Despair

Chapter 1, Reminiscing

Draco Malfoy strutted up the stairs of Malfoy Manor, making his way to his chambers with a smirk on his face. His beautiful wife, Ginerva, was in the room waiting for him and he couldn't wait to see her after a long day of work. They were both in Auror training; him being a year older, he got home later.

Draco fondly recalled moments about their relationship and where it had taken them. At the start of her fifth year, Draco and Ginny met late at night at the quidditch pitch and started talking. This led to a passionate affair that, for obvious reasons, had to be kept quiet. The each saw other people publicly, but were only in love with each other.

Draco shuddered as he remembered one night, shortly after Ginny and Harry got together.

Flashback

Draco raced through the halls, anger flooding through his body, causing him to feel as if his blood was boiling. He saw Ginny standing in the middle of the pitch, her back towards him. Before saying a word, he grabbed her hips and spun her around to face him, grabbing her wrists in a vice-like grip as he did so.

"Potter." he spat at her angrily. "Potter!" He suddenly felt an uncontrollable urge to cause her a lot of pain.

"Yes, Draco." she said, her voice a forced calm. "I'm with Harry now. This has got to stop." For once in her life she refused to meet his eye. She usually had no hesitation about standing up to him, even when he was very angry. He knew that she didn't want him to see her expression. His grip on her wrist moved up to her forearms and he pulled her closer. She tensed and actually flinched at her closeness with the man who she had slept with many times.

"No." he said plainly.

"What?" she asked, shocked. "Who do you think you are? You have no right to tell me what to do!"

"You don't love Potter." Draco spat out Potter as though it were a filthy word.

"I do." she said refusing to meet his eye. "I love Harry. I belong with Harry."

Draco let go of her arms and reached up to undo her cloak. "Oh, yeah?" he whispered softly, beginning to unbutton her shirt. "You love Potter?"

"Yes." she said, trying to sound firm, although she was having trouble as she could see where this was leading. She made no move to stop Draco undressing her.

"Oh really?" he whispered in her ear, nibbling on her lobe as his fingers unclasped her bra leaving her totally topless. He began to message her breasts and kiss her neck.

"Yes!" she screamed, becoming desperate, although she made no move to stop him and he knew to continue. He undid her belt and pulled down her jeans, only leaving her underwear on. She moaned as her softly put her on the ground and continued his attack on her neck. "Oh, Draco," she moaned as his hands wandered down to message her through her underwear. She pulled his shirt off and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. She fumbled one handedly with his belt and then his zipper. She then pulled his pants down, leaving him only in his boxers. He moaned against her neck before continuing to kiss her pulse point. He somehow managed to pull her underwear down without stopping the kissing, and she pulled his boxers off. They were both completely naked.

Draco stopped with her neck and moved to kiss her lips. He positioned himself at her opening and moved easily in. She moaned with pleasure as he filled her up.

"Who do you love?" Draco asked as he slowly began thrusting.

"Harry." she said, catching his lips for a kiss. "I love Harry." She knew that she didn't and that Draco didn't believe her, but it somehow made it easier. She longed to tell Draco she loved him.

Draco, angered by her stubborn refusal to admit her feelings, thrusted deep in her asking her who she loved over and over. She kept saying Harry until waves of ecstasy washed over both of them and they collapsed. They lay there for what seemed a long time, until Ginny pushed Draco off of her and started with her clothes.

"This has to stop, Draco," she said, trying to make her voice sound cold and firm. "I can't see you anymore." Draco refused to speak and started grabbing his clothes and angrily putting them on. He hated her at that moment. He hated Potter. He hated the fact that Dumbledore wouldn't let him tell he was undercover, that he was forced the take the Mark and become a Death Eater. The order couldn't know he was a spy. He hated that he had to pretend to be something he despised and now, he didn't even have Ginny, the only one who knew him.

"Draco." Ginny said softly, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Say something."

"I hate you." He said, his voice filled with rage and anger. "I hate you."

Ginny didn't say anything; she just stood there, watching him put on his clothes. She felt her eyes fill with tears as she watched the one she loved, but knew she could never have. He looked up at her, his eyes showing his malice and rage, but he instantly softened as he saw tears flowing down her face. She looked suddenly very small and young. Ginny never cried.

"Oh, Ginny," he said, all his anger breaking as he pulled her to him. She cried silently into his chest, her head bent. He kissed the top of her head and put his cheek in her hair.

"I love you," he said softly after she had stopped crying, lifting her chin up and putting their foreheads together.

"I love you too." She said softly. "I'm so sorry."

"I know," He said, kissing her softly. "I know."

They stood silently like that for a while, foreheads touching, before Ginny pulled away.

"I have to go," she said. "I'm sorry Draco. I'm so sorry."

He put his head down and nodded solemnly. He knew that was their last time together.

Flashback over.

Draco remembered the next couple of months as the hardest in his life. Every time he saw Ginny and Harry together, he felt as if his heart was breaking. He couldn't help himself staring at her, and she often would look at him too, a sad gleam in her eye that was invisible to the rest of the world.

After the deatheater attack on Hogwarts and Dumbledores death, Draco abandoned the deatheaters and officially joined the order. Dumbledore, before he died, told members of his loyalty and he was accepted as a member. However, he was in acute danger after his cover was blown when he refused to kill Dumbledore.

At Order headquarters, where Draco was staying along with the Weasleys, Draco and Ginny started up again. Her family and other Order members knew, and although they were angry at first, soon started to accept it. However, Harry, Hermione, and Ron didn't know as they were out looking for Horcruxes. Before the final battle, Ginny and Draco eloped with only her parents at the wedding. Draco and Ginny decided to keep their marriage a secret before the end of the war, and not to tell Harry until after the final battle. However, Harry was wounded at the final battle by a deatheater after defeating Voldemort, and was still in Saint Mungos recovering as far as Draco and Ginny knew. They decided not to tell him until he was fully recovered. In the meantime, they moved into the manor, which was empty after both his parents' death.

Draco was interrupted of his thoughts by the desperate scream of his wife.

(A.N.) please read and respond and I'll post more.