Well, after quite a while (someone had borrowed my DVDs and there was much general busyness and exams and then going away for two weeks with no internet...)

But today, dearest readers, I have nothing whatsoever to do so I am getting my arse in gear and updating as much as my muses will allow. I will now watch an episode of Blackadder, then in a few hours I'll post the next chapter of this. I hope to get through three or four chapters for this fic today. Rest assured, I will do my very best to get through the entire thing by the end of August. (storm clouds loom overhead, shaped into "HA HA HA, PULL THE OTHER ONE")

Enjoy. Chapter 3 should be up within two hours or so. Huggles and cookies to all reviewers. --Amanita

Soldiers: ACHILLES! ACHILLES!

Achilles: Yeah-heah, boiz! Cheer!

Soldier # 234: (whispers) we're…yelling at him, aren't we?

Soldier #843: (puzzled) yeah…

Both: (shrug) ACHILLES! ACHILLES! YOU IDIOT!

Achilles: Ah, my public. (sees Boagrius) (dismounts) (pout)

Agamemnon: You pull this stunt one more time, mister, and I mean ONE more time, and you are gonna be whipped into next week! Do you understand me, young man?

Achilles: Fine. I won't fight. Kinky old bastard. Fight him yourself.

Nestor: Achilles, don't be stupid. All these extras will die if you don't fight. Look at their faces. They just want to get paid, get their face time, and go home. You can save the producer hundreds of dollars. You can end this fight scene with a swing of your sword. C'mon.

Achilles fangirls: YES! HAHAHAHA! SWORD! SWORD! SWORD!

(This section has been cut due to far too many sword jokes)

Readers: Awww!

(now back to our story)

Achilles: (shakes head) NO. I won't fight. This is my little way of stickin' it to the man!

Nestor: But, Achilles…you are the man. (laughs internally)

Achilles: Maybe. Wait…

Nestor: (waits for Achilles' brain to short circ-)

Achilles: AH! CONFUSION! Fine. Your so-called "logic", if that IS indeed what it is called, wins. (sigh) I shall fight the oaf.

Boagrius: (pout)

Achilles: (walks over to Boagrius) You wanna START something? (War Pout)

Boagrius: Bring it on, nancy boy. (Condescending Pout)

Achilles: So it's like that, is it? Well take THIS! (Double Secret Probation Pout)

Dude from Zoolander: It's a walkoff…..

Everyone: ……………

Legolas: I'll judge, if no one has any objections. Come here.

Achilles: Pretty… (drool)

Legolas: Ew. Down, boy. We must lay out the rules of this engagement. Right, simple walkoff, old school rules. First fighter (cough) walks, second fighter imitates, then elaborates.

Thessaly soldier #4: That's not the exact quote!

Legolas: I don't care! I'm making an amusing cameo! We're having a walkoff for Thessaly! No one cares if I get the quote right!

Boagrius: …………….rawr?

Achilles: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Achilles: (coughs) Ahem. Right. Age before beauty, goat milk.

Agamemnon: …………You're against Boagrius….

Achilles: Right. Sorry. (nods to B)

(walkoff ensues)

(ten minutes later)

Achilles: This is boring!

Boagrius: (trying to do the underwear thing)

Achilles: BWAHAHAHAHA! (stabs B) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Agamemnon: (sniffle) (wipes away tear of pride) That's my boy!

Achilles: (nances over to Thessaly king)

Thessaly king: Who are you, you little brat? Stop trying to steal my sceptre!

Kid: I'm--

Achilles: (tosses hair) I am Achilles!

Thessaly king: …..I remember the name…I seem to recall that party a few years ago, when you and Hector--

Achilles: (snatches sceptre) (clubs Thessaly King over the head) HA HA I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, CRAZY OLD MAN WHAT I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

Kid: …I think you're supposed to give it to your dad…

Achilles: He's not my dad!

Barbara: Shaun!

Shaun: He's not! He was, but--- come on, mum, let's go.

(they exit)