House VS Pirates of the Caribbean
House dozed in his recliner chair in the Hospital, but was abruptly awoken by the smell of sea salt.
Yes sea salt, then what was that? Was that ocean spray and a slow rhythmic motion, like the rolling of a boat.
Yes, side to side, then up and down.
House opened his eyes.
What the hell?
He was indeed on a boat, well a ship actually, a really old ship.
He stood and took in the view, it was of a galleon, with black sails, ripped in places. There below him a crew of men were running around, pulling on ropes, moping down the deck, splicing the mainsail, battening down the hatches. It was a bit rough.
The even weirder thing was they were a rough bunch, their dress was not of this time 2006. No it, they, were of a time long gone, what's more they were dirty and flea ridden too, by the looks of it some may of even had scurvy.
A man passed by where House was stood, he smiled, he had no tongue, shhheeeiisshhhh. House stepped back.
All of a sudden movement to his other side..
'aye capt'n House, all be in order, we be making good way and should be on course for your requested arrival' 'ah where be our destination capt'n'
House took a moment, he needed more.
'huh'
The man replied, ' where be our destination capt'n'.
House stared at the man, who looked strangely like Kevin from accounting, except for the dress of course.
'what's your name' House asked.
' What…' Kevin looked confused. 'It be master Gibbs, Kevin Gibbs capt'n'
'Oh right' House smiled, 'yes of course', 'of course you're 'Gibbs''.
'Ok what the hell is going on' 'where's Wilson, how the hell did I get on this boat, where the hell are we and why for the love of god are you all dressed like that'?
Kevin looked confused.
Kevin then filled House in on events, Wilson Turner was back on the island. He was marrying Miss Elizabeth Cameron, should in fact been Husband and wife by now?
He was on the boat, because the PPTF was his boat, won back from Captain Vogler Barbossa, only last year.
They were all dressed like that because well, that was their dress, their only clothes, otherwise they'd be naked.
Oh and by the way they was pirates.
Kevin felt he should mention that bit.
House looked down at himself, indeed he was dressed in a rather fetching outfit, most pirate like.
He needed to lie down, 'I'm going to my quarters Kevin and I'm not to be disturbed'.
Kevin shouted, 'aye'. ' Oh and capt'n I don't like to impose, but do you have an idea of that destination'?
House scrambled quickly for something to say, 'erm…. Just keep to a compass bearing of south west Kevin'
Wilson was happy, it was indeed the happiest day of his life. He was marrying the woman he loved and this one... this one would last!
He waited patiently on the cliff top for sweet Cameron to appear, he was full of anticipation, he had waited so long for this day.
Then suddenly he saw a procession, the wedding procession, his heart lifted and pounding even faster. Where was she?
There she was, dressed in white, the veil cast down over her face, her hair cascading down and around from underneath it.
He pictured this moment, it would last a lifetime, he would never forget.
Cameron was hot, bloody hot, damn dress, weighed a ton and the veil was getting in her way, she knew she was going to fall or trip over it in any second.
She sighed, inwardly, she loved Wilson she really did, but there was still something nagging her, she couldn't place as to what. But it was there, she had been joy full when he'd asked, honestly, but still….
They met, their eyes took in one another, they both smiled, Wilson beamed with pride. Cameron was still hot, but hid it well.
As the service began, there was scuffling all of a sudden from behind, hushed voices, pushing and shoving. The pastor stopped, Wilson and Cameron looked behind themselves, into view came soldiers from the local force. Followed by a man of medium stature, but obviously of great importance.
They looked at one another and then to the man.
'Wilson Turner'
'Who wants to know' Wilson demanded.
The man smiled, 'sorry, let me introduce myself I am Beckett Weber, I am her royal highnesses representative in the Caribbean, oh and an old schoolmate of the pirate you both know as, Capt'n House'
Wilson and Cameron looked at one another.
'oh, as you are known associates of the pirate House, you are both under arrest' Beckett smiled, which really didn't suit him.
House moved off to go to his cabin, when it occurred to him that something was wrong, very wrong.
He had no limp.
He shifted for a bit, bounced up and down on both legs, hopped, skipped and jumped. But still no limp AND no pain. Would this day become evermore confusing, realising he was attracting some strange looks from apparently HIS crew.
He straightened himself up and walked to where he thought his cabin was. Turns out he was a good guesser, he walked straight to his cabin. This was weird, very weird, House wondered if he had taken to many Vicodin, or maybe it was the morphine shots he'd taken to lately that were doing this to his head.
Focus, he must focus, there amongst his cabin on a table were some bounded books and a compass, the compass worked fine, the books however contained strange diagrams. Diagrams House had never seen before, he couldn't make them out, they didn't seem to work?
Wilson and Cameron felt that resistance was out of the question and so they were marched down to the local holding facility, on the way they came up with a cunning plan. The plan was this, Cameron would use her natural good looks and endless charm to procure from this fellow Beckett what exactly they could do to get them out of this dreadful situation. Upon arrival to the facility, she immediately requested an audience... she was denied.
It turned out that Beckett wanted to talk to Wilson, he was taken to the main offices of her Majesty's Representative.
On entering the room, Wilson saw Beckett, this medium sized unassuming man, sat behind a Huge desk. Wilson laughed, obviously the fellow was compensating for something.
Beckett looked up, 'Ah Wilson, come forward love and let me discuss something with you'
Wilson thoughts dragged over the 'love' bit.
'Wilson, as you know House and I went to school together, he belittled me Wilson, I had a plan it was working, but he took it upon himself to destroy my ideas, my name, MY EVERYTHING' Beckett spat the last bit out.
Composing himself Beckett continued, ' It has come to my attention, that House has in his possession something of great interest to me, something that I desire very much to be in my possession'.
Wilson spoke for the first time ,'Let me guess then, you want me to get this possession of Houses and bring it back to you for the sake of mine and Cameron's liberty, whereby everything will go back to being just as it was'?
'Er….. No' Beckett replied.
Wilson was confused and frowned, 'What then'?
Beckett replied, ' No I want Cameron to go get the possession and you to stay here.. With me……we could have fun'?
'RIGHTTTTT' Wilson was to say the least surprised?
………………………………...
House was still pondering the bounded books when Kevin bounced into his cabin.
'Sorry Capt'n House sir…. But uh.. We has a slight problem…… er..'
House looked down his nose at the man, ' Well Speak Kevin'?
'Ah yes… well it seems that we have …er…. nearly run out of provisions..er… and we needs to makes for port as soon as possible'
House sighed, always he was surrounded by incompetence, even in, well wherever the hell this was.
'Fair enough Kevin, make for the nearest port would you, oh and bring me whatever provisions food wise we have left'.
Kevin looked confused.
'But sir that means no food for the men'?
House was cross, why should he be denied because of others incompetence.
'Well, you should of thought of that! Anyway is there really nothing'?
Kevin shuddered, 'Well sir there maybe some items down in the depths of the PPTF, but the men their afraid to goes down there, for fear of…….'
House sighed, ' For fear of what'?
' Wells we don know exactly, but there's something down there'!
House quickly realised that if you want a job done, you have to always do it yourself.
He told Kevin that he would proceed to the depths of the ship, if he made sure of a steady and fast course to the nearest port, that being on the Island of New Jersey.
Kevin ran off, while House walked towards the door of his cabin where upon something caught his eye. House saw sat on the stand near the door a hat, a very jaunty hat, a pirate hat, was this his captains hat. He tried it on, yeah it made him look cool, he kept the hat.
………………………………...
Cameron was relived and rather amused, so Beckett liked Wilson, Wilson was worried, aawwww.
She was given instructions as to her assignment and fresh clothing for her trip. She was glad to get out of the stupid hot dress and was pleased with the cool slacks, thigh high boots, but the ruffled blouse.. Ruffled blouse…. No they couldn't be serious.
She pleaded that she looked a dork and they changed the blouse, a sword she must have protection surely?
They reluctantly supplied Cameron with a sword it wasn't bad, she parried for a bit and it felt good to be a girl with a blade, deadly come to think of it.
Cameron immediately dropped the sword and nearly stabbed her own foot with it, hhhhmmmm.
She bid Wilson farewell... he seemed to be praying? Anyhow she walked on down to the town in order to find out if anyone had heard of where the PPTF might be.
It didn't take her long, she had a twinkle in her eye, but they all thought she was a boy, that was a bit disconcerting, but none the less she paid passage on a schooner heading for the island of New Jersey.
………………………………...
House had gone deeper and deeper onto the bowels of the boat, he really couldn't see what all these harden sailor were so worried about, they were suppost to be pirates and everything and yet the wossy lot wouldnt even….
An awful smell hit his nose, so much so it made him stager backwards, what the hell was that? He heard shuffling and a constant dripping, where? Over there yes, over to his right, damn it was dark down here, he edged forwards, miraculously he found a lantern, he lit it.
God the smell was getting stronger, then suddenly into view slouched this thing, it was indescribable, he peered further into the area. Well the shuffling and dripping was coming from this creature, also the smell, the thing turned. House gasped what the… then he stopped.
The thing as gross as it was had a recognisable face, it was the face of Julie…….. Wilson's ex wife, but this was barnacle Julie for sure, she was covered in them... yuk!
'Hello House' The water poured from her mouth, the stench horrendous.
' oh my, oh my god, Julie is that you and what the hell are you doing down here'? House coughed the fumes were sticking right to the back of his throat.
'I come to warn you House' Julie spluttered.
'What about the smell, too late for that' House was finding it hard to breathe.
' Er…. No….. about Moriarty Jones, House, he's out to get you, you dun him wrong'.
'Oh that' House started feeling dizzy.
'Yes watch your back House, because one of these days he's fixing to pay you a visit' With that Julie started having a coughing fit.
'hhmmm you ought to see a doctor about…er…. Your condition Julie' House sniggered.
' Oh its to late for me House, I'm dun for Wilson's better off without me and the smell is only because its hot down here with no air, besides that my name is Bootstrap, Bootstrap Jules now you know'
Funny thought House, he did remember Julie having a certain disposition to straps, just not attached to boots hhhmmmm?
Whilst lost in his thoughts House suddenly realised the smell and Julie, sorry Bootstrap Jules had gone, he looked around, nothing. He knew about Moriarty, he knew what Moriarty thought he had done, it wasn't true of course, he shouldn't be made accountable.
He needed air, he paced back up to the decks above.
………………………………...