CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT – Secrets and Girl Talk
"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him,
But because he loves what is behind him."
G.K. Chesteron
"Keep your guard up, lass, or you'll lose your head!"
Caryssa grunted, as she barely blocked the blow from Jory's sword. She had asked for this, begged for these lessons with a stolen sword from the armoury, but she had not anticipated that sword fighting would be so difficult.
The sword was heavy, but not as heavy as her father's sword. She could not even lift Ice. She'd tried to take it for the lesson, wanting to be like her father and use the ancestral sword of her family, but, when Jory had caught her, she'd only been able to lift the hilt upright.
He'd replaced it with a practice sword that Robb used; a small, blunt short sword meant for the formal training of young boys, but was being used in secret practice sessions between a young captain of the household guard and his liege lord's nine-year-old daughter.
"Plant your feet!" Jory ordered, as he stopped hacking away at her, and moved to correct her form. He nudged her feet further apart, a shoulder's width apart. "You want your stance to be strong and secure, my lady. You don't want your enemy to be able to throw you off balance."
"I thought this would be easier than archery! I don't know why I can't get it right!" Caryssa complained, barely supressing the urge to stamp her foot, but she couldn't. She was planting her feet, balancing her weight between them, so she couldn't be shoved over. Again. Jory had already knocked her into the dirt twelve times already. "Robb's seven, but he doesn't seem to struggle this much!"
"Robb practices every day, little lady. You practice whenever we manage to sneak away from your septa and I have a free moment from my duties. That means he's learning faster than you, because he's spending more time on it. You'll get there, I promise you that."
Caryssa sighed, and straightened her back again, raising the sword into the position Jory had taught her, and nodding to him that she was ready to try again.
Jory moved back into position, and made to rush at her, but stopped at the last moment.
"Why are you stopping? Nobody cares that I'm a small girl, they'll kill me anyway, so why are you-?" Caryssa turned her head, and froze, just as Jory had.
They'd come to the Godswood to practice, but away from the Heart Tree. Her father's favourite place to get some peace and quiet was the Weirwood tree that was a vessel for the Old Gods, so Jory had found a small clearing, just a little deeper in the woods, but not so far that she couldn't race back to the castle if trouble found them.
Trouble had found them, but it wasn't wildlings or bandits.
It was much worse than that.
"What do you think you're doing?" Her father demanded, looking more to Jory than to her. "Jory? What is this? Teaching my daughter to wield a weapon? She's not a soldier-"
"I begged him to teach me! He said no over and over again, but…I don't like being scared, Father."
Ned's face went soft.
"Scared? There's no reason to be afraid, you're safe in Winterfell-"
"But I wasn't safe that night! A man came into my room and tried to-" Caryssa's big blue eyes filled with tears. She didn't like to think of her seventh namesday, and she knew her father didn't either, but she thought of it constantly. The feeling of the man's hands on her little body, reaching frantically for the knife, and then the blood. There was so much of it, and it was sticky. It took her mother and the maids hours to wash it all out of her hair. "There are bad people everywhere, and I don't want to be scared of them anymore. I want- I want to be able to protect Mother and Robb and Jon and Sansa and baby Arya, just like I promised, but how can I? I don't know how. What if something happens and you're not here?"
"I'm not going anywhere, Caryssa. And we've plenty of men around to protect your mother and your siblings. What's brought all this on, eh?" Ned questioned, kneeling at his daughter's feet, gently tugging the practice sword out of her hand. Caryssa turned her eyes resolutely to the ground, but Ned simply nudged her chin up and forced her to maintain eye contact with him. "Talk to me."
"I heard you talking to Maester Luwin and Mother about the Greyjoys. You said that the king is considering sailing to the Iron Islands to fight them, and Mother asked you not to go, and you said-" Caryssa paused, to take a breath to calm herself down. Maester Luwin had taught it to her, after her namesday, so she could stop herself from becoming overwhelmed. It didn't always work. It didn't on her eighth namesday, when she felt so panicked at the thought of leaving her feast that she begged her father to keep the feast going all night long so she wouldn't have to go to her rooms. He'd let her sleep with him and mother, and Catelyn had sung to her until she had fallen asleep. "You said you'd have no choice. If the king calls you, you have to go, but I don't want you to go!"
Ned shook his head. His daughter could be as quiet as a mouse when she wanted to be. It was no wonder he hadn't noticed her eavesdropping on his private meeting with his wife and most trusted advisor, but he should've known that she would want to listen in. Caryssa was inquisitive, too inquisitive, Catelyn said, but it was just the wolfs blood in her.
He remembered when Brandon and Lyanna would drag him to listen in on their father's meetings with his bannermen when they were small. That's how they'd discovered that he was being sent to be fostered in the Vale, and how they'd found out that his sister was betrothed to his best friend, Robert. The only difference was Robb hadn't yet learned the art of stealth, not like Jon had, so his little she-wolf had stopped bringing her little brothers on her fact-finding missions.
The man didn't know how to comfort his daughter.
It was true that he may have to leave to go fight in another war, this time to quash a rebellion, instead of lead one. She was also right in that there were bad people everywhere in the world, and those people didn't care if the person in their way was old or young, a man or a little girl, and wouldn't hesitate to cut them down.
He cursed the man who had put these worries onto her shoulders. Caryssa was a girl of nine, too young to have to worry about death and killing and the evils in the world, but she did. She had since she was seven and a drunken guard with a liking for young girls had crept into her chambers and tried to rape her.
He'd never told her, he hadn't even told Cat, that after investigating the man, investigating the man's family, that the reason he had been sent to become a guard in Winterfell by his family was because he had an unnatural interest in his younger sisters. His father had loved his son, and hadn't wanted to have him locked away or killed, so had sent him away somewhere he thought he wouldn't be able to do harm.
It had taken all of Ned's strength to be merciful to that old man, for his soft heart had led to Caryssa's suffering.
It had led to sleepless nights for all of Winterfell, as they'd had to listen to the young lady scream in her sleep, or sob herself into unconsciousness in her father's arms.
It had led to six months of his daughter not talking to anyone, to flinching away from even Ned's touch, to having to move her chambers because she couldn't bear to even walk into the room where she had taken a man's life.
No, Ned didn't know how to comfort his daughter, but there was one thing he could do.
"Sword fighting isn't a game. You could get hurt, or you could hurt someone else, if you don't pay attention and listen to what Jory tells you," Ned said, holding the sword out to her, his heart sinking all the while. "You must remember that you are a Stark, Caryssa. Try to stay out of fights. Your mother won't let me hear the end of it if she catches you."
A broad grin spread across his daughter's face, as she took in his words.
"She won't see us, I promise."
"And remember, if you must fight…win."
Her father's words echoed in her head, as she struggled to match Dacey blow for blow.
Truthfully, the woman from Bear Island was dancing circles around her princess, laughing as she corrected the younger woman's form for the twelfth time, and reminded her that a white knuckled grip on her sword was not the right way to hold it.
It had been a very long time since Caryssa had actually wielded a sword.
The last time she and Jory had trained was a year before King Robert came to Winterfell, the lessons ceasing because she'd had enough of being mediocre and decided to focus more on archery, something she excelled at.
She would never be a famed swordswoman, not like Dacey or Brienne, but she could shoot the eye of a deer three hundred yards away, which meant she could do the same to any enemy who dared enter her sight.
Still, she needed to train. She could not always rely on her enemies to be three hundred yards away, nor would a knife do her much good against a longsword.
Dacey had been the one to offer, a couple of months ago when they returned from the Stormlands, so she had gratefully accepted.
Only, she did not have as much energy as she did. She was exhausted most of the time, and she was afraid that her guards had started to notice and wonder.
"Right, that's it. Enough," Dacey said, lowering her sword and looking at the princess with a slight annoyance. "Even if you hadn't trained for five years, you'd still have more energy than this. I've got my ideas, and so do the others, but you'd best tell me now what's wrong with you or I'll have to talk to the King-"
"You wouldn't dare!" Caryssa snapped, surprised at how abrupt her companion had become, and how bold.
"If it's what I think it is, I don't know why you haven't told him already."
"Because he doesn't need another reason to worry about me. He has enough burdens on his shoulders, I won't be one of them."
Dacey arched a brow at her, watching the she-wolf as she sheathed her sword and moved to the pitcher of water they'd set to one side for their drink. The younger woman drank deep, their exertions had left her thirsty, but Dacey knew that it was just another diversion tactic.
It wouldn't deter her.
"Those thick, shapeless dresses and heavy cloaks you wear won't hide your secret forever. Anyone who knows the signs and is looking for them has already noticed, and those who haven't soon will," Dacey pressed, "I'm surprised your mother hasn't figured you out yet."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"How many months has it been? I'd say you were six, but you could be a small seven-"
"Dacey, stop," Caryssa begged, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Please, just stop!"
"Are you in denial about what is happening to you, or do you just wish it wasn't happening?"
The princess lowered her body slowly onto the fallen tree that they had commandeered as a bench. She scrubbed at her tears with her free hand, and glared up at her friend.
She wasn't in denial, and she didn't exactly wish it wasn't happening.
Caryssa was with child.
Having a family was something she had always dreamed of for herself, since she had first held Sansa. Watching her parents coo over their newest daughter, the little she-wolf had known that she had wanted what they had. A child was a precious gift, Maester Luwin had always said, but was it still a precious gift when the father was the enemy of the mother's family?
She wanted to be happy. She had wanted this child since she was small, but how could she be joyful?
Jaime had attacked her father. Her husband had killed her oldest and dearest friend. He had fought and killed her brother's bannermen.
Now, he was her brother's hostage. Their only bargaining chip, except for this child.
Her unborn babe was Tywin Lannister's grandchild.
If it were up to her goodfather, if she were trapped in King's Landing like her sisters, he would have already used the pregnancy to his advantage. The babe, not even born, would become his most valuable prize. Tywin would keep her locked away until the child was born, and he'd take it from her.
The Northern lords would certainly see the logic in attempting to manipulate the Lannister patriarch with his potential heir to the Rock, and it was why Caryssa hadn't told Robb, or their mother.
She couldn't let Robb even have to entertain the thought of using her and her child.
So, she would keep her pregnancy hidden.
She had to.
"I know what situation I am in, Dacey. I'm not simple. I also know that my brother has many burdens already upon his shoulders, and I don't mean to be another. I don't want him to worry for me, or have to defend me against his bannermen should they decide I am more useful to them as a weapon against Tywin Lannister than as their princess," Caryssa bit out, ignoring her friend's look of hurt. Perhaps she was being unkind to the lords and the bannermen, but, in her eyes, she could not be too careful. Trust was a precious gift, and not every man deserved it. "I know that I should return to Winterfell with my mother, so I can have this baby in safety, away from the temptations of men desperate to return to their own homes, but…"
She didn't have to tell Dacey what concerned her. Her friend knew.
"You're still worried about what the red witch said."
"She believed whole heartedly what she said, and if there's even a small chance that it could come true, I want to protect him."
"He would rather you kept yourself safe, instead of risking your life for his. You know that."
"I also know that he would do the same for me, if he were in my position."
"Do you not trust me?" Dacey questioned, Caryssa's brow furrowed. "Do you not trust the Greatjon or Lord Glover? Do you think we'd let any harm come to our king, our friend?"
Caryssa shook her head. Any man or woman who fought for the North would throw themselves in the path of any sword or arrow that was meant for Robb. It was what the North bred; loyalty was not a commodity to be bought, like the Lannisters often did, in the North, it was something taught and drummed into the people from babes.
Loyalty to your family, loyalty to your liege lord, loyalty to the North and its people. It was an unsaid oath, almost, that the Northerners all swore, or at least the ones like the Starks.
Still Caryssa worried.
If there was the smallest chance that Melisandre's prophecy could come true, Caryssa wanted to be there to stop it.
She couldn't lose her father and her brother. She just couldn't.
"I trust you, you know that I do, but…he's my baby brother. He may be a king now, and one day he'll be a husband and a father, but to me-"
"He'll always be your little brother." Dacey smiled, her eyes turning fond, as though she was thinking of her own sisters back on Bear Island.
"I promised him that I would always protect him," Caryssa looked down at her stomach, feeling the weight of the babe inside her. "How can I now? Soon, I'll be useless to everyone."
The she-bear burst into laughter at the moroseness that crossed the younger woman's face, and held up her arms in defence when the princess picked up a loose stone and tossed it at her.
"I'm sorry, your highness, but you're being ridiculous. My mother would fight when she was fat with child, and she would skin you alive if she heard you call yourself useless. She's rather fond of you, you know."
Caryssa let herself smile at that.
Maege was a boisterous lady, but stern and stoic when the moment called for it. Caryssa admired her a great deal. The Lady of Bear Island held her ground against all the men of Robb's council, against even Robb himself, and Caryssa loved watching their faces when Maege Mormont threw her weight around.
None dared argue with Maege, because she won.
Always.
"I'm fond of her. I wish she was still with us, but she is doing my family a great service by taking my father's bones back to Winterfell…has she sent any word?"
Dacey shook her head.
The two women both had their worries about that fact, but neither spoke of it.
They chose not to speak at all.
Instead, they returned to the main camp in silence, an agreement made between the two women to keep the princess' pregnancy a secret until it became too difficult to keep hidden.
A/N:
Hello beautiful people!
First of all, can you believe that season premiere? I've got to say I'm a little disappointed in Jon, but if you haven't seen it yet I won't say why here. Also, if any of you want to talk about the episode, please feel free to DM me, because I have no one to talk to about it!
Anyway, here is another update! "What? Two updates in one year? Is she okay?" I know, I know, it all seems like it's too good to be true. Probably because it is. I hated this chapter, and maybe one day when I've finished the story, I'll come back and re-write it, but I'm trying to push through my writer's block and get to the part of the story that I want to be at, which is coming up very soon! I've just got to work out how I'm doing it!
But yeah, whoops, Caryssa's pregnant! A lot of you have been asking, have obviously been noticing the not so sutble hints I've been dropping in the past chapters, and now the jig is up! She's pregnant and Dacey knows, and other people (Caryssa's guards mostly) suspect, and Robb and Catelyn do NOT know. Like at all. Question is; does Jaime know? Muahahahahahahaha!
I hope you enjoyed some of this crappy chapter anyhow! Anyone spot the flashback reference?
Also, in the next update (that I hope to have out sometime this year lol) I will be revealing the minor character of the reader I chose to be in my next GoT fic! So, once I pick you, I'll DM you and ask you for character details and then I'll announce it!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you guys were all really awesome! I want to thank Creme Tea and Purplestan for catching the formatting crap that originally appeared on the chapter, that I managed to get rid off, but it keeps doing that and its getting annoying!
But a big thank you to all of these people too;
NicoleR85, alphafoxxy, highwayblues1, DarkLordofMemes, Brooklynhills, Esteban Chamy, Sparky She-Demon, ZabuzasGirl, Dreamhare, Bella-swan11, smilin steph, Evaline101, Shadow Wolf 15846, Guest 1, Purplestan, Guest 2, Guest 3, Lady-Finwe, Violet97mc, otherworlder81, norcalpc, Padfootette, Stelle's Pen, lolistarkiller, MisayaMikoto, psychosae, MADStar529, Evalea and sesshyluhvr.
Thank you all for your kind words, they mean the world to me and I'll try to give you guys a better chapter next time!
Sophie.