Author's note: Just another quick reminder that this is an A/U story and I'm taking the liberty of changing canon events to better suit my objective.

They set off down the narrow path that led from the back garden through a small copse of trees to the open fields beyond. With the afternoon sun at their backs and a light breeze rustling the rows of corn along their way, it was easy to forget about any troubles and just enjoy the moment, together. Chakotay put his arm around Kathryn's shoulders and she smiled up at him, looking truly relaxed and content for the first time since he'd come to join her in Indiana.

"Isn't it nice here?" she sighed, pressing closer against his side. "So quiet and..."

"Peaceful?" he supplied. "Yes, it is. I feel like we could be hundreds of kilometers from civilization."

Kathryn laughed. "It's not quite that bad, but I know what you mean. My father often said much the same. Since he was surrounded by advanced technology during most of his working hours, he always enjoyed coming back here. We used to take long walks together while he explained all about the different plants and animals."

Chakotay remembered Aunt Erica's ominous comment about her brother's death and wondered whether Kathryn would be willing to talk about the circumstances. "Tell me about him," he said gently.

She walked a few more steps in silence, trailing her free hand along the high corn stalks ready to be harvested. Plucking a dry leaf, she twirled it between her fingers. Chakotay waited patiently, giving her time to collect her thoughts.

"He was two people at once," Kathryn finally said, lifting her eyes from the leaf in her hand to look out over the swaying field. "I didn't fully realize it until I was well into my teens, though. The first one was the family man – devoted husband, loving father, with strict principles but a big heart."

He saw the tears gathering in her eyes as she spoke, but her voice never wavered.

"The other was his command persona – the Starfleet captain, later admiral, leader of his ship and crew, an authority figure that was feared by some but respected by most. Growing up, I only ever saw glimpses of this man. He was gone for weeks on end, and when he came home, as soon as he shed the uniform he seemed to leave his job behind. I'm sure he must've worked from home occasionally, but we never saw him do it. He probably used the times when we were at school or asleep."

She stopped walking, her eyes still glued to the horizon. "I remember how Phoebe once asked him why he had to be gone so much. He replied that there was a wondrous world beyond the stars, and that he was helping to explore it. Not long after, he took us on our first off-planet journey. It was just a quick trip to Mars and back, but it was like a whole new world opened up for me. I was only ten, maybe eleven at the time, but I suddenly understood the appeal of space travel and exploration, and I begged him to take me with him the next time he had to leave."

She chuckled. "When we got home, my mother quickly grew exasperated with my newfound fascination. 'You've infected Katie with the space bug', she'd say to him, claiming that she'd hoped that at least her children would stay Earth-bound with her while her husband kept gallivanting around the galaxy."

Chakotay laughed. "That sounds like something my father might say."

"It took another two or three years before I was allowed to go on another trip with him," Kathryn continued, "and afterwards my decision was made. I was going to join Starfleet, no matter what my mother said. I could hardly wait until I was old enough to apply to the Academy."

"Did she try to deter you?" Chakotay wanted to know.

Kathryn smirked. "Of course she did. She insisted that I take up astronomy summer classes and took me to the best observatories around the world, hoping that my yearning for the stars would be appeased by studying them up close." She turned, coming face to face with her lover. "But it was never close enough for me. I wanted to experience alien civilizations, fly through an asteroid belt, invent a new propulsion system and help promote peace throughout the galaxy, preferably all in one day. Only Starfleet offered that kind of all-in-one package."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "That's the same kind of thing Captain Sulu told me when I asked him about Starfleet. All I'd ever wanted was to get away from Dorvan V, without any clear plan of what I'd do once I'd managed to leave. He offered me possibility and purpose, a whole new way of life."

Kathryn nodded her understanding. "It wasn't just that for me though. My paternal grandmother had been an officer in the fleet, just like her father before her, so I also felt a strong urge to uphold the family tradition. My father had always been my role model and I wanted to follow in his footsteps, even though I opted for the science track instead of command. He was so proud when I passed the entrance exam and personally escorted me to the dorm my first day on campus." She stepped from Chakotay's arms and took his hand, leading him further along the path. "For the next four years, I didn't see much of him. Somehow my school breaks and his shore leaves rarely coincided, but he made a point of stopping by the campus at least once whenever he was on Earth. And then I graduated."

She looked away from him, and Chakotay got the impression that she was fighting tears. Letting go of her hand, he placed his arm around her shoulders again and pulled her closer. "What happened?" he asked in a voice so low that she could pretend not to have heard him if she didn't want to reply.

Kathryn looked at him, a tear spilling from her left eye and rolling down her cheek. "I was assigned to his ship."

Before Chakotay could voice his surprise, she wiped at her face and took a shaky breath. "Being the daughter of a well-known admiral wasn't always easy, and I'd told him that I didn't want any favors. It wasn't technically his ship, either, but the flagship of the fleet he commanded at the time. He swore he didn't have anything to do with it when Captain Jhatrel requested my assignment, but I had my doubts." Another tear slipped down her cheek, but she smiled. "Once I got used to the idea, I found myself liking the prospect of serving so closely with him. We'd finally get to spend more time together, I'd be able to prove to him what I'd learned, and I hoped to really understand this other part of his personality that I'd only seen glimpses of in the past."

Although she continued to smile, Chakotay could see Kathryn's eyes filling with fresh tears. When she blinked, some of the moisture clung to her lashes in small droplets. "What happened?" he asked again.

"It was a glorious time. My father was on a diplomatic tour through the border region between the Alpha and Beta quadrants, hoping to interest some of the as yet unaligned worlds to apply for Federation membership. We stopped at a different planet every couple of weeks, and in-between there were surveys of gas clouds, uninhabited star clusters and even a stray yellow dwarf. I hardly knew where to look first, the impressions were so numerous and my work so exciting." Despite her tears, Kathryn's face was radiating pure joy while she recalled her first few months as an ensign. "And the best part was that I got to share all my experiences with my father right away. We usually had dinner together several nights a week, and he'd listen tirelessly to my prattling about tachyon particle densities and the refractive properties of massive complex halo objects. My ultimate dream came true when he asked me to accompany him on a survey of Tau Ceti Prime."

"Just the two of you?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No, I wasn't experienced enough yet to oversee a mission like that on my own. I was to help the Chief Science Officer, Lieutenant Commander Jenny Tennyson, while my father played the pilot. I think he intended it as a treat for me, because I'd been working so hard, and Tennyson agreed because I really was good and it was about time that I got more away mission experience. The three of us set off in a shuttle laden to the top with all sorts of scanning equipment. There was hardly space to move around all that bulk." She paused, lost in her memories.

They'd kept on walking and had come to the end of the field. Their path continued across a bridge spanning a small river. After passing over the water, Kathryn turned left to follow a path parallel to the stream. After another couple of minutes, she finally spoke again. "The short version of what happened is this: There was an ion storm that caused our shuttle to crash. Tennyson and my father died. I didn't."

Chakotay was struck by the lack of emotion in her voice and knew he had to proceed carefully. "Is that what the official report said?" he asked.

"In significantly more words than that, but essentially yes."

He thought back to when he'd read her Starfleet profile. There'd been mention of several months' leave of absence about six years ago, which would fit the time frame of Admiral Janeway's death, even if no reason for the extended leave had been given. He hadn't thought to look into her father's records. Anyway, he preferred hearing the story from Kathryn herself rather than rely on dry and possibly incomplete Starfleet reports. "What's the long version?" he asked gently. "Of course you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but actually I'd feel better if I knew because... Well, your Aunt Erica alluded to it this morning when you were gone with Fiona. She caught me by surprise and –"

"She did WHAT?" Suddenly the fire was back in Kathryn's eyes and voice, indignation rolling off of her like a black cloud.

"She said something about how tragic it was that your father died on your first joint mission."

"I can't believe that she used the occasion of my mother's birthday to drag out that old story! Apparently she thought you'd be easy prey because you were new to the family, and being with me, of course she assumed that you'd know. Oh, if I get my hands on that old hag!"

Kathryn kept muttering expletives as she stomped along the path, seemingly having forgotten all about his presence. Chakotay watched in fascination. Gone was the vulnerable, insecure woman who feared facing her aunt and wavered with indecision when it came to matters of her professional future. Instead, he was reminded of the Kathryn who'd taken charge on Kelvaris to save the life of a Benzite diplomat; the strong, determined woman who'd issued commands without a second thought.

Since she looked to be talking herself into a rage, he finally stepped in front of her and firmly grasped her upper arms. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter," Kathryn shot back. "If my mother had heard her, she'd have been so upset."

"Your mother did hear her," he told her, "and she quickly put an end to it."

She stared at him without a word for several heartbeats and then suddenly blurted out, "You want to know what the big family secret is? I killed my father! Now you know." Twisting out of his grasp, she quickly walked ahead, leaving him gaping after her.

By the time Chakotay recovered his wits, Kathryn was already fifty meters away and he had to jog to catch up with her. Once again grasping her arm, he forced her to face him. "You can't mean that."

She shook off his hand and crossed her arms in front of her. "But it's true."

"I don't believe it." Looking around, he noticed a group of trees with a bench underneath just off their path. Kathryn offered only token resistance when he pulled her along and sat her down on the bench. Unable to sit still himself, he started pacing in front of her. "Tell me the full story. Please."

After what had just transpired, he thought she might refuse, but she looked straight at him as she began her tale. "I already told you that we were charting Tau Ceti Prime when there was an ion storm that caused our shuttle to crash. When I woke up, I was lying face-down in a snow drift, feeling colder than I'd ever been in my entire life. I was certain that I'd freeze to death any second, so I fought to get moving. The shuttle was only a few hundred meters away, but it took me ages to reach it and get inside. It was badly damaged, but I managed to scrape enough power to scan for Tennyson and my father."

She paused for breath but Chakotay was now eager to hear more and prompted her to go on. Kathryn complied. "Tennyson was only 500 meters away, and her lifesigns were weak but steady. Finding my father was more difficult. I finally located him about three kilometers away. His lifesigns were very weak and fluctuating, and I knew I had to act fast." She swallowed hard.

Chakotay finally sat down beside her and took her hand in both of his.

"I wasted precious seconds trying to reroute power from auxiliary systems, only to realize that there was none," she went on, still fixing him with a steady look that he found unsettling. "I'd used up most of the remaining energy for my scans, and now there was only enough left for one transport attempt." She took a deep breath. "I made my choice, but I chose poorly. By the time my father materialized next to me in the shuttle, he'd been exposed to the cold for too long. He died in my arms just a few breaths later without having regained consciousness. I passed out as well, whether from shock or cold I don't know. The rescue team found us an hour later. By then Tennyson had frozen to death as well." Her hand slipped from Chakotay's as she stood and stepped over to the river's edge, staring into the lazy stream. "So you see, I killed them both. My father because I wasted time looking for more power, and Tennyson because I refused to acknowledge that she stood a better chance at survival than he did. I should've chosen her right away, then at least his death wouldn't have been totally meaningless."

Chakotay took a moment to digest all this new information, but then he rose and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her upper body. "It wasn't your fault."

Kathryn laughed humorlessly. "So I've been told over and over afterwards. It took weeks until I was able to leave my bed, and months before I started feeling alive again. At some point I came to accept that I'd simply been lucky to escape with only a mild case of frostbite." She leaned back against him, sighing deeply. "The doctors said that even if I had managed to beam both my father and Tennyson back aboard, they'd most likely both have died from hypothermia anyway. Most of the time I can believe that, but there are days when I still have my doubts."

"Does your mother know about all of this?"

To Chakotay's relief, Kathryn nodded. "Mom and Phoebe are the only ones outside of Starfleet who know the whole story from my perspective. I know they don't blame me, but..."

Her words were carried away by the wind that played in her hair. Chakotay kept his arms around her, feeling that there were no words that could help beyond what had already been said.

Suddenly, Kathryn made a sound that was half a laugh and half a sigh. "I'm such a nutcase. Whatever are you doing here with me?"

Chakotay quickly turned her to face him, staring hard into her eyes. "Don't ever say that," he admonished. "Don't even think it! You're not a nutcase, you just happen to carry a couple of burdens. And you know what? I think the experience with your father may have helped you come through your Cardassian encounter as well as you did."

Kathryn frowned, confused. "What makes you say that?"

"You'd already hit rock bottom once and survived. It may have taken you a while to heal, but eventually you got up and resumed your life. As far as I can tell, you're doing the same thing now – taking some time to process what happened and then picking up a new thread and following it. You're a survivor, Kathryn. Don't you dare forget that."

He pulled her into his arms on the last words and she buried her face against his neck, her breath warm against his skin. Not for the first time, he was struck by how deceptively small she was, and that her strength of character hugely outshone her physical appearance. He had no doubt that she would make an outstanding captain one day, and possibly even an admiral – if she decided to stay with the fleet.

Kathryn drew back slightly, interrupting his ruminations. A small smile graced her features. "I think you missed your calling, Chakotay."

"What do you mean?"

"You'd make an excellent counselor."

He shook his head. "I'm just an amateur psychologist, relying on common sense and compassion. But I'm glad if you feel that I'm helping you."

Her smile deepened. "You definitely are. I'm very grateful that you're spending the weekend here with me and my family."

"Right now I can't imagine spending another weekend without you," he replied, then bent down to pluck a stray wildflower and gingerly tucked it behind Kathryn's ear. His fingers lingered against her cheek until she lifted her face and their lips met in a tender kiss.

"There's actually one good thing that came from what happened on Tau Ceti Prime," Kathryn said as they resumed their walk, hand in hand.

"What's that?"

"I'd felt so helpless because I wasn't sure what all the medical indicators on the scans said. If I'd known, maybe the decision who to beam back would've been easier. Anyway, I thought that if I ever came to be at the site of an accident again, I wanted to be better prepared, so I took far more than the basic first aid classes that are required for everyone. That's how I knew what to do on Kelvaris when that Benzite collapsed."

"Lucky for him," Chakotay said, stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. "And lucky for me because that's when I fell in love with you."

The smile she gave him in reply held so much warmth that he knew that she'd gotten past her temporary spell of discouragement. "Then that's two good things," she acknowledged, leaning her head against his shoulder as they continued on their way.

-==/\==-

They rejoined Kathryn's family half an hour later, having taken a roundabout way that ultimately brought them back to the road leading to the Janeway home.

Phoebe and Leo had put the time to good use and were almost done with their work in the garden, so Kathryn helped with the finishing touches while Chakotay volunteered to assist Gretchen with dinner preparations.

No sooner had they entered the kitchen than the older woman swung around to fix him with a questioning look. "I'd like to ask you something, Chakotay."

Already suspecting what she was getting at, he nodded. "Feel free to ask me anything."

She checked to make sure that no one had followed them into the house and then came straight to the point. "Is Kathryn alright?" Seeing his hesitation, she quickly added, "I'm not asking you to betray any confidences, but I know my daughter. Something obviously happened recently that she won't talk about, and I just want to be sure that she's getting all the help she needs."

"She is," Chakotay assured her.

After scrutinizing him for one long moment she nodded, relief smoothing her features. "I believe you. I know she doesn't want me to worry, but I'm glad to hear that she's apparently learned that seeking help is not a weakness."

"Let's say she's made some significant steps on that road," he replied carefully.

"The first steps are always the most difficult," she acknowledged. "In time, it'll get easier." After another beat, she turned to the cupboards and started pulling out plates and glasses.

"There's one thing I'd like to ask you," Chakotay ventured as he grabbed a knife and cutting board and started slicing tomatoes. "Kathryn told me about... about her father."

Gretchen nodded slowly. "I thought she might."

"After what happened back then, did she ever consider leaving Starfleet?"

She gave him a sharp look. "Does she now?"

"I'm not sure," Chakotay admitted. "I think she may just be reevaluating all her options."

"After the incident that killed her father, Kathryn took a long time to recover," Gretchen explained while continuing to bustle around the kitchen. "Phoebe and I were grieving as well, of course, but Kathryn was hit hardest. Understandable, given that she'd been there and saw it happen." She opened the fridge but closed it again right away, turning back to Chakotay. "Did she tell you that I was against her joining Starfleet?"

Chakotay smiled. "Yes, she did."

"Then you know the lengths I went to. Kathryn's a brilliant scientist and I'm sure she'd have her pick of positions in the civilian sector if she cared to look, but she only ever had one goal and worked extremely hard to achieve it." She paused, her expressing turning thoughtful. "Then again, I never expected her to go for command, not after all these years."

"In my humble opinion, she's very suited to it," Chakotay supplied.

Gretchen nodded, still thoughtful. "That wouldn't surprise me. She and Edward have a lot in common. Phoebe's different – more of a free spirit." She laughed. "Please don't tell her I said that."

"My lips are sealed," he promised.

Sobering, Gretchen added, "But to return to your original question about whether Kathryn ever considered leaving Starfleet... Not to my knowledge, no. Not seriously, anyway. And Starfleet gave her the time she needed to heal after Tau Ceti Prime. When she returned to duty after six months' leave, I thought that it might still be too early for her to go back to space, but she was adamant. So I let her go." She shrugged somewhat helplessly, as if saying, What's a mother supposed to do?

Chakotay mulled over this new information while he carried plates and silverware into the dining room to set the table. When he returned to the kitchen, Gretchen placed a hand on his arm.

"I know you don't have family on Earth, Chakotay," she said. "Or even close by. So I want you to know that I was serious earlier – you'll always be welcome here. With or without Kathryn."

"Thank you," he managed, deeply touched by her sincerity.

Whatever else he could have said was cut short by the banging back door and Phoebe's voice, loudly calling, "Mom, we're done! What's for dinner?"

-==/\==-