Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue; we don't own PotO, and neither do you.
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Part VII
From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: You evil, evil man
Eeeee! How dare you threaten my dear, kind, naïve, wishy-washy, you-get-the-point Christine? I'll have you know that if you do not cease this abuse immediately, I will be forced to.. umm.. take actions as soon as I finish blow-drying my hair.
- De Chagny
"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!"
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: You evil, evil man
My dear wittle foppity fop,
I'm afraid that such coarse language does not become one as delicate as you. Please reword your e-mail, and I will gladly get back to you on that.
O.G
PS. I think you may want to switch conditioners; your hair's starting to frizz.
"The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!"
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: The Fiend Beneath Us
I know that many of us in this community are aware of the presence of the so-called "Opera Ghost." However, I am worried that you do not know his true nature. This "Opera Ghost" is no supernatural, powerful force; in fact, he is a whiny psychopath who likes to hide in the basement and perve on women through mirrors. If we cease these ridiculous payments to him and drive him out, we will be a much safer opera house. As it is, his unbalanced mind might grow even more feeble and lead him to stealthily kill us all through use of his sooper-sekrit tunnels. He wouldn't even spare my beautiful face (and hair)! Join me by signing the petition located outside of the ballerinas' dressing room (not that I have ever lurked around there before!).
Thank you,
Le Vicomte de Chagny
"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!"
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
CC: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: The Fiend Beneath Us
My most esteemed Monsieur le Vicomte,
Please note that, as I have a (at)operapopulaire. com e-mail address, I am also part of the "castncrew" mailing list. Thus, it might be in your best interest not to go through with this plan, now that I know about it.
And a word of warning to my dear managers, I'd like you to double my salary from now on, or a disaster beyond your comprehension will occur.
Yours,
O.G.
"The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!"
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: That Nasty Petition!
Dear Mr. Phantom, sir,
I am writing to offer my support to your tragic plight! I know you are just a sad and misunderstood guy and you have done nothing to deserve the insults of this meanie (although he is a pretty-haired meanie!). We phangirls at POPUT are fully in favor of your staying at the opera house 4ever!1! To take a stand against the petition, we signed it with a bunch of really funny fake names like "U. R. Dum"! Isn't that clever?
You know, if you would ever like to stop by and, say, watch the ballet rehearsal, I'm sure you would find me—I mean, all of us—very cute and dateable!
Hearts from,
Meg
"Cute and blonde since 1854!"
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: FW: RE: The Fiend Beneath Us
Everyone,
Do not panic! It is simply a hoax.. simply a hoax.
After carefully scrutinizing the e-mail from "O.G." we are certain it is not from the real Opera Ghost. If you read his last line carefully, he says "a disaster beyond your comprehension will occur." Any loyal phan knows that the correct phrase is "a disaster beyond your imagination will occur." Therefore, we are positive as protons that it is not from the Opera Ghost, or even a relatively informed phan, and we all know that those are the most dangerous.
Your loving Managers,
Andie & Firmie
"I had a dream.. such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more..."
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From: overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Selling: Persian Rugs!
Dear all,
As some of you may know, I have recently started a rug-making business, and would most appreciate your patronage.
To start, I have been making genuine Persian rugs – to some they may resemble rag-rugs, but I assure you, they are all handmade by a real Persian, yours truly!
Now, they take about a week to make, so be sure to place your order early! I imagine they will be approximately fifty thousand francs each. You may think to yourself "golly gee! That's forty more than ones made by true experts!" but don't worry, the craftsmanship is unquestionably superior.
Looking forward to doing business with you all,
Nadir Khan
"There's a reason I'm not called 'Apex.'"
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From: divalady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny .net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: New Opera, Patron, and a Cool Quiz
I have noticed a new fad in taking this little quiz that has been circulating. Well, as we all know, fads are not truly stylish until I, La Carlotta, follow them. You can rest assured, because I will now take this quiz. I know you are dying to know more about moi.
Basic Info:
Name? La Carlotta is my stage name
Age? a true lady never reveals her age! But I am young and beautiful, of course
Eye color? the most blue of the blues
Hair color? chestnut brown, like all the Spanish/Italian ladies'
Height? perfect!
Faves:
Country? le home country, France
Food? anything suitably gourmet… caviar is nice
Movie? Chicago
Drink? some champagne in an elegant fluted glass
Animal? songbirds
Color? royal purple!
Are you:
Nice? superstars don't have to be nice to please fans
Sarcastic? superstars don't have to be sarcastic to please fans
Funny? superstars don't have to… oh, never mind
Finally:
Do you remember your dreams? I dream of glory and wake to fame! Oh wait.. it's not a dream!
Do you believe in soulmates? the stage is my only love
Do you believe in love at first sight? of course; thousands of people experience it when they see me!
What was your favorite childhood toy? my toy microphone
Thoughts on life? the worth of a person can be measured by the number of their fans
Who do you want to be stuck on an island with? someone who would properly appreciate my wonderfulness
What did you do before Opera? I trained for Opera
"Superior Singer"
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Oops..
As all of you know, Mlle Daaé disappeared tonight right before the opening of Il Muto, and La Carlotta had to take her place at the last minute. It seems as if we have underestimated the Opera Ghost, and in his anger, he has taken our leading soprano.
We now ask you to form an angry, irrational lynch mob, and storm his lair under the Opera House to attempt to recover her. Thank you, and congratulations on tonight's fabulous performance!
Your Slightly Concerned Managers,
Andre & Firmin
PS. Dear Opera Ghost, if you are reading this: know that we do not mean any of the above… pretty please don't kill us?
"I had a dream.. such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more..."
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Authors' Note: We apologize for not updating sooner! First there was the elephant incident, followed by the flying ninja force and the toxic pudding, and we just got distracted. We're hard at work on chapter 8 now, though. Please review and let us know how we're doing, and we'll do our best to avoid further life-threatening situations… gee, that glacier's getting awfully close..