"The only thing worse than a boy who hates you;
A boy who loves you."
-Markus Zusak
Chapter Twenty-Two – Revelations I
"Lavender's green, dilly dilly, lavender's blue, if you love me, dilly dilly, I will love you," Caryssa sang as she wiped the fevered brow of an injured soldier with a damp rag. "Let the birds sing, dilly dilly, and the lambs play. We shall be safe, dilly dilly, out of harm's way."
Robb had won two more battles since his first and Caryssa had sat on the sidelines with her mother, worrying about her little brother, but knowing that she couldn't take any more lives herself.
Instead, she chose to aid the maester that accompanied the Northern army with his work. She cleaned wounds with the poultices given to her, changed dressings, and sometimes just sang to patients while holding their hands. It soothed a lot of them, sent them to sleep. For others it was just a distraction from their pain.
"I love to dance, dilly dilly, I love to sing. When I am queen, dilly dilly, you'll be my king. Who told me so, dilly dilly, who told me so? I told myself, dilly dilly, I told me so." Caryssa finished, seeing that the man had finally fallen asleep.
It was better that he rested, he would heal that much quicker. That's what the maester had told her anyway.
The warrior was a man from Bear Island and Dacey Mormont had brought her to him herself, requesting that the princess soothe his nightmares in the only way she knew how. The two women had bonded during the time they spent in each other's company, being two of only four women in the Northern host, excluding the few whores that the men had travelling with them so they could abate their lust post-battle.
Dacey had been intimidating at first, being a true female warrior, just like her still rather terrifying mother, Maege Mormont, but Caryssa soon found out that Dacey was far more similar to her than she thought. Or, at least, their interests were the same.
The bear took her duty to Robb very seriously. She had dived in front of an arrow for her king in the last battle even, though thankfully it had not struck either of them. Caryssa found herself grateful for the older woman. Grateful that another woman cared enough about the young wolf that she was willing to meet her end for him, like Caryssa was.
The Mormont women were even two of Robb's most trusted advisors, often bringing to the table that which the men of his council often lacked; sense.
Caryssa smoothed the man's sweat-soaked hair out of his face, and rose to her feet. Looking around the makeshift healing tent, she noted that there were far too many beds filled.
Robb was successful, she knew that. He had the most victories in this war so far, but she couldn't help but think of the cost. So many lives had been cut short in the name of her family, in the name of freeing the North from its enemies. Too many men who would never return home to their families.
She knew that there would always be casualties in war, but she also couldn't help wishing there had been another way.
Shaking her head, Caryssa left the tent, leaving the pained groans and frightened cries of the injured behind her. Blood covered her hands from when she helped the maester amputate the infected limb of one of Lord Glover's men. It covered her dress and apron too. Her hair was escaping from the tight braid she had styled it in that morning, falling in front of her eyes.
Perfect lady Sansa would be frothing at the mouth in shock and disgust if she could see what her big sister looked like.
Caryssa didn't care what she looked like.
The new princess was only glad she had something to keep her occupied, something that allowed her to contribute something to her brother's war. Her mother did nothing but advise her brother and worry about her brother and pray for her brother.
The she-wolf could not stay so idle and focus on her worries. She needed to do something, to work, like she did in Winterfell. In King's Landing, she had nothing to do and it was boring.
"Princess Caryssa, King Robb requests your presence for a council meeting."
She looked down at her bloodied dress and then back at Robb's squire, Olyvar Frey, and arched her brow at him.
"Does he expect me right this instant or will my brother allow me to clean myself up first?" She questioned with a smile on her face.
"I think he would not mind if you were a little late, your highness, if it meant you were not covered in blood."
"Please let him know that I will be late, I wouldn't want to incur the wrath of the Young Wolf. I do so hate awkward family dinners," Caryssa teased, and Olyvar cracked a smile, still a little unsure of her presence. She had the notion that the Frey boy had not spent much time around women, despite having such a large family with many sisters. He was so nervous around her, and her mother. "Thank you, Olyvar."
"Of course, Princess."
"Caryssa…I'm no princess, even if my brother finds himself a King."
Olyvar said nothing, simply nodding at her before leaving to find her brother.
Caryssa rolled her eyes before she herself left to change out of her dirtied clothes and scrub her blood stained hands and cheeks clean. She was still unused to all of Robb's men who would greet her as their princess and lower their heads in respect to her. She knew that Robb was also uncomfortable with his new status, not wanting to be treated differently, but knowing that only a Stark could be King in the North.
Dressing in a clean, black wool gown with a white cotton shift underneath it, she pulled on her fox fur cloak and was met by Rhaenyra outside. The wolf was not allowed in the healer's tent, so Caryssa sent her furry companion off into the forest while she worked. Rhaenyra always seemed to understand every word that she spoke, and listened to her orders instantly. If Caryssa told Rhaenyra to stay, the direwolf stayed. If she told her to go off into the woods, off the creature went. There was a flow of communication between them, an understanding that Caryssa had never felt with an animal before.
Bending over, the young woman pressed a soft kiss to her companion's nose, scratching the direwolf under her chin and grinning as the large animal seemed to smile. As she straightened up, something above caught her eye and she blinked before staring up at it.
A bright, red comet streaked across the open blue sky, puzzling the archer. She had never seen such an image in her entire life. It was actually quite a disturbing sight, another omen, but she knew not what it meant. Needing answers, she hurried to the council meeting.
Rhaenyra didn't leave Ryssa's side until they reached Robb's tent, and that was only to sit next to her own brother as the woman took her seat next to her own.
"Olyvar said you would be late, Ryssa. Said something about you looking as though you had fought a war yourself." Robb greeted her, a slight smile peeking past his beard.
"The maester had to take a man's leg this morning, and it was a rather bloody affair, brother," Caryssa explained, pouring herself a goblet of wine and taking a sip. "The comet…has anyone any idea what it means? The Gods have sent it for a reason."
"That comet bodes ill for us all."
Caryssa eyed Rodrick with curiosity, she had never heard any superstitions regarding comets and signs in the sky and the like.
"How so?"
"Some say it is Lannister Red, they say it means the Lannisters will have a great victory-"
Ryssa considered that notion, and dismissed it. The Lannisters may win a battle, but they would not win the war. Evil would always get its comeuppance, no matter how long it took, and Caryssa planned on being there to see the lions fall.
Pursing her lips, she looked up at the white haired man who stood guard behind her mother, and tilted her head to the side as she considered his words.
"Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps it is a warning to the Lannisters – Robb Stark and the northern lords are coming for them and he will paint their keep a different shade of red," Caryssa suggested, earning a few laughs from the lords around the table, though her mother gave her a dark look. She was often unhappy with Caryssa when she spoke in such a way. It was unladylike for a lady, let alone a princess. "You should not hold so much faith in omens, Ser Rodrik. I'm starting to believe that men make their own fates."
"We should also not ignore a sign from the Gods, sister. That in itself is a bad omen." Robb insisted, and the princess nodded, agreeing with him.
"You are right, brother dearest, but we must also focus on our reality too, I think. The North has had another victory, and we are all very proud of you, but three battles does not mean the war is won," She held her hand up when the lords all started speaking over her, arguing that they most certainly were winning the war and the Lannisters were most definitely losing the war, and silenced them once more. "Tywin Lannister will not be so easily defeated, and to believe so is foolish. He is far too invested in his own crusade; to leave a lasting Lannister legacy. He desires nothing more than to have his family name live on for centuries after he is gone and he will stop at nothing to achieve that goal."
The table was quiet as the men, and women, took in her warning, mulling her words over in their own heads. They took just long enough for Olyvar to finally sneak towards his king with a note – rolled up parchment, clearly sent by raven.
Caryssa held her breath as Robb opened it. It could just be news from Winterfell, maybe Bran had trouble dealing with an issue raised to him as Lord of Winterfell, or it could be something different entirely. She prayed to the old gods and the new that it would not be another death notice.
She knew she would not be able to handle losing one of her sisters, not so soon after losing her father and Jory. She could not take another blow to her family, she would not.
"It's from Stannis Baratheon." Robb read, but he paused, his blue eyes flickering over to his sister. Caryssa wondered what news that the Stormlord could have that pertained to her. It obviously did or her brother would not have hesitated to tell them, nor would his gaze have lingered on her for so long.
"Well? What news does he offer us from Dragonstone?" Catelyn questioned, bringing her son's attention away from her daughter and back to the rest of the room. She was also worried about what Stannis could possibly have to say, that so clearly would have an effect on Caryssa.
"He is formally declaring his claim on the throne," Robb informed them, not that any in the large war tent were surprised. Caryssa wondered what more the raven could say, because that wasn't the end of it. She could see it in her brother's expression. He was hesitating, trying to think of his words more carefully as though he was afraid he would say something wrong and hurt her. "He also claims that Joffrey Baratheon has no legitimate claim to the seven kingdoms."
"He may be an evil little boy, but he is still King Robert's eldest son. His claim is undoubtedly the strongest." Dacey recalled, and Caryssa nodded along to her words. He was a horrible little brat, a murderer and a wretch, but he was still the rightful king, even if they were working to overthrow his tyranny.
"He says that Joffrey, Tommen and Myrcella are not Robert's legitimate children, but are borne from incest between the Queen and the Kingslayer, Jaime Lannister."
The room went quiet.
Every set of eyes fell upon Caryssa and just stared, waiting for her reaction.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream and cry and flip the table over. She wanted to take Rhaenyra to her husband's cage and set the direwolf on him, listen to his pained cries for mercy and watch the carnage unfold.
The Ice Princess did none of it.
Instead, Caryssa cleared her throat, picked up her goblet and sipped at her wine to buy her time while she gathered her thoughts. Then, she turned and looked at her brother, who was watching her with the greatest concern.
"Speaking of the Stormlands, we should form an alliance with Stannis. He's a seasoned warrior, and our father trusted him. In order to storm King's Landing, would it not be wiser to attack from two fronts? Land and sea?" When she received no reply to her words, she looked around the table at all who were watching her. "Please tell me if I'm wrong, I'm no warrior, I've never planned a war. All I know is from war stories told to me by my father."
"Did you not hear-?" Lord Umber started, but Caryssa slammed her goblet down on the table, hard, the wine splashing onto the wood, a quick burst of anger that soon dissipated.
"I heard, Lord Umber. My husband fucked his sister and put three babes in her belly…I heard. What do you expect me to do? Cry into my mother's skirts? Set my direwolf on him and watch as she mauls off his pretty face? I can't. If I kill him, that bitch in the capital will slaughter my sisters," Caryssa explained, before glancing around the table at her audience, listening intently to her every word. Dacey, who sat beside her, looked disgusted and enraged on her behalf, as did both their mothers. The lords all just looked outraged by the news. Caryssa took a deep breath and tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, before she spoke. "We can use this news against them. We can use this to remove that little cub from the throne, but we must act quickly."
"Princess Caryssa is right. We need to decide our next move, Your Grace. Perhaps an alliance with either Renly or Stannis would not be such a bad idea. We double our numbers and we'll destroy those golden haired bastards before they even realize what's happened." Lord Glover suggested, and Caryssa found herself grateful that she was earning the support of Robb's men.
She had worried they would not take her seriously, even being the eldest daughter of their former liege lord and the eldest sister of their king, because of her marriage to Jaime.
"The question now is; who do we invite into an alliance; Stannis or Renly?" Robb asked, and the room quietened once more as they all contemplated the question.
Which brother to side with?
Which, indeed.
The council was brought to a close for the day, Robb ordering everyone to think about their next course of action so they could make a more well-informed decision.
Caryssa, still reeling from the revelation that the raven brought, wanted nothing more than to go to her tent, crawl under her furs with Rhaenyra at her side and sleep off her waking nightmare.
But Robb had other ideas.
"Ryssa, come with me."
Not having much choice from the way he took her arm and all but dragged her along behind him, Caryssa followed her brother to wherever he wanted to go. She had an inkling she knew where he was so insistent on them going, but she hoped that Robb would see past his own rage and see that it was the last place she wanted to be.
Alas, the wolf blood in her brother had taken over for now and he led her forward to the makeshift prison and its sole occupant.
The keeper of the key to the lion's cage quickly unlocked it when he saw the king and the princess approach, and Robb nudged Caryssa inside first before entering himself. The woman shifted to the side, trying to exclude herself from whatever was going to happen, but her husband's eyes were glued to her regardless of how small she tried to make herself seem in order to not attract attention.
"King in the North!" Jaime greeted, still as sure and cocky as ever, despite the couple of months of being trapped behind bars. He always was one for keeping up appearances, even if he pretended not to care. "I keep expecting you to leave me in one castle or another for safekeeping, but you drag me along from camp to camp. Have you grown fond of me, Stark? Is that it? I've never seen you with a girl."
"It was my sister's idea." Robb revealed and Jaime glanced over at Caryssa with a brief look of surprise.
"Was it now? I knew you had fallen for me, little wife-"
"If we left you with one of Robb's bannermen, your father would know within a fortnight and his bannerman would receive a raven with a message, 'Release my son and you'll be rich beyond your dreams. Refuse and your house will be destroyed, root and stem.'" Caryssa explained, cutting him off before he could go any further with his word games and watched Jaime's expression change.
He was shocked.
"You don't trust the loyalty of the men following your brother into battle?" The ragged lion asked, incredulous, as though the notion that she would not trust men of the north completely ridiculous.
"Oh, we trust them with our lives, just not with yours." Robb answered for her, and Jaime bobbed his head, nodding as if the idea wasn't so ridiculous after all.
"Smart boy," Even Caryssa felt Robb tense at how Jaime addressed him. He may have been but a green boy when this war began, but he was a boy no longer. Now Robb was a man grown, fighting a war and, thus far, winning a war. Yet, Jaime would rub salt in her brother's wounds. "What's wrong? Don't like being called 'boy'. Insulted?"
Caryssa's wary expression transformed into an easy smile when a harmony of soft growls hit her hears like the most beautiful music she had ever heard. Jaime tried his best not to seem intimidated by the sounds that were coming from both sides of his wooden prison, but Caryssa knew him well enough to see past the façade. He was scared. He wasn't stupid. The Lannister man knew that if ordered, both the direwolves would rip him to pieces and pick at his bones for days until nothing remained of Tywin Lannister's favourite son.
"You insult yourself, Kingslayer. You've been defeated by a boy. You're held captive by a boy. Perhaps you'll be killed by a boy," Robb taunted the man, whose eyes would flit between both sides of his cage, watching the two hulking beasts approach. "Unless my sister would rather do the deed herself."
"She wouldn't-" Jaime managed to spit out, his gaze still wholly focused on Rhaenyra and Grey Wind, who now stood by their respective masters, before his wife's brother cut him off.
"Stannis Baratheon sent ravens to all the high lords of Westeros. King Joffrey Baratheon is neither a true king nor a true Baratheon," Her husband ripped his eyes away from the wolves so quickly she was sure he had hurt himself. Caryssa looked into his green eyes, eyes that she had once thought she could fall in love with, and saw the panic there, even though his face looked only tense. He knew that she knew the truth. She knew that he knew that she was lost to him now. "He's your bastard son."
Caryssa's chest ached even more now that she faced Jaime as the words were spoken. She had watched him, scrutinized every facial tick and every emotion that lit up in his eyes as Robb had spoken, and she knew the truth.
'Eyes are the windows to men's souls,' her mother had once told her, and, with Jaime, she knew it to be true. While his face often disguised his true thoughts and feelings, it were those beautiful green orbs that betrayed him.
"If that's true, Stannis is the rightful king. How convenient for him." Jaime mocked, trying to find a way out. He always was clever with words. Not as clever as Tyrion, or even Cersei, but still frighteningly wise in using words to manipulate. Perhaps it was taught to them all as children in Casterly Rock.
"Our father learned the truth. That's why you had him executed." Robb accused.
It was only then that Caryssa looked at her brother and realized that they were mimicking each other. Both of them were standing tall, commanding expressions on their faces, one hand petting the head of their direwolf to seem threatening. Well, she certainly hoped that was how it was coming across to their captive.
"I was your prisoner when Ned Stark lost his head."
"He didn't lose it. A head's not like a knife or a coin purse. Your," Caryssa gritted her teeth, not wanting to say it but having to. If she didn't say it, it was like she was holding out on the hope it wouldn't be true. That her husband wasn't so depraved and sick that he would really father three children with his own wicked sister. "Your son ordered one of his pets to brutally behead my father while my sister stood at his side and was forced to watch. All so the world wouldn't learn who fathered him."
"You have proof? Or do you want to trade gossip like a group of fishwives?"
"I'm sending one of your cousins down to King's Landing with my peace terms." Robb informed Jaime, who once again looked as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"You think my father's going to negotiate with you? You don't know him very well."
"My sister said the same thing. The thing is, he's starting to know me."
"Three victories don't make you a conqueror."
Caryssa was startled at her words coming from Jaime's mouth. Perhaps, in the time they spent together as man and wife before all of this mess came about, they had rubbed off on one another more than they had realized.
"It's better than three defeats."
With that Robb let go of Grey Wind, encouraging him forward and turned and left the cage.
Caryssa didn't follow. She watched the grey direwolf stalk forward, snarling at the man tied to the post, revealing his razor sharp teeth before snapping them barely an inch away from his face. Jaime had closed his eyes and tilted his head away from the animal, but when he opened them again, the wolf was gone and only his wife and her own pet remained.
She stared at him, trying to decide what to say or if she wanted to say anything at all. The last thing she wanted was to get sucked into the same old battle of wits with him, but neither did she want to walk away having said nothing and let him call that a win.
So she asked him a question that she knew would throw him off and one that she had been pondering ever since he had attacked her father and killed Jory.
"Did we ever have a chance? Was there ever a moment you thought that you could love me and that we could be happy?"
Jaime stared up at her, his green eyes softer than she had seen them probably since they had met, and he took a deep breath before he sent her heart jumping into her throat and her head ache.
"When we danced at my victory feast, I realized that I had fallen in love with you, the stubborn and irritating woman that you are. I still do. Even when I'm tied to this post and at your brother's mercy."
Caryssa had no response.
What could she possibly say to the man who killed her friend, attacked her father, killed some of her brother's sworn bannermen and fathered three children with his own sister? Even if his answer would have made her happy only a couple of months ago, even if she possibly could have replied the same, she was only conflicted now.
Conflicted between her love for him and her hate.
So instead of replying to him, she gave him a simple nod and turned on her heel and left his foul-smelling prison, her hand still tangled in Rhaenyra's fur, less for comfort and more for stability. She wasn't sure if her legs would carry her otherwise. They felt weak.
She felt weak and the young woman cursed herself for letting him affect her still.
There was no way there could be a future for her and her husband.
They were on opposite sides of a war. He was her brother's prisoner. His son had murdered her father. He had three children with his sister, the woman who hated her beyond all logical reason. Well, not without reason now, Caryssa supposed, since the she-wolf had married the lioness' mate.
The mere thought of Cersei touching Jaime in that way made Caryssa want to be sick, and not just because they were brother and sister, though that was the biggest part of it, but because Jaime was her husband. Even if most of her hated him, even if part of her wished that he would just disappear, he was still the man she married and whether she liked it or not, feelings had developed on her side as well.
She loved him.
She, Caryssa Stark, had fallen in love with the Kingslayer, Jaime Lannister.
She prayed the Gods would have mercy on her for falling in love with a man who had no morals or principles, who lived for his sins and sought only to add more to his already large pile.
Having found her way back to her tent, the woman collapsed onto her bed as soon as she was inside. Caryssa was emotionally, mentally and physically worn out. Her body and mind both ached and demanded rest.
And she was more than happy to oblige.
The young woman reluctantly sat up to yank off her boots and shrug off her cloak and pull her dress over her head to leave her in nothing but her shift, before she shifted so that she was under the furs. Rhaenyra, seeing that her human had finally curled her in bed, climbed up onto the bed and laid beside her as she had done for the last two months.
Caryssa had found it hard to sleep alone after having become accustomed to sharing her bed and being surrounded by the heat her husband gave off so, when Rhaenyra started leaping onto the bed and curling up beside her, she stopped turning the white-grey direwolf away.
It was a comfort to have her right there beside her as well. She knew that no one could possibly get into the tent without either a guard seeing or Rhaenyra hearing it, but it made her sleep better knowing that if an intruder somehow did make his, or her, way into her tent, they would not reach her without losing an arm or their life.
Curling around the wolf and burying her face into her fur, Caryssa fell asleep, even though her mind and her heart were at odds with each other.
And she slept soundly.
A/N:
Hello beautiful people of the internet!
Well this one is both on time and a little longer than the last few have been, so yay! It's actually about ten or twelve hours early, so bonus!
And wow, heavy stuff in this one, right? But first, let's focus on the nicer things like the foundations of the Dacey Mormont/Caryssa friendship that I have planned. Next chapter there will be more of an interaction between them so that will be fun. And Caryssa feels like she's finding a place amongst Robb's councilmen, which again is nice. Aaaand, more Rhaenyra in this and to be honest, I like mentioning the direwolves because I love animals and when I first started watching the series and then started reading the books, I wanted a direwolf. You can't successfully hug a dragon, guys, okay? The next chapter will also start with a dream sequence. I know I've been doing a lot of those, but this one is pretty important so sue me.
Okay now onto the heavy stuff…the truth is out. Jaime and Cersei's relationship has been revealed and Caryssa knows. I was very conflicted about how I wanted to play this out. Would she go absolutely mental and attempt to kill him? Would she break down and cry about it? Then I realized that neither of those were really Caryssa. She internalizes a lot of her pain and her reactions to things because she is a woman in what is very much a man's world and she's fighting to be taken as seriously as her brother, which is what she's always wanted, and right now, she thinks that means that showing emotions would make her seem weak and that she can't afford to be deemed as weak.
So she hides as much of her anguish as she can outwardly, though we know through her thoughts that she's really not okay with this big revelation that her husband, who she was developing quite strong feelings for, had an incestuous relationship with his sister for years and fathered three children with her, one who murdered her father.
She's not okay at all and she's not going to deal with it well, but right now she's just bottling it up.
But good news, Jaime loves Caryssa! And Caryssa loves Jaime! But she also hates him for what's happened to her family and for Jory and for everything that's happened to her since he came into her life, but the admissions were there. I wasn't sure if it was too soon or too inappropriate or too un-Jaime like for him to admit his feelings in such a bold and obvious way, but I realized that with all the drama that's going on and the fact that Jaime and Caryssa are going to be at odds for a long while, I needed to throw something out there to give you guys hope that things will turn out okay in the end for them.
For those of you I gave spoilers to when my chapters got deleted, you know that things aren't always going to be so bad for them, but it's going to be a hard and interesting journey on getting them to place where they can both trust each other and the problems they're dealing with now stop coming between them…
Anyway that's enough of my rambling…I want to thank all of my reviewers for chapter 21. You guys are so awesome and the fact that people still review, even with three week waits, is honestly so reassuring and encouraging and I love you guys;
DarylDixon'sLover, NicoleR85, Miss. Lori MacManus, MADStar529, QuillBlade15, musepro, Bella-swan11, notsmaug and Raging Raven.
So the next update will be October 5th so mark it down somewhere so you don't forget (I have it written down on the calendar beside my bed).
Thank you guys for reading and I really hoped you enjoyed the new chapter,
Sophie.