Disclaimer: I dont own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters I'm just borrowing them for none profite purposes.

Author's note: Here's the first real chapter, have fun and dont forget to review lol. I'll only update if I get plenty of reviewers telling me to, yes like most people I like to get reviews, I believe it's quite normal, however this means I'm open to any constructive criticism so long as it's construtive.

I forget exactly how I found out that she was back in New York City, had Olivia told me or had I learned from the newspapers? It's not that the papers specifically said, "Woman comes back from dead" or anything like that no. There was just the occasional mention of her cases, for the newspapers I guess it was like she'd never been dead.

I guess when I found out she was back my initial reaction was confusion, why hadn't she told me? I had been confused enough when she returned to prosecute her killer because obviously only Olivia and Elliot knew she'd been in witness protection. But now this, now she was back, alive, breathing, working, yet not a word to me. So confusion soon enough turned to anger. Obviously I wasn't to be blamed, it was her fault, she was the reason for my anger.

We'd been in love, and maybe after years in witness protection that means nothing to a person. Because sure seems like it meant nothing to her, she was a new person, it was like she'd been re-incarnated, died and born again, but she wasn't the same Alex I'd once known, no that Alex cared about me.

I guess I should have been happy to know she was alive, but all it did was bring me pain, after all the work it took to numb myself to the pain of her death she came back hitting me with a wave of confusion and bitterness. Like anyone in my situation I decided it was best to go see her, because obviously she'd have an excuse for not contacting me and I felt certain once I heard it everything would be better and we could be lovers again.

So I actually left the precinct on time one night after finishing up my paperwork, I figured Alex would still be working though and that I could catch her if I hurried. I arrived at her office but someone who claimed to be her co-worker said she had just left. I sighed slightly annoyed I'd come all that way for nothing. I guess I should have figured she'd been in the parking lot but either way when I saw her struggling to get the keys into her car I was well, surprised.

She didn't look any different really, I guess her hair may have been a bit longer but that was it. She didn't notice me, no reaction whatsoever it was like we'd become complete strangers. For this reason I felt a bit too nervous to talk to her, but of course I called her name before she got into her car. She immediately turned around, I counted three seconds before I saw any reorganization register on her face. She briefly narrowed her eyes before her face became unreadable.

"John?" She asked her voice clear and strong where I'd thought she'd be happy and surprised.

"Yeah."

"Uh hi…"

"Listen…Alex I've only come to know one thing…why didn't you tell me you'd come back?"

Still her face remained unreadable, well more like cold and distant, "Listen Munch I have nothing explain to you, I'm sorry but I have to go now, I'll talk to you another time. Bye."

"Wait, god Alex I came here for some answers that's all, cant I get any?" I questioned, I think I let a little anger come out in my voice if anything I was angry she'd called me Munch, it was like by calling me by my last name instead of my first she'd further distanced herself from me.

"Munch, when I came back to New York City I promised to forget my old life…in fact I promised to forget it the moment I entered witness protection, I'm sorry Munch but I've moved on, you'd be wise to do the same yourself." And with that she got into her car and sped away leaving me alone yet again.

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It was a long time before I saw her again, I pretty much went on the same way I did before she had come back to New York City. I was if anything completely unfazed, I convinced myself that we'd never even had a relationship and that it was stupid to think we did. And maybe we didn't, if you're with someone for a year does that count as a relationship? I guess some people wouldn't think so and in those days I came to agree with them. I guess I figured that was it, all those years of worrying for her were for nothing and I was at long last ready to move on with my life.

I braced myself for the future; I lived with my sorrows as I always had. And so I guess I just started to live my life for the first time in years, I cant say I was happy, because rest assured I was no where near it, yet I was if anything more at peace. But the funny thing about peace is it doesn't tend to last very long, you need war to sustain it. And I wasn't going to give up on Alex without a fight.

Author's note: All right that's chapter one please review or I wont update, because I'll be forced to think no one likes this story, and that would be no good. Also sorry it's taken me a while to update but I've been away at camp for two weeks.