Drunk Dial

Hey guys, thought I'd start another story to keep you entertained during this horrible time of self-isolation and sickness. Don't worry, I still plan on continuing on with High School Never Ends and I'll update regularly… What else would I be doing, other than sitting in the house lol. If you haven't seen my first story, give it a read. If you don't like it, it will keep you amused for a few hours if nothing else lol. I have a few ideas for other stories but this one seemed to take my interest. ''Dialogue'' will be in italics, 'thoughts' will not, flashbacks will also be in italics. So, let's see what you think. Please review. I hope you're all keeping safe and well

Chapter 1:

The sun is shining bright on a spring afternoon in New York, the flowers are blossoming, the birds are chirping and the breeze is warm. Piper Chapman is sitting in a tattoo studio waiting on her boyfriend (of just over a year) Larry Bloom. Larry is currently laying on his front, bare ass in the air, getting a tattoo on his left ass cheek. Piper can't seem to shake the memories of the last time she was in a tattoo studio, getting a tattoo herself.

Larry is a good guy; he's safe, loving, sensitive, reliable and… Boring. He follows the rules, he's a good son; always does as his parents tells him, he's a writer (or so he tells everyone, he's never had a job as long as Piper has known him), he lives off his parents money for everything, he's a good boyfriend who treats her right, he's the perfect Jewish son. Larry is the type of guy you settle down with; marry, have kids, get a dog and have the perfect house complete with a white picket fence. Larry is the complete opposite to her; Piper's ex-girlfriend. But sitting here in the tattoo studio, Piper can't stop her thoughts drifting to her...Alex. For the past year Larry has talked about getting a tattoo after seeing his girlfriend's, although she never thought he would actually go through with it. Piper was really surprised by this spontaneous act. 'Maybe he's not so boring after all. Maybe he could be a badass, like Alex.' Piper thought with a smile, until she learned what tattoo he was getting. It was the most dorky, uncool thing she could imagine, which suited Larry right down to the ground.

''How about a Chinese character that says tranquillity?'' Piper asks him, as she looks through a book of tattoo designs.

''Oh, come on, a Chinese character could never pronounce tranquillity.'' Larry replies through the pain of the needle hitting his sensitive skin.

''Larry.'' Piper responds scolding him, looking unimpressed.

''She'll admit that was funny later.'' Larry said, turning to look at the tattoo artist, then turns back looking at Piper with a smirk.

''So, Noah Berkowitz…'' Piper asks, still looking through the book.

''Berkovich…'' Larry corrects her. ''He was way deep in the superhero culture-'' Larry starts to tell the story.

''He was five!'' Piper jumped in cutting him off, as she stood to have a peek at his tattoo.

''I was five too, but I saw them all for the frauds that they were. You know, Batman with his gadgets, and Spidermin with-'' Larry was ranting as he was (again) cut off.

''Spider-Man!'' Piper stated as she sat down again.

''What?'' Larry asked, looking confused.

''Spider-Man…'' Piper repeated, looking at Larry.

''That's what I said.'' He replied, looking serious.

''You said Spidermin, like he's a dermatologist on the Upper East Side.'' Piper explained to him.

''Whatever…'' Larry chuckled, ignoring Piper's comment, as she continued to look through the tattoo designs. ''It was all a big, fat lie. Most of the men I knew couldn't even run up a flight of stairs, let alone leap tall buildings or fly.'' Larry finished his story looking impressed with himself, while Piper looked disinterested.

''Maybe I should get a yin-yang.'' Piper asked looking conflicted.

''Lame!'' Larry replied with a pained look, caused by the tattoo needle.

''Lame? You're getting the Kool-Aid Man.'' Piper said annoyed, with a serious expression across her face.

''Yeah, a hero with a practical ability.'' Larry replied looking smug.

''Breaking through a wall?'' Piper asked, with an 'are you serious' look.

''No. He satisfies your thirst on demand… That's a hero in my book.'' Larry answered, looking proud.

''That's a cocktail waitress… I'm still holding out for the ability to fly.'' Piper replied with a smirk, as she held back a laugh.

''All done.'' Said the tattoo artist as she started to tidy up.

Larry stood up to check out his red ass cheek, with a small tattoo of the Kool-Aid Man.

''Oh, yeah!'' Larry said grinning, feeling cool (probably for the first time in his life).

''Your mother's gonna kill you!'' Piper said as she covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hold back a laugh.

''My mother doesn't see this part of my body anymore.'' Larry replied as he continued to check his ass out in the mirror.

''You took your pants off in front of her last week.'' Piper reminded him with a smirk as she gently slapped his arm.

''I had a weird skin thing, I wanted her take on it. From now on I'll call Doctor Spidermin for it.'' Larry said with a smirk, still checking out his ass.

''I don't know, she sniffs out secrets like a truffle pig.'' Piper stated with her hands on her hips, looking serious as she stared into the mirror at her boyfriend's ass.

''So, what're you getting?'' Larry asked with a big smile.

''Ohh… I think I'm gonna pass.'' Piper replied with a chuckle.

''What?'' Larry asked looking confused as he turned to look at her.

''Yeah.'' Piper answered looking into his eyes with a small smile, as she placed her arm around him.

''No, come on… Get one! Another one, where, you know, in a place where people can see it this time.'' Larry whined as he turned back towards the mirror to investigate his tattoo.

''It's not… My tattoo is not for me.'' Piper subconsciously rubbed her neck and smiled. ''It's… It's for other people. It's a reminder of beauty.'' Piper answered with a small smile as she looked away, avoiding eye contact.

''And cause I'm a… I'm a Pisces, right? It's a fish tattoo of destiny.'' Larry said looking proud.

''Exactly… It's a fish tattoo of destiny.'' Piper replied as she placed her hand at the back of Larry's neck. She looked at him, faking a smile as she avoided his eyes.

Piper's fish was a tattoo of destiny. Only Larry didn't know that it wasn't his and Piper's destiny the tattoo symbolised… It was a reminder of beauty and amazing memories that she shared with her ex-girlfriend (Piper never shared that part with him).

*Flashback – 4 Years Ago*

Piper is in her early twenties (25 to be exact), her blonde hair is longer, and her skin is tanner. She is sitting getting her beauty fish tattooed on the back of her neck as she looks at a photo of Alex scuba diving with the magic fish.

''It represents magic and beauty. And appreciating beauty.'' Piper explains to the tattoo artist, smiling through the pain.

''So, why'd you decide to get it in a spot where you can't see it?'' The artist asks as she works.

''It's not for me, it's for other people. Other people who fail to see the beauty even when they are in the most beautiful place on earth looking at a magic fish up close, just because they got a little seasick on the way back to shore. And believe me I get that it's no fun to barf on sea life, but you drink some water, you take a nap and you move on. You don't sit inside for two days and mope when the beach and life and sun is all happening outside… You know?'' Piper explains with a frustrated sigh.

''Sounds like trouble in paradise?'' The artist asks as she wipes the tattoo and continues working.

''Well it's trouble in paradise, it's trouble in New York and it's trouble in Europe.'' Piper answers the woman as she suffers through the pain.

''Maybe you're incompatible.'' The woman replies.

''We're completely incompatible, we don't work at all. The entire thing is stupid.'' Piper tells the artist in a frustrated tone.

''But yet, you're here getting a fish tattoo on your neck to remind her of beauty.'' The tattoo artist reminds the blonde with a smirk.

''Because I love her''. Piper responds with a big grin.

Piper did love Alex Vause. Through the good times and the bad times, their love got them through it. Their love was filled with romance, passion, fireworks and adventures. There was never a dull, boring moment. Alex was fun, spontaneous, sweet, sexy and badass. Alex was the love of her life.

In response to her beauty fish tattoo, Alex got a tattoo as a joke saying, 'Love is Pain'. 'She wasn't wrong', Piper had thought many times over the years.

*Flashback – 1 Year Ago*

Alex is sitting in a bar, drowning her sorrows with alcohol. It's been two years to the day from the two most important people in her life left her (on the same day). A French guy sitting on the bar stool next to her comments on the tattoo on her arm.

''Love is Pain.'' He reads, studying her tattoo.

''Excuse me?'' Alex asks him as she raises an eyebrow.

''You're arm… You're, how you say, inking?'' He replies looking at her.

''Oh… This? I got this as a joke. My girlfriend got a fish that was supposed to remind me of beauty and in response I did this… Like I'll show you. Love is not beauty, love is pain.'' Alex explained to the man.

''Girlfriend?'' The man asked as Alex took a sip of her drink.

''Well she's my ex-girlfriend… Oh, I'm all gay, all the time so, I'll never fuck you Frenchie. Still want to ask about my inking?'' Alex replied with a smirk as she finished her drink.

''Sure, why not? I love stories, helps me forget about my own love pain.'' The man replied and ordered another round.

''I bet my love pain beats your love pain.'' Alex said to the man.

''Pain is not a contest.'' The man replied.

''Mmm.'' Alex said with a sigh. ''She broke my heart. Mon Coeur . And It happens, I get it. I mean, you know, like… Whatever. You know like, people that love each other hurt each other. But, that day… She really went nuclear. I think she broke my life.'' Alex tells him with a sad expression.

''What did she do?'' Asked the French man.

''I'm sorry. That's… That's about as specific as it's gonna get.'' Alex replied as she looked down into her drink.

''I think you actually want to tell someone.'' The straight man replied as he shared his story of pain with a lesbian in a bar in New York.

''See? Easy… Now you.'' He said to Alex.

''We were having problems; she didn't like my job. She told me that 'It was ruining everything good in my life.' Then I found out that my…my mom died. We were really close, she knew mom. Fuck, they were close. But she still left me! I lost the two most important people in my life…on the same day. Which was two years ago today…'' Alex shared her story of pain as tears filled her eyes. ''After two years… I'm still mad at her. And hurt by her. And I still love her and… love is pain.' Alex responds, finishing her drink.

''I'm sorry…'' The man replies.

''See? I win… Another drink?'' Alex responds as she waves over the bartender.

After Larry got his tattoo, the couple went out to dinner, came back home and had a quiet night. Piper opened a bottle of wine and Larry drank a few beers. Piper was thankful (for the first time) that Larry was a lightweight when it came to alcohol. He could never make it through his six-pack before getting drunk and heading off to bed. Piper was thankful because she couldn't stomach the thought of having sex with her boyfriend tonight. Ever since the tattoo studio, she couldn't get thoughts of her ex-girlfriend out of her mind. 'Alex is an amazing lover; Larry is bad in bed. Alex is beautiful with soft skin; Larry is rough and hairy. Alex is an excellent kisser with such soft lips; Larry is sloppy with stubble. Alex is sweet and romantic; Larry is boring and predictable. I love Alex's cuddles; Larry's arm is a heavy, dead weight.' Piper thought as she kept comparing Alex and Larry in her head (her boyfriend wasn't fairing out well in comparison). After a while, her thoughts took a different direction. 'Those sexy secretary glasses… I wonder where she is in the world, right now… I wonder what she's doing… Does she ever think about me? Does she miss me?' Piper's thoughts were spiralling out of control, as the night went on and the more wine she drank, her thoughts only got more obsessive.

''Larry?'' Piper whispered, standing in the bathroom doorway as she peeked into the hallway.

''Lare?'' She whispered again, just to be sure that her boyfriend couldn't hear (but she knew he was passed out drunk in bed).

Piper walks back into the bathroom, closing the door and locking it, with a bottle of (almost empty) wine and a wine glass in her other hand. She unsteadily manoeuvres to sit down on the floor, leaning against the bathtub. The blonde places her wine glass and the bottle of wine beside her as she takes a deep breath and pulls out her phone. Piper types in a number (that she has memorised, but many times she wished she could forget) into her phone and hits call. The phone rings and with every ring her heart beats faster, she drains her glass to calm her nerves, until the call goes to voicemail. For the first time in three years, she hears her voice…

''Hey, it's Vause… Leave a message.'' Then come the beep as the voicemail starts to record. Piper refills her empty wine glass, as she listens to her ex-girlfriend's voice.

Hearing Alex's voice (even though recorded), gives Piper the confidence (as well as the liquid courage she consumed throughout the night) to leave a voicemail message.

''Shalom.'' Piper said as she takes a generous sip from her wine glass. ''You know, that means 'hello' and 'goodbye?' Just like aloha… But you probably knew that. Something that you may not know… Is that today… My boyfriend got a tattoo, of the Kool-Aid Man. Oh, yeah. And believe me, Al… It's no, 'Love is Pain'. This is Piper, by the way… Blast from the past. Do you recognise my voice? Boy, well, I guess things… You know things are bad when you're calling old girlfriends from the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, huh? How are you still… In my brain? Where are you? Do you miss me? Probable not. I miss you… I don't know what I'm doing. Shalom.'' Piper finishes her drunken ramble and ends the phone call.

She places her arm along the bathtub and leans her head on her arm as she drops her phone onto the floor. Consumed with a rush of different emotions, guilt, sadness, regret, joy. It's all too much for her drunken mind to handle. For a while, Piper just sits thinking about the love of her life (which wasn't her boyfriend).

It's the middle of the night, Alex is laying in bed (fully clothed) with a half-naked girl, her latest drug mule. They were celebrating with champagne and sex after a successful drug run. 'Stacey or Sarah? It doesn't really matter. I'm not gonna see her again.' Alex thought to herself. She was startled from her thoughts when her phone rang. Alex picked up her phone and checked the caller ID.

''Shit… It's her!'' Alex said with a look of panic as she sat up right on the bed. ''Fuck! Oh fuck, it's her.'' Alex said to herself as she bit her nail, contemplating what to do.

After a few more seconds (which feels like minutes, if not hours) the ringing stops and the call ends. Alex is frozen, unable to move as she just stares at the phone screen.

1 MISSED CALL – PIPES

Missed call: Friday 3rd April – 2:57am

Even after three years and all the heartbreak, she could never delete her ex-girlfriend's number from her phone (even if she did, she still had those digits memorised. They were forever burned into her brain, along with the years of memories). No amount of alcohol or heroine could erase the memorise and her love for Piper Chapman. No matter how hard she tried to party and fuck them away, it couldn't be done. There wasn't enough alcohol, drugs and girls in the world, to help her erase the love of her life. Suddenly her phone beeped, bringing her back to reality and out of her trance.

1 NEW VOICEMAIL

Voicemail message: Friday 3rd April – 2:59am

Alex sat on the edge of the bed as she listened to the message; a feeling of sadness and a new wave of heartbreak hitting her hard, as she heard her ex-girlfriends voice for the first time in three years. The girl she had just fucked was sitting up, trying to listen as she stared at Alex's turned back.

''So, what did the mystery lady have to say? Does the schnauzer get clipped at dawn?'' The girl asked with a smirk.

Alex (back still turned towards the girl) places her phone on the bedside table and leans her head in her hand, looking heartbroken.

''Are you okay? Fuck, do we need to get out of here?'' The girl asks, placing a hand on Alex's back.

''Erm, yeah. Yeah you need… You need to get out of here.'' Alex replies as she bites her nails nervously, avoiding eye contact.

''Seriously?'' The girl asked with a surprised look.

''Yeah. You need to go.'' Alex responds as she turns to glance back, then turns her back again as she continues to bite her nails.

''Oh. Okay, umm… Okay.'' The girl said, looking offended as she climbs out of bed.

''Look it's for your own safety.'' Alex said in a reassuring tone.

''Sure, I get it… I get it.'' The girl answers as she starts to get dressed.

Alex stares ahead at the wall, looking conflicted and devastated as she tilts her head back taking a deep breath. Eventually the other girl gathers her belongings and leaves with a mumbled ''Bye, Alex.'' Leaving Alex with her swirling thoughts.

It's been three years from Piper left; since Alex last seen her, since Alex last heard her voice (until now). Three long years of hell for Alex. She can't remember much of the first year… Only the long, lonely nights as she wished she was holding her in bed. Constantly (hoping) checking her personal phone for a missed call or text from her which never came (until now). Seeing a blonde across the street or in the crowd hoping (wishing) it was her blonde. Vividly replaying all the good memories with her in her head as she cried herself to sleep every night. Over analysing all the bad ones, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong as she was overcome with guilt. It soon became too much for Alex to handle… That's when she turned to alcohol. Of course, Alex drank before she left, they frequently drank and partied together. It was a big part of Alex's business; she drank at parties, sipped during business meetings but she rarely got drunk. Alex never liked to lost control. But, when she left, Alex turned to alcohol; to the point where she got blackout drunk every night just to avoid the memories and loneliness. Alex had always loved women and sex, before her… Then she came along, and for the first time Alex was in a happy, committed relationship, never as much as looked at another woman. It took months after their breakup before Alex fucked another woman, she was heavily intoxicated and pictured her the entire time. The more Alex drank, the easier it was to forget her (for a while), and every night there was a different woman in her bed (never blonde).

After a while the alcohol stopped working, it no longer numbed the pain. That's when she turned to heroine. The second the needle punctured her skin and the heroine hit her bloodstream, she instantly felt better. All the memories, all the pain and heartache vanished. When Alex was high, her mind was finally free from the hold of her; Piper Chapman. Alex used for about a year and a half, during this time her work suffered immensely. To the point her boss (Kubra Balik) noticed how strung out she was and sent her to rehab to dry out. Alex has been clean a little over a year now and she finally has her life back on track (as on track as a drug dealer's life can be). ''Heroine was the best girlfriend that I ever had, she always made me feel better and she was always available. But even the best girls will fuck you over, you know?'' Alex often said this to her NA group after she got clean.

Now, Alex is laying on top of her bed contemplating what to do… Should she call her back? It's been a hard three years, but she's finally over her (at least that's what she tells herself). If she calls her, she could undo all the hard work she's put in and fall back into old habits. But, if she doesn't call her back, she might regret it. Alex might not get the chance to call her back for years (possibly 10-20 years). By then it will be too late… 'Too late for what? What am I hoping will come from this phone call? She has a boyfriend… Of course, she has a fucking boyfriend!' Alex thinks as she stares blankly into space.

''Fuck it!'' Alex said aloud to herself as she grabs her phone from the bedside table.

So, another new story. Let me know what you think. Please review and let me know if you think it's worth continuing. I done a lot of research trying to figure out Alex and Piper's timeline. But it's hard to make sense of. In one scene Piper says to Alex (the ''you broke my fucking heart'' scene) she hasn't seen her in five years, then in Alex's bar flashback scene with the French guy she said it's been six years, even though that scene came before the prison scene. Also, they never say what age Alex is. I wanted to be accurate but that confused me, so I went my own way. Piper is currently 29 and Alex is 31 in my story. When Piper met her, she was 23 and Alex was 25. They were together for 3 years and have been broke up 3 years. I hope this saves some confusion. But if not, comment with your questions and I'll clear it up. I hope you like it. Stay safe!