FOREVER CHANGED

CHAPTER 18

TWO STEPS BACK

The morning may have been half over, but the day had just started for a still sleepy Ponyboy. He took a seat at the kitchen table, next to Johnny. "I shoulda started wakin' up earlier, I start school tomorrow", he groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Yeah, I start physical therapy tomorrow", Johnny said in the same tone.

Pony smiled, knowing Johnny had one up on him. "Okay, you win".

"Damn it", Darry's voice could be heard from the basement. "Ponyboy", he called.

"Yeah Dar?", Pony answered. "I need you to run to the hardware store and pick up some fuses, we're all out and the last one just blew", Darry explained, jogging up the stairs.

"Why cant Soda go?", Pony whined. Darry gave him a fatherly glare. "Because Soda's already at work….and I asked you", he stated.

"I cant go because the truck wont start and I need to get it fixed….Steve's comin' with the tow truck, we're donna bring it over to the DX", Darry added.

"Cant you just fix it here?", Pony groaned. Darry gave him an incredulous look. "Don'tcha think I already tried that?…I spent all morning' trying to get that piece of shit to start", he explained.

Ponyboy frowned. "What about Johnny?", he asked quietly. Darry scrubbed his hand across his forehead, for a split second, he had forgotten all about the severely injured boy in the next room.

"Take him with you", Darry replied with a shrug, not knowing what else to do. "I don't know how long I'll be and we cant afford all the food in the frige to spoil". Pony nodded and left to get Johnny.

"It's your lucky day, Johnnycake", Ponyboy said with a smile. "We're taking a walk".

Johnny's eyes widened. "Wh-where we goin'?", he asked nervously.

"The hardware store", Pony replied lightly. "Hey Dar, do I need to bring that portable oxygen thing", he called as he walked out of the kitchen.

"I dunno Pony, the hardware store's only three blocks away.…ask Johnny" , Darry replied.

Pony turned around. "How's your breathin' Johnny", he asked.

"Okay…I guess", Johnny replied. Pony wasn't convinced.

Johnny was doing really well during the day, when it came to breathing. He was able to get by with only having four breathing treatments per day and just using the oxygen mask over night. But, this being the first time Johnny was leaving the house, Pony decided it would be better to bring it along.

"You ready Dar", Steve called through the screen door. When he saw Pony and Johnny in the living room, he walked into the house. "Hey lookit you all dressed up", Steve said to Johnny, noticing the gray sweatpants and black t-shirt he was sporting, instead of the usual blue set of pajamas. Johnny smiled awkwardly.

"We're goin' out", Pony stated proudly, sitting on the coffee table to put on his shoes.

"Hey Pone, you got an extra pair of those?", Johnny asked quietly, referring to the shoes.

"Why Kid, it's not like yer gonna be doin' any of the walkin' anyhow?", Steve chuckled, ignorantly.

"Steve", Pony shouted. Darry slapped Steve on the back of the head. "Randle, that had to be the most insensitive thing that ever came outta that stupid mouth of yours", Darry scolded, pulling Steve by the collar of his shirt.

"You know I didn't mean anything' by it, right Johnnycake?", Steve asked as Darry nearly pushed him out the door.

"Yeah…sure", Johnny answered, to no one in particular. Pony gave Johnny a sympathetic smile before walking into his bedroom.

Johnny tried to let it bother him, but he couldn't….Steve's words cut threw him like a knife.

"I saved these from your house, there the one's Dally bought you for Christmas….'member?", Pony asked. Johnny smiled. Dally never bought anything for anyone…but last Christmas morning there was a shoebox on the front porch of the Curtis house, marked; For Johnny. Dally made sure Johnny had a new pair of sneakers to wear when he went to church, that morning, with Darry, Soda and Pony.

Pony stood there, awkwardly, looking down at the shoes…..Maggie always changed and dressed Johnny.

Johnny saw the familiar uneasy look in Ponyboy's face, it was the one Pony always wore when he had to touch Johnny's legs. "You know you cant hurt me Pony", he stated flatly.

"I know", Pony frowned, sitting on the floor and undoing the laces.

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The sun hit Johnny's face with full force, he squinted immediately, not used to being outside during the day. As soon as they cleared the ramp, Pony started talking about how everyone on the block was fixing up there houses…starting right after the addition was put on their house.

There were people everywhere. He still couldn't move his head more than an inch in either direction , so Johnny's eyes darted quickly around this strange yet familiar environment. He could see people starring, some would whisper to one another as they passed, other would look away quickly….Pony was oblivious, he just kept talking as they continued along.

They were stopped near a corner, waiting for the traffic to slow. Out of the corner of his eye, Johnny noticed a little girl, around six of seven, playing ball in front of her house. He smiled, she looked so happy, carefree…he never had that as a child.

Her pink ball rolled down the hill, resting right next to Johnny's chair. She playfully skipped down the driveway, stopping a few feet away. She stood frozen, staring at Johnny. He had just opened his mouth to say hello when she turned and started running for the house. "Mommy….Mooooommy", she squealed, in a high pitched tone that broke Pony from his rambling.

"Hey little girl, you forgot your ball", he called after her. When he didn't see any movement from the house, he tossed the ball into the front yard and crossed the street.

Johnny became more aware and more uneasy as they rounded to corner, stopping in front of Thompson's hardware. Pony looked at the four steps to the door. "I cant get you up there, you're gonna hafta wait out here", Pony said. He noticed the scared look in Johnny's eyes. "I'll be right out, I promise".

Johnny tried to focus on anything but the reflection in the window. He didn't want to look but his eyes slowly moved to the right. His eyes snapped shut…then opened again.

He stared at the figure before him….that couldn't be him, it just couldn't….this had to be a dream. His eyes traveled down from his gaunt, paled face.…he'd seen the burns on his hands, they were horrible, he didn't think anything could be worse then that, especially the left one…..but this was worse, far worse.

The skin was tight, red and wrinkled starting at the jaw line and running all the way down. Johnny was shaking, his arms held tightly against his stomach. He squeezed his eye shut and swallowed hard, the bile burning as it ran back down his throat.

"Are you okay, young man….young man?", a calm male voice called out. Johnny's eyes snapped open and he jerked slightly when his sore shoulder was grabbed. He looked terrified. "Are you alright Dear?", a sweet elderly lady asked.

Johnny's eyes softened. "Y-yes M-ma'am", he shuttered. She nodded and gave a weak smile as she turned to resume her walk with the man next to her. Johnny could feel them behind him. "That poor boy….such a shame", she whispered to her companion. "Yeah, it's a damn pity", he agreed as they walked off.

Ponyboy bounced down the steps, bag in hand. He took hold of the handles and turned Johnny around. He noticed a commotion down another block. "He Johnny look, a parade. You wanna go check it out?", Pony asked excitedly. "No…I…just wanna…go home", Johnny answered weakly.

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Maggie walked into the house, giving Darry a big hug and kiss before kicking her shoes off and falling onto the couch. "You all ready for school tomorrow Ponyboy", Maggie asked, getting comfortable.

"No…I don't think anyone's ever nready to go back to school….the summers are too short", he complained, but with a smile.

"Hey Maggie, how ya doin' today", Soda asked, walking in from the kitchen.

"Just fine Sodapop, thank you", she replied. Noticing someone was missing, Maggie asked, "Where's Johnny?".

"He's still in bed…been there since we got back", Pony answered.

"Got back…from where?", she asked, concernedly.

"We took a walk today…", Pony began.

"A walk? I didn't bandage him this morning, did you cover his.." she interrupted.

Pony's dropped his head. "I know you said he shouldn't be out in the sun without the bandages, but we were only out for about 20 minutes and it was cloudy on the way home…", he defended.

Maggie rose slowly. "Ponyboy, its not that…Johnny hasn't been out since he was injured…we're used to seeing him…others aren't…..", she said softly. "He's hasn't seen his burns yet", she revealed.

"Never?", Darry whispered.

"No, we try to wait until the patient is emotionally ready to handle it before we get them accustomed to changes in their appearance. But in Johnny's case, he also has a severe physical disability to deal with ….Dr. Franklin wanted to wait until after Johnny started physical therapy, get him used to going out in public, at first, with his bandages, then without", she explained.

Ponyboy looked upset. "Did something happen Ponyboy?", Maggie asked.

Pony shook his head. "No one came up to us, if that's what you mean", he answered. "And I was only in the store for a few minutes…."

"He was alone?", Maggie asked. Ponyboy nodded again. "I'll be right back".

"Hey Johnny…supper's almost ready…you hungry?", Maggie asked comfortingly.

Johnny was laying on his side, his back to the door, the blankets pulled up to his shoulders. Maggie looked back at Pony, who was behind her.

"He was shiverin' when we got home….said he was cold. He asked me to cover him", Pony explained sadly. Maggie nodded. "Go on and eat, I be out soon", she replied.

Maggie sat on the side of Johnny's bed, she adjusted his legs, preparing to turn him on his back. "I'm tired Maggie", he whispered.

"Okay", Maggie replied quietly, her hand brushing his cheek as she ran her hand through his hair. His face was damp.

Maggie got up from the bed and walked to the door. "Why?", he asked weakly. "What?", she asked turning around.

"Why didn't you show me.…tell me I look like a….monster", he gasped.

Maggie ran over to his side, facing him. "Don't , don't you ever say that about yourself, Johnny Cade….ever", she cried.

Johnny looked at her with those huge dark eyes, rimmed with red. "I scared her", he whimpered.

"Scared who?" Maggie prodded.

"The little girl….on the corner….and the old couple", he weeped.

"Johnny it'll be okay….you just need some time to get used to…", Maggie explained.

"No…I-I…I just want to be alone…please", he whispered painfully.

Maggie bent down and kissed his forehead, stifling her cries until she closed the door behind her and broke down.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I knowthis waspretty depressing, but i guess that's the point, I needed a starting point for Johnny's psychological recovery. I really don't think, someone injured as bad as Johnny, could be able to deal with those injuries without having strong emotional reactions. I hope I did a good job.

Remember Johnny's never had strong self-confidence or a good self image. He was beaten, belittled, pick on by not only his parents but by the Soc's too. This had to be a crushing blow to his already fragile emotional state.

To my lovely reviewers: iheartponyboy33, Kawaii-Chibi-Kai, ivy45663, Blondie 24-7, WhoaaReally53, and Maddiecake...big squeezie hugs to all, you guys are so awesome.