A/N: I'm really really sorry for the delay guys! I was mainly over at
fictionpress, and my life was a bit hectic lately. Plus, I was on holidays
and blah blah blah... yeah, really sorry again, I hope this chapter makes it
up a bit for my screwiness... *sheepish smile* Oh, and it hasn't been beta
read, cuz I had no time to send it to Fire'N'Ice, I really wanted this to
be posted before you all kill me, lol.
???: since you're still here... I guess you earned your place among the other
reviewers, reply down there. Apology accepted, but yeah, you're really a
bitch.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::
Chapter 26:
*Draco's pov*
I've blacked out and now I wake up. Why? The nightmare begins again, the pain and the feeling of cold blood wrapping me. I didn't really want to wake up again, but I never have it easy, do I?
My mind is a chaos, dark and scary. Sad thoughts blend with blood-stained memories, I'm swallowed up in my pain, the violence of my emotions just gives me a fucking headache. And in a corner, there's a shimmering light. Ginny. I hope she's alright, she can't die with me, I forbid it. Small, fragile, hurt. Hurt. What happened again? Did she collapse? Did she suffer like me? I pray she didn't, it's an unbearable thought.
But on another side, it means they know. They all know I'm in trouble. Will someone come for me? I don't know who would be mad enough to enter this place but I want to believe that someone would.
Hope reappears. A notion that had left me ever since I had this nice conversation with Fudge. I have to hold on. I've waken when I could have simply drifted into death so I assume it's not for nothing, right? Would Fate be cruel enough to wake me up and torture me a bit more so I can die more miserable afterwards?
I struggle to open my eyelids, I have to stay awake, to be ready for Daddy Dear's return. I can't afford to pass out again, I have to fight, I have to. I look around the room but I see nothing in the dark. The cold wooden floor is covered with blood, it looks like a black pool.
I'm afraid to move, scared it might make my wounds bleed a lot more than they already do. I look at my wrists, now the blood flows very slowly from the excruciatingly deep gashes but I'm relieved: it seems Father didn't cut deep enough to make me bleed to death, I'm fucking lucky again.
My mind roams through memories and thoughts all it wants. I let it do so, it keeps me conscious, numbs the pain needling my body, makes me forget about my burning lungs and broken bones. Rather ironical that for once, I yearn for the emotional pain to take over the physical one.
Yet, I'm amazed I'm so calm; it's like I truly don't give a damn anymore. My fate is quite simple, and totally out of my hands: I die in my father's hands next time we play the game, or someone finds me in time and I live, so where's the problem? All I can do is wait. Wait till...
Damn, till I hear footsteps coming in this direction. They're slow, it's torturing, I can feel my organs twist with fear. Is it my father, walking peacefully, savouring his power, the anticipation? Or is it my saviour, walking carefully, unknown to my executioner?
I drain my last strengths and force my body to curl up in case fancy combat boots appear in the doorway, accompanied by a manic laughter. My head spins as needles pick at my flesh, my breath is trapped in the blood filling my mouth.
The wooden door opens silently, my wet eyes meet black ones. They hold things in them that I sure never saw in my father eyes. The emotions in them resemble a bit to Ginny's but not exactly. Relief washes through me as I shed my tears and hear myself whisper thanks to whoever sent this person.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*Ron's pov*
I'm sitting next to Ginny's bed and reading a book, it's nearly midnight. She sleeps peacefully, or so I hope. What happened tonight shook me like hell. It forcefully pushed our argument in the background in front of this suffering, so now I'm here.
I can't help my eyes look at the bandage on her arm. Where she cut herself. She looked so hopeless, so desperate, like she had no other way out, that it gave me courage to open Mrs Pomfrey's book. That's what I'm reading now, cautiously, feeling like an intruder in some underground world.
I just thought that Malfoy was a freak to do it. Now I know I was wrong. The causes are multiple, as said Mrs Pomfrey; the history can be so twisted that it's nearly impossible to follow its course. It's no free and sheer masochism and I understand that now.
Their friendship disturbs me and the fact that they, for some reason, share a mind bond was just the top of the pyramid; but now, at least, I know that he's not playing with her and as amazing as it can sound, I think he's actually sincere.
But it also means that whatever is happening, he's in trouble. I don't really give a damn about him, I hate him, but there's Ginny. How does it affect her? What can happen to her if something happens to him? These questions haunt me and their answers scare the hell out of me.
Ginny rolls on her back and her eyes shoot open. I can see pain so I rush to her side, scared that she hurts. I wonder how I could have been such an ass for weeks and months, I can't believe I've thought and said things like I did. God, will she ever forgive me for what I've done?
"Ron? What are you doing here? What time is it? I don't remember!"
She frantically looks around, sitting with her body entangled in sheets and blankets. Then her eyes fall on her bandaged arm and something appears in her eyes. Recollection, horror, panic. Tears well in her eyes so quickly I hardly realize when she starts to cry, I don't know what to do, I'm not sure she wants me to do anything, by the way... Then she falls back down on her bed and curls up in a ball. I can hear her whimper, hear her damn herself for what she did. I try to put my hand on her shoulder but she pushes me away, I expected something like that.
"Please, Ron. Leave me, just leave me alone, please."
I lay my book on the chair next to her and sigh. I'm reluctant to go downstairs, to leave her here alone, crying her heart out and aching that way. But I know I can't do anything for her now, only he can. I close her door behind me and lean my forehead on the brick wall. I pray Snape finds Malfoy in time, because if he doesn't I really don't know how she'll go on...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*Snape's pov*
I've searched the dungeons from corner one to corner 1003 and there's no trace of Draco. I know Lucius is fond of dungeons so I wonder where the boy can be... I'm just scared I arrive too late, things seemed a bit screwed up.
I silently run through the manor, opening every single door, closet or trunk on my way, I just can't find him. My blood freezes a bit more each second. Time is flying away from him, I know I've got to get to him now, I know I couldn't bear the thought of him dying. He's one of my students, he's my godson, he's... like my son.
The late realization of my feelings only adds pressure on me, I want to find him at all costs, even if I have to burn down this place, even if I have to torture Lucius, even if I have to be sent to Azkhaban afterwards. I would do anything to save him.
I finally remember where his room is and sprint there. I stop running from the end of the hall, scared that Lucius might still be around, waiting for a second entertainment session. And here I finally open the door with trembling hands, to be met with the most terrifying sight I've ever seen.
He's convulsing, shivering. There's blood everywhere, all around him, all on him, my heart is about to explode as I kneel in front of him. He sees me and starts to cry, it tears me apart. I don't have much time so I just cradle him in my arms and start to run again to get away from hell and floo back to the Burrow.
I'm relieved to see Poppy ready when I step back in The Burrow. I know he's in good hands and I merely collapse on a nearby chair. The whole house is silent though everybody watches Poppy. The only sound is her cracked voice, listing his injuries to her magic board that writes everything down. I feel sicker and sicker as the list expands.
I bend down and rub my face with my bloodied and trembling hands. The list goes on and on, from the slightest bruise to the worst internal damage you could have nightmares of. Poppy also lists ancient scars for the medical record... her wand runs over them and tells her what she needs to know, like their age. 15 years old. My body stiffens at that number. Draco is hardly 17, it's impossible, it can't be, it didn't pass unnoticed to me for so long time! I try to deny the truth, but I know it's there, nagging me: I was there, I was the only one who could have done something and I miserably failed, saw nothing.
A lone tear finds its way down my cheek, hidden behind my hands. First time I cry in years.
I whip it away discreetly and look at Draco. His eyes are glazed over, he's hardly conscious but I feel his silver eyes bore into mine. So much like Lucius' and still so very different. But nobody ever saw the tiniest happy glint in them. Just Ginny. For the first time, I'm truly happy she's there for him.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*Ginny's pov*
I'm still curled up on my bed, expressionless. Ron left, but I know he hesitated, the old Ron would have, and it was him that I found next to me this morning. I don't have the courage to get up. My body is sore, all my muscles ache, but that's not the real problem.
I can't face them anymore. What I did, what they saw, it changed things forever. Like after the Chamber of Secrets, I know they'll treat me differently, though they will hope I won't see it. But I know, I know what they'll think.
The omnipresent disappointment in their eyes, the disgust my gesture brought to me. And Draco... Oh, God, Draco. I can feel he's still there, destroyed and damaged, but with a hint of peace in his head which tells me he's safe, somewhere.
But he'll blame himself, that's for sure. He'll dwell on the fact it's because of him and he won't let go of his culpability. It'll haunt him, hurt him, he'll drown himself in remorse and it'll just fuck him further up.
He won't listen to me when I'll say it's my fault. I knew all this was going to happen, it was bound to. But I couldn't' stay strong enough, I failed to stand up and give him comfort. I just wallowed selfishly in my pain when he was going through a hundred times worse and now, it'll make him suffer.
I lift my arm and look at the bandage. There's a spot of blood on it, I slowly take the gauze off. Under the pure white tissue, they stand out screaming, the bright marks of my failure. Four long and thin scabs running across my arm. Lined up like the soldiers of a firing-squad. They shoot, laugh, throw my pride in a puddle of mud as a sob shakes my shoulders.
I hear their voices "you don't deserve to be anyone's friend" "you're weak" "failure" "you should die". The worst is Tom's laughter in the background, he knows he made new allies in them. And I know he can take over Draco in my head if he manages to do something with them.
This shakes me. I can't avoid Draco, and I can't avoid my family. It's too late, I've got to deal with the consequences and go on. Go on and fight against Tom and his newfound army. I'm still afraid, I still doubt about myself, but I can't stay that way. I slowly stretch my body and gingerly get up. Dizziness takes over but my blurry eyesight doesn't stay out of focus and I find myself walking to the door. Praying I'm ready to face the battle.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::..
And now that you had your fill of angst... on the replies!
Feline: whoa, you were really desperate! Two reviews! Thanks, I hope this makes you wait till next chapter! See, Draco is not totally saved, but I haven't killed him!
Rubberduckie: I wrote you an email! And you didn't reply... *pout* you mentioned shit with your computer, maybe it's the reason... but I hope I'll hear from you soon! Hannah power? I don't think so... look at the havoc both of you would create... the world is safer in my hands... *evil grin*
XxDrAcOs-XO-AnGeLxX143: *sigh* do you want to know how long I took to write your name? lol. thanks, your lack of speech means a lot... I hope you come back to read more. I'm somebody twisted, lol.
Fantine2: well, welcome back! I hope you enjoyed the full story... yeah, it's like when you flip the pages to the end when buying a book. I do that all the time but I try to stop, in a way, it spoils the book. Raving lunatic is an understatement when it comes to describe Lucius' precarious mental state, but I agree, lol.
RogueBHS: Lol, if you continue, your roasting pit will be overbooked... I do realize I can improve a lot of things about my writing... I'm working on it. I didn't take it seriously about the "bad author" thing. But I couldn't let pass the comment about self-injury and the comment about reviews... thanks for the compliments, I'm quite amazed with the number of reviews. Right... Potter and Malfoy bonding... would be interesting to work on.
Viraten: glad to see you're sensitive enough to post a review, lol. I will keep writing it, I'd never give up on this story.
Sweetflame: I hope you're still alive, my point isn't to kill reviewers with my late updates *sheepish smile* I cry all the time reading story, but I've got to admit I manage to make myself cry when writing this... I'm pathetic, lol
Jewelkitten: Yeah, I had a huge smirk when thinking about Snapeypoo bonding with the melodramatic Weasley clan...
Sazzy7: OMG, you're crazy! You read it in one sitting, and you're still not stuffed enough to give me such an awesome review? Welcome to the realm of Struggle, I hope you continue to read and enjoy. Lol, I know I know, fluff is coming, it's coming... not in this chapter (only for Snape, a bit) but next one, definitely... No, I can't write you in the story but I offer you Lucius when I'm done... *looks evilly at him tied in a corner*
Fire'N'Ice: Lol, I can't believe you still take time to review when you ramble so much about the story in emails... Yep, a very dirty lie, but you knew it, he he. I know, very very odd... I wasn't expecting this either. I know, it's unfair, we should have a cutting patch, would help damn much *sad smile* if you read my email, I guess you already know how well I'm acting right now... Who would guess things are hell when you read these replies? *hug* but we've gotta be strong!
Tainted-Eve: Well... I think in this chapter, Ginny answers your question. I once told a friend I cut myself and she started it. I thought guilt was gonna crush me. I guess I'm gonna use it for Draco's pov... Oh... he will... when I'm done with the story, I offer Lucius to you reviewers and you can torture him all you want... Enjoy, lol.
Shadowed Past: I know, I was rather angry with this reviewer... but it's over now. I know, writing about cutting is really an awesome way not to do it to myself. I'm glad to quit, all my friends seem to quit, we can be a huge support group. Email me if you need, I'll gladly help.
Rachie: yep... I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations! There's Draco, and Ginny... and well... no Lucius *twirl* and I love Snapey, he he...
Devils_fire: Thanks *hug* well, turns out the whole flame thing was a test... do you reckon people ever heard about email???? Glad you held off, trust me, it's hell to get out of it. For now I hold on, I know I won't cut again cuz I promised Fire'N'Ice and it would be betray ing the people who believe in me. I know... you nice reviewers brighten my day! Thanks again.
???: well, I guess since you're still here, I'd put you with the rest of my reviewers...Apology accepted, but DAMN, never heard about email?? I already received emails from people asking if I was a cutter and such, it's no big deal. I know it's annoying, but you have to respect people's work, and why not, give them tips? I doubt many people just do it for reviews, though...
Jhaylin: I hope Ron's pov satisfied you a bit, he he he... *sheepish smile* I'm sorry, it was actually more than a little wait... but holidays were good, lol.
Ohjuotaku: so... how were your nightmares? *evil grin* I can kill Draco if I want, it's my story, muahahahaha. That's sooo cool, I love your land of insanity, he he he... Can I really bash Lucius' skull? *hug* this is my fav place!!!! I will keep doing this, it just means so much to me. Thanks for the compliment... You never recover completely of cutting, but for now, I'm holding on and fighting and I hope it'll continue. *hugs back crazy weirdo, lol*
Drxd: almost made you cry? Daaaaamn, I failed again... I know, I would never do it either, but Ginny didn't really realized... till now. I wanted to insert a Molly pov in there, but I couldn't find the right place for it. Definitely in next chapter though...
Luna-is-my-name: Thanks... What do you feel sorry about? Well, you're really everything my mom fears I become, lol. but I don't see the link with cutting... I was a cutter and not into wicca, and you're quite the contrary. Oh well, try to understand parents...
Dirt-Is-Yummy: Lol, I meet you everywhere lately! Between here, fictionpress, Yahoo, Psyke... but I'm glad we talk so often! Thanks, I'm very proud of the way I've handled ???. ah... I know, it's a bit twisted... Molly is allowing it, but like Ron, she's understood what lays behind it. But we'll have her pov in next chapter, gonna be rather sad... Lol, when our internet connexions screw, Meg and I put it either on Voldemort or Lucius' account. It's worse than the physical beating cuz he really tried to kill Draco and make it look like the boy is the only one responsible for this. It's coward and it'll fuck Draco up just so much... not gonna give away more, I shut up.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::
REVIEW! You know you want to... *tries to hypnotise you* ok, whatever, I'm lame at it... but I'm good at crawling... *crawls in front of you* will you review? Pweaaase... Ok, I admit it, I've got no pride, lol.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::
Chapter 26:
*Draco's pov*
I've blacked out and now I wake up. Why? The nightmare begins again, the pain and the feeling of cold blood wrapping me. I didn't really want to wake up again, but I never have it easy, do I?
My mind is a chaos, dark and scary. Sad thoughts blend with blood-stained memories, I'm swallowed up in my pain, the violence of my emotions just gives me a fucking headache. And in a corner, there's a shimmering light. Ginny. I hope she's alright, she can't die with me, I forbid it. Small, fragile, hurt. Hurt. What happened again? Did she collapse? Did she suffer like me? I pray she didn't, it's an unbearable thought.
But on another side, it means they know. They all know I'm in trouble. Will someone come for me? I don't know who would be mad enough to enter this place but I want to believe that someone would.
Hope reappears. A notion that had left me ever since I had this nice conversation with Fudge. I have to hold on. I've waken when I could have simply drifted into death so I assume it's not for nothing, right? Would Fate be cruel enough to wake me up and torture me a bit more so I can die more miserable afterwards?
I struggle to open my eyelids, I have to stay awake, to be ready for Daddy Dear's return. I can't afford to pass out again, I have to fight, I have to. I look around the room but I see nothing in the dark. The cold wooden floor is covered with blood, it looks like a black pool.
I'm afraid to move, scared it might make my wounds bleed a lot more than they already do. I look at my wrists, now the blood flows very slowly from the excruciatingly deep gashes but I'm relieved: it seems Father didn't cut deep enough to make me bleed to death, I'm fucking lucky again.
My mind roams through memories and thoughts all it wants. I let it do so, it keeps me conscious, numbs the pain needling my body, makes me forget about my burning lungs and broken bones. Rather ironical that for once, I yearn for the emotional pain to take over the physical one.
Yet, I'm amazed I'm so calm; it's like I truly don't give a damn anymore. My fate is quite simple, and totally out of my hands: I die in my father's hands next time we play the game, or someone finds me in time and I live, so where's the problem? All I can do is wait. Wait till...
Damn, till I hear footsteps coming in this direction. They're slow, it's torturing, I can feel my organs twist with fear. Is it my father, walking peacefully, savouring his power, the anticipation? Or is it my saviour, walking carefully, unknown to my executioner?
I drain my last strengths and force my body to curl up in case fancy combat boots appear in the doorway, accompanied by a manic laughter. My head spins as needles pick at my flesh, my breath is trapped in the blood filling my mouth.
The wooden door opens silently, my wet eyes meet black ones. They hold things in them that I sure never saw in my father eyes. The emotions in them resemble a bit to Ginny's but not exactly. Relief washes through me as I shed my tears and hear myself whisper thanks to whoever sent this person.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*Ron's pov*
I'm sitting next to Ginny's bed and reading a book, it's nearly midnight. She sleeps peacefully, or so I hope. What happened tonight shook me like hell. It forcefully pushed our argument in the background in front of this suffering, so now I'm here.
I can't help my eyes look at the bandage on her arm. Where she cut herself. She looked so hopeless, so desperate, like she had no other way out, that it gave me courage to open Mrs Pomfrey's book. That's what I'm reading now, cautiously, feeling like an intruder in some underground world.
I just thought that Malfoy was a freak to do it. Now I know I was wrong. The causes are multiple, as said Mrs Pomfrey; the history can be so twisted that it's nearly impossible to follow its course. It's no free and sheer masochism and I understand that now.
Their friendship disturbs me and the fact that they, for some reason, share a mind bond was just the top of the pyramid; but now, at least, I know that he's not playing with her and as amazing as it can sound, I think he's actually sincere.
But it also means that whatever is happening, he's in trouble. I don't really give a damn about him, I hate him, but there's Ginny. How does it affect her? What can happen to her if something happens to him? These questions haunt me and their answers scare the hell out of me.
Ginny rolls on her back and her eyes shoot open. I can see pain so I rush to her side, scared that she hurts. I wonder how I could have been such an ass for weeks and months, I can't believe I've thought and said things like I did. God, will she ever forgive me for what I've done?
"Ron? What are you doing here? What time is it? I don't remember!"
She frantically looks around, sitting with her body entangled in sheets and blankets. Then her eyes fall on her bandaged arm and something appears in her eyes. Recollection, horror, panic. Tears well in her eyes so quickly I hardly realize when she starts to cry, I don't know what to do, I'm not sure she wants me to do anything, by the way... Then she falls back down on her bed and curls up in a ball. I can hear her whimper, hear her damn herself for what she did. I try to put my hand on her shoulder but she pushes me away, I expected something like that.
"Please, Ron. Leave me, just leave me alone, please."
I lay my book on the chair next to her and sigh. I'm reluctant to go downstairs, to leave her here alone, crying her heart out and aching that way. But I know I can't do anything for her now, only he can. I close her door behind me and lean my forehead on the brick wall. I pray Snape finds Malfoy in time, because if he doesn't I really don't know how she'll go on...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*Snape's pov*
I've searched the dungeons from corner one to corner 1003 and there's no trace of Draco. I know Lucius is fond of dungeons so I wonder where the boy can be... I'm just scared I arrive too late, things seemed a bit screwed up.
I silently run through the manor, opening every single door, closet or trunk on my way, I just can't find him. My blood freezes a bit more each second. Time is flying away from him, I know I've got to get to him now, I know I couldn't bear the thought of him dying. He's one of my students, he's my godson, he's... like my son.
The late realization of my feelings only adds pressure on me, I want to find him at all costs, even if I have to burn down this place, even if I have to torture Lucius, even if I have to be sent to Azkhaban afterwards. I would do anything to save him.
I finally remember where his room is and sprint there. I stop running from the end of the hall, scared that Lucius might still be around, waiting for a second entertainment session. And here I finally open the door with trembling hands, to be met with the most terrifying sight I've ever seen.
He's convulsing, shivering. There's blood everywhere, all around him, all on him, my heart is about to explode as I kneel in front of him. He sees me and starts to cry, it tears me apart. I don't have much time so I just cradle him in my arms and start to run again to get away from hell and floo back to the Burrow.
I'm relieved to see Poppy ready when I step back in The Burrow. I know he's in good hands and I merely collapse on a nearby chair. The whole house is silent though everybody watches Poppy. The only sound is her cracked voice, listing his injuries to her magic board that writes everything down. I feel sicker and sicker as the list expands.
I bend down and rub my face with my bloodied and trembling hands. The list goes on and on, from the slightest bruise to the worst internal damage you could have nightmares of. Poppy also lists ancient scars for the medical record... her wand runs over them and tells her what she needs to know, like their age. 15 years old. My body stiffens at that number. Draco is hardly 17, it's impossible, it can't be, it didn't pass unnoticed to me for so long time! I try to deny the truth, but I know it's there, nagging me: I was there, I was the only one who could have done something and I miserably failed, saw nothing.
A lone tear finds its way down my cheek, hidden behind my hands. First time I cry in years.
I whip it away discreetly and look at Draco. His eyes are glazed over, he's hardly conscious but I feel his silver eyes bore into mine. So much like Lucius' and still so very different. But nobody ever saw the tiniest happy glint in them. Just Ginny. For the first time, I'm truly happy she's there for him.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*Ginny's pov*
I'm still curled up on my bed, expressionless. Ron left, but I know he hesitated, the old Ron would have, and it was him that I found next to me this morning. I don't have the courage to get up. My body is sore, all my muscles ache, but that's not the real problem.
I can't face them anymore. What I did, what they saw, it changed things forever. Like after the Chamber of Secrets, I know they'll treat me differently, though they will hope I won't see it. But I know, I know what they'll think.
The omnipresent disappointment in their eyes, the disgust my gesture brought to me. And Draco... Oh, God, Draco. I can feel he's still there, destroyed and damaged, but with a hint of peace in his head which tells me he's safe, somewhere.
But he'll blame himself, that's for sure. He'll dwell on the fact it's because of him and he won't let go of his culpability. It'll haunt him, hurt him, he'll drown himself in remorse and it'll just fuck him further up.
He won't listen to me when I'll say it's my fault. I knew all this was going to happen, it was bound to. But I couldn't' stay strong enough, I failed to stand up and give him comfort. I just wallowed selfishly in my pain when he was going through a hundred times worse and now, it'll make him suffer.
I lift my arm and look at the bandage. There's a spot of blood on it, I slowly take the gauze off. Under the pure white tissue, they stand out screaming, the bright marks of my failure. Four long and thin scabs running across my arm. Lined up like the soldiers of a firing-squad. They shoot, laugh, throw my pride in a puddle of mud as a sob shakes my shoulders.
I hear their voices "you don't deserve to be anyone's friend" "you're weak" "failure" "you should die". The worst is Tom's laughter in the background, he knows he made new allies in them. And I know he can take over Draco in my head if he manages to do something with them.
This shakes me. I can't avoid Draco, and I can't avoid my family. It's too late, I've got to deal with the consequences and go on. Go on and fight against Tom and his newfound army. I'm still afraid, I still doubt about myself, but I can't stay that way. I slowly stretch my body and gingerly get up. Dizziness takes over but my blurry eyesight doesn't stay out of focus and I find myself walking to the door. Praying I'm ready to face the battle.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::..
And now that you had your fill of angst... on the replies!
Feline: whoa, you were really desperate! Two reviews! Thanks, I hope this makes you wait till next chapter! See, Draco is not totally saved, but I haven't killed him!
Rubberduckie: I wrote you an email! And you didn't reply... *pout* you mentioned shit with your computer, maybe it's the reason... but I hope I'll hear from you soon! Hannah power? I don't think so... look at the havoc both of you would create... the world is safer in my hands... *evil grin*
XxDrAcOs-XO-AnGeLxX143: *sigh* do you want to know how long I took to write your name? lol. thanks, your lack of speech means a lot... I hope you come back to read more. I'm somebody twisted, lol.
Fantine2: well, welcome back! I hope you enjoyed the full story... yeah, it's like when you flip the pages to the end when buying a book. I do that all the time but I try to stop, in a way, it spoils the book. Raving lunatic is an understatement when it comes to describe Lucius' precarious mental state, but I agree, lol.
RogueBHS: Lol, if you continue, your roasting pit will be overbooked... I do realize I can improve a lot of things about my writing... I'm working on it. I didn't take it seriously about the "bad author" thing. But I couldn't let pass the comment about self-injury and the comment about reviews... thanks for the compliments, I'm quite amazed with the number of reviews. Right... Potter and Malfoy bonding... would be interesting to work on.
Viraten: glad to see you're sensitive enough to post a review, lol. I will keep writing it, I'd never give up on this story.
Sweetflame: I hope you're still alive, my point isn't to kill reviewers with my late updates *sheepish smile* I cry all the time reading story, but I've got to admit I manage to make myself cry when writing this... I'm pathetic, lol
Jewelkitten: Yeah, I had a huge smirk when thinking about Snapeypoo bonding with the melodramatic Weasley clan...
Sazzy7: OMG, you're crazy! You read it in one sitting, and you're still not stuffed enough to give me such an awesome review? Welcome to the realm of Struggle, I hope you continue to read and enjoy. Lol, I know I know, fluff is coming, it's coming... not in this chapter (only for Snape, a bit) but next one, definitely... No, I can't write you in the story but I offer you Lucius when I'm done... *looks evilly at him tied in a corner*
Fire'N'Ice: Lol, I can't believe you still take time to review when you ramble so much about the story in emails... Yep, a very dirty lie, but you knew it, he he. I know, very very odd... I wasn't expecting this either. I know, it's unfair, we should have a cutting patch, would help damn much *sad smile* if you read my email, I guess you already know how well I'm acting right now... Who would guess things are hell when you read these replies? *hug* but we've gotta be strong!
Tainted-Eve: Well... I think in this chapter, Ginny answers your question. I once told a friend I cut myself and she started it. I thought guilt was gonna crush me. I guess I'm gonna use it for Draco's pov... Oh... he will... when I'm done with the story, I offer Lucius to you reviewers and you can torture him all you want... Enjoy, lol.
Shadowed Past: I know, I was rather angry with this reviewer... but it's over now. I know, writing about cutting is really an awesome way not to do it to myself. I'm glad to quit, all my friends seem to quit, we can be a huge support group. Email me if you need, I'll gladly help.
Rachie: yep... I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations! There's Draco, and Ginny... and well... no Lucius *twirl* and I love Snapey, he he...
Devils_fire: Thanks *hug* well, turns out the whole flame thing was a test... do you reckon people ever heard about email???? Glad you held off, trust me, it's hell to get out of it. For now I hold on, I know I won't cut again cuz I promised Fire'N'Ice and it would be betray ing the people who believe in me. I know... you nice reviewers brighten my day! Thanks again.
???: well, I guess since you're still here, I'd put you with the rest of my reviewers...Apology accepted, but DAMN, never heard about email?? I already received emails from people asking if I was a cutter and such, it's no big deal. I know it's annoying, but you have to respect people's work, and why not, give them tips? I doubt many people just do it for reviews, though...
Jhaylin: I hope Ron's pov satisfied you a bit, he he he... *sheepish smile* I'm sorry, it was actually more than a little wait... but holidays were good, lol.
Ohjuotaku: so... how were your nightmares? *evil grin* I can kill Draco if I want, it's my story, muahahahaha. That's sooo cool, I love your land of insanity, he he he... Can I really bash Lucius' skull? *hug* this is my fav place!!!! I will keep doing this, it just means so much to me. Thanks for the compliment... You never recover completely of cutting, but for now, I'm holding on and fighting and I hope it'll continue. *hugs back crazy weirdo, lol*
Drxd: almost made you cry? Daaaaamn, I failed again... I know, I would never do it either, but Ginny didn't really realized... till now. I wanted to insert a Molly pov in there, but I couldn't find the right place for it. Definitely in next chapter though...
Luna-is-my-name: Thanks... What do you feel sorry about? Well, you're really everything my mom fears I become, lol. but I don't see the link with cutting... I was a cutter and not into wicca, and you're quite the contrary. Oh well, try to understand parents...
Dirt-Is-Yummy: Lol, I meet you everywhere lately! Between here, fictionpress, Yahoo, Psyke... but I'm glad we talk so often! Thanks, I'm very proud of the way I've handled ???. ah... I know, it's a bit twisted... Molly is allowing it, but like Ron, she's understood what lays behind it. But we'll have her pov in next chapter, gonna be rather sad... Lol, when our internet connexions screw, Meg and I put it either on Voldemort or Lucius' account. It's worse than the physical beating cuz he really tried to kill Draco and make it look like the boy is the only one responsible for this. It's coward and it'll fuck Draco up just so much... not gonna give away more, I shut up.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::
REVIEW! You know you want to... *tries to hypnotise you* ok, whatever, I'm lame at it... but I'm good at crawling... *crawls in front of you* will you review? Pweaaase... Ok, I admit it, I've got no pride, lol.