When Chakotay got home late in the afternoon, Kathryn hadn't returned yet. He changed out of his uniform and opened the windows wide before settling at his computer terminal with a cup of tea. As he inhaled the fragrant aroma, he pondered what he was about to do. Was it right? Or should he stay the hell out of something that didn't really concern him? Pushing his doubts aside, he set his cup down and accessed the Starfleet mission archive.

It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for. Captain Owen Paris of the Al-Batani apparently believed in filing his mission reports quickly and properly tagged, so Chakotay had no trouble locating the one he was after. Surprisingly, Paris' log about the disastrous mission that had left two of his officers dead and three others traumatized from Cardassian torture was rather short and also somewhat vague. Chakotay had been hoping to find out more about Kathryn's rescue, and about what steps had been taken afterwards to bring the Cardassians involved in the ambush, kidnapping and imprisonment of several Starfleet officers to justice. But there was nothing, not even an official acknowledgement from Command of the breach of Federation borders. There didn't seem to be any classified addendum to the report, either.

He closed the file and sat back, deep in thought. Rumor had it that the renowned and highly decorated Owen Paris would be offered a promotion to admiral before the year was out. It was altogether possible that the higher echelons were turning a blind eye to his crew's recent misadventure so as to not upset this plan. Starfleet needed more command personnel of his caliber, and thus could not afford to have his reputation tarnished by an unfortunate, yet allegedly minor border incident.

On impulse, Chakotay called up Kathryn's service record. He found the commendation she'd mentioned, and it was indeed listed as having been awarded 'for exceptional valor under duress' without giving any further details. Her current assignment read 'Acting first officer, on temporary LOA', which was a contradiction in itself but at least told him that Paris apparently also had his doubts about whether Kathryn would be returning to the Al-Batani.

Personally, Chakotay thought that by promoting Kathryn, Captain Paris was trying to cover the fact that he should never have put her in charge of the away mission. He'd thrust her into the XO position with almost no training, and all her enthusiasm and natural aptitude for the job couldn't make up for her lack of experience in a leadership role. Ironically, after what she'd been put through, she was now much more qualified for the position because she'd experienced first hand the disastrous consequences of a bad call.

He sighed, not quite sure what he'd hoped to accomplish by looking at these records, but feeling certain that the lack of detailed information did not bode well. Either Paris or Starfleet, probably even both, had decided to hush up the incident, choosing to not pursue its implication of further Cardassian aggression, or the 'real' report was so deeply classified that even he, whose security clearance exceeded that of a typical SFA instructor, was unable to find it.

Just as he shut down his computer and rose to take his empty tea cup back into the kitchen, Kathryn entered the apartment and came directly into his arms. Her hair was down and there was sand on her uniform, and when Chakotay kissed her, he caught the scent of sun and salt on her skin.

"How'd it go?" he asked, drawing back slightly to look at her. He could see that she'd been crying, but she was smiling up at him now.

"It was good," she nodded, her smile genuine and bright. "I learned a lot of things about Will Riker that I didn't know before."

Chakotay laughed and pulled her closer, enjoying the feel of having her in his arms again. "I'm sure the two of you traded some interesting gossip, but that's not what I meant."

"I know." She leaned her head against his shoulder, her arms tightly wrapped around his body. There was silence for several long moments, and when she spoke again, her tone was completely serious. "It really was good. She doesn't have an office on campus and I didn't feel like sitting still anyway, so we went to the beach and walked. We got some ice cream too. Chocolate ice cream is her favorite remedy for trouble of any kind."

Chakotay chuckled, his mouth close to her ear. "And did it help?"

"Mmh." She leaned up to kiss him again and he teased the corners of her lips with his tongue, finding the merest hint of chocolate flavor. Then Kathryn turned in his arms and leaned back against his chest, both of them now looking out the window, over the neighboring houses and to the ocean beyond. "I told her everything," she finally said with a deep sigh, drawing his arms close around her. "Not just what happened, but also that I'm not sure where to go from here. I also told her about you." She looked up briefly, catching his eye across her shoulder. "I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not," he assured her. While they hadn't announced their relationship to any official Starfleet channels, they also hadn't made any effort to hide their affections.

"At first she didn't say much, only asked a question here and there. Mostly she just let me talk. And then she told me about how and why she decided to join Starfleet." She looked up again. "At first I wasn't sure why she was telling me, or how her story related to my own. But then it dawned on me that it was all about choices. The choices we make, and those that are taken out of our hands. And strange as it may sound, I think she actually managed to give my thoughts a new direction. I'd been running in circles, unable to make a decision, and she's showed me a way out."

"And have you made a decision yet?" Chakotay asked. He held his breath, not wanting to miss a single syllable of what she would say.

"No," she replied, and he slowly expelled the air through his nose. "But I don't feel as bad about it anymore. I still have more than a week's leave, and I should take a few more days just to be, instead of always trying to plan ahead." She turned again and rose up on her toes, fitting her body against the length of his and linking her hands behind his neck. "And right now, I just want to be with you."

As always, he found himself completely intoxicated by her closeness. For a brief moment he wondered if she had forgotten that this was going to be their last night together for the next couple of days, but when she kissed him and then took his hand to lead him to his bedroom, he caught the flicker of sadness in her eyes. Never enough time, they seemed to say.

Later though, when she arched under his hands, passionately moaning his name, or later still, when his tenuous control finally snapped and he took her in a frenzy of sounds and moves and bruising caresses, he knew that the memories they made together would sustain them during their coming separation, just as they had before.

-==/\==-

On Tuesdays, Chakotay's academy schedule didn't start until noon, so he and Kathryn had time fore a leisurely breakfast before he walked her to the transport station. They talked little on their way down the hill from his apartment, but when they passed a small park half a block from the station, he pulled her inside and to a bench that stood secluded behind a row of bushes.

"What is it?" Kathryn asked after he'd sat her down and she'd dropped her duffel bag beside the bench. "Why did you lead me here?"

Chakotay sat down beside her, angling his body so they were facing each other. "I thought this would be more comfortable for a proper goodbye than in there in front of all the other Starfleet personnel," he explained sheepishly, jerking his head toward their destination.

Kathryn leaned toward him. "I thought we'd already 'properly said goodbye' this morning," she grinned, sliding her hand up his thigh while she placed a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth.

He returned the kiss but caught her hand, keeping it trapped beneath his own on his leg. His free hand came up to curl around the back of her neck and he held her to him as they kissed, mindful of not messing up her hair.

When they separated, he looked deep into her eyes, his hand sliding around to cup her cheek. "I just want you to know that you can call me any time, night or day," he said, his voice low but insistent.

Kathryn shook her head. "You'll be there Friday. My family is sure to keep me busy in the meantime, so I'll be fine."

"Still," Chakotay insisted. "Always remember that I'm just a comm call away. Promise me."

"I promise," Kathryn chuckled and kissed him again.

She was clearly thinking that Chakotay was overreacting, but he didn't care. "And I'll expect you to call me tonight."

This time, she didn't even try to object. "Aye, Commander," she replied, the chuckle still evident in her voice.

Chakotay fixed her with an exasperated look, but then pulled her to him for another soul-shattering kiss, pouring all of his love and concern for her into the contact.

When he finally released her, Kathryn was so breathless that she could barely speak. "Kiss me again like that and I won't leave," she panted with glazed eyes.

He was sorely tempted to find out whether she was serious, but he just pulled her up and into his arms for a tight hug. Back on Kelvaris, circumstances had prevented them from saying goodbye, and then they hadn't seen each other for three months. This time, they would only be separated for a few days, but he still found it harder to part from her than he had expected. He felt her lips on his neck and the beat of her heart against his chest, and all he could think was that he'd happily stay like this forever.

Eventually, Kathryn stepped back and slowly extricated herself from Chakotay's arms. "We should go," she said, but the slight tremor in her voice told him that he was not alone in wishing they had more time.

Consoling himself with the fact that he'd see her again before the week was over, he took her hand, and together they walked the rest of the way to the transport station.

Kathryn stopped just outside the front entrance and turned to Chakotay. "You'd better go on to the campus or you'll be late for your class," she said.

He nodded solemnly. "You'll be alright?"

"I'll be fine," she repeated, standing on her toes to steal one last quick kiss.

He finally tore himself away from her, crossed the street and then looked back. She was still standing outside the doors, watching him. He lifted his hand in a wave and she waved back. Then he turned a corner, and she disappeared from view.

He tried not to worry, but it wasn't easy. After what he'd learned of Kathryn's recent past during their few short days together, he was astonished about how 'normal' she'd acted, apart from the nightmares and her breakdown the other night. There were still a lot of things he didn't know about her, but he had a feeling that inside her deceptively small and slim body resided an iron will and fierce determination. She'd said that she wasn't sure about returning to the Al-Batani, and certainly no one would hold it against her if she didn't, but personally he thought that it would be a very big loss for Starfleet if she decided to end her career prematurely.

-==/\==-