She would never be skeptical again.
From the moment she felt Obi-Wan's lips on hers, she'd had no choice but to surrender. The emotions she had taught herself to constantly suppress broke free of their anchor and rose to the surface as she lost herself in the sensations – the heat of his body pressed against hers, the tingling of her scalp as his fingers entwined in her hair, the sweet taste-
Abruptly, Obi-Wan lifted his head, breaking their contact. Siri could see the conflict over his features, desire warring with discipline. The intensity of his cerulean gaze matched the struggle she could feel within him. She lowered her mental shields and stretched out to brush against his mind, trying to offer comfort. At the touch, he pulled her toward him, wrapping his arms around her.
"Forgive me," she heard his ragged voice whisper into her ear. "I don't know-"
"Don't," she interrupted. "Don't try to analyze."
After a few beats of silence, he pulled away and said, "I can't let this go. What if I had hurt you?"
Siri tried to meet his eyes, but he avoided her gaze. "You would never hurt me. Not if you could help it."
"You don't know that."
The words came out with more of an edge than she was used to hearing from the gentle Jedi Master. Siri paused. She couldn't put her finger on exactly what she had sensed in him, but there was more to it than their forbidden feelings. She had the feeling that he was fighting something other than his own emotions.
"Is something wrong?" Taking his arm, she led him to the couch where they settled. "Do you have a reason to believe that you are capable of hurting me?"
"We all have some darkness in us," he said. "I fear that my own darkness has been surfacing."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, there's tonight, for one."
"Did something happen?"
He stared at her, his eyes widening slightly. "Yes. The way I attacked you when you-"
"I wouldn't call that an attack. And I sensed no darkness from you. Just … desperation." Rubbing her swollen lips, she continued, "And I can't say I haven't had the same feelings … or that I hated the kiss." A wry smile crossed her features.
"But you have managed to control your emotions."
"And so have you." She tilted her head to one side, thinking. "So what did make you kiss me? What about tonight made you so desperate?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. I was planning to tail you on your little date, as we'd talked of earlier, but I was called into a meeting with Master Yoda, so I asked Anakin to go."
"He was quite the dashing Knight, if I may say so. And his timing was impeccable."
Obi-Wan's smile was droll. "I'm sure. And if I know my apprentice, he left a few overturned tables in the process."
"Well, let's just say some of those patrons will never be the same. Oh, and it will no longer be difficult to tell you and Jak apart, at least not until that big bruise on his jaw clears up."
He shook his head and sighed. "I suppose I should be grateful he didn't get out the lightsaber." Then he looked at Siri and said, "He didn't, did he?"
"He actually restrained himself, if you can believe that." The Jedi Master looked somewhat relieved. "Except for that big Force push he used to shove everyone up against the wall."
Obi-Wan groaned and covered his face with his hands. "Will he ever learn discretion?"
"And will you ever answer my question?"
"I was getting to it. Apparently you could use a little lesson in patience."
"Spare me the lecture, Kenobi, and tell me why I came home to such an intense … greeting." Her lips quirked up at the corners.
"It's not an easy explanation."
"I've got all night." Siri settled into the cushions and crossed her arms.
"Yes, but are you patient enough to listen to the whole thing?"
Siri glared. "Just go."
Obi-Wan stood up, slipped out of his cloak and hung it over the back of the couch. When he sat down again, he closed his eyes and began his story. "A couple of years ago, I started getting strange visions when I was meditating. It was like an echo of myself, not quite the person I am, yet I was in my body. For awhile, it was just sensations, and all I saw was white."
"Then one day when I was on a diplomatic mission with Anakin, I got a rather sudden headache. It took all of my control to hide it. I felt as if my energy was being drained out of me, and when I woke up, I was exhausted and my connection to the Force felt weaker than I'd ever remembered. At that point, I didn't want Anakin to know, so I spent a lot of time in meditation and gave him more time to tinker with his machines. He was only too happy to be on his own.
"Was he able to sense what you were going through?"
"If he did, he never asked about it. Perhaps he knew it was something I didn't want to talk about," he said. "I had no idea what was happening. Meditating and healing exercises got me through the rest of the mission and back home. I confided in Master Yoda. We spent many hours in deep meditation, which seemed to help."
"Of course, as is the usual way with Master Yoda, I sensed that he wasn't telling me everything he knew, but I felt better, so I let it go."
"Little troll."
"He's not a troll. He's just … cryptic.
"Cryptic little troll."
Obi-Wan chose to ignore her and moved on with this explanation. "For several months, I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary. No visions, no headaches-"
"Except for the ones caused by Anakin, of course."
"Well, I said nothing out of the ordinary. Now may I continue?"
"Of course."
"For the past few months, I have felt a growing darkness."
"Sorry to interrupt here, but we're at war. Who hasn't felt a growing darkness?"
Obi-Wan just looked at her.
"Sorry. Go on."
"This is different. Every emotion, every insecurity I feel has an added weight. It's harder to let go, harder to bury," he lifted his eyes and met Siri's stare, "harder to stop myself from acting on them."
"It must be Jak."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I've come to that conclusion myself. Blocking him out is harder than I thought it would be. Especially since I'm still trying to figure out what he's up to. Sometimes I think his shields are stronger than mine."
Siri studied her companion. On the surface he maintained his habitual serene countenance, but a closer look revealed physical signs of his weariness: dark circles under his eyes and a grayish pallor that had settled underneath the normal tan of his skin. What nagged at her even more, though, was feeling of disquiet she got from him when she probed. She wondered if he had been able to sleep.
As if reading her mind, Obi-Wan said, "Rest - meditation or sleep - has eluded me these past days. I cannot seem to find peace, even in the Force. Something else is always there, and it's keeping me from finding my center."
As he spoke, his voice rose in frustration. "When you were out this evening, I sensed that you were vexed. With Jak. With me. With Eenaa." A glint of humor sparked in his eyes.
"So that's her name."
"Yes. She has many contacts and has proven useful on many missions."
"I'm sure," Siri muttered under her breath.
Ignoring her remark, Obi-Wan continued his explanation. "But yours weren't the only feelings I could sense." He looked away, focusing on the back of his hand. "Let's just say he's more than a little attracted to you."
"So? He's made that pretty clear from the beginning," Siri felt the heat rising to her face. "I meant to ask you something. When I first met him and you guys pulled that switch - what did you tell him about me?"
Obi-Wan frowned as he pondered the question. "I remember that we were in the training room, and I sensed you approaching. I think he must have felt something, too, because he asked who was coming. I just told him your name. It was his idea to see if you would be fooled. I have to admit that I was curious, as well."
"So you think he can sense some of your hidden emotions? Do you think he would try to use them against you?"
"If I knew for sure what his intentions were, I could tell you that." Obi-Wan released one exasperated breath. "Maybe he already has. As I was telling you before, I can feel his attraction to you. And because I happen to feel the same way, I believe it only intensified…"
"Ah," Siri concluded. "The desperate kiss."
"The desperate kiss," he repeated. He stood up and started pacing. "My problem is this: How can I guarantee that it won't happen again? Or that something worse won't happen? What if he starts feeling anger or fear?"
As he stalked back and forth across the room, Siri watched and thought. An idea came into her head.
"I can help," she said.
Obi-Wan stopped and turned to her. "What?"
Siri's eyes were brightened with excitement. "You kept me from going crazy when I was stuck in the caves. Let me help you this time."
"How?"
"This." Siri stood up and faced him. She took his hand and entwined her fingers with his. As she felt the familiar tingling, she spoke quietly, "Maybe this bond we seem to have isn't just here to torment us. The Force works in mysterious ways, right? Maybe at this time, during this trial you're facing, I am supposed to be your anchor and help you remember who you are. We know we have the beginnings of a bond. If we just reach a little farther-"
"I don't know." Uncertainty clouded Obi-Wan's features. "Besides the fact that this is against the Code, dragging you into this might put you in more danger. It might make us both vulnerable."
"Or it might make us both stronger," Siri declared, her sapphire eyes flashing. "As for the Code, if you want to get technical, we've already broken it. Bring it to the Council if you want."
The room fell silent as Obi-Wan considered her words.
As light began to break over the city-planet, a cloaked figure walked at brisk pace, his boots clicking against the pavement of the city streets. He was oblivious to the throngs of creatures around him and to the grid of vehicles whizzing several stories above his head.
He broke away from the anonymity of the crowd and melted into the darkness of a side street, then took another turn into a dead end. Surrounded by three durasteel walls, the being knelt and waited.
His wait was not long. Out of the darkness, a deep, cultured voice emerged, "Rise, my young servant, and tell me of your progress."
The figure stood. "I have been making observations as you wish, my lord. Master Kenobi is highly regarded within the Order, and he has been placed on the Council."
"So the Masters are not as foolish as I had originally thought. They are starting to recognize his power. This could make my task more difficult, but no matter."
"Indeed his shields are difficult to penetrate."
"Fortunately, you have a way of getting around that."
"It's not as simple as that, my lord. He's had years of practice at keeping his secrets hidden. And to keep my cover, I must-
"But you have a secret weapon. And I trust you have used it to find at least one weakness."
Silence hung in the air.
"Do I sense hesitation?"
"Of course not, my lord," the voice spoke smoothly. "I was simply looking for the right words."
"The find them," the shadow said impatiently.
"Master Kenobi has deep feelings for another Jedi. I didn't know about it until she arrived at the Temple."
"Really," he sounded interested. "Who is this other Jedi?"
More silence.
"You don't wish to tell me." This was a statement rather than a question.
"I just thought you don't need to concern yourself with the petty details."
"As far as I'm concerned, no detail is too trivial when it comes to Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're not planning to deceive me are you?"
"Of course not. Her name is Siri Tachi."
"Hmm…I am not familiar with that name. What do you know of her?"
"Not too much. She is very guarded with me. I do know that she and Master Kenobi grew up together and often went on missions together. They share a sort of bond, but have suppressed it for many years."
"The Jedi Code forbids attachments of this sort. Just one more reason the Order is weakening, in my opinion." He snorted before continuing. "Do you share this bond, as well?"
"No. I feel its currents, but I cannot penetrate the connection itself."
The darkness hung between the two men as the master pondered. After a few minutes' contemplation, he spoke, "This attachment may be just the crack I need to turn Kenobi. You must work to widen that crack. Open him up to his darker emotions: envy, possession, anger, fear… When he is closer to the breaking point, I shall intervene."
"And how should I go about that?"
"Play on the weaknesses you know about, the woman, his doubts about the war and the Order's role in it, as you told me about before. You are the only one who has the power to intensify his feelings."
"Yes, my lord."
"Do not fail me. You are easy enough to replace."
"Yes, my lord.