I tell him what Colin did? How can I add this to his pain?
"What's the matter? Are you ok?" he asks with evident concern.
I burst in tears again. "No I'm not. God, you scared me so much!"
"I'm sorry," he states sheepishly.
"No, I'm sorry. Look, something happened this morning, and if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I would understand..."
He now looks at me in worry and wonder. I don't know how to start, but I know that I can't avoid that dreadful moment anymore. I take a deep breath and throw everything out.
"Colin told everybody that you cut. The whole school probably knows by now. Oh damn, I'm so sorry, it's my fault, I should have talked with Colin and made him understand, I should have done something about him and the situation, but I just pushed him away because he said that you were a freak and he took it bad and decided to have his revenge on me and on you."
I see him pale a bit, but his grey eyes remain neutral. He's got the same look as Snape, trying to work out the information, slowly understanding what happened and what will the future be. He looks at me softly; there isn't any anger in his gaze, no hatred toward Colin. Just sadness and pain.
"Why did he have to do that? I did nothing to him and I didn't need that on top of it. And please, don't think it's your fault, because he's right about the fact that I'm a freak, I don't deny it." While speaking, he turns his head to the other side to avoid me.
"Draco, don't say that, I forbid you to say such things. Look at me, please." He doesn't answer and curls up in a ball. I want to touch his shoulder to make him turn, but I'm scared of hurting him further. "Draco, please..."
"Leave."
Now this was unexpected. Why does he want me to leave? He said it wasn't my fault, didn't he?
"Why?" I'm not going without an explanation.
"Just leave." His voice quivers a bit, he's not alright at all.
"Answer me and I'll see if I leave. You can't ask me that without any reason."
"All I do is hurt you, and my father knows about you, he's gonna kill you." He stops for a few seconds, as if gathering his courage to pronounce the next words. "You have to go now, our friendship is over, ok?"
"No, not ok. Not at all. Because your bastard of a father is not gonna drive me away and because I won't leave you. And furthermore, we have a magic bond and it can't be broken. What you feel, I know, what you suffer, I take in. It scared me to death for you when I fainted this morning. And till you can say in all honesty that you really want me to leave, I'll stay. And even if you push me away now, I'll stay around. I'm not leaving. Never.
He doesn't reply to this. I don't know what to think. Is he ignoring me? Does he really want me to leave and give up on him? I try to reach his mind but I realise that he's blocking me out, protecting his deep feelings and I can only feel the surface. I'm hurt that he's rejecting me that way, but I can't abandon him now. I need a clear answer.
I stand on my elbow to look at his face and see a tear roll on his cheek. My heart tightens, he was lying. I don't care anymore if I hurt him further, I just want to hug him. I sneak my arm under his body and pull him against me, he's not even heavy.
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*Draco's pov*
I bite my lip as I listen to Ginny. I feel tears prickling my eyes but I don't want to shed them, I don't want to be emotional, emotions hurt. Anyway, I can't hold them back. It hurts even more to think about what can happen to her, it's killing me to imagine what torture Father can inflict on her. She can't know that I'm glad she wants to stay, she has to leave and forget so I block her out of my mind, and it's draining my last strengths.
I feel her arms around my waist and she pulls me to her. Pain shoots through my body and makes tears roll faster, I want to scream as the torn tissues bleed again with the move but as soon as I'm in her arms, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't mind the pain her arms cause when rubbing against the whip wounds or when she presses on my back. In fact, it's a bit like self-injury: I want it, I need it.
I've never been hugged before. Nobody ever cared enough to do that for me. An unfamiliar feeling invades me: human warmth or whatever. I feel strange, but good. Like the ice is melting in the sun, like I don't need to have walls up. Protection is not needed because I'm safe in her arms.
Colin Creevey and his goddamn revenge seem remote and unreal. It doesn't seem to matter, I don't give a damn, the others' judgement can't touch me. I've got Ginny and she's the only one that matters to me.
She begins to stroke my upper-arms in a soothing way. Only now do I realise that I'm still crying silently. Last time I was treated that tenderly seems so far in the past. I remember when I was around four that Mother used to comfort me after Lucius' yelling, but she stopped after a while. I never was able to figure out if she didn't love me anymore or if the bastard had made her understand that she wasn't allowed to be nice to me.
And now, she's dead. These words don't look that terrible, I don't understand the implication in them. I'm only at home during the holidays so my life hasn't really changed yet. Dead. I can't cram it in my head, I can't imagine that I'm going to be alone with Lucius from now on. I quickly push these thoughts away: I don't want to think about that, not now.
I try to think about something else, but of course, it stays in the field of the death. Hannah has left this world too, but I don't have any difficulty to process that in my mind. The images will be anchored in my memory forever. Hannah is dead, Ginny is in danger and hurt and I'm the cause of all this. I can't stand it anymore, I'm sick of being the messenger of Suffering and Death.
Lucius' words still echo in my head. He's right, I do belong to the dark, but not his. I don't understand why he wants me back, he never wanted me before. He says I'm worthless and useless, that I'm a failure and good for nothing. Still, he wants me back. Is it because he can't admit that I was able to turn my back to him? Is it for his damn pride or something else?
I tense as another thought follows these ones. Voldemort. What if it's Voldemort who wants me for one of his sick little plots? I shudder, this would be worse than everything else: Voldemort has the brains to go along with his wickedness, he's not like my father. If it's him, we have no chance to survive. Neither me, neither Ginny. Hannah's death images scream again in my head, Lucius' voice echoes behind them, Voldemort's manic laughter that haunted my dreams since I was six comes back. I think I'm going mad with panick.
I sense Ginny through the mind bond. She's in my mind, I know it. Wandering and looking at the things haunting it. I mentally cling to that straw of sanity in the chaos my soul is, I concentrate on that and it makes the rest fade a bit. But it's still there, it's like an undying fire.
Suddenly, the fire gets up again, stronger. Voices scream in my head, I can hear my mother being hit by Lucius, my father insulting me, Voldemort punishing the other Death Eaters. Creevey yells that I'm a freak, he laughs. My fellow Slytherin are glaring at me. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I cough, my lungs are burning, my wounds bleed again, I feel like dying.
Ginny recedes, she's running away. I wish I could run with her, I want to get out, but I'm trapped. I'm hyperventilating, I'm sobbing and I don't control my mind anymore, everything seems to spin around. And suddenly, Ginny is back in my mind, stronger and brighter. She makes the dark chaos diminish, she kills my pain and fights against the voices.
I progressively calm down, I feel safe again. I don't understand what this was, I shudder when I think back on it. Ginny is still holding me, tighter than before. Her soft cheek rests against my bruised neck and her steady breathing lulls me to sleep. Anything to forget about reality.
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*Ron's pov*
The Quidditch match calmed me down a bit. For someone who's supposed not to give a damn about her, I react quite harshly. Whatever, if I cross Malfoy's path, he's gonna suffer. Oh yes. Slytherin won the match and we're heading back to the castle, unhappy and disappointed in Ravenclaw. I shuffle my feet as I walk, trying to make as much noise as possible. I kick the gravels violently and hear Hermione yell at me.
"For God's sake Ron! Stop that, you're putting gravel in my shoes, I'm so gonna kill you!"
I stop and lean toward her. "Don't waste your energy on me, we've got Malfoy to take care of. Oh no, sorry, I forgot that you called a truce with that bastard... And freak."
I start to walk away but she catches up with me and spins me around. "Don't act that stupidly! You should go and talk with Ginny, ok?"
TALK WITH GINNY? But what is she thinking about? I don't want to talk with Ginny, we've got nothing to say to the other. She went with the enemy, who appears to also be abnormal and she doesn't admit her error, period. I don't want to hear some bloody nonsense explanations.
I don't reply to Herrmione's statement, it doesn't even deserve my attention. I leave both her and Harry behind and start to roam in the deserted halls. People have gone back to their common rooms where they're warm. I stay here, in the cold. I'm so furious that I don't even feel my fingers freeze. I've been walking for half an hour, still followed by Harry when I spot them. Ginny, with Malfoy. They're walking slowly ahead of me and this sight drives me even crazier. I wasn't joking when I said I would hit him if I came across that bastard.
I quicken my pace and catch up with them. They're talking and don't hear me coming so I push Malfoy to the ground with all my strength. I hear Harry run and yell at me to stop, I feel Ginny grab my robes to get me away from Malfoy but I don't even bother. I easily throw her away and launch myself at Malfoy who's still on the floor.
He doesn't fight a lot, like he's got no strength anymore, but only struggles weakly. I immobilize him and pull his sleeves up. I need to see what Colin told me about, I want to realise things by myself. My abrupt gestures have opened some of his cuts and I've got his blood on my hands. I feel dirty, I'm disgusted. I hold his wrists with one hand and slap him with the other.
I slap him again and open his lip. I punch him in the stomach and let go of him. He's still sprawled on the stone floor and he's coughing. Harry grabs my arm and leads me away, I can see in his eyes that he's angry. I look back at Malfoy and meet Ginny's eyes. Her gaze is charged with hatred, I know that I'm on for the three weeks of detention with Snape. Shit.
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If you want to express your disappointment in Ron, your hatred for Colin, your opinion on Draco and Ginny, anything... I GLADLY read you reviews, I happily reply, and work harder on next chapter! See ya.
This chapter is mainly sappy, but I needed sappiness when I wrote it and I wanted things to take another step, he he he. Don't imagine too much, they're definitely not lovers yet. Yet... *innocent smirk*. But they're getting closer *chants*. And on with the replies!
Oops, forgot to tell you: hasn't been beta-read, deal with my apocalyptic way of writing!
Terin: I'm going to finish this... One day. Lol, yes, I'm gonna finish it, but I love to work on it so much that I'm not exactly in a hurry. *sheepish smile* Continue to read and enjoy!
Drxd: I update, see! Of course he's not a freak! Colin is. And Ron too. And Lucius, definitely. But Draco... he's a broken dragon, a fallen angel... and he's my favourite character, so Colin can go down a pit! Muahahahaha.
Jewelkitten: twisted view, yep. Totally. Ron too, by the way. Nearly everybody does. They don't understand and it's not gonna change, at least not immediately. Well, read, rumours can kick pretty hard.
Rubberduckie: you know that you're definitely on the edge of hysterics? Take a deep breath and calm down! Hey! I update, sometimes. *sheepish smile* I will gladly send Colin into a pit, but for now, I wouldn't deprive Hannah from her victim for a prank! Blaise is not stupid... another of my fav characters! Wish he actually WAS in the goddamn canon... I know, I think I would have done a lot worse to that bloody git of Colin, but it's not finished yet... and in next chapter (that I'm currently writing) Ginny will need some help to keep her self-control... Yep. Sure, my English is better than yours... *shakes head disapprovingly.* Happy new year to you too! Well, if you have an idea of prank, you can submit it, I'll see what I can do *innocent smirk*. Nope, sorry to disappoint you, but I rule the world, not you, not the Hannahs. ME *insert manic Voldie-style laugh*
Elessa Morgan: Reviews don't have to be constructive, check the review sections and the long ramblings of certain people. Do you really think it's actually constructive? Review again, I just need that to be in a good mood!
Angelic Fire: he he he, the changing of pov. How many complaints will I receive about it? *grin* I don't care, you still review in chapter 20, so I guess you went through it and are still alive! Fatal twist, yep, that would be the word. Looks can be deceiving, huh? I've always thought that Colin Creevey had a nasty side and I use fanfic to bring it up... I love fanfic. Muahahahaha. Lil romance... LIL? He he he. *chants* maybe... who knows? Oh, right *slaps her forehead* I KNOW! Muahahaha...
Jhaylin: Yep, sorry to burst your bubble but in my fic, Colin Creevey is a weak little bastard who needed something interesting to say to catch a spotlight and gain some consideration from his fellow morons, namely, the Gryffindor house. See, I update! *cheeky smile*
Chazza: Your review made me laugh a lot! Just the comment about Ron and me being blessed by God made me laugh out loud and my mom started to yell at me coz I was again (ok, for the fifth time of the day) on ff.net. Was funny. I keep bloody writing, and well, at least, you review, what can I say? At least, it's clear and I'm updating and already writing next chapter!
Fire'N'Ice: God, finding your way to the review button again? Lol. I missed your reviews. Well, obviously, I have a good grammar since you hardly correct anything. But who knows, maybe it'll improve this summer *hint hint* I really hope I can convince my mom, it's really the BIG step that would make everything work out or fail miserably and no need to tell you that I totally reject solution 2! Yep, personally, I LOVE having replies to my reviews, so I do the same for others! He he he... and NO ONE insults my twin about her beta-reading! *innocent smirk* I'm the only one allowed to do that. Twin privilege, he he he.
Goldenhorse: Hi again! It's been a long time. Well, yes, this review button is lonely! Poor thing, I hope you're gonna use it again! Colin is MORE than arse. ARGH, please, not that! Not PANSY!!!!!! Self-centered bitch! Not you, her! *sheepish smile*
Riye Link/ Reue: I started to write more as soon as I posted the chapter 20, I promise! And I'm posting this now, but I've already started to work on next chapter! Muahahaha, Baby Norbert will burn your sledge hammers before they even touch me! Good dragon, good. *pats his head*
Ravenmist: Well, I'm glad you like it and that my English isn't too bad. Technically, it's supposed to be my 3rd language, cause I live in Switzerland and German comes 2nd, I'm messed up, what can I say? I continue, continue to review!
Citty: Yep, I'm French, I live in this hellhole called Switzerland, my teachers always said that my writing was bad and my English teacher didn't like me and pushed my English top grades down to annoy me. Stupid bastard, I despise him so goddamn much! Lol, I was fed up with fics where Ginny still had no friends after years when I started to write this one. Oh no... don't tell me your another Voldie-poo obsessed weirdo... Well, you'll probably be good friends with Miriam G, she's already planning her wedding with him. Ah, sorry, I just can't imagine anything else than Draco/Ginny, so well, Blaise, as much as I love him, had to be with someone else. And Hermione is good for him, he he he. Two brains together, they should be ok. This is not long enough! *pout* I hope you'll continue to review!
Andrea: You havent' reviewed, I don't think you've ever read past chapter 7, but if you do, I hope you LOVED my replies and chaotic author's notes. *smirk*
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Chapter 21:
*Ginny's pov*
I slowly open the door to Draco's dorm. I'm scared he's not alone, even if it's rather improbable since Slytherin is playing the Quidditch match of today. I'm relieved to see that the room is empty except for him, I really don't know how I would have explained my presence here and I don't need more trouble now.
I move cautiously, I don't want to scare him and he's sleeping. I watch him for minutes, sitting next to his bed. He's got red finger marks around his neck, I can easily imagine what happened to him and shudder at this thought. His arms are bruised and some cuts have reopened. He obviously has received attention, but blood is still seeping from certain deeper wounds.
He's sleeping on his stomach and has no shirt on. I can see the work of his father, I'm on the edge throwing up. Bruises, gashes, bruises and gashes. Tears are welling in my eyes, everything becomes blurry. Soon, the only thing that I distinguish through the water is his silver hair, shining in the sun. I reach for it and softly stroke his head; I trace his features with my finger. I don't understand why his father does that, he should be proud of his son. I soon find myself sobbing, which wakes him up. I collapse next to him.
"Ginny? What are you doing here? How did you come in?" His voice is a raucous whisper, it seems so fragile. I try to calm down a bit, but it's not a real success.
"Snape told me the password. I needed to see you, because-" I trail off. How can I tell him what Colin did? How can I add this to his pain?
"What's the matter? Are you ok?" he asks with evident concern.
I burst in tears again. "No I'm not. God, you scared me so much!"
"I'm sorry," he states sheepishly.
"No, I'm sorry. Look, something happened this morning, and if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I would understand..."
He now looks at me in worry and wonder. I don't know how to start, but I know that I can't avoid that dreadful moment anymore. I take a deep breath and throw everything out.
"Colin told everybody that you cut. The whole school probably knows by now. Oh damn, I'm so sorry, it's my fault, I should have talked with Colin and made him understand, I should have done something about him and the situation, but I just pushed him away because he said that you were a freak and he took it bad and decided to have his revenge on me and on you."
I see him pale a bit, but his grey eyes remain neutral. He's got the same look as Snape, trying to work out the information, slowly understanding what happened and what will the future be. He looks at me softly; there isn't any anger in his gaze, no hatred toward Colin. Just sadness and pain.
"Why did he have to do that? I did nothing to him and I didn't need that on top of it. And please, don't think it's your fault, because he's right about the fact that I'm a freak, I don't deny it." While speaking, he turns his head to the other side to avoid me.
"Draco, don't say that, I forbid you to say such things. Look at me, please." He doesn't answer and curls up in a ball. I want to touch his shoulder to make him turn, but I'm scared of hurting him further. "Draco, please..."
"Leave."
Now this was unexpected. Why does he want me to leave? He said it wasn't my fault, didn't he?
"Why?" I'm not going without an explanation.
"Just leave." His voice quivers a bit, he's not alright at all.
"Answer me and I'll see if I leave. You can't ask me that without any reason."
"All I do is hurt you, and my father knows about you, he's gonna kill you." He stops for a few seconds, as if gathering his courage to pronounce the next words. "You have to go now, our friendship is over, ok?"
"No, not ok. Not at all. Because your bastard of a father is not gonna drive me away and because I won't leave you. And furthermore, we have a magic bond and it can't be broken. What you feel, I know, what you suffer, I take in. It scared me to death for you when I fainted this morning. And till you can say in all honesty that you really want me to leave, I'll stay. And even if you push me away now, I'll stay around. I'm not leaving. Never.
He doesn't reply to this. I don't know what to think. Is he ignoring me? Does he really want me to leave and give up on him? I try to reach his mind but I realise that he's blocking me out, protecting his deep feelings and I can only feel the surface. I'm hurt that he's rejecting me that way, but I can't abandon him now. I need a clear answer.
I stand on my elbow to look at his face and see a tear roll on his cheek. My heart tightens, he was lying. I don't care anymore if I hurt him further, I just want to hug him. I sneak my arm under his body and pull him against me, he's not even heavy.
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*Draco's pov*
I bite my lip as I listen to Ginny. I feel tears prickling my eyes but I don't want to shed them, I don't want to be emotional, emotions hurt. Anyway, I can't hold them back. It hurts even more to think about what can happen to her, it's killing me to imagine what torture Father can inflict on her. She can't know that I'm glad she wants to stay, she has to leave and forget so I block her out of my mind, and it's draining my last strengths.
I feel her arms around my waist and she pulls me to her. Pain shoots through my body and makes tears roll faster, I want to scream as the torn tissues bleed again with the move but as soon as I'm in her arms, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't mind the pain her arms cause when rubbing against the whip wounds or when she presses on my back. In fact, it's a bit like self-injury: I want it, I need it.
I've never been hugged before. Nobody ever cared enough to do that for me. An unfamiliar feeling invades me: human warmth or whatever. I feel strange, but good. Like the ice is melting in the sun, like I don't need to have walls up. Protection is not needed because I'm safe in her arms.
Colin Creevey and his goddamn revenge seem remote and unreal. It doesn't seem to matter, I don't give a damn, the others' judgement can't touch me. I've got Ginny and she's the only one that matters to me.
She begins to stroke my upper-arms in a soothing way. Only now do I realise that I'm still crying silently. Last time I was treated that tenderly seems so far in the past. I remember when I was around four that Mother used to comfort me after Lucius' yelling, but she stopped after a while. I never was able to figure out if she didn't love me anymore or if the bastard had made her understand that she wasn't allowed to be nice to me.
And now, she's dead. These words don't look that terrible, I don't understand the implication in them. I'm only at home during the holidays so my life hasn't really changed yet. Dead. I can't cram it in my head, I can't imagine that I'm going to be alone with Lucius from now on. I quickly push these thoughts away: I don't want to think about that, not now.
I try to think about something else, but of course, it stays in the field of the death. Hannah has left this world too, but I don't have any difficulty to process that in my mind. The images will be anchored in my memory forever. Hannah is dead, Ginny is in danger and hurt and I'm the cause of all this. I can't stand it anymore, I'm sick of being the messenger of Suffering and Death.
Lucius' words still echo in my head. He's right, I do belong to the dark, but not his. I don't understand why he wants me back, he never wanted me before. He says I'm worthless and useless, that I'm a failure and good for nothing. Still, he wants me back. Is it because he can't admit that I was able to turn my back to him? Is it for his damn pride or something else?
I tense as another thought follows these ones. Voldemort. What if it's Voldemort who wants me for one of his sick little plots? I shudder, this would be worse than everything else: Voldemort has the brains to go along with his wickedness, he's not like my father. If it's him, we have no chance to survive. Neither me, neither Ginny. Hannah's death images scream again in my head, Lucius' voice echoes behind them, Voldemort's manic laughter that haunted my dreams since I was six comes back. I think I'm going mad with panick.
I sense Ginny through the mind bond. She's in my mind, I know it. Wandering and looking at the things haunting it. I mentally cling to that straw of sanity in the chaos my soul is, I concentrate on that and it makes the rest fade a bit. But it's still there, it's like an undying fire.
Suddenly, the fire gets up again, stronger. Voices scream in my head, I can hear my mother being hit by Lucius, my father insulting me, Voldemort punishing the other Death Eaters. Creevey yells that I'm a freak, he laughs. My fellow Slytherin are glaring at me. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I cough, my lungs are burning, my wounds bleed again, I feel like dying.
Ginny recedes, she's running away. I wish I could run with her, I want to get out, but I'm trapped. I'm hyperventilating, I'm sobbing and I don't control my mind anymore, everything seems to spin around. And suddenly, Ginny is back in my mind, stronger and brighter. She makes the dark chaos diminish, she kills my pain and fights against the voices.
I progressively calm down, I feel safe again. I don't understand what this was, I shudder when I think back on it. Ginny is still holding me, tighter than before. Her soft cheek rests against my bruised neck and her steady breathing lulls me to sleep. Anything to forget about reality.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*Ron's pov*
The Quidditch match calmed me down a bit. For someone who's supposed not to give a damn about her, I react quite harshly. Whatever, if I cross Malfoy's path, he's gonna suffer. Oh yes. Slytherin won the match and we're heading back to the castle, unhappy and disappointed in Ravenclaw. I shuffle my feet as I walk, trying to make as much noise as possible. I kick the gravels violently and hear Hermione yell at me.
"For God's sake Ron! Stop that, you're putting gravel in my shoes, I'm so gonna kill you!"
I stop and lean toward her. "Don't waste your energy on me, we've got Malfoy to take care of. Oh no, sorry, I forgot that you called a truce with that bastard... And freak."
I start to walk away but she catches up with me and spins me around. "Don't act that stupidly! You should go and talk with Ginny, ok?"
TALK WITH GINNY? But what is she thinking about? I don't want to talk with Ginny, we've got nothing to say to the other. She went with the enemy, who appears to also be abnormal and she doesn't admit her error, period. I don't want to hear some bloody nonsense explanations.
I don't reply to Herrmione's statement, it doesn't even deserve my attention. I leave both her and Harry behind and start to roam in the deserted halls. People have gone back to their common rooms where they're warm. I stay here, in the cold. I'm so furious that I don't even feel my fingers freeze. I've been walking for half an hour, still followed by Harry when I spot them. Ginny, with Malfoy. They're walking slowly ahead of me and this sight drives me even crazier. I wasn't joking when I said I would hit him if I came across that bastard.
I quicken my pace and catch up with them. They're talking and don't hear me coming so I push Malfoy to the ground with all my strength. I hear Harry run and yell at me to stop, I feel Ginny grab my robes to get me away from Malfoy but I don't even bother. I easily throw her away and launch myself at Malfoy who's still on the floor.
He doesn't fight a lot, like he's got no strength anymore, but only struggles weakly. I immobilize him and pull his sleeves up. I need to see what Colin told me about, I want to realise things by myself. My abrupt gestures have opened some of his cuts and I've got his blood on my hands. I feel dirty, I'm disgusted. I hold his wrists with one hand and slap him with the other.
I slap him again and open his lip. I punch him in the stomach and let go of him. He's still sprawled on the stone floor and he's coughing. Harry grabs my arm and leads me away, I can see in his eyes that he's angry. I look back at Malfoy and meet Ginny's eyes. Her gaze is charged with hatred, I know that I'm on for the three weeks of detention with Snape. Shit.
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If you want to express your disappointment in Ron, your hatred for Colin, your opinion on Draco and Ginny, anything... I GLADLY read you reviews, I happily reply, and work harder on next chapter! See ya.