"And it was Death itself who stood behind me,
With his arms wrapped around me as tight as iron bands,
And his lipless mouth kissing my neck as if in love.
But as well as the horror, I felt a strange longing."
-Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace
Chapter Seventeen – The Good-Father
Caryssa had not spoken since they left King's Landing.
It was frustrating her husband, she could tell, but she still did not speak. Any time that they stopped, she would dismount her horse on her own, ignore Jaime and release Rhaenyra from her cage. Whenever he tried to touch her, she would move out of the way before he could reach her. It seemed childish, but it was all she could do when she was surrounded by Lannister soldiers. She wanted to hit him. She wanted to scream at him. Gods, she wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her.
She had not yet been able to shed tears for Jory. She wanted to, she intended to, but she would not give any Lannister soldier the satisfaction of seeing her in a vulnerable place. Instead, she was holding back her grief, her anger, mining it for a time when it would serve her best.
Jory had taught her how to wield a sword, how to fight, how to defend herself. If she had needed a best friend other than her siblings or her parents, he would have been it. They shared their thoughts with each other. He gave her honest opinions. He had been her first real kiss, the first man she had desired. Jory had always been with her, for as long as she could remember, and now he was dead.
Dead. By her husband's hand.
She could not forgive it. She would not forgive it.
Nor would she forgive Jaime attacking her father, nor what she had done to his soldier who had injured him. She had taken another life, something she had vowed not to do. She had been so angry that she had strung the arrow to her bow and released it without a thought.
She was a murderer, no better than her husband and that thought made her furious.
That anger fuelled her resolve to not let the man touch her. Every night, she would climb into bed wearing a nightgown and immediately turn her back on him. If he tried to touch her, she just laid there and listened to Rhaenyra growl at him until he stopped.
Jaime did not help himself, really.
On their final night of camping, just before they reached Tywin Lannister's camp in the Riverlands, Caryssa and Jaime were sat at their table for another awkward dinner.
"I did not realise that you were so close to your father's guard," He was only met by silence, so he continued, trying to get under her skin to get her to speak to him. Even if it was just in rage. "I know that you didn't fuck him before our marriage, given the blood on the sheets on our wedding night, but I bet he wanted to. Did you ever kiss him? Ever let him touch you? I know that you're not as prudish as you seem given how much you enjoyed fucking me in that rather public alcove."
Caryssa bit her cheek hard, feeling coppery liquid slide down her throat, and kept her retort inside of herself. He was trying to make her angry, trying to get her to speak even if it was to shred him to pieces with her own accusations and vicious words. Her eyes stayed on her plate because she was on the brink of tears and did not want him to see her cry. Nor did she want to give him the satisfaction of fleeing.
"I guess silence is its own answer."
"He was twice the man that you are," She said finally, ending her four day silence. She relished his surprise that she had pushed aside her stubbornness and had actually replied to his childishness. Though her actually words did not seem to surprise him at all. "I'd known him all my life and he was my friend. You took him from me."
"Well, he would have killed me had I not killed him first. Would you rather I had died, sweet wife?"
"Yes. I would," Caryssa stated, raising her head and glaring at him. "I would rather have Jory alive and be back in Winterfell, than be stuck here with the man who murdered him and tried to kill my father."
A brief silence fell between them as they stared at each other. Caryssa thought for a moment that she had wounded him with her words, but if she had, he quickly hid his true emotions and replaced them with that smug arrogance that made her want to cut his throat with her knife.
"I'm surprised you haven't attempted to kill me yet. After all, I did kill your precious Jory and your father was injured by my soldier-"
"Who I did kill," Caryssa cut him off, tired of the conversation already. "Besides, Ser Lannister, I am not as stupid as you clearly believe me to be. I wouldn't kill you when I'm surrounded by your soldiers. That would be suicide."
"Back to Ser Lannister now?" Jaime quipped, seemingly displeased by the formal term of address and Caryssa rolled her eyes at him and rose from her seat.
"Informal terms of address are for people you like or for family. You are neither anymore." Caryssa replied, walking behind her changing screen in their tent.
She pulled off her gown, wishing that she could bathe to get some of the grime off from their travels that was clinging to her skin. Caryssa sighed as she pulled off her shift and replaced it with her nightgown and then shuffled out from behind the protection of the screen and over to their shared bed.
Jaime still sat at the table, swirling his wine and staring at the burgundy liquid sloshing around the glass, when she climbed into the bed. Rhaenyra immediately climbed up and laid herself dutifully at her mistress' feet. Sighing once more, Caryssa raised her head from her pillow and glanced over her shoulder at him.
"Goodnight, Ser Lannister."
"Goodnight, Lady Lannister." Jaime replied, his eyes briefly leaving the glass and locking with hers.
When staring into those green orbs, she felt that stab of longing for how it had been days ago. The budding…something that was forming between them, the lightness of their interactions and the fluttering in her chest when he pinned her with those eyes. When he looked at her now, she just felt angry and guilty; anger because of what he did as well as what he said and guilty that she had to fight against the urge to soften because of whatever feelings she had been developing for him prior to this whole mess.
Because she had. She knew she had. She had been slightly terrified of the prospect of loving a Lannister, so had deemed it best to ignore it and not mention it.
Turns out that had been a wise move on her part. Caryssa couldn't imagine actually being in love with Jaime now, not after everything that had happened.
She wouldn't love him.
On the Old Gods and the New, she, Caryssa Stark, would not fall in love with Jaime Lannister.
Not now. Not ever.
"You did not actually answer my questions before," She arched a brow at him, silently asking him what in the seven hells was he talking about. "Did you love him?"
Caryssa stared at him a couple moments before she answered.
"I could have."
With that said, she lowered her head back to her pillow and feigned sleep until she was no longer pretending.
The next day saw the joining of the two Lannister groups; Tywin's large army from the Rock and Jaime's small party of loyal Lannister soldiers from King's Landing.
Caryssa had to continuously resist the urge to roll her eyes at the sea of deep crimson that assaulted her eyes everywhere she looked. Tents, armor, banners, saddles…everything was bloody 'Lannister red' and it made her eyes burn. She looked so out of place here in her grey riding gown and furs. She might as well have written a giant sign that she did not belong. 'I'm a Stark, come and kill me', it said.
She was deep behind enemy lines here. And completely wary of it.
Just because she was Jaime's wife, and technically a Lannister now, did not mean that she could not suffer an untimely demise whilst she was being held captive by her own husband.
Still, the She-Wolf of Winterfell did not cower in front of lions, so Caryssa held her head high as they rode into the Lannister camp and an icy expression. She could hear them mumbling about her. Things about her mother, about her father, about her beauty or her coldness, but she did not care.
'Let them talk,' she thought to herself, 'Let them talk and make their stories'.
While waiting for their tent to be erected, Caryssa released Rhaenyra. She'd had to hide her smirk when she saw grown warriors flinch away from the direwolf, who grew larger and larger every day, as she started sniffing her way around the camp. Catching Jaime's stern look, Caryssa made a gesture to Rhaenyra and then watched her scamper off into the woods by the camp to hunt for her lunch.
"Problem?"
"She should be on a leash. She makes the men nervous." Jaime stated, and looking around and she knew he wasn't wrong.
"Good. They'd be foolish not to be nervous. She could rip off their arms," Caryssa smirked, giving some of the Tywin's men a dark look as they eyed her. She looked back at Jaime with a cold expression, before returning her eyes to the whispering men. "I'd let her."
They looked back with unamused looks until they were obstructed by another armored man. Caryssa glanced at him and saw that he looked vaguely familiar, with the salty blonde hair and green eyes. He was a Lannister if she ever saw one.
"Uncle Kevan, it's good to see you."
"This must be your bride," Ser Kevan Lannister somewhat smiled as he held out his hand to her, and she reluctantly placed her slight one in his. "Lady Caryssa, you are as charming as they say."
"Thank you, my lord. I am sure your words would mean more were I not a reluctant pawn in my husband's foolishness." Caryssa smiled falsely as Kevan's own expression soured somewhat and Jaime rolled his eyes.
"Isn't she wonderful, Uncle? A woman with beauty and an untamable tongue." Jaime huffed sarcastically, and Caryssa glared at him, until she felt something bump the back of her knee. She turned around and saw Rhaenyra had returned.
She looked even more frightening now to outsiders; her white muzzle was stained with the blood of whatever woodland creature she had taken down and devoured. For a moment, Caryssa stood transfixed by the color, the deep red a stark contrast to the snow white fur. Shaking her head, she crouched down and pulled her handkerchief from her sleeve and wiped the blood away.
"I'm sure that she is providing you with a challenge, nephew," Caryssa once again resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the atypical maleness of Ser Kevan's words. "Your father wishes to speak to you."
Jaime nodded, and turned to Caryssa.
"Make sure that you get the tent organized-"
"Your father wishes to meet your wife too."
"We've been travelling for a few days now. I'm sure that my wife would-"
"Would love for you to not speak for her. I have my own voice and I can use it and I would love to meet your father." Caryssa smiled, and took Ser Kevan's offered hand and let him lead her forward to the largest tent.
Outwardly, she was confident and poised and calm, but inwardly, she was nervous and panicked.
Tywin Lannister was unlike any she had ever encountered before. She had heard many stories of the head of the House Lannister, mostly from her father and his men and Maester Luwin, snippets from Tyrion during his time in Winterfell and little anecdotes from her husband from his childhood. He was a force to be reckoned with, a strong and powerful man who did not suffer fools lightly, but also had no problem with the needless bloodshed of innocent people. Like Princess Elia and her children.
It was why Dorne no longer considered themselves apart of Westeros. Their hatred for Lannisters and what had been done to their Princess and her children was well known to all Westeros. Tywin Lannister made a great enemy in the Dornish the day he sent the Mountain to kill the sister of their Prince and her children.
But she knew that their deaths were proof enough of how great an enemy that he could be, and one she wasn't sure she wanted to face head on, but knew she had little choice in the matter. Ser Kevan had said that Tywin had 'wished' to meet her, but she knew from personal experience that when men used that word it really meant that it was an order.
Before she knew it, Ser Kevan was pulling back the flaps to the tent and she was entering it, with her husband behind her and her wolf at her side. Almost immediately, Rhaenyra started growling and Caryssa's was instantly full of dread. Rhaenyra only growled at people she perceived to be a threat or those who had upset her mistress and that meant that Tywin truly was a threat to her.
"Rhaenyra." Caryssa silenced the direwolf, who fell back to her side and pushed her face into Caryssa's side.
Tywin Lannister was tall for an old man. He had broad shoulders and his eyes were the same shade of green as Cersei's. He had the same thinning silvery blonde hair that his brother had and he was donned in all black leathers. The worst part of him was his entire presence. Just standing in front of him, Caryssa knew that he was a man who demanded respect, with an intense, intimidating gaze that made her want to disappear into the background.
Instead she just stood straighter. This was her first meeting with her good-father. She would not make a terrible first impression.
"Robert Baratheon was a fool, but he made one right decision in marrying you to my son," Were his first words he ever said to her and Caryssa said nothing in return. She thought it might be pushing her luck to make a smart comment on how it was more than likely the worst decision Robert Baratheon had ever made. "Cersei has wrote to me many times about you, but I think perhaps she was wrong. You certainly won't be a blight on my family's good name, will you, Lady Caryssa?"
"It's not in me to be a blight on a family name, my Lord. I shan't embarrass you."
"Though you are still wearing Stark colors, I see."
"Maybe by marriage I am a Lannister, but I will always be a Stark. The North runs through my veins, my lord, it always has and always will." Caryssa stated, the pride for her House and her origins clear in her voice.
"You are a Lannister now. You will act like a Lannister and dress like one. I expect to see more Lannister colors on you the next time we see each other." Tywin ordered, his eyes sharp on hers as he picked up his carving knife and turned his attention to the felled stag on his butcher's table. Another omen if she ever saw one.
"And if I'm not?"
She could practically hear Jaime's sigh behind her and she almost agreed with him. Why was she picking silly little battles with his father? What was she gaining from this? Yet the words had already left her mouth and it was too late to take them back now.
"I will have all your clothes burned and replaced with new ones more befitting a Lady of the Rock," He replied, looking over his shoulder at her, jabbing his skinning knife in her direction. "Do not test me, girl. You won't ever win a battle against me."
"I wouldn't dream of it, my lord." Caryssa sighed.
"And is that a sword at your side?"
"For my protection, yes, my lord."
"That's what husbands and guards are for, Lady Caryssa. You are not to carry weapons any longer either," He sniped, and Caryssa's jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed. "It's not a woman's place to carry a sword. War is the dominion of men."
"War is the dominion of all, my lord. Men may fight the battles but it is women who are left to deal with its effects-"
"Perhaps you could tell me why you summoned me and my lovely wife to your tent as soon as we'd arrived, Father." Jaime cut her off, so that she wouldn't get into a debate with his father of all people. Only she could pick a fight with the might Tywin Lannister.
"I received a raven from King's Landing." Tywin pointed towards his desk and Jaime immediately walked over to it, his eyes skimming over the writing.
"You are summoned to court to answer for the crimes of your bannerman, Gregor Clegane, the Mountain. Uh, arrive within a fortnight or be branded an enemy of the crown," Jaime stopped reading and pacing, his eyes glancing at his wife before landing on his father as he sharpened his knife. "Poor Ned Stark, brave man, terrible judgement."
"The same kind of judgement you showed when battling him outside of a busy brothel?" Caryssa snapped, and before her husband opened his mouth to retaliate, his father beat him.
"She's right. Attacking him was stupid," Tywin started carving into his kill, slicing it down the middle and pulling out its insides. Jaime seemed surprised by his father's words and the fact that he had agreed with his wife, but she always did insist that she was right. "Lannisters do not act like fools. Are you going to say something clever? Go on. Say something clever."
"Catelyn Stark took my brother."
"Why is he still alive?"
"Tyrion?" Jaime questioned, and Caryssa remained silent, knowing exactly who his father had meant.
"Ned Stark."
"My wife arrived and one of my men interfered. Speared him through the leg before I could finish him." Jaime explained, and Caryssa closed her eyes, clenched her fist in Rhaenyra's fur to ground herself and counted to ten in her head. If she lost her temper now, she would say things that they would definitely make her regret and she could not even imagine what Tywin would do to punish her.
"Why is he still alive?" Tywin pressed, still skinning his stag.
"It wouldn't have been clean and I do not doubt that if I killed her father, my beautiful wife would stab me in my sleep."
"Clean," Tywin scoffed, "You spend too much time worrying about what people think of you."
"I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of me." Jaime insisted, and Caryssa arched a brow at him. He cared. He cared probably more than anyone about what people thought. He just pretended he didn't.
"That's what you want people to think of you."
"It's the truth."
"When you hear them whispering 'Kingslayer' behind your back, doesn't it bother you?" Tywin pushed his son. Caryssa could see Jaime's jaw clenched in frustration. A few days ago, she might have reached over and held his hand, tried to show him that he had her support. Now, she stood as still as a statue, except for her fingers raking through the soft fur of her protective direwolf.
"Of course it bothers me."
"A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of the sheep. I suppose I should be grateful that your vanity got in the way of your recklessness. I'm sure your wife is as well," Tywin paused in his activity and half-turned back to face his eldest and his wife. "I'm giving you half our forces. 30,000 men. You will bring them to Catelyn Stark's girlhood home and remind her that Lannister's pay their debts."
"I didn't realize that you placed such a high value on my brother's life."
"He's a Lannister," Tywin half-chuckled. At least that's what Caryssa thought it was. She had a hard time believing that the Lord Lannister had ever laughed in his life. "He might be the lowest of the Lannisters, but he's one of us, and every day he remains a prisoner, the less our name commands respect."
"So the lion does concern himself with the opinions of the sheep-"
"No, that's not an opinion. It's a fact," Tywin raised his voice, so much so that Caryssa saw Rhaenyra's hair stand on end and her face shift from neutral into a snarl. It was not an audible change, but she knew that he had seen it so she rubbed behind Rhaenyra's ears to try and calm her down. "If another house can seize one of our own, hold him captive with impunity then we are no longer a house to be feared."
Her father had never ruled the North that way, that was not how the Starks ruled. They valued fairness and justice as greater tools than fear in keeping their enemies in line. Not that she had ever known the Starks to have many enemies, except Robert Baratheon's enemies. Every time the king made a new one, there was a rebellion for her father to fight in. Fear, she mused, must be a powerful tool itself if it has kept the Lannister family so powerful for so long.
"You lose the fear, you lose control." Caryssa murmured, and Tywin nodded at her.
"She's a smart girl," Tywin commented, before returning to his butchering, turning his back on them once more. "Your mother's dead. Before long, I'll be dead, so will you and your wife. And your brother and your sister and all of her children and any children you might have in the future. All of us dead, all of us rotting in the ground. It's the family name that lives on. It's all that lives on. Not your personal glory, not your honor, but family."
With one more flick of his knife, Tywin stopped once more and turned back to face his son.
"Do you understand?"
Jaime nodded, knowing that said more than any words could, especially since he didn't particularly agree with his father. His family name would live on, but his personal glory and his honor would be remembered as well. Or his lack of it.
Tywin though seemed to accept his nod as an answer, and turned back to his skinned deer. Stabbing his skinning knife into the wood of the table, he began to wipe his bloody hands as he continued to lecture his son. Caryssa almost felt like she should have left a long time ago. She did not really have a place in the direction that the conversation had taken a turn towards and she felt like she was intruding.
"You're blessed with abilities that few men possess. You're blessed to belong to the most powerful family in the kingdoms and you're still blessed with youth and what have you done with these blessings, huh? You've served as a glorified bodyguard for two kings. One a madman, the other a drunk-"
"Protecting the king is a noble task, my lord. A task that any man should be proud to undertake." Caryssa interjected, though she did not know why. Perhaps it was because she felt pity for Jaime in that moment. A fully grown man still being belittled and berated by his father? It was almost sad. If anything it was awkward to watch, so Caryssa had felt the urge to step in and help him. It was her duty after all, even if she did loathe him.
"For a second son perhaps," Tywin retorted and Caryssa sighed. She suddenly saw where Jaime, Cersei and Tyrion had inherited their one-mindedness. Once a thought entered their heads, they were very singular about it. Tywin stepped forward towards the pair, ignoring the quieted growling of the grey and white wolf at his good-daughter's side. "The future of our family will be determined in these next few months. We could establish a dynasty that will last for a thousand years or we could collapse into nothing like the Targaryens did."
Caryssa averted her eyes when Tywin placed a hand firmly on his son's cheek. She was definitely intruding on some father-son moment now.
"I need you to become the man you were born to be. Not next year, not tomorrow. Now."
With that final word, Tywin turned away from them and returned to his carving. Jaime stood there for a moment, seeming to absorb what his father had said to him, before he left the tent, beckoning for her to follow him with a simple flick of his hand.
Surprising as it may seem, she had no desire to linger on alone in Tywin's tent, so she hurried after him, Rhaenyra at her heels.
They were silent on their way to their tent, and she was just thankful that it had been erected and was ready for them to return to. As soon as they were inside, Caryssa headed for the wine and Rhaenyra headed for the foot of the bed. She poured two glasses of wine, holding one out for her husband, who accepted it with an arched eyebrow.
She shook her head and simply knocked her wine back, before refilling her glass and gulping it down like it was the last drink she would ever have.
The Gods knew that they both had needed it after that horrible encounter.
Tywin Lannister was many things, but warm and inviting were not two of them. Caryssa sincerely hoped that it was the last she saw of Tywin Lannister for a long while. She was almost thankful that her husband was now marching on her mother's childhood home of Riverrun, because at least that meant she was away from the patriarch of her new family.
And Gods did she want to be far from him.
A few days ago, Caryssa could honestly say that she feared nothing. Not wildlings, not those stories that Old Nan used to tell her about white walkers and the foul creatures beyond the wall and not the criminals that her father sometimes had to execute when they refused the Black.
Now? She would unashamedly say that she was slightly afraid of Tywin Lannister. Nothing was more dangerous than a wise man driven by blind ambition. And that's why she feared him, because she was starting to see the lengths that he would go just to defend his legacy.
And nothing made her more wary.
A/N:
Hi guys!
I'm only a day late this time! And that is due to poor wifi.
But we are away from King's Landing now and we have officially met Tywin Lannister. Caryssa is not a fan. Just like she is not a fan of Jaime's anymore. I will warn you now that there will not be a lot of fluffy Jaime/Caryssa moments in the upcoming chapters. Mostly her being angry and bitter towards him for what he did to Jory and what he would have tried to do to her father had she not arrived. The next chapter will be the road to Riverrun and will start the first battle between Starks and Lannisters.
Now, I want to thank everyone who reviewed, favourited and followed on the last chapter. You guys rock!
Reviewers who have my eternal love and affection are as followed:
DarylDixon'sLover, NicoleR85, CherryBlossom016, mariihamadeh, MADStar529, Turquoise Waffles, ropertfree72, Lucy Greenhill, iLSN, abel123, shipwreck321, Bella-swan11, Guest, Untied Heartbeat and Little Bucky.
In response to Untied Heartbeat's review, I chose to have Cersei and Jaime separated at the beginning of this story because Caryssa will have enough to endure without Jaime still being inappropriately in love with his sister. That's not to say that Cersei being the conniving, manipulative woman she is won't try to get Jaime back with her in later chapters, because she more than likely will. Caryssa may one day (I really cannot stress the one day part of this sentence) forgive him for what happened to Jory, his attack on Ned and his previous dalliances with Cersei, but if it had carried on during their marriage, if he had been the one to push Bran off of that tower, then she would not have forgiven him. Like at all. So that's why Jaime and Cersei aren't together anymore in this story.
The next chapter will be posted on May 11th.
Oh, and if any of you guys are Walking Dead fans, please go check out my new story, Exit Wounds. It's a Rick/OC story that I've been writing for a while now and I hope people are going to enjoy it.
Anyway, thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews and for reading this new chapter. I hope you enjoy it and what else is to come. And there is a lot more to come.
Yours,
SophStratt.