Want What You Can't Have
Hey People!
Well, I am back for one more little episode. You remember me, of course. I was the one who informed you about B, N, S, J, D and V and all there crazy romances and adventures. It was ten years ago, to the day, that I told you that B ran away from her wedding with Lord M in an amazing wedding dress she still hasn't returned. Or worn to the alter. Now its time for a reunion. Constance Billard, Riverside Prep and St Judes have decided to throw one big reunion party for all its past attendee's. Our girls are coming in there BCBG, Chanel, Gucci and de la Renta while the boys are coming in wife-approved Ralph Lauren suits.
Pictures of gorgeous children have been placed in our leather wallets and our nails, hair and makeup is perfect.
Sit Back and Enjoy The Ride
We all have done some embarrassing things since the last time we saw each other. Just deny, deny, deny and keep it on the low. After all, who wants to be unglamorous. That's just not some thing I have to worry about but I'm looking out for you my little darlings. I hear Coach Michaels, who taught N and had his Viagra stolen is going to be there…
Your E-mail
Dear Gossip Girl,
Your fantastic. I've been waiting since high school to meet you. Will you tell us who you are tonight?
Curio
Dear Curio,
Never ask, never tell. But thanks for calling me fantastic.
GG
Dear GG,
I haven't seen the girl I love in over 12 years but I'll see her tonight. With my wife. Any advice on what to say?
Archie
Dear Archie,
The best advice I could give is to just walk up to her and kiss her. Kiss you back love you to. Shove you away I'm over you. Good luck.
GG
Sighitings
B arriving at Constance Billard in a fabulous stretch limo fifteen minutes late for the event. N and E also arriving fifteen minutes late. Very interesting… D and V there five minutes early. They do not believe in fashionably late and were the first ones there. C coming without his husband in there… Volkswagen. He's really let himself go. J and E coming right on time. V and J do not even recognize each other, even though she is still bald. S and A arriving sheepishly ten minutes late. Is that… A smock or a blouse? Stay tuned.
You know you love me,
Gossip Girl
Awkward Arriving
Blair Waldorf was confident every one was watching her from the many windows of Constance Billard. She decided to give them a show. She waited until her chauffer opened the door and Blair stuck one perfect manicured hand in to the drivers palm and touched one shoe woven from platinum thread and set with 642 rubies that designed by Stuart Weitzman. The shoe cost more than the dress and Blair gave the shoe its proper limelight before allowing the public to see the other shoe. Then she emerged in her beautiful gown looking as perfect as ever. Blair started strutting towards the door in the same walk she used to model the best piece of clothing at the end of her fashion shows when a deep voice called her name.
In that five letter noun there were a million emotions displayed and a million received. She could hear how relieved the man was that Blair had come, how sorry he was this was the first time he had seen her in so long, how fabulous she looked, and the desire to compliment her shoes because he knew she loved that. Blair's heart began to race and her knees felt immediately week.
"Natie?" She called out. Blair turned around and felt a similar sensation when she saw a tacky blond attached to his arm. Nate scraped the girl off him and walked briskly to Blair. They stood in front of each other, staring in to each others eyes for just a moment. Blair was looking for an answer, for any thing. And all she could see was his desire to kiss her. Blair kissed him primly on the cheek and pulled him in to a long hug.
"I've missed you." She whispered in to his ear.
"I'm so sorry Blair bear." Nate responded, using the nickname he had adopted for her.
"Is this your wife?" Blair asked in a normal voice. She pulled away from Nate carefully and gave his hand a soft squeeze.
"Uh, yes. This is Ellen." Nate said. "Ellen, this is Blair Waldorf."
"How do you do?" Blair asked in her most Audrey-like voice. She tried to resist the strong urge to choke that faux-blond and slice that ugly red suit in to a million little pieces, along with the rests of her slightly overweight body. Blair just couldn't believe that Natie, her Natie, had gotten married to some one other than her.
She remembered back in high school when they used to lay on her bed, kissing and reciting the lines to Breakfast at Tiffany's. She used to always dream of getting married to Nate and having Vogue cover the story. Now she had been on the cover of Vogue repeatedly and Nate was married to some one else.
"Oh my God, I love you. Your fashions are so amazing." Ellen gushed. Nate flushed crimson and Blair rolled her eyes. The graduates of Constance Billard were the whose-who of the city and this blond bimbo obviously had nothing going for her. "Shall we go in?" Ellen asked.
"Why don't you go on ahead? I just need to talk to Blair for a moment." Nate suggested softly.
"Nate, this is you-" Ellen started but she was silenced by a look Blair shot her. "Fine." Ellen stomped up to the school in her clunky K-Mart sandals that were both ugly and went out about five years ago.
"Its really good to see you." Blair said, pulling out the long cigarette holder that she had since high school. Just seeing it made Nate smile. He pulled out a lighter from his pocket and lighted it for her. The street light above them was catching the gold of Blair's dressed and between the sparkling dress and the elegant lighter she looked more amazing than Nate had ever seen her.
"Yeah." Nate said. "You know, I…" Nate trailed off.
"Yeah." Blair said softly. "I think I know."
"Are you happy?" Nate asked softly.
"Yeah." Blair said in a breathless voice. "I have a good job, loyal friends. I have it pretty nice."
"I have two daughters." Nate said. He pulled out his wallet. "Can I show you?"
"Of course." Blair insisted. He pulled out a picture of Jessica and one of Marley and another of the girls together.
"That's Jess, and that's Marley." Nate said.
"Marley. That's a sweet name." She glanced over at Nate and smiled. "Jess, she's your favorite isn't she?" Blair asked.
"How do you know? Not even my… Ellen knows that." Nate said, neglecting the word wife.
"It's the way you look when you say her name. Its in your eyes. You say her name and its obvious that you really, really love this girl." Blair said softly.
"Blair." Nate said, looking at her straight in the eyes.
"Nate I-" Blair started. Nate interrupted her.
"Blair bear, you don't have to say any thing. I messed up and if you never wanted to speak to me again I'm fine with it. Well, not fine, but I'd understand why."
"Natie I love you." Blair said quickly, stumbling over her words.
"I love you to." Nate said softly. He took her hands.
"Then why does that blond bitch have what was supposed to be my last name?" Blair demanded, channeling all the anger she had been suppressing about him for years. "And then you don't even invite me to the wedding? I had to hear from Serena and from Chuck Bass – Chuck Bass! – that you were married!" She continued. "And when you had children? Why wasn't I informed? I was supposed to have your children, but if you love me so much couldn't you have at least picked up the phone and called to say hello?"
"You never called either." Nate shouted.
"I sent you the whole line of clothes as an apology and you never even sent a thank you card back. I sent you that because if you knew any thing about me or paid attention when we dated that's how I say sorry! That's the only way I knew how!" Blair exclaimed.
"I didn't know that! If you were normal you would have just wrote me a letter!" Nate said, getting suddenly very pissed off.
"Just like you did, right, Nate?" Blair hissed. She threw her cigarette on to the ground and put it out then shoved the pearl cigarette holder in to her bag. "I'm going inside. Either come in or hang yourself, Nate. I really don't care which one."
Blair stormed in to Constance on the verge of tears. Her perfect night was not supposed to be like this. Nate was supposed to see how skinny she was, how gorgeous she looked and kiss her. Then they would jump in to her limo and drive off in to the sunset. She would pick Jess up because she was very cute and reminded Blair of herself. Becoming a mother without having to gain weight seemed like the perfect solution. And Jess would be the perfect daughter.
Isn't she a little ahead of herself?
"Blair fucking Waldorf!" Vanessa called out. Seeing her friend immediately lifted Blair's spirits slightly.
"Vanessa Marigold Abrams-Humphrey!" Blair responded. She hugged her old friend and hugged her husband to. "Hi, Daniel." She said graciously.
"You look hot." Vanessa said in appreciation.
"I know. Girl, your still bald?" Blair said with a laugh.
"But of course!" Vanessa did a little model-like turn.
"Did you hear about Aaron?" Blair asked.
"No, what?"
"He married a belly dancer." Blair giggled softly. "And his cut off his dreadlocks again, but this time he didn't have you to help so he had little bald patches all over his head." She giggled again. "And the girls father thinks its disrespectful so he doesn't allow Aaron inside his home. He had to sit outside on the doormat for three hours the other day because his wife – Yolanda – didn't want to leave yet."
"Yolanda?" Daniel asked.
"That's her name." Blair clarified.
"I wish him well." Vanessa said with a snigger.
"So when did you guys get here?" Blair asked.
"About twenty minutes ago." Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Dan wanted to be five minutes early. Every one else was fifteen minutes late. Except Jenny. Have you seen her? Her husbands kind of cute. But not as cute as you, darling." She said quickly to Dan. "Chucks here with pictures of his husband. He says you know him. Jan, from the Dutch Olympic Snowboarding Team? Serena and Anthony got here about ten minutes before you. She's a least an size eight."
"Really?" Blair asked. She smiled. "I have to go say 'hi'. I'll talk to you later, alright?"
"If I can stand this, I'll be here." Vanessa teased.
Blair walked up to the bar that had been erected and smiled at the bartender. He was tucking a bottle of away in to a semi-opaque jewel case. She raised her eyebrow and immediately raised her hand softly.
"Excuse me? Whats that?" She asked. The bartender smiled.
"Presenting Dom Perignon Vintage 1998 edition named 'A Bottle Named Desire'. For the general public its about five hundred a glass, but for some one as pretty as you I'll give you a glass for free." He said, turning on the charm. Blair gave him a girlish laugh.
"Are you sure? I love Dom but I wouldn't want to get you in trouble now."
"Ma'am, if my boss ever saw you he'd do the same." The bartender said.
"Can I get a glass to?" Serena asked. She sat next to Blair. "Hey girl!"
"Hey, Serena." Blair said softly. She tried to remain cool and collected but couldn't believe how big Serena looked. Her usually slender friend was looking large and unhappy.
"How are you?" Serena asked. She wasn't quite sure where they stood. All she knew that she hadn't had a civil conversation with Blair in years. Some times they were still best friends and some times they hated each others guts. When they were kids it was always Blair who started the fight just because she was catty and often jealous. Blair was still catty but it was now Serena who was painfully jealous of Blair.
"I'm so good. Did you see my last Serena by Blair Waldorf line? It's so good. Its subtitle is Mermaid. So it Italy its just Mermaid Mermaid, but it sounds cool in English." Blair lit up. "Remind me to send that to you in… Size five?" She suggested sweetly.
"Try eight." Serena sighed.
"Oh, my God! Can I see your kids? You never did send me pictures?" Blair asked, wanting to change the subject. There glasses of Dom appeared in front of them. "Thanks, love." She winked.
Serena pulled out the pictures she had come armed with. They were all school photos and all her kids looked darling. "Here." She groaned.
"Marie is the spitting image of you." Blair said. "And James looks just like Erik." Blair said generously. "Hey, how is Erik?"
"Good. Still not married." Serena said, smiling. "I think he came, but I'm not sure."
Erik van der Woodsen was Serena's older brother. Blair had almost lost his virginity to him. Occasionally they talked but Blair wasn't that close with him any more, which was kind of a shame. He had gone to St. Judes with Nate for a year before going off the boarding school and then later on to Brown.
"Awesome." Blair nodded. There was a long moment of awkward silence. "Alright I'm going to go walk around." Blair said. Serena just took a sip of her drink and waved Blair away. Blair shook her head and gracefully jumped off the barstool, Dom in hand.
The Gentlemen Side
Nate shuffled in to the party about twenty minutes later after getting high with Anthony. Anthony, Serena's husband, was still big in the drug game and occasionally bought and sold plants.
"So how badly did you mess things but with B?" Anthony asked.
"Bad." Nate groaned. He desperately wanted to get out of here but couldn't find Ellen. Last he had seen her she had been talking to Chuck Bass about poodles over Dalmatians.
"Think you can get her back?" Anthony asked.
"I don't know man." He watched Blair jumped off a barstool and look around the room for some one to talk to. Then he started walking towards a tall, blond and very strong looking man. "Hey, whose that?"
"That's Erik van der Woodsen." Anthony said in a bored voice. "Hey, look. It's that girl with the huge boobs you dated in twelfth." He whistled. "She's looking good."
"I'll be right back." Nate said.
He walked across the room, focusing on getting to Jenny. He knew he was so high that if he didn't focus he'd probably walk over to Blair and say some thing stupid. Nate was focused so hard he didn't even notice there was a lean, dark-haired man with his arm around Jenny's waist.
"Jennifer! Hey!" Nate called out. He kissed her tenderly on the cheek. He was still was taller than her but the man beside her was the same height as him. Nate immediately felt threatened and felt the need to flex his lax muscles.
"Hey, Nate!" Jenny exclaimed. "How are you doing?" She asked, grinning. "Oh, yeah. Nate Archibald this is my husband, Easy Walsh."
"Nice to meet you." Nate said, giving his hand a firm shake. "I'm good, you know."
"Did you end up marrying Blair Waldorf? I heard about her fashion line. That's so amazing!" Nate's face fell and Jenny gave him arm a squeeze. "Oh, I'm sorry Nate. You screwed up, didn't you?"
"Badly. I'm married, though." Nate gave a halfhearted shrug. "To children. Ended up working for the old man."
"Don't I know about that. Insurance." Easy said.
"Sorry, man. I'm navy law." Nate said. He rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, the names some thing like Walsh, two other partners and associates?"
"No other partners. You?" Easy said.
"Archibald, Partridge and Savage. We don't really care about associates." Nate smiled genuinely for the first time since his blowup with Blair.
"Go talk to her." Jenny suggested softly. "Before the blond god gets to her heart real good." Jenny didn't know who the blond boy was or why Blair was talking to him but she knew by there body language they obviously had a past.
"Good idea. Thanks, Jen." Nate said. That had been the first time he called her by any name other than Jennifer and he smiled. "I like it. You mind?"
"Knock yourself out." Jenny winked.
"Blair!" Nate called, rushing to her side. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Damn it, man. Why do you always come bursting in?" Erik asked. Blair ignored his comment and looked at Nate.
"Of course, Natie."
Nate led her off to a corner and took her hand.
"Blair bear, I love you." He said simply.
"Nate, you know I love you to."
"I swear to God, if I wasn't married I'd already be on one knee, okay? But I am. But unfortunately I still love you." Nate said.
"Nate… Are you high?" Blair demanded. Nate remembered that even in high school Blair hated when Nate got high. She pulled her hand away. "Are you?"
"Anthony and I may have… A little." Nate stuttered. "But why does it matter?"
"Because, Nathaniel, how do I know it's you talking and not just the weed?" Blair said. Nate winced when he heard his full name.
"It is me!" Nate argued lamely. He tried to take Blair's hand again but she continued to keep it from him.
"Damn it, Nate. Fifteen fucking years and you're the same boy. You're the same lame-ass, stoner fucker you were when you were seventeen. You're like a twelve-year-old in an adult body. You have children and you're still immature." She cried. Nate reached for her hand again but Blair pulled it away. "Fuck you." She hissed.
Nate stood there and watched Blair storm away from him. She was still the same fiery, temperamental, gorgeous girl she ever was. Every time she got mad at him it made Nate like her even more. She was so cute when she was mad. Little dimples were made in her cheeks and her nose had a cute little wrinkle on the bridge. Her sapphire eyes would light up and it always made Nate just want to hold her tighter.
"Blair, wait." He called out lamely. Blair continued to walk, her long brown hair flaring out behind her, coating her back prettily. He took a few steps towards her but was intercepted by Ellen.
"Baby, I am having so much fun!" She exclaimed. "I just love your friend Chucky!"
Chucky?
"Good. Have fun." Nate said, dismissing her. Ellen kissed him on the cheek like an old friend rather than a wife and ran off to find Chuck again. For some one who claimed to be gay he was spending a lot of time with Nate's wife. He knew that should have bothered him, but it didn't. Chuck could spend as much time as he wanted with Ellen if it meant Nate was free to talk to Blair.
Not Over Until The Skinny Lady Speaks
"Blair!" Serena called. Blair turned to Serena, a fresh glass of Dom in her hands, still fuming over what Nate had said to her.
"What?" Blair snapped. Serena looked hurt so Blair apologized and repeated her 'what' in a softer tone.
"Did you know you have to do a speech?" Serena asked, leaning away from Blair softly. If her old friend was in a mood Serena knew it was best to just stay away instead of getting attacked.
"What!" Blair demanded, this time more as an exclamation than a statement. She furiously shook her haid, causing her long locks to writher around like the Medusa we all knew she could be.
"You were graduation speaker from Constance, so you have to make a speech before dinner." Serena exclaimed. Blair hadn't seen a single professor all evening so what Serena was saying could have been 100 false – or, of course – completely true. Blair shook her head ferociously.
Blair Waldorf was the kind of women who needed time to plan some thing as important as another class speech. At the moment the only words coming to her were 'Thanks for nothing, Nate, you fucker!' and she knew that wouldn't fly. Blair twirled her ring around her finger and bit her well-glossed lip. Across the room she could see Nate sitting on a chair with his stoner head leaning against a wall. His eyes were blank but he had a sad frown plastered on his face. His golden hair made him look like a sad puppy and Blair was filled with the urge to pull him in to a hug and just never let him go. Then she saw Elephant or whatever his wife's name was take the seat next to him and wrap her arms around her waist. Behind him Chuck was heading her way and Blair ducked in to a bathroom without so much as a second glance towards Serena.
Blair looked at her face in the mirror. She was still gorgeous, still dressed impeccably, still the very image of perfection. There was no sign on her face that she had just gotten in to a fight with the first and probably only man she would ever love. Nothing but her eyes. Blair just noticed that there was a soft sort of sadness in her eyes, some thing that definitely wasn't there early, definitely couldn't be solved by makeup, and was definitely caused by seeing her Natie with some else. Blair closed her eyes and counted to five in her head. Then she opened them again, but the sadness was still there.
Blair heard the sound of 'Touch It' coming from the DJ's speakers and shook her head sadly. This song was older than Nate's daughters, but she could hear the excited murmurs of the classmates that would be rushing to the floor. Usually Blair was the life of the party and she would have been the first one on the dance floor, but times were different now.
Serena was fat.
Chuck finally confessed he was gay.
Nate was married.
She was all alone.
That night, Nate would not be going home to the bed his crazy French mother and his crazy Army father had bought him but rather a bed he shared with a girl named Elephant.
Another women had her wedding, her children.
Vogue would never cover the Waldorf-Archibald wedding.
Blair was all alone.
The Party
Has just gotten started so don't go any where! I will have all the scandalous details for all of you who just couldn't come. Don't worry, I will not leave any thing out. Now, there is an amazing bottle of Dom sitting on the bar just calling my name and I am eager to finish it. A few numbers quickly:
2 Number of times N and B almost made up
8 The size of S's waistband.
3 The number of boys I have kissed so far today
1 The number of strikes N had left with B. Good luck!
I will leave you
With that happy note. Remember, stay cool. And the best way to deal with meeting that Lax coach you stole Viagra from that you cannot believe is still alive is to get very, very drunk.
But that's not the way to handle the ex-girlfriend-who-you-still-love, N.