Authors Note: What can I say, I had a momentary lapse into insanity. And Pirate!Ed is smecksy. You can even ask my friends.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. I don't even own the plot. Damn, this blows.

Note: This plot, in whole, was made by Thesenis on gaiaonline. If you're reading this, Thesie, I told you you'd get credit! XD

-

Tortuga. Homeland of Pirates and lawbreakers, land of liquor, city of… well, you know.

The Perdition sailed into port right on time, Edward and Roy leading the group off the ship. Alphonse elected to stay behind and make sure nothing happened to the ship, and Kenara was stuck with babysitting their captive, Rose. She sighed. That girl was never going to get the hang of pretending to be a pirate.

They split up into two groups, Kenara, Edward, and Rose heading towards the inn, while Roy took Riza and Mina with him to the bar. Everyone else had either stayed on ship, or just… dissipated when they reached land. It was common for their crew to do that.

Anyways, with Edward and the other two girls, they had just met up with a group of women. Naturally, Edward claimed he knew them, and walked straight into their midst.

"Step back." Kenara said to Rose, who did so, hesitantly, watching Edward.

"Holly!" He said, extending his arms towards the red-haired lass.

SMACK!

He was sent reeling with the force of the slap. He turned around, touching his cheek tenderly.

"Giselle." He remarked, leaning in for a kiss. "It's been a-"

"Who is she?"

"Wha'?"

SMACK!

"Melinda…"

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

As the women trooped away, Kenara and Rose walked back towards the red-faced Captain, their arms crossed. "Well, well, well."

"I didn't deserve tha'." He muttered.

"Of course you didn't." Kenara said sarcastically. "You never seem to."

Edward realised he wasn't going to get a sympathetic hand from her, so he turned back to Rose.

"Rose, lass, d' you believe m'?" He asked.

SMACK!

"You pig."

"Tha' would be a no." Kenara advised, smiling. "I say we get goin' tae tha inn." She advised, seeing another flock of girls nearby.

-

However, the situation was different with Roy's group. As they entered the noisy bar that was filled with drunk old fat men and their just-as-drunk- wives, Roy separated himself from the pair and headed to a group of girls. He tipped his hat to them and sat down, buying them a round of drinks.

Riza took a seat at the bar, thunking her hand on the table. "Rum!" She yelled over the din of yelling, screaming, and fighting.

Mina sat herself down as well. "Does he do this often?"

"Wha'? flirt wi' the girls, drink, and ditch 'is crewmates?" She nodded. "Yeah."

Mina asked for a water when the barkeeper came back with Riza's rum and sighed. "Where do you think we're going after Tortuga?"

"Dunno." She said with a shrug. "You'd 'ave t' ask Kenara. She's in charge of tha'."

"Wouldn't the Captain be?"

"Nope." Riza shook her head. "Kenara is. She's the navigator, so she chooses where we go."

"What about Alphonse?"

Riza thought about the young boy for a breif moment. "Our Surgeon. 'E's more like the groups consultant tho'." She said with a nod.

Mina nodded and turned back to her water. "When are we going to meet up with the others?"

"In a while." Riza said, gulping down her rum.

-

Eventually, after many more drinks and slaps, they met up in their room at the inn, either sprawled out over a bed or chair, or leaning against the wall, casually. Riza had left a little while ago to check on the ship, leaving the group together.

And in exactly ten minutes, Riza returned, red-faced and out of breath. "She's gone."

It took a total of one minute and thirty-four seconds for it to register.

"WHAT?" Kenara yelled.

"Th' military took 'er back." Riza mumbled.

"Well then, we'll 'ave t' go get 'er back!"

"It isn't that simple." Roy pointed out coolly. "We have a total of six people with us. We are currently on a wanted list. There is silver on our heads."

"But…" Rose crossed her arms, thinking. "Maybe we could disguise ourselves."

Ed shook his head. "No' well enough t' get th' ship back."

Mina bit her lip. "Aren't they looking for four girls and two men?" She asked, looking over at the other three girls who nodded.

"Two lass's an' four men?" Kenara said with a smirk. Four pairs of eyes turned to the two men, who were slowly backing out of the room.

"Hey, Cap'n? 'Ave ya ever worn a corset?" Riza grinned.

"Uh…" Edward looked around frantically. "Is thar a righ' answer t' this?" He asked.

"We'll need to get Roy a wig…" Rose said thoughtfully.

"I'm not dressing up like a girl!" Roy argued.

"Get them cleaned up too." Mina pointed out.

Kenara nodded. "An' git them some dresses."

"I'M NO' DRESSIN' LIKE A LASS!" The Captain yelled.

The girls scowled at him.

"Indoor voices." Rose scolded, frowning.

Kenara stood up, brushing imaginary dirt off of her black trousers, and stretched. "I'm goin' tae th' store."

-

"What store?" Rose asked as they walked down the streets of Tortuga, dodging drunkards along the way.

"Th' Clothier."

Rose arched an eyebrow stiffly at Kenara. "We're really going to get them dresses? They won't agree."

"Piracy is a democracy, lass." Kenara said, opening the door for Rose. "If he doesn't go after th' Perdition, he could lose favour wi' the crew. An' tha' could lead tae Mutiny." She pointed out. "Th' Cap'n wouldn't want tha'."

"I see." Rose said quietly. "They still aren't going to be happy."

"I know." Kenara said smugly.

-

A/N: Well, there's my second chapter. It's not as good as I hoped it would be, but it's not particularily horrible. -- But I still want reviews. Taseisha's good and full, so she just want's to read them.

Come on now, click that smecksy button!