Alright everyone, this is the last "Investigation" day of this story. After that, it's all trial and a little easter egg for you at the end, for everyone who read through to the end. Thanks for reading, you all make me wish that I was actually getting money for this. Uh... yeah... CoughPhoenixWrightandOnePiecedon'tbelongtomedon'tsueIdon'tgetmoneyfromthisreallyCough. Also, I have a few things I need to speak to you about.

First of all, if you guys actually CARE about playing Gyakuten Saiban/Ace Attorney, then let it be known that this story possesses spoilers to the first case of the third Gyakuten Saiban game, which has not even been made on Nintendo DS (although you can find a GBA rom of it in Japanese). If you don't like spoilers, I'm sorry, but to make this story more dramatic and angsty (Because I at least a little practice, dangit), I kinda had to put it in. Also, I never actually got permission to use my friend's username, "Fighting Comet". CoughFightingCometisnotmycreationbuttheusernameofoneofmyfriendsCough. ANNNNYWAY, I have something else to tell you, before someone screamed "OBJECTION!" at me.

I WILL probably be redoing this entire thing, going over it, altering it, and stuff like that, AFTER I'm done with this story. You see, cannonly, this story cannot take place from January 17th to January 22nd. This is because of the simple fact that this takes place inbetween Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Justice for All. The original "Gyakuten Saiban" (Ace Attorney) on GBA ends at December 28 and Justice for All begins at June... 15th... I think? Now, this would not be BAD, but Ace Attorney's fifth Episode, a filler with extras and stuff, was added, and this time took place in FEBRUARY. And everytime you see the words "Lana/Ema Skye" and "Detective Goodman", and "The Chief of Police" in this story, you will see that these characters being spoken about come from that fifth case, which means in this story it's supposed to be canon, which means the story CANNOT take place in January. I am REALLY sorry for leading all of you astray like little rats or something. After I am finished with this story and start redoing the whole thing, I will make this story take place inbetween Late February and Middle June. Please, do not mind the canon inconsistancies for now, they really don't RUIN the story. Just thought it'd be nice for you to know now.

And now that I have gotten your forgiveness:

READ ON!

---

Phoenix Wright: MangaLandian Attorney
Case File 1; Turnabout Pirates
Day 5: Investigation

January 21, 1:25
Going Merry Go
Galley

It was not a good time to wake up. Definitely not. It was still dark out, and I was trying to get some sleep. So when I felt someone walking across my stomach, I figured my hopes that the day was going to go well were shattered. So much for that… "Ouch! Luffy! What are you doing?" I moaned just loud enough for the captain to hear my cries.

"Nick?" The captain stared down at me, splayed across the floor in spread eagle formation. I didn't remember falling asleep in this position… right in front of the refrigerator… The same one that Sanji was just last night growling about Luffy sneaking into every night… Ahhh, so that was it. I was the giant mouse trap replacement because the cook had run out of them (from Luffy breaking them with his unnatural strength), "What are you doing here?"

"I like sleeping next to the food," I lied, just like a few days ago, sitting up after Luffy got his foot off of me. I yawned a bit and looked at the captain, "So… you raiding the fridge?"

"Yeah, I'm a little late for my midnight snack," He laughed, "But now I guess I was caught… hey… do you mind?"

"Go ahead," I said, sliding out of the way. That'll show Sanji for dragging me across the room to save his precious ingredients. As Luffy gorged himself on the food in the fridge, I searched about for my over shirt before he splattered it with foodstuffs. I finally found it with the light of the fridge, and started straightening it out. It was then that I saw something strange. There, on the captain's left arm, was something black. It was small "X", which made me blink. Was it a tattoo? I hadn't noticed it there before, "Uh… Luffy?"

"Huh?" The young man looked down, and he chuckled at what I was pointing at, "Oh yeah! You and Robin don't know about this, do you?" He abandoned the food and dropped to the floor. I closed the door for him as he explained the mark, "You see, we used this X to symbolize the fact that we're Nakama, we're friends."

"And… this was recent?" I asked, perhaps he had done this recently, which was why I didn't notice it until now…

"No…" Luffy said, "But… I kinda liked it, so sometimes I just draw it on there for fun," I sighed a bit with relief when I saw him pull a marker from his pockets. So he was drawing it on his arm! "You know, the X is supposed to represent the Jolly Roger, a pirate's mark! That's why it's so cool! Now… when someone has an X on their arm, that's a sign that they're one of the Straw Hat Pirate's Nakama!"

"I… see…?" I didn't have much time to say anything else because Luffy was already going into some stupid rambling about princesses and the desert and some men who could turn into a dog and bird and sand.

"And after we had to leave Vivi, we made sure that from then on, we would allow her to return to the Going Merry, because she's our Nakama! But there's one problem with you, Nick," He said, and I suddenly snorted awake, realizing that I had fallen asleep through most of the story, "You're leaving after this, right?" I just stared at Luffy, feeling that I was so tired, I would just make a fool of myself if I said anything, "After you get me acquitted, can't you come with us and be our pirate attorney?"

It took me all the strength I had within myself not to laugh aloud at what Luffy had said. Best not to awaken Zoro and get myself killed. However, once I stared into the captain's eyes and saw that he was dead serious; I felt that it wasn't as funny as I thought it was a second ago, and I sighed, "I'm sorry, Luffy, but there are people at home that need me to help them as well. I can't let them down," I failed to mention the fact that the Wright & Co. Law Offices were usually completely empty… but what the young man didn't know, wouldn't hurt him, right?

"Alright then, I've decided!" Luffy said, his words making me feel a little uneasy. He sounded way too determined and I was afraid he had decided to capture and force me to join them on their little adventures. All I knew was that if that happened, I'd probably be the first to get killed wherever they went to next, "Whether you leave or not, I've decided to make you an honorary Nakama of the Mugiwara Kaizokudan!"

"I… thank you, but really…" I didn't have much choice in the matter; even as I was protesting, he was grabbing at my arm, and fiddling with my cuff button. I finally gave up and obliged the young man, and together, we pulled back the sleeve of my left arm's shirt. Before I knew it, Luffy had drawn a perfect X on my arm. Hey, it was the easiest hazing ritual I had ever heard of, "Thanks, Luffy."

"You're welcome!" He replied, replacing the cap of the marker, "Now you'll always know that you're one of us! You're our Nakama! Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Just don't be too loud," I replied, lying down as the captain returned to his eating, and I dropped off to sleep. Of course, the captain WAS loud, and I hardly got back to sleep, but having the X upon my arm made me feel like tomorrow, wait, TODAY, was going to be great.

Little did I know that later on in the day I would find myself fighting for my life…

---

January 21, 7:41
Going Merry Go

I was already sitting at the table a few minutes before breakfast, and I listened as the entire crew (including me, now) got a sound yelling by Sanji, who had awoken to find half of the foodstuffs in the fridge gone, "We need to spend our gold from Skypiea on the SHIP, not the damned food!"

"It's not too bad," I pointed out with a slight yawn, "At least you got the money to keep going." I sighed at the memory of Maya eating me out of house and home. However, I didn't mention this fact after Sanji gave a glare that only Zoro and Luffy would be oblivious to (each one for different reasons).

Luffy simply laughed aloud, and I sweated a bit. Wasn't that kid going to realize that money was needed to keep them alive as well? I looked over at Sanji, and realized he was wearing a murderous glare. Deciding that since I was the only male in this room that could not survive the beatings he was about to deliver, I scooted from the room, abandoning the prospects of breakfast in an attempt to begin my investigations. At least, that's what I said to anyone who asked where I was going in such a hurry, "See you guys in a bit!"

"But Nick, wait for us!" Chopper cried, just as the door to the galley slammed behind me. I looked out over the ocean, and sighed a bit. Mia was right, it really was calming. Living around the mountains with such little income meant that trips to the beach were few and far between. The closest body of water to my house was Gourd Lake, and it wasn't nearly as fun hanging out there as it was last year. Shuddering at the thought of the murder that happened at that lake last Christmas Eve, I decided to keep my mind off of water and onto more important things, such as a little chat with that Mary Sue, Sakura Tenshi. All I needed to do was find out where she was staying, and what better way to find out secret information than to talk to the King of Loose Lips, Detective Gumshoe?

---

January 21, 8:10
1342 Wrong Way St.
Back Alleyway

"Hey, Pal! What are you doing here?" Gumshoe asked when he spied me meandering towards the murder scene. He was still investigating, apparently. I saw he was holding a bag, and from the looks of it, it was filled with donut holes. It was easy to figure out, because he was popping them into his mouth like they were popcorn, "I doubt you're going to find anything here…"

"Well… I really came here for you…" I replied, my voice trailing off when I noticed how much the bag was bulging. There were so many donut holes in there… Without another word, my stomach began to growl, and Gumshoe instantly realized what was going on.

"Oh, you're not that poor that you can't even eat now, Pal," He said, chuckling, "Are you just trying to leech off of me?"

"It's either leech off of you or get my limbs rearranged by their cook's feet…" I replied, clutching my protesting stomach, "I think you'd be a little more generous than him…"

Gumshoe laughed, "Edgeworth was right, they ARE pirates." I didn't reply (he was, after all, right), but gratefully accepted the meager offerings he placed in my awaiting hands. As I devoured the food with all due haste, the Detective decided the exchange for the donut holes was an ear for listening and a shoulder to cry on, "Well, it's looking pretty bleak for Ms. Tashigi; which means more work for me. She's making sure I work triple time since now I'm the only one on investigations. What am I supposed to do now?" I was about to actually answer, but apparently he didn't want one. He continued shouting about how he was definitely unable to find anything new, and that he was going to be yelled at again, and that there was nothing he could do to stop the Marine from yelling at him.

"As… enlightening as this is…" I said as cautiously as I could, "I really need to get back to work. You know, the judge told me not to slack off either."

Gumshoe looked like he was feeling a little sad that he was going to lose the one person he could whine to. However, he also seemed to understand the position I was in. Tashigi was shoving her workload on him, so I had the same amount of work that he had. He nodded a bit and allowed me to leave. I turned to him, and asked, still cautious as I continued my questions, "So… um… about… Sakura…" I began, looking away. Gumshoe blinked expectantly at me as I rubbed the side of my arm, "So… has she been subpoenaed yet?"

Gumshoe shook his head, "Oh no, OH NO! I'm onto you, you tricky lawyer! We may be friends, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give the defense any information!" He laughed aloud, "Besides, it's not like you'd be able to get any information out of her from her apartment down the way!"

My ears pricked up. Sakura Tenshi was staying at an APARTMENT? Well, this was weird… "A… apartment…? Down… that street…?"

"Wait… I wasn't supposed to say that…" The detective said, surprised that he actually said such things. He looked at my sly smile, and he gave a cry, "Wait a second! The Fangirl Order is on their way! They'll pick her up, Pal! You can't go by yourself!"

"Sorry, Gumshoe, just tell everyone I'll be paying her a visit!" I shouted as I rushed off to the apartments that the detective had motioned towards. I… I needed to speak with Sakura. I needed to ask her about Chii-chan… "Just wait for me, Sakura… I'll be there to get you to tell me the things I have forgotten…"

---

January 21, 8:36
Nerexisted Apartments
Room 234

"This is the one here?" I murmured, staring at the doorway to the room that the owners said belonged to the Mary Sue. I knocked thrice on the door. No answer. Two more times. Nothing. I felt hot as I reached out to take the doorknob. I looked around. No one was around. Taking a deep breath, I turned the knob slightly and closed my eyes tight…

…The doorway opened silently and easily as if it beckoned me to enter further. I looked in, and sighed unhappily that Sakura Tenshi was not at home at the moment. I walked inside, and slowly closed the door behind me. Looking around, I decided to investigate a bit. You know, just in case. I moved across the room towards her vanity; my eyes scanned the top, and they fell upon the one half opened drawer. ("No. No. No… I don't go rifling through women's drawers…" I muttered to myself. Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, except for Ms. May's drawers… Aw well, let's see…") I opened the large drawer and stared, intently, at the three items inside it. They were a bright, fire engine red monkey vest, short, frayed jeans and a charcoal black wig. I picked the wig up, noticing how wild and dirty it looked. My eyes widened in realization, and my lips grew in a large smile. Finally… actual proof…

I turned slightly, and froze when I heard a moan. It was a wild, feminine moan from the bed right to my right. I whirled around quickly, slamming my backside into the vanity. There, lying on the bed in nothing but her negligee, was the very Sue that was causing all this trouble. WHY, oh WHY did I forget to check the BED?

"What is this…?" The woman moaned, rubbing her eyes, "All that slamming around… Oh… Ryu-chan…" She muttered as her eyes fell upon my (at the time I wasn't thinking about it, but I definitely was quivering) figure, "What are you doing here..?"

"N… Nothing…" I squeaked, inching towards the door. I stopped in my tracks when she stretched out like a cat, her butt wagging in the air and her sounds giving a distinct "Nyaaaaaawn" noise. After she was done, she rolled gracefully out of bed, and I fought hard not to get any blood on my shirt. It was because of my damn nose ("Stop bleeding!" I shouted inwardly).

The two of us locked eyes, and I even as my pupils swerved towards the door, I could tell she understood exactly what I wanted. It soon it became a game of "who could get to the doorway first". I should have known that one couldn't beat a Mary Sue at ANY game, much less one that revolved around reflexes. I gave a slight gasp when the perfect woman slammed her hand on the wall, pinning me to that spot. I gasped for air as I stared (probably in fear, I wasn't really thinking at the moment) at the Mary Sue, who pouted a bit as she looked me over, "What I would give for you to be Zoro…"

"A… big reason I didn't… bring him with me…" I replied, pausing in between the sentence to breathe. It was so hard with a woman like her staring me down. I was beginning to feel hot… "I needed… to speak… to you…"

"Awwww, you came all the way down here for little ol' me?" She asked, reaching out with her free hand to trace my jaw line with her finger. I tensed at her touch; my cheeks were on fire, "It makes me wish that my creator made me to fall in love with you someone like you…" I stared at her as she elaborated, "Do you understand… what it's like?" She paused, "What it's like to be created for one thing? To be created simply so others can laugh at your existence? Digital Dreamer… she created me as a parody. She created me… and then abandoned me…"

"Alone…" It was then that I saw… Sakura was feeling what all of us were. Robin, Edgeworth, and I… we were all, at one point… alone. This Mary Sue was no different, and because of the title attached to her name… Mary Sue… everyone hated her. She… was all alone… It was then that I recalled something, and I looked at her. Her expression was filled with sadness. However, that made me look a bit sad myself, and I shook my head slowly, "Whatever happened, that is never any excuse to kill someone…"

I hoped it was the right answer, but it was obviously not, as Sakura's expression changed immediately and the hand that was fondling my jaw slammed into my neck. I gave a sharp gasp of surprise, but nothing entered my lungs even as air escaped them. I grasped at her arm with my free hand (the other was clutching the wig in my fingers), and I flailed like a fish out of water. It was a fairly accurate representation, as the both of us were unable to breathe, "You obviously DON'T understand what I go through each and everyday, RYU-CHAN," Sakura hissed, pressing harder on my throat, "And, since you're so intent on figuring out your precious 'truth', you can be the one who died trying to discover it!"

("No!" I pleaded in my mind, as I could most certainly not say it aloud, "No! No, Stop!") My legs flailed as Sakura lifted me easily from the ground, crushing my neck as she smiled wickedly at me. I thrashed about, but nothing helped, and I could feel the feeling in my fingers begin to disappear. My vision swam, and I looked down at the woman who was doing this to me, "Wh… why?" I managed to croak as I began to hallucinate due to lack of oxygen. Instead of seeing Sakura Tenshi, I saw a beautiful red haired angel smile at me, "Chinami… why…?"

---

"Why?" The young woman asked, big tears falling from her face, "Why would you say such a thing, Onee-chan?"

"I think the defense should revoke her previous statement with an apology!" Winston Payne, the prosecuting attorney, said, pointing directly at Mia Fey, my defense attorney. I agreed wholeheartedly with the man.

"I refuse!" Mia shouted, slamming her hands on her desk (Now that I think about it, I seemed to have gotten that from her…), "It was YOU, Chinami Miyanagi, who framed my client, Phoenix Wright, in an attempt to kill him with the law!"

"So handsome and pure…

"My great boyfriend Ryu-chan…

"Why would I kill him?" Chinami replied, her haiku absolutely flawless, even though she had just thought it up from the top of her head that moment. Payne and the (male and grey haired) Judge clapped, which made her blush shyly, "Onee-chan, do you think you should say things like that? I would never kill my boyfriend!"

"You would…" Mia said, a cocky smile on her face. She flipped her bangs to the side and continued, "If he possessed an item you did not want him to…" She pointed dramatically, "TAKE THAT! It's this pendant that you gave to Mr. Phoenix!"

"MIA!" I roared, "She gave that to me! She gave it to me because she loves me! It's a testament of our undying…"

"Bailiff!" The Judge shouted, "Silence the defendant!" I was promptly gagged by the bailiff, and I watched helplessly as my attorney heartlessly continued, without regard to my desires. MY love!

"You never gave this pendant to Mr. Phoenix because you loved him…" Mia said angrily, "You gave it to him because this pendant once held POISON!" The entire courtroom murmured a bit, and it only stopped when the Judge slammed his gavel down, "This bottle here is a part of the pendant. The witness, Chinami, used it to hide poison, which she used to kill Kaminogi Souryuu by poisoning his coffee!"

"OBJECTION!" Payne shouted, "How dare you! You're bringing up that old, dusty case again? Your boyfriend was the one who died, and now all you can do is try to pin the blame on this model of perfection?"

"OBJECTION!" Mia retorted, "Perfection? PERFECTION? I think it would be nice for the Judge to know that the very day Kaminogi died was the day the witness and Mr. Phoenix met!" She slammed her hands on her desk, "YOU, Chinami, passed off the pendant to Mr. Phoenix to keep anyone from knowing your GUILT!"

"KYAAAAAA!" Chinami squealed aloud, looking windblown (quite literally); I struggled against the bailiff's arms ("Damn you, Mia!" I tried to say aloud, "Stop making my Chii-chan cry!").

"And then, when Mr. Phoenix refused to return the pendant to you, when he showed it to everyone he met, you realized the wrong person might see it. You decided to do him in… You wanted to do it the same way you did Kaminogi… You tried to poison him, with THIS!" She slammed a bottle down, my bottle of cough syrup, "You stole Mr. Phoenix's bottle of Cold Killer Z (King of Cough Medicines! TM) during lunch and attempted to poison him with it. Oh, but the victim was smart… he noticed you were stealing his poisons… He tried to warn Mr. Phoenix. He tried to tell the defendant to break off his relationship with you. You figured it out, so you killed the victim… and framed Mr. Phoenix for the murder!"

"PROVE IT!" Chinami screamed, shaking her head back and forth, "You can't prove a thing! You can't you can't you can't you can't you CAN'T!"

Mia interrupted her screaming with two words that cracked the case, "Take it…" The courtroom fell silent, and all eyes went to Mia, who smiled, "Ms. Chinami… take the medicine… just a teaspoon in a half… and disprove my claims." The woman, my soul mate, the woman of my destiny, stopped dead in her tracks, and she stared at the bottle, sitting in front of the defense, "Take the medicine, Ms. Chinami. If we're quick, you may get to the hospital fast enough to get treated… but seeing as how a perfect killer like you wouldn't want anything to go wrong… you must have put a lot of poison in this bottle… It's highly unlikely you'll be treated in time…"

Chinami bit her bottom lip, "I… I… M…" I smiled; it didn't matter if I was convicted for murder. She could take the medicine, and be free. She would take my medicine and show that she loved me. For a half a year, we had been soul mates, and we would remain that way forever. All my hopes were shattered by the next thing she said… "M… M… MIA FEY…" Chinami changed immediately, her eyes flared up, and she looked like a demon, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Fey… Someday, SOMEDAY, I will RUIN you…" And like that, my whole being burst. All along… Mia was right. I practically collapsed in the defendant's chair as my (former) soul mate suddenly returned to normal, a smile brightening her face, "Ahhh, Jii-chan, Ossan… I'm going to have to leave now… Rest assured, however…" She smiled, closing her eyes and looking just like an angel, "I will be back…"

---

It was then that I remembered. I remembered everything… my Chii-chan never loved me… Mia had told me to forget about her because trying to remember would be too painful… And now, in my delusion, I saw the very woman I was supposed to forget, and I remembered, "Chii-chan… why did you… try… to poison…?"

"Save your breath, Ryu-chan," Was the sickly sweet reply. The Sakura/Chinami smiled a bit at the sight of me falling limp, my free hand slowly releasing her hand and my head drooping forward, "if you want to live three seconds more than you already would have."

("Someone… please…") There was another time like this, when Dee Vasquez had threatened to "erase" me with the power of the mafia. It nearly worked, too, if Gumshoe hadn't arrived to save Maya and myself. Yet now… no one… there was no one here… No one was here to help me… I came alone, and I realized that this stupid mistake was the last one I was ever going to make…

As I slipped into unconsciousness, the last thing I recalled was the sound of an explosion large enough to jar me from Sakura's iron tight grip…

---

January 21, 6:11
Going Merry Go
Men's Room

"You think he's dead?"

"Of course not! Chopper said he'd be fine!"

"I've had enough of your lip…"

"Leave Nami-san out of this!"

"Ahhh! Everyone, I think Attorney-san is awake!" I opened one of my eyes, and stared a certain archeologist right in the face. Pretty soon, I saw the entire group staring down at me. I blinked my eyes and attempted to sit up, but Chopper made sure that didn't happen.

"Nick! You're still not well. Your neck is all bruised and your lungs are still fighting the asphyxiation. You shouldn't do anything strenuous that would aggravate them."

"Where am I?" I wondered, practically ignoring Chopper as I looked around the room.

"You're in the men's room," Luffy replied, and I could see he was telling the truth, as Nami seemed not to like the smell of the place much. I felt below me, and I realized I was lying on the couch in the room. I could also tell that from looking at Zoro, who seemed annoyed that someone had stolen his "bed", "The others were able to save you before Sakura killed you."

"You… all…?" I looked around the room. It was silent, the only sound being Sanji's lighting of his match so he could start another cigarette.

"I begged Zoro and Sanji to come see you in action," Chopper explained, "But the detective (He was talking about Gumshoe, obviously) said that you had gone on ahead to see Sakura Tenshi!"

---

"He WHAT?" Sanji roared, his cigarette fluttering from his mouth, "What kind of IDIOT did our captain hire?"

"Now now, Pals, don't fret," Gumshoe said, attempting to calm the four men down as Zoro felt someone walk over his grave and Chopper hid behind Usopp, who was hiding behind the enraged Sanji, "I've got the Fangirl Order together. They'll take care of him…" He was cut off as Zoro rushed off, followed by Sanji, with Chopper and Usopp on his heels.

"That damned attorney!" The first mate said, "I heard that lawyers were annoying, but this takes the cake! If he gets himself killed…"

"Couldn't we give him the benefit of the doubt that he'll be fine?" Usopp asked. Sanji glared at the sniper, who looked away sheepishly, "Then again, maybe not…"

---

"You nearly gave us all heart attacks, you bastard," Sanji growled.

"But why?" I asked, "You all… don't think of me… like that… like one of you… do you?" I blinked. Usopp and Chopper… maybe… and Luffy, obviously… but surely the others didn't think of me as a "Nakama"? Surely they all thought I was an outsider, peeking in just out of necessity…

Sanji gave a "peh", his cigarette nearly flying from his mouth from the spitting sound he made, "Hearing something like that from you makes me wish we didn't…" He pointed at my arm, "And yet, Captain's words are final."

I looked down, and saw that my sleeve had been drawn up; maybe Chopper did it to check my blood pressure? Either way, there it was… the black X upon my arm… I looked back up at the Straw Hat Pirates, and Zoro shrugged, "Couldn't have said it better myself. We had to get to you, to protect you and your stupid skin… We got there just in time…"

---

"EAAAAAAAURG!" Usopp screamed at the sight he saw. Sakura turned; she had been caught, red-handed, in the attempt of murder. There, writhing and twitching in her grasp like a fish out of water was the stupidest attorney the Straw Hats had ever seen. Chopper cried aloud and the sniper thought fast, "Leave Nick alone! Hissatsu Kayaku Boshi!"

Sakura gave a cry as the star connected with the woman's face and the explosion jolted her enough to drop the unconscious attorney. Sanji and Chopper went for Phoenix as Zoro and Usopp double teamed against the Mary Sue. She abandoned her quarry and rushed towards the vanity. She dragged a Katana out from behind it and faced the swordsman and sniper, "You forget, Zoro-kun, that I am a master of not only Santoryuu, but also Isshtoryuu, Nitoryuu, AND Yontoryuu!" As the first mate and sniper stared blankly at the woman's outrageous claims, Sanji and Chopper made sure to check Phoenix's condition.

"Nick, Nick! He's unconscious! Someone, call a doctor!"

"Chopper, you ARE the doctor…" Sanji hissed. After Chopper reminded himself of this fact, he started checking on the attorney's vital signs.

"He's fine, he's just unconscious due to asphyxiation," The reindeer said, "We should get him back to the Merry Go as soon as possible! Ohhhhh, if we were a minute later, then…"

"Little HELP here?" Zoro asked, the combined power of his three katana no match for Sakura's prowess… If anything, her negligee made her even more powerful, if that was even possible.

---

"So, you four were defeated?" I asked. Everyone groaned. I just ruined the climax, apparently.

"No, you moron!" Sanji shouted, "It was around then that the Fangirls arrived. Oh, such wonderful guardian angels, protecting us men from the she-devil herself!" He crooned a bit at such thoughts as Usopp explained in a little more detail.

---

"HALT, in the name of the Fangirl Law!" A shout came from the door, and five fangirls (and one fanboy), broke into the apartment, fanning out to secure the perimeter, "Sakura Tenshi, you are hereby under arrest for assaulting canon characters of the One Piece world!"

"She's also being subpoenaed for the trial tomorrow," The male pointed out.

"Yeah yeah," The leader groaned, "You're also being subpoenaed for the trial tomorrow, but you're going to jail FIRST!"

"You'll never take me alive!" The Mary Sue shouted. She reached out and grabbed the nearest male to him that wasn't Zoro. Usopp screamed aloud as she held the Katana to his throat, "Either that, or your annoying sniper gets it!"

"NOOOOO!" One of the fangirls screamed, "Don't hurt Usoppu-sama!"

The two sides seemed at a standstill, until another of the fangirls chucked something she created from her mind on the spot towards the Mary Sue, "Fire in the hole!"

When the metallic bag hit Sakura, she thrust Usopp away with the bag that was chucked at her by the fangirl. The Mary Sue dropped to the floor with a cry of "Get it away from meeeee!"

"Nice work, Fighting Comet!" The leader said, nodding happily, "Who would have thought that Sakura Tenshi abhors Doritoes?"

---

"And that was that," Usopp said, his sagely nods adding to his story, "Of course, it really didn't matter, I was certain my 8,000 men would come and save me!"

"Then remind me," Sanji spoke, tapping his cheek thoughtfully, "Who was it that was screaming 'Save me, save me! Someone save me!'?" The entire crew laughed, and the sniper sighed. I chuckled a bit myself at the joke, and then suddenly gasped.

"W… Wait!" I looked around, "Where did it go? Where did the wig go?"

"The wig?" Everyone blinked, and suddenly Chopper gasped in realization, "You mean that black thing you were holding when we saved you?" I nodded, and the entire Straw Hat crew turned to look at Luffy, who was laughing.

"Here it is!" He proclaimed, taking off his straw hat. I peered directly at his hair, and I gave a happy cry. It was true! He was wearing the wig! It looked so messy, much like his normal hair, I had never even noticed! The captain took the wig off of his head and placed it upon my stomach, "Here you are, Nick. I was taking good care of it for you while you were asleep." I chuckled at the captain and his kindness, but then I also smiled. After I saw that wig on Luffy's head, my suspicions of Sakura's plan turned into flawless knowledge. Luffy helped me out so much…

"Well then, I have to thank you all for your help," I said, preparing to crawl off of the couch, "I'll have to work extra hard during investigations to make it up to all of you…"

I stopped when I saw the glare from the rest of the crew, and Nami smiled, "I don't think so, Phoenix," She said, using a name that was on much more familiar terms. I blinked, "We've decided that since you were being an idiot, you'd have to be punished."

"Since Chopper said you shouldn't be wandering about…" Zoro said, "We're going out instead."

"Wh… WHAT?" I shouted without thinking, making my lungs hurt. Chopper gave a cry that I was struggling, "You…"

"We're going to investigate in your stead, Attorney-san," Robin explained, "The only two who are staying behind are Doctor-san and Captain-san."

"I need to take care of you," Chopper elaborated, "And Luffy's still a suspect, so the others are going to go and look for clues for you!"

"Bu… but…" I protested, but they refused to listen. As if to spite me, all five of the new investigators left the room just as I started to protest, talking about how they were going to help their captain and other some such. I was left with my doctor and captain, who were staring down at me, with concern and joviality, respectively, "Well…" I sighed, "I guess it's just the three of us."

"Actually," Chopper chuckled, "I need to go grind some medicine down. It'll be just you and Luffy," The reindeer, satisfied with his answer, walked off towards the galley, and my eyes wandered towards the captain, who smiled at me.

"So, you wanna play some Go Fish?" Luffy asked, smiling. I then realized THIS was the punishment I had. Apparently, I was supposed to keep tabs on the young man for everyone else. Oh well, at least I wasn't cleaning off the entire ship… perhaps that came AFTER I was fully recovered.

"Yeah, Luffy," I replied, sitting up in the couch and taking the proffered hand of cards, "Let's play."

We played from then to the time that Chopper returned, giving me some medicines (mostly a salve to get rid of the itch upon my now bruised neck). The doctor asked me to take a nap, and I nodded in response. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was practically unconscious. I would need all my energy to beat Tashigi and expose Sakura. There was only one thing that was missing. I had a dream that night that the very thing I needed eluded me throughout the rest of my life…

…

To Be Continued…

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The scariest thing is that I really enjoy characters like Chinami. Writing for her was great. So, how'd you guys like my haiku? hehehe...

Reviewing would be a plus.