CHAPTER 28
Omg, i thought this chapter would never ever come... i feel so lame, I've worked on that pathetic chapter for WEEKS. Stupid block... blah blah blah, I'm not sure you wanna hear excuses, honestly, I've got nothing else to say than what's written in my profile, so meh.
This hasn't been beta read cuz my poor beta-reader is currently deprived from her computer since the damn thing like nearly blew up.
Anyway... replies at the bottom of the chapter, as usual, blah blah blah... they're SO FREKAING LONG, lol
Ermmm.... What else... oh yeah, THANK YOU if you've waited for that story to continue, you guys are the best reviewers in the world... the others... too bad, your loss, lol.
Not much action in this chapter... I thought a "thinking" chapter would help you guys get back into the story and such. Sorta transition chapter I guess.
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Ginny's pov
Draco still refuses to talk to anyone. He refuses to eat; he refuses to even look at me. He just sits here, cross-legged on the floor and plays with the bandages on his arms. I don't know what to do to make him talk to me; I don't know what to do to get him out of his apathy.
Every day, Mrs Pomfrey comes to check his health and we know he's ok physically... but what's worrying is what is inside... Everybody expects me to tell them what's going on inside his head and they're upset when I only shake my head at them, but they don't understand there's so much going on that I can hardly keep up
Ron drags me to eat and I'm a bit surprised to see Dumbledore comfortably installed at the kitchen table, avidly downing chicken nuggets and green peas. I sit next to him and start to play with my food. He finally sets his fork on the edge of his plate and looks up.
"Draco and Ginny are coming with me tonight. They're safer in Hogwarts than here. Lucius is not going to give up on his son if he wanted him home for Christmas."
I clench my fist on my fork and forcefully whisper between my teeth "he wasn't any safer from his father in school"
Dad shoots me his "be respectful girl or you're gonna be punished" glare and mom diverts everybody's attention with incoherent babbling about chickens and tomatoes. I feel the headmaster's eyes on me and I feel my cheeks turn red... anger and shame I assume...
Some steps are heard in the doorway. "He's right, I don't want to be a danger for this family."
I basically jump three feet high at the sound of Draco's voice. He's leaning against the door frame and though he looks tired, he looks good. Ahem, he looks alright.
I sigh "Why do you have to be always right?"
"Crawl in front of my superior intelligence?" he says with a goofy smile.
I look at him suspiciously. No one goes from his state to a bubbly one in ten minutes. What is he playing at? I wander a bit in his head and realize everything is still chaotic but has been pushed in the background. It screams "fool everybody so they get off my back" so I roll my eyes at him. Pretending everything is perfectly fine will not help.
He childishly sticks out his tongue at me and grabs my plate which he downs in five minutes. Everybody looks at him in awe and I cant help but wonder how they can so stupidly swallow his blatant lie. I chuckle anyway and go upstairs to pack my things.
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Ron's pov
It's the first time I kind of realize Malfoy is human... I mean, that I see him as a funny and interesting guy. He seems ok now and he's playing checkers with Dumbledore who's losing while Ginny packs her mess... erm, stuff.
Dumbledore goes back to the kitchen to help himself some muffins and I'm left with Malfoy... uneasiness kinda downs on me... I realize I've been the most freaking asshole on the planet and I'm so ashamed.
He puts the checkers stuff in its box and puts it back on the shelf. He eventually wanders to the window to look at the snow outside. And I can't bear the silence so I engross myself in that book of Mrs Pomfrey again.
"It's a good book," he states without leaving his spot.
I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about it but answer anyway. "Erm, yeah... does it... I dunno, relate to you in any way?"
I see him tense a bit but he still turns to look at me with a small smile on his lips "sometimes, yeah."
As I turn the pages I realize slowly how hard it is and how even more difficult Colin's announcement made it. I imagine how he must have been careful to cover it up. I can imagine him in class, taking in the aggressions and thinking of taking them out on himself afterwards...
I can't help but shudder now. It seems that under the ice, there's someone in the end...
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Draco's pov
So it's get up and fight again. Just hide what hurts and keep going. I know it's bad to bottle things up, and I know I probably will end doing stupid things, but I don't care. All I see is how I caused so much trouble to everybody.
I know I can fool them all... the only one I can't is Ginny I guess... but she will understand, or so I hope. Other people in Hogwarts don't really care about me anyway. I don't mind it, it's not like I'm used to people being concerned with me and that's not a nice feeling.
I spend my days and nights awake. Wandering in the freezing halls of the castle or sitting in corners scribbling down ideas and thoughts on crumbled pieces of paper that I carry around in my pocket, next to my knife.
We're waiting. The atmosphere is tense and heavy. All the staff is now aware of the whole story and apart from the pity in their eyes when they look at me, I can also see a lot of fear. They're scared for their security. I don't blame them... you never know what can happen if Father comes round with a few of his little friends.
Nobody talks to me but Ginny. Not that anybody else has something to tell me anyway. Even Snape hardly says anything. But then again, he never was the talkative type. I try to be forgotten and for once in my life, it works out. I mess up my body by not eating and not sleeping; it's not really my fault. Anytime I close my eyes, I see my father, and this sight has become unbearable.
When school starts again, Colin Creevey is still bald. People chuckle at his sight and look out in fright at mine... I guess I haven't looked more miserable or skinny. My wanderings around the castle grounds by any weather gave me freckles. Mother would scream if she saw my face, it would be funny... but she's not here anymore, is she? My fault, like everything else.
I'm changing classes right now. Carrying my books is a nightmare, they feel so heavy. The noise of the chattering crowd feels my head and echoes as I walk without even realizing anything. My brains are fuzzy, my eyes blurry. I lean against the wall, weak and feeling stupid.
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Molly's pov
I'm wandering in the halls, looking for Hermione when I spot him. He looks terrible, so pale and fragile. He's sitting on the cold floor, looking nowhere. Eyes sunken, tired. He looks like someone at the end of the rope, and I guess he is. I got to him and pick up his bag.
"Come on Draco, you're not going to your next class," I whisper.
He emptily looks up and finally gets on his feet. It seems such an effort for him. We slowly walk to my office, I still carry his bag. He thankfully sinks into an armchair, curls up and closes his eyes.
"I'm going to send a note to professor Binns to tell him you're not going to attend his class. You want some tea?" I say in a warm neutral voice. He simply nods but stays silent.
I hand him a mug and sit on the chair facing him. I try to ask him about his health right now, about his feelings, but he's like a brick wall. The questions echo unanswered
"Draco, do you sleep? What's your eating pattern? Can you concentrate in class?"
I see his eyes plead me to stop before he buries his face in his knees. I sigh and stand up, I feel so helpless and sad. The snow is again falling. Night has already covered most of the sky. I light a few more candles in the office.
"I wish my mum was still there. I wish she could hug me and tell me it's going to be ok, like she used to do when I was very little. But he stopped her, and now she's dead, and it's not going to be ok..."
There are tears in his voice. I go back to where he sits and slowly take the tea mug from his hand, he's shaking. I'm a bit hesitant at first, but my motherly feelings don't take much time to overcome the teacher ones. I take him in my arms like I've done countless times for my own children and whisper soothing words.
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Strangely Odd: thanks for your review! That some people still had such enthusiasm for my little fic got me motivated to try get a new chapter out... hope you enjoy.
Juuhachi43: hahaha, I love your idea of a punishment for lucius, muahahaha... thanks for reviewing, I hope you find this story again. I'm glad you like it... I'm trying to make it realistic, it's probably over dramatic sometimes... but well... I hate fluffy pinky fics, lol.
Evilkitty51: hands wood to kitty hehehe, don't worry, Lucius will have his glory moment.
Tigerfanfrv: yeah, I know, depressing... but I'm trying to blend some humor in it, really. Thank you for reviewing, I hope you'll continue to enjoy. I'm glad you don't mind my pov changing too much. Snape is out of character, it's his unknown human side, lol.
ArcticAngelz: well... cutting, carving, slicing... even burning, hair pulling, wrist banging... all that shit, whatever the word you use, it's still self harm and it's still sad. Hope to see more of your reviews!
Dirt-is-Yummy: hey Em, how's you? I took time, lol, and sorted nothing out. It's still all the same, but anyway. And I don't really care about the number of readers so it's ok. It's just I have sooo many things going on and I write a lot of poetry now, so I don't take time for this... I'll try to change that, lol.
Minjin: lol, yep, and here it is
Telly: I'm alive, I'm alive... thanks for being patient... enjoy. Hehehe, yeah, never underestimate a ghost! GO HANNAH! lol
Kila: thanks, lol. I don't plan to leave any of my characters in such a mess, lol. And I don't plan to let Lucius stay a stupid moron eternally, lol. Anyway, thanks for the cyber cookies!
Linker27: I kinda got over my block... was hard, and I dunno how long it'll be till next chapter. Please, enjoy, and be patient.
VJ: YAY, another Draco obsessed!!! Lol. Thanks, this review means a lot. Well, I should be sad you're crying but... that's my goal so... hehehehe
Marauders4ever: don't we all have issues in front of Draco goofy smile lol. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you liked the Draco-Molly part in this chapter.
X3: well, to know, you'll have to continue read nudge nudge
Petlover24: well, sign there to join the "lets kill Lucius" club... hope to read more of your reviews. I'm glad you can "feel" the story and characters, it means it's not that crappy, lol.
Sylvergryffin: well, some people are just not who they seem to be... don't worry about Arthur, he's not that evil, lol. He will get to his senses... some people just need time to face things.
Sunne: I hope you rediscover this fic yet again, lol. I'm glad you have so many ideas to take care of the evil characters of this fic, lol. I like my Blaise character, hehehehe... more about that in next chapter normally, lol.
Jhaylin: here is a new chapter :p reeeeeeview, lol
Ari: loool, thanks for your outburst. Well, why Draco... well.... Ermmmm, to get readers? Hehehe. Hope you enjoyed this latest sappy chapter, lol.
HPfreakout: bows down I obeyed and posted a new chapter. Sorry about the delay. Hope you're still gonna read that. Awww, Arthur will come to his senses, and so will Ron... he already feels so stupid, muahahahahaha. Thanks for the reviews on every single freaking chapter.
Magie Crystal Rose: well, it's here again... No Hannah in this chapter, but back soon, promise.
SarkLover: wow, thanks, lol. hands tissue I'll try to read your fics... after my exams, lol, and after I've sorted things out with my own fics, lol... geez, it's a mess... anyway, thanks for the compliment, it means a lot.
Lifes A Bitch and so am I: hehehe, Draco wont die... I don't think so at least... lol... or maybe yes... who knows :p
Draco-luver2258: hehe, here's a update! I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! You have to cry! I command you to cry!
Ruperts-a-Honey: dun dun dun, I hope you're gonna review again! Thanks for following my writing! I'm really gonna try to update more often, only it takes a lot of time. But whatever, I'm not gonna give up on this.
Nissi: thanks for the review... Geez, two hours??? You're insane. Hope you will continue to enjoy.
Kaydera: thank you! I hope you continue to read and enjoy it... and review of course! I really try not to make it all black or white, because that's not life... anyway, hope to read more of your reviews
Lady Lestat: thanks for the reviews! Hope you continue to enjoy this fic... your review is really positive, hehe. Cutting is a tough subject for me to write about, especially now that's I've fallen back, but I think it really needs to be brought in the open. I know so many people who hurt themselves even more because people around them don't understand.
Sazzy7: hahaha, attraction between molly and snape???? No, not really, they're just becoming good friends, lol. Hope you still enjoy!!!
Tainted-Eve: Lucius doesn't have a mama.. he's got a Mother... with a fooking capital letter :p. thanks for the ranting review, lol, hope you continue to enjoy.
RogueBHS: hey, long time no speak... I had quite a few issues. And I'm working full time right now. How are you?
Luna-is-my-name: thanks for reviewing... hope you still follow my hectic updates. Well, I quit cutting with my best friend and fell back... I haven't tried to quit again yet, I'm really too tired to try that again now. I thought my parents would kill me, they didn't... things have gone back to normal.
Golden essence: hehe, pansy duckie... she will be back, lol. Hope you will continue to read and review.
OMG, that was FREAKING LONG TO REPLY TO!!!!!! Take care all of you.