Alright! I'm sorry I took so long! I've had exams, and I really wanted to try and finish this off. I won't succeed, but I'll try as much as I possibly can. So sorry! Anyways, here's the next chapter! It's not perfect, but...well, tell me what you think! R&R!

Chapter 14-Taking my mind off things

A few weeks had passed since the altercations, during that fateful night when Miriallia had attempted to take her own life. She was still recovering from Tolle's death, and had been seeing the school counsellor.

I just hope she gets better soon...I mean, yeah. I dunno...I just hate seeing her all busted up, crying her eyes out every day over Tolle.

Dearka was in a hurry today. He'd woken up early, even though today everyone had a day off school, because the teachers were attending some course for specialised training.

Why did I wake up early? When I could have slept late? Camping trip!

Relishing the thought of nearly a whole weekend out in the wild, Dearka had spent all of last night thinking about what he was going to do while he "went bush". Then he realised he hadn't packed, but was too lazy to do it before he went to sleep.

Hence my doing it right now.

Dearka checked his list, audibly checking off every item he'd need for his trip that he'd written down.

"Booze." Dearka ran round to the liquor cabinet at the back of his house, and pulled a pack of beer out of the cabinet. Lugging it to his room, and cramming it into his bag, he looked at the next item.

"Shotgun." Dearka was perplexed with his choosing a firearm. "Why did I choose that? Oh yeah. Kill rabbits." With that, Dearka carefully lifted an air rifle that his dad had given him for a birthday. It was...supposed to be used under parental supervision.

Supposed to being the keywords.

"Dearka. No guns." Dearka whirled around, to see his father standing in the doorway, arms folded across chest, looking annoyed.

"Please, Dad? Rabbit hunting?" Dearka pleaded.

"No."

"Deer hunting?"

"No."

"Shooting Yzak?"

"Sure. Take the rifle. I'm going to bed." With that, Dearka's dad promptly left, and went straight back to bed.

"Shoot Yzak, eh?"

Once Dearka was packed he made himself some cereal. Around this time, his mother and father had just woken up; his father was a clinical psychologist, but he enjoyed hunting with Dearka during the weekends. Due to an increased workload, and high school, Dearka and his father now only managed to go hunting once every month.

Dearka's mother was part of the Government; a leading figure in the development of eco-friendly technologies. Having earned a PhD in Law, and a Masters in Chemistry she still managed to keep a fairly balanced life, setting time aside to be with her family and friends.

Dearka had a younger brother who attended the same primary school as Athrun's little sister Violet. Pietro was young, but very mild and disconcerting. Most of the time, the other kids bullied him, but Violet always seemed to be sticking up for him. The two seemed to have a friendship to a certain degree, albeit Violet was in one of those "social circles" that they had.

Kids these days, can't believe at the age of, what? Nine? And they have social circles?

Dearka greeted his family with a cheery "Good Morning!" They responded with a far duller repetition of his welcome.

"Well, I'm off to find Athrun and Kira!" Dearka said once he'd finished his meal, and cleaned up.

"Okay! Have fun at your trip, honey!" Dearka's mother didn't seem concerned about him heading off on a camp trip.

They probably'll start celebrating that I'm gone...well, let them have their fun.

Dearka started to walk in the direction of Athrun's house, where he, Athrun and Kira had agreed to meet. It was only a few blocks away, so he had no problem walking to Athrun's house, nor did he have any trouble walking to school.

He had walked for a little, when he encountered Miriallia. She was sitting, by herself, on one of the park benches, staring at the fountain. The leaping droplets fell back down, pulled by gravity, into the main body of water.

Much like her own life, huh? Good one moment, bad the next.

"Hey, Milly." Dearka called out to her. "What're you doing at this time of the morning?"

She turned around, from her sitting position on the bench, managing a weak smile.

"Hello, Dearka. I like the mornings, so I use them to think a bit." She turned back to gazing at the fountain. Dearka moved toward her, and, placing his bag on the ground, took a seat beside her.

"Uhh...you don't mind me sitting here, do you?"

"No." Short, quiet answers were all Dearka was getting.

This isn't Miriallia. She isn't even this quiet at school! She was quiet before Tolle's death, and nothing seemed to have changed, but...she's so quiet...

"What're you thinking about?"

"Not much." Again, the short, clipped answers. Dearka was starting to get a bit annoyed.

"Well...care to elaborate?" Dearka said again, trying to keep his annoyance in check.

"I'm just thinking about the night Tolle died. And what I did." Miriallia murmured quietly. "Just thinking about the night I nearly..."

"Oh..."

"Hey, Dearka?" Miriallia whispered. "You know, what you said. Did you really mean it?" Her eyes were teary, and she was looking away from him, as though she was guilty of something. Trying to catch her gaze, but failing, Dearka gave a fairly audible sigh.

"Yeah. I meant it. I did have a crush on you, and I still do." Dearka said. Suddenly he felt very uncomfortable, and made an attempt to stand up.

"Don't. Don't go. At least, not yet. Can we talk for a bit?" Miriallia's voice was pained, but Dearka checked his watch, and realised he was running late; he needed to be at Athrun's house in a few minutes.

"Could we walk and talk? I need to get to a friend's house, 'cause we're going on a trip later this morning." Dearka grunted, as he lugged his backpack back onto his shoulders. Miriallia gave a slight nod, stood up, and began to walk beside him.

Initially, they walked in silence. Dearka was waiting for Miriallia to tell him whatever she had wanted to tell him back at the park (he assumed she wanted to tell him something).

"Dearka..." Miriallia whispered to him while they walked. "I...I had a crush on you too. But you...well, I had a crush on both you and Tolle, and Tolle asked me out first, so I decided that I'd be his girlfriend."

Dearka nearly fell over, listening to her explanation, because his legs had momentarily turned into jelly. Recovering, he resumed his pacing, while Miriallia continued talking.

"I...I don't want to get too involved in a relationship yet-"

"Huh? Why not?" Dearka asked, now quite confused.

"It's only been a few weeks since Tolle died, I'm just not ready for another relationship yet..." Miriallia looked away again, as though she felt guilty about something.

I guess she feels real torn up over this whole thing, 'cause she seems real depressed.

"Well, looks like you really loved Tolle..." Dearka said, a benign smile on his face. "I think he loved you a lot as well..." Miriallia looked at him, a curios expression on her face, and then let out a small sniffle.

"Yes, we were. And now he's gone, it's really hard for me to bear..." Miriallia began to sob quietly, shoulders heaving in a futile attempt to control her crying. Dearka, however, just kept on walking ahead.

"He'd be really sad to see you like this." Dearka said, stopping ahead of her, but refusing to turn around. "He did want you to be happy. They were his last words, you know."

Miriallia looked at him again, puffy eyes moist with tears. "His last words were that he wanted me to be happy?"

"Yeah," Dearka deliberately faced way from her. It was as though he refused to believe that the girl before him was really Miriallia. "Athrun told me. He said that his last words were that he wanted you to be happy. Or rather, he wanted everyone to be happy."

"His last words? The doctors…the doctors said he died instantly! He couldn't have gotten any last words out!" Miriallia said shrilly.

"Athrun told me. He said Tolle died wanting everyone to be happy." Dearka's voice was almost dull, with no hint of emotion or feeling in it.

"Well, even if he wanted me to be happy…" Miriallia murmured to herself, "how can I be happy, when he's been taken away from me? How can I-"

"Dammit, Milly! You've got a great group of friends, a loving family, you're getting great marks at school, and you've got the chance to get into a really good profession! What more can you want? Don't let the past control you like this! Don't change just because of one bad thing in your life, when everyone else around you is trying to love you!" Dearka yelled in frustration, bringing Miriallia, who was half-crazed with grief, over the edge of her self-control.

"Dearka, you don't understand!" she hissed vehemently. Her voice grew to an angry cry. "You never lost someone who meant your whole life to you, the only person you've ever met that you think can make you truly happy!" Miriallia was now screaming, leaving Dearka to just stare at her in shock.

"You don't understand anything, do you? I loved Tolle! I loved him! And now, he's been taken away from me! I've lost my only true happiness! How would you react in my position, huh?" Miriallia was sobbing again, and her voice was cracking under the strain of sobbing and screaming at the same time. "How would you-"

She was cut off by Dearka, who grabbed her in a hug, pushing her body up against him, and holding her, like a limp rag doll, against his body. Every sensation in her body was null, segregated away from her, as she allowed herself to be pulled into the embrace.

"Milly. When I was twelve, one of my friends died of cancer. She'd had the disease since she was a young kid." Dearka was whispering into her ear now, as he held the brunette in a bear like embrace. "She was my best friend. She taught me things about life I'd never have know if it wasn't for her, 'cause she knew she was going to die, and she lived it up 'till the end. I know what its like to lose people you love. I loved her, I'm sure of that."

Both Dearka and Milly's faces were stained with tears, and as Dearka released his embrace, he looked down at his own shoes, his voice strained and uncertain as he tried to find the right words of what he wanted to say. "Miriallia, sometimes, even if there's someone in the world that was really meant for us, that can make us really, truly happy, but we can't be with them, sometimes...it's better to settle for second-best." Miriallia was crying into his shirt, a light drizzle of rain that had begun to patter softly on the footpath hiding her tears.

"If we can't settle for one-hundred percent of happiness, sometimes, we have to settle for eighty or ninety percent. It's a lot more than most people in the world today will ever experience." Dearka whispered, crying, the tears rolling down his cheeks as he held Miriallia. "If I spent my life with that girl, the one who had cancer, I would have been one-hundred percent happy. If you spent your life with Tolle, you'd be one hundred percent happy. But we don't have those people that'll make our lives the happiest they can possibly be. So, therefore, I guess I'd rather be with you, rather than be alone. Will you take a chance? Take a chance on me?"

"Dearka, I dunno. I don't know!" Miriallia sobbed to the falling rain, crying into Dearka's shirt, for the second time. Some of her tears dripped down, falling onto...

Dearka's pants.

"Uhh, Miriallia?" Dearka asked, worriedly.

"Yes?"

"Could you get off me for a second?"

"Huh?" Looking down, he checked his pants, to discover there was a large wet patch in the middle of his pants, which had been quite untouched by the previously falling, and now halting, rainfall.

"Hey, Dearka! Hi Milly!" Kira called out. "We were looking for you!" Dearka turned to face his friend, who was walking toward him, and discovered that Athrun was the 'we' with Kira. He looked at the two of them, who started to point and laugh at Dearka.

"What? Hey, why you guys laughing?"

"God Dearka, hope you don't need a nappy!" Athrun howled suddenly. "Or would a pad suffice?"

"It looks damn well like you pissed yourself!" Kira joined in raucously, pointing at the wet patch on Dearka's pants.

"Oh crap." Dearka turned back to Miriallia, who looked at his pants, then gave a weak giggle.

"My bad..." she whispered. "I'll be off now." With those parting words, she left Dearka with his friends, who were still laughing about his inability to retain liquids.

Athrun, Kira and Dearka arrived at Nicol's house, by walking from the train station; they'd caught the train to get to his house and they just managed to get out at the right station, because they'd been too lazy to get tickets, and the ticket-checker had arrived as they had departed. Nicol's house was fairly grand, owing to Nicol's father being a conductor and composer of music for orchestras, and Nicol being a renowned concert pianist. Many of his trips overseas were the results of piano concerts and group tours for orchestras that he and his father participated in.

Right now, Athrun could care less about Nicol. He was thinking about what had happened between him and Cagalli, a few weeks ago, in the hospital ward.

Miriallia had left after Kira and Lacus, as had all the rest of the group. Athrun still seemed traumatised with Tolle's death, and it had taken a while yet to calm Miriallia down and make her understand that it wasn't Athrun's fault that Tolle had died.

Athrun lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he reminisced on the horrible events of the night. He could see it again, the car, speeding towards him, veering off, hitting a tree. Him on the floor, standing up, running over. There was blood, blood everywhere.

"Hey. How're you feeling?" Cagalli whispered. Her throat was hoarse from all her crying, which had happened after their friends had left. She'd said she'd been worried about him, and how he should've been more careful.

"Like crap. I still feel real guilty." Athrun murmured wistfully.

"You shouldn't. You know it was an accident. Just accept it, eh?" Jumping onto the bed, and lying down, so she was next to Athrun, she gave a content sigh. "You know, I still want to have you back, even if I can understand your reasons for breaking up."

"I still need a bit more time. There's stuff in my life I need to deal with before I can take you back into my life, Cagalli." Athrun turned his head, so he was staring at the blonde's amber eyes. "I do have feelings for you Cagalli. I really do. And I do want to be a part of your life, but..."

"You can't." Cagalli whispered. She turned away again, leaving Athrun slightly pained.

"I...I can't...because I can't, I just won't allow it. I just won't allow myself to take a risk that if I'm with you I could get really badly hurt." Athrun whispered to Cagalli's back, staring up at the ceiling again. "In my head, I can't stop myself from not just falling down and taking a risk. Taking a chance that you're the one I love."

"And you want to get rid of this by yourself?"

"I'd rather. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I'll be fine. Just promise you'll come back to me." Cagalli turned around again, holding out her hand to Athrun. "Pinky promise?"

Athrun, surprised, said, "Cagalli, I'm not a kid."

"Pinky promise?" Cagalli whispered, tears in her eyes. That's when he realised; she wanted some kind of symbol from him that meant he was going to hold to his word. Extending his hand, he hooked his little finger around hers.

"Pinky promise."

That was in the past now. They'd already come up to the Amalfi's door. Raising his hand, Dearka rapped the door with his knuckles, prompting a reply of "I'm coming" from Nicol's recognised voice.

"Hey! Guys, you're here! Yzak's in the living room, catching up with my cousin, Shiho!" Nicol seemed to cringe at the mention of each of the names.

"Shiho?" Dearka asked, pondering to himself.

"Isn't that the one who he said...?" Athrun said quietly to himself.

"Didn't she...?" Kira wondered aloud.

Yzak sat, looking across from him, at the straight-haired brunette. She in turn sipped her tea, unnerved by his glare. Their staring competition continued.

Yzak could remember this strange Russian girl, the one who had really been imprinted into his memories as a child. The one he'd met at Nicol's party. Nicol's Christmas Party.

4 years ago...

"The winter. It's so cold in Russia. I hate it." The girl's neutral voice startled Yzak from his languishing at the window. Previously, he'd been observing the snow fall down, but the girl had abruptly broken through his myriad of thoughts about winter. Turning to face her, slightly bemused, he beckoned for her to explain her feelings over the coldest season. "It is harsh, where I come from. The chills, they bite and freeze you. Many people are injured, or die from the severity of the cold during winter."

"I rather like it. I think it gives you time to think, by making you stay inside." Yzak said, countering her statement with everything that he liked about winter. "I think that it's a rather beautiful season, what with the snow, and it's the time of Christmas. Pretty much, the only time I'm happy."

"I guess you never experienced a Siberian winter, have you, Mr...?"

"Joule." Yzak was beginning to get interested in this girl, whose neutral tones, and bland expressions, he noted, resembled his own behaviours.

"I see. Well, Mr. Joule, a Siberian winter will freeze you to the core, no matter how much clothing you wear. Revealing once inch, one centimetre of skin, will cause frostbite, so sever, that parts of your body can break off from the condition. That, Mr. Joule, is a Siberian winter."

"Well, then, I guess the people who were brave enough to take off their clothes in the middle of winter were quite stupid, no?"

Yzak didn't notice the girl growl softly, and only seemed to be partially aware of her feelings when she notified him with a hiss.

"My father died of frostbite. Would you like to add something more, to your speech about people like him being stupid?"

"Well, I'm sorry! It's just my view!" Yzak said. He regretted it immediately; he hadn't meant to offend the girl that way. He regretted it even more, as she jumped up, and, drink in hand, splashed him with a mug full of hot chocolate.

"Merry Christmas, asshole!" She near screamed, before punching him in the face, leaving him with a spoiled, and very hot shirt, and a black eye.

"Bitch..." was the only word coming out of his mouth.

"My name's Shiho Hahnenfuss. What's yours?" the girl grated, frustrated for some reason. She'd turned away, leaving Yzak to wonder why she'd asked such a strange question.

"Why the heck should I tell you?"

"Just say it!"

"Yzak. Yzak Joule."

"'Kay." She spoke something else in Russian to herself, then walked off, leaving a stunned, and furious Yzak to wonder to himself how he could have let someone get the better of him like that girl had just done.

"THAT F.U.C-" Yzak was about to scream, then restrained himself, remembering that some little kids were in the house.

Instead, he just screamed, "BITCH!"

The present...

"So, did you get my letter?" Shiho asked a fuming Yzak, who watched the girl with suspicion.

"Yes. I threw it into the bin." Yzak said, as politely as he could. He'd received a letter, with the words 'From Shiho Hahnenfuss' on the envelope. His previous dealings with her and gone unfavourably, thus prompting him to refuse anything the Hahnenfuss girl might have sent him.

For a moment, Shiho's composure slipped, but she immediately regained her bland face, again asking, "Did you enjoy the present I gave to you, that Christmas four years ago?"

"What present?"

"This." And smacked him in the face. Hard.

Goddamn, that bitch has a slap...

"What the hell was that for?" But the Hahnenfuss girl had already left the room.

Nicol watched his cousin, Shiho, exit from the lounge. He offered a meek, "How's it going to her?" and his friend's followed suit.

"I think, since everyone's here, we might as well go," said Shiho. Dearka and Kira agreed with her, quickly following her outside. Apparently, she had a reputed temper, much like Yzak.

Except for the fact that she's a girl...Athrun thought to himself. That made it a hundred times worse...

Athrun was about to take his leave as well, when he suddenly noticed Yzak hobble from the lounge room, holding his face.

"I got owned." Yzak murmured, clutching his face. "Yeah, dude...I got...like owned." And then he fell over, unconscious. Shiho, who'd turned her around, upon hearing a 'thump!' looked at the concussed Yzak.

"Looks like I hit him pretty hard..." Shiho murmured to herself, a look of guilt plastered over her face.

HEY! I'm back. Tell us what you thought of this chapter, and my abominable writing skills! Larry, over and out!

And I'm sorry if this didn't flow too well, it was really crap in my opinion...( but it all depends on what you say!