I am finally getting around to rewriting my first story. It's very difficult, but at least I am writing. Maybe it will get me writing again. Hopefully. I'm going to try to keep up with this little mission of mine. I don't want a couple chapters being all shitty.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.

Past Person

Prologue

What was it, three months that she had known him? Three months of pushing her company on him, talking to him, opening him up to her? Three months ago, Kaoru had met him in a bar. She had seen him first, sitting in the dark with a scowl on his lips and an empty glass of hard liquor. He had looked so unapproachable, so distant and angry that at first, she didn't know whether or not to disturb him.

He had not welcomed her, or smiled. Instead, he glared and snarled. "Go away." He had growled.

She had wanted to at first. Wanted to turn and walk back to her own drink. But his sad and angry look drew her closer. She had sat down across from him, and started talking. Just loud enough for him to hear, but mostly to herself. He didn't say a thing, but didn't leave or make her leave either. She took it as a sign that he didn't care, or secretly enjoyed her company.

It took forever; it seemed, to get him to be civil to her. Slowly, she had broken down his layers of barriers, opened his heart, and had him calling her friend.

He never told her many personal things about himself, but Kaoru guessed that it was fine. He would tell her when he wanted to, she thought.

When they could hang out, it was always during the day, or early evening. Kenshin worked most nights so Kaoru was happy enough to spend her days with Kenshin. She never asked what his job was, and he never told her. But it was fine, because she was certain he would tell her when he wanted to.

It was what she believed.

But, Kaoru frowned as she looked over at her best friend Kenshin who sat beside her at the bar. He had withdrawn himself again, and hardly said a word or looked at her. It was unusual to see him at night, but he had told Kaoru that he was off and had wanted to see her. She had happily met him at the same bar they met at, but was disturbed to see him brooding and unresponsive to her. It was worrying, and Kaoru couldn't seem to get a response out of him.

"Kenshin, is something wrong? You've been ignoring me all night. You asked me here, so you could at least treat me with some respect. You know I don't like to be ignored." Kaoru huffed and gulped down her drink. "You either tell me what's wrong, stop the attitude, or just get up and leave. What's it going to be?"

Kenshin on the other hand, had a problem. At his age, he thought, problems like this should be easy. It shouldn't be that hard to tell a woman that you liked her. It wasn't that hard, especially with Kaoru, to love her and care about her. But he couldn't say a thing. His throat was tight with tension and could hardly even swallow his drink.

What was with him?

The problem was, Kenshin cursed, was that he couldn't tell her. Not only his feelings, but his other secret. It was selfish to ask for her love and devotion if he couldn't devote himself to her fully. What kind of man would he be, what kind of person?

He wasn't a person at all, he thought.

Since he was fifteen, he had sold his soul as a killer to protect the innocent and oblivious Japanese people. He killed men at night, and killed himself by day. He felt his righteous strength with his blade in the cover of darkness and blood, and empty, hollow with guilt and self-hate as his blade rests. Being with Kaoru helped with his daylight grievances, gave him strength to live another day. To kill another man.

But he couldn't love her and bare the sin of manslaughter. He wanted so bad, though, to have her with him always. To have her love and touch sooth his worries and pain. He just didn't want to deceive her. Kaoru deserved better, she deserved the truth. And that was why he asked her to see him. He wanted to tell her everything. His love for her was greater than his sins. To him, Kaoru could heal his soul.

If only he could tell her, if only she would accept.

"Kenshin Himura." She said dangerously. "What's it going to be?" She asked again.

I tried to speak, but my throat tightened. My nerves were twisting in my gut and I was afraid. Afraid of telling her, of being rejected, and most of all, I was afraid of loosing her.

Kaoru sat for a minute longer before she stood up and slammed her money on the counter. "Forget it, Kenshin. I won't try if you won't." I grasped her hand desperately as she turned away. I stood as well and pulled her back to face me. I tried again to speak, but couldn't.

"If you won't speak to me, I'm leaving." She tried to pull her arm from my hand, but I held on tighter. She couldn't leave me, not now. I couldn't lose her. It was either speak, or she goes, so I forced my words painfully past my fear.

"I…I don't want to lose you, Kaoru. I'm afraid you'll leave me if I tell you what I shouldn't tell any one. You're all I have, and I don't want to lose you to." My voice cracked embarrassingly, but Kaoru met my eyes and smiled gently. She pulled my hand softly towards the door and we both left the rowdy bar.

Kaoru hadn't seen such sad, desperate eyes such as his before. His blue gaze locked with hers, and she guessed whatever he had to say, it was important to him.

Silently, Kaoru led Kenshin away from the late party-goers, and brought him to a quiet, dark park. Kenshin had let her guide him without a word, and sat as she did on a park bench. She rubbed his hand gently and made him look at her. "Why do you think I will leave you? I could never hate you, and I'm not that easy to get rid of. Why would I abandon you when I worked so hard to get you?" Her comforting smile had him feeling guiltier. She was just so trusting, so open and loving. She didn't even know he was a killer. "Tell me," she prodded. "and stop worrying."

His breath hitched and spine stiffened. Never had he told any one who he was. Those who did were dead or his employer. It was a matter of moral, of trust and humanism. It was pure evil and sinful. Not even an all loving being like Kaoru could accept that kind of monstrous demon.

But still, it was better to tell her now, then find out later and hate him for it.

Please, he begged, let destiny give him good fortune. Let him finally have some happiness.

"Kaoru," he started. He couldn't face her, couldn't touch her as he began. So he clasped his hands tight in his lap and looked forwards to his feet, his hair blocking Kaoru from his sight. "I have to admit to you a secret. I believe you deserve to know the truth about me so I can truly be your friend." His fear grew and he had to clear his throat so it wouldn't clench back shut.

"I had lost my parents when I was young to a deadly disease. Most of my town was killed, and I was the last of my family to survive. I had been taken in by a rich landowner, and he used me as a slave. I was a child doing hard, manual work, which if I would have kept doing it, would have eventually killed me. The man was evil, and had taken many people burdened with poverty and death like myself, and enslaved them also, which very seldom happens, even today. I was taken care of by three young women while I was there. They were like my sisters, and were personal bed companions to the master. We all took care of each other." I paused as Kaoru moved closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder. I placed my own over hers, and found strength in her compassion.

"The master was despised by many people. Many lords wanted him dead for his slavery and thievery. I guess some one sent an assassination group, because one night, we were attacked. The master was killed and all of the inhabitants. The three girls gave their lives to protect mine." She was crying silently beside me, andhe wondered if she would feel the same whenhe hadfinished the story.Kenshin almost didn't want to continue, had wanted to forget it all for so long, but the memories would never disappear.

"I buried them all after my Master Hiko saved me. He had killed the rest of the remaining assassins and left me alone. I spent the night and energy digging graves for both friends and enemies. Even the dead master. When Hiko returned, he took me with him, giving me a new name. He said I was strong, and with him I could become stronger. I learned the way of the sword, learned the art of killing. When I was fifteen, Hiko gave me a job with his secret organization. With him, I became a master assassin. I was given the title Battousai, and the burden of taking the lives of corrupted men. I kill them; I kill another man every few nights. If it's not politicians, it's lords on the street, or any one who threatens Japan."

Kaoru had let go of him and moved away slightly. She didn't think Kenshin could have wanted to tell her something like this. After he was finished, she couldn't think whether his fears of losing her were a possibility now.

She didn't even want to believe him!

"I don't know what to say. I don't even want to believe you. It can't be true." She murmured. "This is ludicrous. Impossible. Don't lie to me Kenshin, please don't lie." She shook her head and jumped to her feet. Kenshin stood, and pulled gently on her hand.

"Do you trust me, Kaoru?" He took both her hands inhis and looked her in the eye. She hesitated, and then nodded. He didn't like the hesitation. "Then let me show you something."

He led her down streets and allies, past houses and buildings. They left the family neighborhoods and corporate businesses behind as the slums of poor and crime slipped up before them. Kaoru didn't know where she was, but reminded herself to trust him. Remember the trust she had for him, she thought. He was her friend, and as his friend, she could at least trust him a little bit longer.

There was an old apartment building, with uneven foundation and crumbling brick sides. Kenshin strode through the resistant metal front door, and continued up a set of stairs that looked as if they could collapse under their weight. The stairs held up, which Kaoru was grateful for, butthe second floor hallway looked worse. The carpet was thin or just not existent, and holes filled the walls and ceiling alike. She was relieved when they turned up another set of stairs and kept going up until the top, fourth floor.

It was in better condition then the other floors. The carpet was still threadbare, but at least there were no holes in walls. There were no other doors, but the small hall led towards a door at the far end, which was unlocked as Kenshin just turned the knob and walked in.

Kaoru let go of Kenshin's hand as she looked about the sparse room. A small, bare kitchen, old leather couch, old recliner, and two swords placed on hooks on the back wall. The door to the bedroom was open, and from what she could see, there was a mattress with no blankets, thrown against a corner. The whole place was empty, and didn't seem as though it was really a lived in place.

Kenshin watched her as her gaze circled the whole place. He stood behind her while she took it all in, and waited for her to say something.

"You live here." It was a statement, and he answered her with a simple 'yes'. "Why?" she asked, turning back to face him. Her eyes held unshed tears, and Kenshin didn't know how to answer her, or what to say.

"It's simple. I go get food when I need it, and I sleep when I can. There are no other tenants, so I have nothing to disturb me." She shook her head.

"No, I mean why did you bring me here? What do you want me to see? That you live a life on the barest of needs, or that you thought this empty place would tell me that you're a murderer?"

I, what do I say? I don't know exactly why I brought her here, only that I wanted her to see and know every thing. But Kaoru just didn't want to believe, he thought.

That should have clued him in on it. If she was adamant on seeing the truth, then if convinced, she would not react how he wanted. Even knowing it was going to go sour, he needed to show her all. Maybe it would get better.

"I brought you here to make you believe me. I need you to understand me completely." He sucked in air as he walked past her and to the back wall. Carefully, he pulled down the katana and put it in her hands. The weapon looked sick in her grasp, and he never wanted to see her handle such a deadly killer. "Unsheathe it. Look closely at the blade, and tell me I have lied to you."

Kaoru was unfamiliar with the weight of the sword. She had always practiced with bokkens. There was something about the feel of its weight that frightened her though. It wasn't only the metal and sheathe, but like a feel of burden, an evil and sad feel to it that had her hesitating. What would she find when she pulled it from the wooden shield? What would she feel?

Slowly, she grasped the hilt and sheathe, and carefully slid them apart. The light from the room reflected off the blade and blinded her. She blinked her eyes to clear her sight as the blade was bared completely. What she saw had her dropping both sword and sheath while crying out with fear.

"Blood!" Kaoru sobbed. The horrible truth was there on the blade. Dried, crusted blood spotted the blade, and as she looked at her hands and saw more crust, guessed had soaked the hilt as well. "You have killed, you killed."

Kenshin stood by and watched outwardly calm, but inside shaking with fright. There was the fear again, and with her reaction, was stronger and painful. "Yes, I have killed. My body is a figure of scars, as testament to my sin, and this house has been soaked with blood, both mine and victim." He waved a hand towards the carpet and Kaoru noticed for the first time the sparse red brown stains.

"Why," she shrieked and fisted her eyes. "Why did you have to tell me something so horrible? Why do you want me to know this about you?"

He bent and picked up the fallen weapon, religiously placing it back on the hooks. "I can't remember real happiness. Not for a long time, since I was with my family, has my life been any thing but painful. With the burden of Battousai, I had begun to believe that happiness would forever dance past my grasp." He stood facing the swords, his back to Kaoru as he spilled his heart. He wanted her to understand him, to accept him, so he could find happiness.

"But, that night in the bar where I met you, the faces of the dead vanished and my hate faded. All I could think of was the girl talking amiably to herself in front of me, and the way her eyes were pure blue. I was warmed by her presence, and even if I tried, couldn't get her out of my mind. I enjoyed my days with her, because I wasn't in pain or seeing ghosts. After a while, I realized I loved her, and wanted her to be with me." He turned back to her and crossed the distance to look into her eyes. They were dark and grayish, and Kenshin hated himself for hurting her.

"So why did you have to tell me all this? Couldn't you have just kept it a secret?"

"You would have found out, and then hated me. And since I care for you, I wanted you to really know me."

Kaoru grinned wryly, sneering at his calm façade. "But I don't know you. I never have, and will never understand you."

Hurt, Kenshin reached out to her, but Kaoru pulled away. "Don't," She said. "Don't touch me. I don't know you, or understand you." She repeated.

He pulled back and tried to remain calm. "But you do know me. You know more then any one, and if you give me a chance, I can help you understand me. Just please, trust me." He pleads. He could feel her slipping away from him. Felt it in his heart that she was to far gone, but he didn't want to give up. "Please, just let my try. You are my only friend, the only one I love, and the only one I have. Youbring me happiness, and give me peace of mind. I'm still Kenshin, and always will be. The only difference is that I don't feel so sick and haunted around you."

"Stop it!" She cut him off. Kaoru couldn't bare to listen to any more. "No, Kenshin, I don't know you. I may know about you, but I have no idea who you are any more. I never did." She shot a look to him when he tried to talk. "I can't listen to any more. I see two of you, and I can't seem to see both, but separately. When I look at you, I see a killer. I hate that I see that. I don't think I can understand or live with it." Tears soaked the floor as she sobbed. "I'm sorry, I really am. I hate to leave you with your grief, but even if I make you happy, I don't think I can be able to live with a part of you that kills. For what ever reason, it's still murder. I don't think I can ever see you the same. You're a stranger to me, and I think for both our sakes, you should stay a stranger." She backed away from him slowly and reached for the door. "I hate to hurt you, but my own heart hurts more." She opened the door and backed out into the hallway. "We should just say goodbye, Kenshin, and never meet again. I'm sorry." She whispered as she shut the door.

She ran from the crumbling building and ran from Kenshin. She ran, it seemed, from something awful. Her heart seemed to hurt that much more. And something was nagging at her, like maybe it should have gone differently. Like it should have been a beginning, not an ending. But as she kept to her mad dash away from him, she couldn't for the life of her, turn back or think clearly. Something kept pushing her, a foreign drive that kept her legs running away.

Kenshin stood crushed in the bare, empty room. Breath was stuck in his chest and he couldn't exhale. Logically, he knew it would be this way; him broken and lonely again, her trying to go back to her life without him. But why did he feel that this wasn't supposed to happen? Why did the atmosphere seem sad and regretful? Why did she run away when his heart told him she should have embraced him?

The only thought he could think of, was that this was not supposed to happen. Inwardly, Kenshin could feel a slow warmth embrace him, and felt the compassion and reassurance of something indescribable. He let himself be immersed in the warm feeling, and lay down as sleep called to him.

"So," he whispered drowsily. "I get another chance." And fell asleep. The air in the apartment shimmered and vibrated as the unseen presence left the sleeping man in search of the girl.

It had to fix a dire problem.

XxX

That's my revised version of chapter one! It was hell to work with, and I had to completely rewrite it. It was just too terrible to just fix up. I don't know if any one will notice, but at least I have bettered the damn thing. It really is horribly written. I was just too dense to realize that it sucked so damn bad. I hope this is better, if any one notices. If not, well, then I know. And that's good enough I guess.

Ymir-chan