End of the Future, Part 11
Didn't See That Coming.
Please Read and Review. I'd like to know what I'm doing right (to keep doing it), and what I am doing wrong (to correct it).
WARNING: Discussion about death wishes of a major character.
Apartment Across the Hall to the Former Katsuragi-Ikari-Soryu Apartment
Living Room
In the future
Doc passed a hand over his wild mane of hair. "I see." He said, his eyes wild with unsaid thoughts. "I…" he sat down on the couch. The story Rei Ayanami, or Lilith or Reilith, or however she/it/they chose to be called, had told them was incredible, but the evidence was all around them. And try as he might, he couldn't find a hole to poke in it. A secret society, aliens, plans to end the world, manipulation and abuse at a scene he couldn't imagine.
All of it ending right here, at a dead city in a dead world, with only a human-looking entity guarding over what seemed to be a liquid conglomeration of souls and a lotus eater machine at the same time (1), and two survivors who were trapped in a dying world, with no hope of succor or salvation.
Marty gave Doc a bottle of water, and the scientist drank slowly. "Doc? What do we do?" The young man asked.
"We need to write everything Miss Ayanami has told us. We confirm whatever we can back in 1985, and then, we…"
"What, Doctor Brown?" Jennifer asked, worried.
"We must take young Mr. Ikari and Miss Soryu with us back to the present." His eyes focused at the distance.
"Couldn't we just change things in the past?" Jennifer asked, innocently.
Marty hugged her, shaking his head, "They need to know, Doc. If we stop Third Impact they would be fine, but… can we really let Second Impact happen? Half of the world died! And the rest is not doing that well…"
Jennifer paled, finally understanding. The pilots had been born after Second Impact, and preventing it from happening… Doc voiced the thought they all had, "They will be erased from the time-space continuum if we succeed in preventing Second Impact." He sighed, closing his eyes.
"Would that be so bad?" Shinji asked from the open door, there was a strange expression on his face.
Doc stood up as if propelled by a rocket, "What? Why would you say something like that?" He grabbed Shinji's shoulders.
The teenager looked at the blue-haired girl. "Ayanami? Did you tell them? About me?"
"No. Neither about the Second Child. Only about SEELE, NERV, and my own role in Third Impact. All in general terms."
Shinji nodded. "It was all a set-up, from the very beginning." He said, tiredly. "Fa… no. Commander Ikari wanted somebody to start Third Impact. No matter who." He tilted his head towards Rei. "She was Plan A."
Ayanami nodded, "I was carefully indoctrinated during my formative years, to be obedient, pliable, aloof, no self-worth at all. The only thing that mattered to him was the Scenario. To me, the only thing that mattered was to enact Third Impact according to Commander Ikari's wishes. All Shinji ever was to him was a contingency plan. Nothing else. Soryu wasn't even that. She was just… insurance; an extra pawn, to be sacrificed at the right moment, to precipitate the mental breakdown neccesary for Third Impact, or to protect the truly valuable pieces."
Doc snapped the pencil he was using to take notes, Marty's head snapped up, and Jennifer took Rei's hand in her.
Shinji continued, "I was dropped with a teacher who kept me at arm's length. I was not abused physically, but never got a smile, encouragement, or simple human warmth. Just in case the Commander needed another teenager with borderline suicidal tendencies, ready to break at a moment's notice."
His shoulders dropped miserably. "All I ever wanted was to feel… loved."
Marty squeezed his shoulder. He didn't know what to say.
Shinji gulped the knot in his throat. "I always hated to pilot the Evangelion, but as it was the only thing I ever received praise for… so I kept on it. I was a fool to think he would ever love me." He sobbed, "He left me alone at a train station when I was just four years old! My mother had died the day before!" He was crying. His stare lost in painful memories.
Marty looked at Jennifer, she nodded. Marty pulled Shinji in a clumsy hug, patting his back and rocking back and forth.
Shinji continued. "I did horrible things! I saw people die! I… He put some remote control thing in EVA-01 and used it to maim and almost kill my friend, while I felt everything EVA-01 did to him as if it had been my own hands!"
Ayanami watched with detached curiosity. Her scarlet eyes held a strange expression neither Doc nor Jennifer understood completely. Marty kept on trying to handle Shinji's breakdown.
Rei spoke. "The last months before Third Impact were full of psychological torture. All of us pilots were already broken from the start. Our psyches held together by…" she looked at Shinji, silently asking for clarification. Gently, the Third Child pushed Marty away.
"We needed therapy; and not only us, Misato broke down when Kaji disappeared." He looked down and swallowed a painful lump in his throat. "I heard her cry herself to sleep more than once, and I… I didn't do anything to help her." He leaned back on his seat, tears flowing down his faces. "That's one of the things I most regret, not being there for her. I'm sure he was murdered, and Misato was sure of that. She began to stay late at HQ. But I was relieved to not hearing her cry late at night. That last day, she tried to get me to do something, but I was too far down in my misery I didn't care if I lived or not. She was shot and still… she sent me to… to do something. Anything. I… I don't know if Third Impact got her or if she died before that."
Doc nodded gravely. Awkwardly, he patted Shinji's shoulder. "We all have regrets, young man." He looked strangely subdued, "I…" he sighed, "I guess confession is good for the soul, and if there is somebody who could have an idea of my guilt, it could be you."
Marty looked at his friend, worry in his eyes, "What do you mean, Doc?"
Doc's eyes lowered, and his shoulders slumped. "I… back in the 1940s, I was part of the Manhattan Project."
Chicago, Il., USA
Oriental Institute
Curator's Office
Present Time
Dr. Henry Jones looked at the documents his secretary had prepared for him. It was the usual mix of letters, petitions, suggestions, demands, proposals, and assorted students and scholars' consultations.
He sighed, and his eye finally set on the picture on his desk. God… he missed Marion…
A soft knock at the door brought him back from his thoughts. It was his secretary. "Come in." He said.
Two young women entered the office. One was a tall and exuberant brunette, her curly hair loose and wild, certainly not the expected modest style most secretaries in the Institute preferred, the other was a mousy blonde, short, but with a look of reserved determination. "Dr. Jones? Allow me to introduce my replacement. She comes highly recommended. Diana Stewart, Dr. Henry Jones; Dr. Jones, Diana Stewart."
The old man stood up easily, shaking the hand of the newcomer. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Stewart."
"If you excuse me, I need to organize the space for the next exhibit. It's kind of a personal project and I'd like to leave it ready for display before I go on my way."
"Sure, in the meanwhile, Miss Stewart and I will go over her duties and any questions she might have." He looked up at his secretary, "I wish you the best in your next job, Lisa." (2)
Apartment Across the Hall to the Former Katsuragi-Ikari-Soryu Apartment
Living Room
In the future
Marty and Jennifer gasped at the revelation. They didn't know Doc had been a part of the atom bomb development. Doc wiped his face. "Back then I was a fool; smart, yes. But I was blind. I almost forced my way into the project, both because I wanted to help end the war, and also because I was curious about the damned thing." (3)
He paused for a long time before continuing, the four teenagers kept quiet, respecting his silence, though Shinji seemed lost in thought.
Finally, Doc continued, "I had no idea what would come later. They dropped the god-damned things on civilians! I just wish I never had meddled with the military." He scoffed despectively. "I got a presidential commendation for my role in developing the bomb. I put it in a drawer when I received it, and burned the damned thing in the stove when I retired. I used to teach, Marty, Jennifer. I couldn't face a class after what happened…" he closed his mouth with a shudder, and avoided the eyes of the others. "Not only the bomb, there were other things too. Too personal. You'll excuse me if I keep quiet about that."
Marty and Jennifer nodded.
"I had nightmares for years. I still have one or two each year. The Cold War feels like it is my fault, you know. That's why I cultivated the reputation of a crank! So the government wouldn't come knocking at my door again. And that's why I stole the plutonium those Lybians stole. They wanted me to build them a bomb! Can you believe it? Thanks to Marty and the tapes he recorded, I already knew the approximate date I'd be contacted by the Lybians. So, I knew I could use the plutonium to power the DeLorean and eliminate a bunch of bombs from being built, at the same time! You bet your last dollar I would jump at the chance! I had the system ready for plutonium and Voila! Functional Time-machine!" (4) He shook his head, "But we have a more pressing problem. If we stop Second Impact, the pilots won't even exist!"
Shinji chuckled. "Would it hurt?"
Marty shook Shinji's shoulder, "It feels really bad. There's no pain, but you feel horribly weak, and see yourself being erased from the world. You become transparent, can't even stand or speak. All you can do is drop to the floor and watch yourself disappear slowly."
Shinji looked at Marty, "How do you know that?"
"It almost happened to me! I interfered in the first meeting of my parents!"
"We spent a week trying yo get them back on track." Doc added, with a weird smile. He turned serious again, "Marty had a picture of him with his sibings. He is the youngest, and his elder brother was disappearing gradually from the picture. So we can deduce that the effects of interfering with the timeline are subjectively delayed for the… um… subject. Say, a longer courtship would have either delayed or erased Dave's, the oldest of the three McFly children, to be conceived. Same for Linda and Marty. There was still a chance for them to be born, Marty being the youngest delayed the effect until the last posssible moment."
"The last chance was at a school dance. That was where they had their first kiss. I ended up playing guitar with the band on stage." He was getting more and more agitated as he remembered, Marty showed his index and thumb separated about 1/16th of an inch apart. "I was this close to being erased! Dad almost left the dance! I saw Dave completely disappear from the picture, then Linda! Everything I said was happening to me! On stage!" Marty calmed a bit when Jennifer held his hand. "It doesn't hurt, you just grow weaker and weaker, until you can barely breathe. But then, Dad came back, kissed Mom, and suddenly, I was whole again! The picture went back to normal."
Doc waved a hand, "There were some changes to the timeline, though. The McFly family changed quite a lot from the original version. All for the better, but I must say it could have gone easily just as wrong. There could have been no more McFly family, or George could have ended up with someone else. But Marty and his siblings would have ceased to exist. And even I would have forgotten about him, as the timeline changed."
Shinji had a thoughtful expression. He shrugged. "I… I hate this world. If I could go back and fix my mistakes, I would. Even if it meant I wouldn't exist anymore. I think my parents met because they were both involved with the conspiracy. I don't know much about Asuka's family. Maybe they had met and made plans before Second Impact. If they did, she would be probably safe. As for me, I don't care much." His voice was firmer now.
Jennifer gasped, "How can you be so… so… calm? You're talking about your death as if you didn't matter!"
"I hate myself, Miss. Even before Third Impact." He stood up and raised a hand, cutting her objections. "I had some kind of epiphany before returning from Instrumentality, I realized I could be happy, but this," he waved vaguely around, "is no life. There is no real hope. Only Asuka and I have come out the Sea of Souls, and I don't think anybody else will." He paused to organize his thoughts. "I have gone back to just… existing… without any real hope. If you can change things back to how they should be, restore life to the world, do it. I beg you to do it. My existence doesn't matter anyway."
Rei stood up, and walked to him. For a long while she looked into his eyes. She raised a hand and cupped his cheek, tilting her head, studying his face.
Suddenly, her almost indifferent expression set in stone, she slapped him.
Author Notes
(1) A Lotus Eater Machine is a false paradise, imposed onto the victim. Both Instrumentality and The Matrix fall in this category, though The Matrix is not really a paradise it complies with the requisite of being an illusion, undistinguishable from the true reality. A Lotus Eater Machine doesnt even gave to be a literal machine. The Black Mercy plant in the DCU comes to mind, that one is purely biological. The Lotus Eaters are part of the Greek mythology, they inhabit an island with a tree that gives fruits that are the main source of food in the island. It's narcotic properties turn them into addicts, apathetic to everything around them, for as long as they have access to the fruit.
(2) At a suggestion from Author0fntent a few chapters back, here she is, making her debut in the story, none other than Lisa. She is between jobs at the moment, having solved a problem and looking for the next candidates for help. More info about her in her next appearance!
(3) According to the first draft of BTTF 3, Doc worked at the Project Manhattan, along with Oppenheimer.
(4) I think Doc had been working on the time circuits on and off for years, hoping for a breakthrough in the energy department, even in the original timeline, before meeting Marty and having direct confirmation the Time Machine would work. The Lybians just delivered a viable source in the OT, surprising the original version of Doc. This one, already knew the plutonium would be delivered to his door, so he had everything set beforehand.