Trust Goes Both Ways

By Arrietty

Chapter Three

Jack O'Neill reluctantly woke up. He couldn't remember why he didn't want to wake up, but he knew it was for a very good reason. He opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling. He recognised that ceiling; it was the ceiling of the infirmary. He looked down at his hand and saw the drip steadily doing its job of hydrating his system. \\'What happened?'/ He thought and suddenly, as though someone had just hit him in the gut, he remembered. Sam was dead and if she hadn't died, he would have. Would her Dad ever forgive him? Could he ever forgive himself?

He couldn't see anyone in the infirmary at first and thought it was unusual, as the infirmary was usually a very busy place. Then he noticed someone in the bed beside him, it looked like Sergeant Grogan. He was unconscious and had several layers of bandages wrapped around his chest and head. Blood was slowly dripping into his arm from a bag above the bed. Wryly Jack thought of the comment he had made to Sam a few months back about Grogan. 'He will make a fine target, good at getting shot.'

There was a lot of commotion going on in the back room of the infirmary, loud talking; nurses were running past his bed with hot water bottles. Janet's strong voice calling out "clear" followed by a loud bang, then again "clear" then a loud cheer followed. While this was going on, Jack unnoticed, by any of the medical staff, pulled out his shunt and disabled the drip. He pulled on a pair of trousers that were folded up beside his bed on a chair. Also, someone had left a black T-shirt and his boots all cleaned and polished. By the time he had reached where all the noise was coming from, he was fully dressed and reasonably stable on his feet.

The immediate scene that met his eyes filled him with total disbelief. Sam was lying on a hospital bed; the discarded metal gurney had been pushed to the back of the room. Medical machines surrounded the head of Sam's bed and she was attached to a respirator. It also looked like she was fixed to a heart monitor. The room was very crowded, General Hammond, Jacob Carter, Teal'c, Daniel and numerous nurses were in the room as well as Janet Fraiser. Janet was bending over Sam calling her name.

"Sam, can you hear me?"

The silence in the room was deafening and a collective sigh reverberated around the room as Sam's eyes fluttered open. Her eyes seemed to take a while to focus, but when they did focus it wasn't on Janet's face, but on Jack's. Until that moment no one had noticed that he was even in the room.

Janet immediately started to ask Sam questions.

"Sam, can you hear me? If so, blink your eyes twice." Blink blink.

"You can't talk, as your lungs aren't strong enough to do their work yet and we have to keep you intubated. Do you understand"? Blink blink.

"I want to know how long you have been conscious, okay?" Blink blink.

"Has it been less than an hour?" Blink.

"Less than two hours?" Blink.

"Less than three hours?" Blink.

Ever since Sam had first opened her eyes she hadn't once taken her gaze off Jack. It was good that she was blinking, as she couldn't seem to stop the tears from filling up her eyes. Janet began to get an uneasy feeling. The next question came as a big surprise to everyone in the room and the answer an even bigger surprise. Janet took hold of Sam's face and called her name to draw attention to her. Sam dragged her gaze away from Jack and focused onto Janet's face.

"Sam, did you lose consciousness at all?" Blink. Janet repeated the question. "Do you mean that you have been conscious the whole time since you were poisoned by the creature?" Blink blink.

By this time, Jack had taken a couple of steps back because he had found his knees were beginning to lose their strength. He leaned back against the wall, took a deep breath and quietly left the room.

Sam dragged her eyes away from Janet's face to look once again at Jack, but he was no longer there. Sam began to panic, she couldn't move her head yet and Janet and the others were in the way, she couldn't see him. Janet had seen the distress in Sam's eyes, not realising why, she cleared the room, except for a couple of nurses she ordered everyone out. "You can come back later," she told them. Sam had no idea when Jack had left, but could guess it was when he had found out that she had been conscious the whole time.

It had taken Sam several hours to be able to move. It had started with her head and then she found she could breathe on her own. Her throat was still dry and sore; however much she had drunk it hadn't seemed to alleviate the discomfort. Of course as soon as she could talk, she asked for Jack. Every time someone came to visit her, whether it was Teal'c, Daniel or General Hammond she asked where Jack was and could he come to see her. After a while, she drifted off to sleep, the last two days trying to stay awake had been too much for her, but still Jack had not come.

It was about two in the morning when Sam was startled awake. She was sure she felt lips brush her forehead, but when she opened her eyes in the semi-darkened room, she could see no one. The swing door to the infirmary was just slowly shutting with a quiet whoosh. She wondered who had been there. Her Dad? Jack? She couldn't sleep now. She started to think back to that terrifying day on the planet PX 169.

\\Just after she had cried out to Jack to help her to breathe, she had begun to realise what was happening to her. She could still hear, feel and at the moment see, but could not move. Sam realised she could feel everything very strongly, when Jack had laid her down on the ground to give her CPR. He had laid her onto a very uncomfortable piece of the monster and it was digging into the back of her leg. But she couldn't do anything about it.

The last sight she had seen was Jack's tear streaked and grief stricken face as he looked into her eyes, just before he gently closed her eyes for her. She was thankful that he had closed her eyes, as the air had begun to dry them and they were beginning to sting. Through the night she heard things that she knew she should never have heard. The feelings of a broken man voiced to no one but her. Sam wanted to stop him from speaking, as she had known that he would not have wanted her to hear any of this, but she was unable to speak or move.

Sam had been totally helpless, completely reliant on Jack to keep her from any harm and she had been completely dependent on someone who thought she was dead. Even though this thought had been frightening to a degree, she knew she could trust him with all certainty, that Jack would keep her safe. Sam was glad that she was under the blanket close to him, because it was cold, very cold. The blood was not moving around her system keeping her natural body heat going and the desert night had turned very cold. Even when Jack was asleep, he still kept his arms tight around her. His strong heart beat and his regular breathing had comforted her, even though it was broken every so often by a quiet sob. Sam too wanted to cry, but no tears had come to release the ache in her throat.

Sam had realised the poison must be a preservative, to keep her nice and juicy for when the monster was hungry. Sam didn't understand that without oxygen, how it was that she was still conscious?

As the morning had approached she had begun to get scared, what if Colonel O'Neill left her there? As fast as that thought had come into her head, it had left because she knew he would never leave her behind. But what if he managed to get her back to the SGC and they did an autopsy on her, while she was still alive? Sam hadn't dared to go to sleep, she was afraid of what she might find when she woke up or worse still, not wake up. All through the journey back to the Stargate, Sam became more terrified with each stumbling step that Jack had taken. When he had tripped over and she had skidded along the sand, she had wanted to cry out, but no sound had come.

The worse time for Sam was after they had got back to the SGC, it was when she was alone in the cool store of the infirmary. There was no sign of Jack, she had no idea if he was all right and she felt very alone and very afraid. She had been laid on a cold metal gurney in a cold room, the chill had reached right into her bones and she wondered if she would ever get warm. She had begun to wonder if maybe she would die of hypothermia. During the time that Janet and General Hammond were discussing her autopsy, she had never felt so terrified before. She couldn't help it; she had started to cry. Sam had felt a warm tear trickle slowly down the side of her face. Finally something that would show them that she was alive, so instead of trying to stem the flow of tears, she had let them fall freely, hoping that someone would come again before tomorrow.

Half an hour later, Sam had heard a commotion in the next room. It sounded like an SG team had come back through the gate and someone had been whisked off to the operating room. A nurse bustled into the cool store and took something off the shelf, but she had left in a hurry. Several hours later a nurse came into the room and rummaged around quietly. Sam heard her, as she moved around her gurney and reach up for something beside her. "Oh dear," said the nurse, "someone hasn't put the sheet back properly." Sam felt and heard the nurse's breath on her face, as a tentative finger had touched the corner of her eye.

"Doctor Fraiser!" Yelled the nurse. Sam heard her hurrying out of the room.

"Doctor Fraiser. I think you had better take a look at this."

Sam once again had felt breath on her face. Suddenly, her eyelids one at a time had been forced open and a piercing bright light was shone into them. .

"They are dilating. Her pupils are dilating," announced Janet's triumphant voice.

Suddenly, pandemonium erupted all around Sam. She had found herself moved onto a soft bed, warm hot water bottles were piled up around her and blankets were placed over her. A shunt was then placed into her hand and she had felt the coolness of the glucose drip infiltrate her hand and arm. The next thing she had known, (how she had known she wasn't sure,) but her Dad, General Hammond, Teal'c and Daniel were in the room. The pain was excruciating when Janet shocked her heart back from laying dormant, to beating again. She heard the loud cheer seconds after she had heard the beep of the monitor by her bed. The next thing that Janet did, Sam did not really like, but she intubated her. Immediately, she had felt her lungs inflate and deflate. Even though it was mechanical she had felt her mind relax as the oxygen moved into her lungs. After that she began to open her eyes, the room was all full of blurry faces, but slowly one face began to make sense, one face that she could put all her trust into. It was Jack. He was all right. She knew then, that she would be safe.

Then she remembered that it was at that moment, that everything had begun to go wrong. Sam couldn't help it; she felt the tears begin to come again. She really needed to speak to him, to explain that itdidn't matter. That she wouldn't tell anyone. That he could trust her.

It took several days for Sam to get all the movement back into her body. She found that she tired very easily and had to sit down frequently to get her breath. The wound on her back and the scrapes on her hands were healing nicely. Sam's ribs still hurt her if she took a large breath, or coughed. In the process of Jack trying to get her heart beating again he had bruised her ribs, thankfully none were broken. In all the time that she had been recuperating, Jack had not come to see her. At least, never when she was awake. She had her suspicions that he had been to see her a few times and as soon as she woke up he disappeared. She was officially allowed to leave the infirmary now, so she was off to find him and he was not going to avoid her this time.

Jack was sitting in his office trying to do paper work. He had read the same page at least three times and he still didn't know what it was about. After numerous visits from his friends to see if he would visit Sam and even an insisting one from Teal'c, he had summed up enough courage to visit her, but each time as she had come awake he had chickened out and scarpered off quickly. But today, he knew she was going to be released from the infirmary and would most probably go home, so if didn't see her today, it would only make it harder for him to see her.

"Are those reports ganging up on you again, sir?" said a soft voice from his doorway.

Jack looked up with a start, "Sam," he breathed.

She looked tired and had dark smudges under her eyes and though a little pale, her complexion was back to normal. There were no signs of the yellow lines tracing their way under her skin.

"Can I sit down, please?" Sam asked as she moved into Jack's office, shutting the door behind her carefully. She didn't wait for an answer, but sat down with a tired sigh.

"I know why you have been avoiding me, Jack."

Jack stared at his second in command. Sam wasn't sure what her CO was thinking and he looked a little like a deer caught in the headlights on the open road, not sure what to do - stay where he was or bolt. She hoped he wouldn't bolt. She reached across and laid her hand onto his arm.

"Jack, I'd like to thank you for saving my life." He started to shake his head slowly.

"No, Sam, you saved my life," he paused and in a quiet almost choked voice. "I thought you were dead."

"I know, that's why I want to thank you for saving my life. No one but you would have kept me warm that night. I would have died in the freezing air of the desert. Don't you see? That's what kept me alive. That's not even counting the fact that you didn't bury me and you carried me all the way back to the Stargate."

Jack tentatively spoke again. "I said some things in the desert no one was meant to hear."

"I know. Trust me; they will go nowhere but here." As Sam spoke she moved her hand from Jack's arm and placed it over her heart. Sam smiled across the desk at him and he smiled quietly back. Jack was thankful to Sam, he didn't want to discuss this in depth and now he felt as though a great load had lifted off him. He could relax.

They sat there for quite a while looking at each other, feeling the comfort and ease of their friendship. Both knowing that with all things whether it was their lives or their innermost feelings, they could trust one another to keep each other safe. After a while Sam got up from her chair and said with a big grin on her face.

"Well, sir! Looks like you need a little help with your paperwork."

O'Neill leant back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head and gave his second in command a grin.

"Well, Carter, as soon as you get back from sick leave, it's all yours."

The End