He doesn't ask.
[He doesn't want to talk.]
That hasn't changed.
And Tony doesn't ask
why.
He knows.
What does he know?
He doesn't know anything.
He needs to know.
[What's going on in your head right now?
Where are you when you zone out like that?]
XX
Ice cold,
it was freezing.
He'd pass out,
and they'd heal him,
in the dark again toss him,
drag him out too soon,
start over.
XX
He watches Loki's reflection in his monitor's screen, has the phone in hand, looks at it when to him Tony turns like to seem engrossed and occupied,
but he wasn't there, with him in the room.
Where was he?
What happened?
[…If I ask you now, would you tell me?]
…
…How bad was it was a question that terrified and enraged him all the same.
Should he know the answer what would he do?
It's been so long and he's never in this bothered delving, wonders where along the line he'd settled on some semblance of an answer to ask no more.
He hadn't. The answer was none.
Nothing Loki wanted speaking, let alone thinking – that to him is a fact.
But he can see.
How difficult it was, not to think just then, after Nick had left with what he'd said, what was set to happen.
What would he do, Tony wondered.
Wondered if he was wondering the same thing.
"Lokes," in his chair he turned.
"Hm?" Loki'd absently responded, greens locked on the screen of the phone as though that is where they'd been for the past half-hour unmoving.
Tony rolled closer, snatched the phone away. Loki scowled at him quizzic as Tony shut and put it aside, pulling Loki's hand from his lap to his grasp. With elbows on knees up he held Loki's hand, lightly grazed and pinched at his fingers, spoke in a tone that was to sound casual. "Spill em. Tell me what you're thinking. You wanna try a little Q & A of our own before tomor-"
Already shaking his head, Loki dismissively said: "No, no." Clenching slightly Tony's hand, sitting up he started: "I'm not," then paused, greens lock to browns, and he's decided: "There's nothing to think on." Resolutely as that was spoken, like to himself more than to Tony, the latter noted.
He watched him take a breath before in a voice more agile Loki prompted: "So where are we?" glancing at the screen.
It was
very clear
what he was asking.
What he was asking for.
And wound up as he was with worry, Tony acknowledged Loki was likely althemore, however so well he could hide it.
He talked to him, distracted him, teased him, had him laughing,
and forgetting.
Best he could,
for if he missed a beat it'd show too quickly, too suddenly, how his smile would falter, how greens fall dazed,
how tired he was.
Much later then they made for bed. Tony climbed in beside him, watched him stare wordless at the ceiling, before he blinked and turned to face him. Tony smiled at him sweetly, to which the sole response was having Loki shift towards him closer.
And wordless Tony wrapped him in his arms, felt a long breath leave him, the tension in his hands that were pressing, in his shoulders that he kneaded slowly, with his fingers to the base of his skull untangled those thoughts loud that in his mind encrypted he could hear them.
He spoke not but held him, until gradually he felt his body slacken, felt his breath even, felt him fall to sleep, and somewhere along many restless hours he followed.
XXX
"This way," the agent gestured, moving towards a door.
He'd smiled and jested for his sake all morning, itching, dying to reassure him, but doubted sincerely it'd be the result.
But he's moving now and he must tell him something.
Loki felt the grip on his wrist, turned again to face Tony who'd forsaken every act and mask. "I'll be right outside," he'd said quietly, browns dense and firm, nodding once his hand squeezing.
The rapid beat of Loki's heart faltered, thoughts, a voice in his mind like that of a child, a request, a plea, incessantly repeated that he muted, nodded, pulled away.