Note: if, for some reason, this phic goes "poof" and disappears off the face of FFN, we will attempt to upload it elsewhere. So in case of an emergency, check our profile.

Disclaimer: The only thing PotO we own is a way over-played copy of the 2004 movie, and Author #1's prepared to defend it to the death. (-hearts- Gerry) Yes, it's rather pathetic that we have yet to read the books..

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Part V – Special Features (aka Chatroom of Grand Debauchery)

-Firmin- has entered the room.

-Andre- has entered the room.

Andre: this was a splendid idea!

Firmin: yes, truly genius!

-NotaNag- has entered the room.

Firmin: I do hope we'll have a good turn out!

NotaNag: I agree..

NotaNag: turn out is important in all dances, but exceptionally so in ballet

-Apex- has entered the room.

Apex: oh God

Apex: it's the Nagging One

Apex: this party's as good as over

NotaNag: I wouldn't nag if you'd just be a bit more mature

NotaNag: besides, that insult was uncalled for and you know it

Apex: was not :-P

NotaNag: was too!

Andre: oh, come now

Apex: nuh uh!

Andre: let's all be adults about it

NotaNag: yeah huh!

-StaroftheShow- has entered the room.

StaroftheShow: oh hiya!

StaroftheShow: I'm not late, am I?

Firmin: I would say you're just in time, actually

Apex: whoever you are, you must be better company than that monster

NotaNag: you're the one without any common courtesy!

NotaNag: when I was a young girl, growing up the countryside of France, my mother taught me manners

NotaNag: I learned to respect my betters and act with politeness towards everyone

NotaNag: people these days- especially foreigners- don't understand how to act with good manners

NotaNag: why, if only I was in charge of this establishment…

-GorgeousLocks- has entered the room

GorgeousLocks: hello everyone!

Apex: oh thank God

Andre: yes, I was rather beginning to fear for our party

-ToadHater- has entered the room

Firmin: don't worry, Andre, the ball will go on!

ToadHater: of course it will.. and better than ever, now that I am here!

GorgeousLocks: indeed.. who are you?

Firmin: this is a masked ball! we do not reveal our identities yet!

GorgeousLocks: but everyone else's seems obvious

Apex: not yours!

NotaNag: for once, I must agree.. I know many people with lovely hair. Meg, deary, could that be you?

GorgeousLocks: I am offended by that! None of their hairdos compares to mine!

StaroftheShow: hey, be right back, I need to grab a snack

Andre: hurry back, you don't want to miss the celebrations!

-StaroftheShow- has left the room.

-HiddenBeauty- has entered the room.

HiddenBeauty: hello everyone, I apologize for my lateness

HiddenBeauty: I trust I have not missed anything important?

Apex: no no, we're just trying to figure out who GorgeousLocks is, care to venture a guess?

HiddenBeauty: Hmm.. I think I have a pretty good idea who it is.. -wink wink-

GorgeousLocks: Oh yes? -blushes-

HiddenBeauty: Tell, do the words "Angel of Music" mean anything to you?

GorgeousLocks: Yes, it does! Now I'm certain I know who you are, too, HiddenBeauty ;-)

HiddenBeauty: Quite so.. hey.. after this.. wanna join me for an after-party?

Firmin: Ahem.. this is really not the celebration we had in mind, ladies and gents..

GorgeousLocks: Oh come now.. lighten up! Have some champagne..

HiddenBeauty: There's something I've been meaning to tell you

GorgeousLocks: ah oui?

-StaroftheShow- has entered the room.

StaroftheShow: back! What did I miss?

HiddenBeauty: Christine, I love you…

StaroftheShow: what?

GorgeousLocks: oh shush it, La Carlotta, no one cares about what you have to croak about it.. Christine, what did you mean?

ToadHater: hey… watch what you're saying!

-TheAmateur- has entered the room.

TheAmateur: this looks like a nice little party!

StaroftheShow: who is that?

Andre: no asking, remember! but I admit I am curious, too…

HiddenBeauty: Nadir, is that you?

Apex: of course not!

ToadHater: is it Raoul?

GorgeousLocks: why would Raoul be an "amateur"!

HiddenBeauty: I should have known you'd take his side…

TheAmateur: I am much manlier than that fop!

Firmin: no name-calling, people, this is a friendly party!

Andre: indeed, in the spirit of community bonding :-)

HiddenBeauty: how… charming…

-LovesTaFlirt- has entered the room.

LovesTaFlirt: oh, is everyone else here already?

NotaNag: it seems to be so

LovesTaFlirt: gee, I wonder which one is my idol…

GorgeousLocks: well, I know everyone loves me

HiddenBeauty: thanks to my help

ToadHater: but I am the true figure of worship at this opera house!

TheAmateur: no one loves me, thanks to my 3rd-degree sunburn… -angst!-

HiddenBeauty: whine, whine.. you think you have it bad…

LovesTaFlirt: ooh! I know! Let's play 20 questions to guess who TheAmateur is!

Firmin: a brilliant idea! I'll start..

Firmin: are you a male?

TheAmateur: yes.

StaroftheShow: are you particularly attractive?

TheAmateur: some think that I'm devastatingly handsome.

HiddenBeauty: it's probably the fop!

GorgeousLocks: I resent that!

HiddenBeauty: of course you would.. who wouldn't defend their fiancé? pfft.

HiddenBeauty: I wonder.. can you sing?

TheAmateur: I try.. but I go flat on every other note, so no.

GorgeousLocks: so I guess it's not the creep who lurks behind 2-way mirrors in girls' dressing rooms…

HiddenBeauty: …

GorgeousLocks: what?

HiddenBeauty: I've never seen this vicious side of yet, and I must confess it is most off-putting.

Andre: ahem. moving on.. are you particularly fond of books?

TheAmateur: I supposedly have a large collection.. but no one knows what happened to it..

NotaNag: aha! so it's not the mass e-mailer either.. interesting..

LovesTaFlirt: Monsieur, do you have blonde hair?

TheAmateur: As a matter of fact, I do!

StaroftheShow: I know of only one man with blonde hair..

HiddenBeauty: that is! It's the fop.. aren't you? Confess!

GorgeousLocks: you're being particularly abusive today.. :-(

HiddenBeauty: when am I not abusive?

GorgeousLocks: umm..!

TheAmateur: No no, I'm not the pretty boy.. thank God.

ToadHater: Piangi, it's you, isn't it? Oh how absolutely exhilarating!

StaroftheShow: why are you so excited? Don't you hate Piangi?

TheAmateur: Nope. I, thankfully, am of a healthy weight.

ToadHater: Whatever do you mean? Piangi-kins isn't overweight!

StaroftheShow: so why are you defending him?

GorgeousLocks: bloop bloop bloop bloop

HiddenBeauty: GorgeousLocks, my dear, are you feeling alright?

ToadHater: definitely not! I -heart- him!

GorgeousLocks: everything's just peachy!

GorgeousLocks: I just found my favorite volumizing shampoo :-D

StaroftheShow: what in the world? Gah.. I'm sooo confused.. :-(

Firmin: I think it's safe to say that we're all confused..

NotaNag: next question, do you live in this opera house?

TheAmateur: one could say that

ToadHater: I have one.. what is your favorite possession?

Andre: yes-or-no questions only!

Firmin: we've broken most of the chatroom rules already, though…

TheAmateur: I will answer that… my favorite possession is a musical monkey

GorgeousLocks: a musical… monkey! what kind of possession is that?

Apex: that sounds familiar…

StaroftheShow: Erik, Angel of Music, is it really you?

HiddenBeauty: That's impossible. I'm Erik!

TheAmateur: Not exactly..

GorgeousLocks: What! Do you mean to say you're not Christine!

HiddenBeauty: Of course I'm not Christine! Aren't you Christine?

GorgeousLocks: No at all! I'm Raoul! I thought you knew!

TheAmateur: The thing is..

Andre: Is Christine even here?

StaroftheShow: Yeah, I'm here..

GorgeousLocks: But wait, La Carlotta loves these events

HiddenBeauty: For once, I agree with the fop. If you're not her, who's she?

ToadHater: You called?

TheAmateur: Oh nevermind..

GorgeousLocks: Dear Lord, La Carlotta! I thought you were that mutant!

StaroftheShow: Raoul, please don't..

HiddenBeauty: Understandable; we don't look all that different..

GorgeousLocks: D'oh! Well, as long as you know..

StaroftheShow: Raoul!

LovesTaFlirt: Sorry, but wait.. so TheAmateur, who exactly are you?

TheAmateur: As I was saying, I'm another version of Erik

Firmin: You're Gerik!

Andre: I knew it, I knew it!

Apex: I've heard of you! You're the one with legions of "phangirls"…

TheAmateur: that's a bit exaggerated…

NotaNag: no, it's not

Firmin: I must agree with NotaNag

Andre: and I, of course, with Firmin

LovesTaFlirt: so are you saying.. there are two of them!

HiddenBeauty: it… seems so…

TheAmateur: I am, of course, the more dashing and all-around better one

ToadHater: you can't even sing!

TheAmateur: well…

HiddenBeauty: and you're not actually disfigured… poser

GorgeousLocks: making you a talentless psychopath… yes, dashing indeed…

TheAmateur: at least Christine loves me more!

StaroftheShow: I really don't understand who you are!

LovesTaFlirt: Christine, he's that drop-dead gorgeous one in the movie!

StaroftheShow: the sexy beast! Ohh.. he was hot!

GorgeousLocks: Christine!

StaroftheShow: oops.. did I really say that?

LovesTaFlirt: Oh Gerik.. I love you!

TheAmateur: oh really? -flexes muscles-

LovesTaFlirt: if it doesn't work out with Christine, be sure to e-mail me at blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com!

TheAmateur: yes ma'am! -wink wink, nudge nudge-

StaroftheShow: but but.. Gerik.. don't you love me:-(

TheAmateur: I do! But you're going to run of with the no-good pretty boy and leave me broken-hearted and miserable, so I may as well have a sort of uh.. "insurance policy.."

StaroftheShow: nooo! I don't love Raoul..

GorgeousLocks: what!

StaroftheShow: sorry.. but I just can't stand the long-haired thing any longer..

HiddenBeauty: yes!

TheAmateur: score!

HiddenBeauty: wait… now which one of us is it that she loves?

Firmin: this might be a good time for the "ball" to end!

Andre: I agree.

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Comments? Concerns? Complaints? Want to tell us it's so horrible that we should never attempt something like this again? You can direct that to the reviews page!

Note from Author #2: In the ending of this special, you might observe Author #1's true colors (the side of her which is a die-hard E/C "phangirl") showing through. Don't worry, I'll try to keep her in check; I'm just in it to make fun of everybody!

Note from Author #1: I resent that. I'm not really an Erik-"phan".. in fact, before the 2004 movie, I whole-heartedly supported Raoul. So see, I'm really a Gerik-"phan."