Disclaimer: We don't own it, we only run amok with it.
Side note: we just realized our lack of a plot… but as if that gets in the way of real writers!
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Part XXII
From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: The Final Results (Again)
Well folks, we have tallied up the scores of Meg and Christine. Drumroll please!
Christine has 46 points, and Meg has 37!
Now, most of you would assume this means that Christine has won… well, those of you with basic math skills... which, we guess, doesn't really mean the most of you... However, yet another problem has come to our attention—the matter of Christine's violation of the rules. Yes, being the clever managers we are, we were monitoring both contestants with sneakily hidden webcams at their computers! The cam footage proves that Christine had outside assistance and must be disqualified. It also proved that Meg has a rather repulsive nail-biting habit. She's all yours, monsieur Phantom!
We hope that the end of this contest will be the beginning of a long and profitable period of actually practicing for performances.
Luvs,
Andie'n'Firmie
"I had a dream… such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more…"
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: The Final Results (Again)
Well, I really only continued the contest to prove my own brilliance. Obviously you all owe me apologies for doubting my skills… I was such a formidable opponent that Christine felt the need to cheat! Anyways, I am kind of over this whole thing now, so whatever. I have moved on to bigger and better things… like Scrabble. Anyone want to play me?
The reigning champion,
Meg
"Cute and blonde since 1854!"
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Desolation and Despair
Monsieur le Fo — I mean, Pansy,
I'm feeling rather… lost now that no one's fighting over me. It's actually rather off-putting. I have come to the intelligent conclusion that it is because I ran out of your very special watermelon mist hair treatments.
Additionally, I would like to enquire as to how you manage to attract the ladies so. Is there perhaps a secret formula for male beauty?
O.G.
"The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!"
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: Desolation and Despair
Monsieur le Fantôme,
Actually, I just came up with a new product, Regal Manicures, guaranteed to make your nails shine with a brilliance equal to that of my dazzling smile! Now comes in three brand new shades of Flirty Pink, Alluring Lavender, and Breathtaking Purple.
My RM Standard set includes 12 basic colors, but, for only double the price, I can upgrade you to our Semi-Regal Deluxe: 12 basics plus the three new shades mentioned above. Act now and don't miss this incredible, once-in-a-day-tops offer!
Yours,
Raoul, Head Designer, Inventor, and Overall Overseer of Regal Manicures
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty!"
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: RE: Desolation and Despair
Vicomte de Pansy,
I am tempted by your offer, as I have always wanted Flirty and Alluring nails. However, I must confess that I have no experience in the fine art of nail-painting. I have an idea that could solve my problem and help you expand your rather pathet—I mean, tiny business. I propose that we start a spa business! I've heard that spas are in style these days, and I'm sure that no one will even notice if we took over the large rehearsal room as a business venue, the way practices have been going (or rather, not going) these days.
I will, of course, demand a cut of the profits, but I'm sure that you'll find me to be a quite efficient business partner, especially in striking fear into the hearts of any inspectors or critics. Here's to a successful business venture!
Cheers,
O.G.
P.S.: If you don't want to face my wrath, you will not mention to Christine that I read the article about spas in her latest issue of Vogue.
"The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!"
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From: prettyinpink(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Announcing a Grand Opening!
Valued customers,
Many of you are faithful fans of my marvelous Vicomte Beautiful hair products and my newer line of Regal Manicures nail products, so I know you will all be super thrilled about the opening of a new business right here at the Opera Populaire: VIP Spa! Yes, that's right, the resident O.G. and I have combined our shrewd business (and fashion!) senses to bring you a spa. Of course, we will have outside customers as well, but any members of the opera house should come- you might even get a discount, if I'm feeling nice.
Well, we are now hiring, and the spa will open tomorrow. Woo-hoo!
Luvs,
Raoul, Manager and General Co-Ruler of VIP Spa
PS. Don't worry, Erik, I won't tell tell Christine that you read about spas in her latest issue of Vogue, or that you're the one who's been stealing her copies of Cosmo!
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty!"
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: Announcing a Grand Opening!
Oh-em-gee, this is soo exciting! I am a devoted consumer of your Mango Coconut Cucumber Swirl shampoo, of course, Vicomte de Chagny. Do you think I could work at the spa? I am really good at hairstyling, and I could help out lots! Plus, it'll give me an excuse to be too busy to spend 5 hours a day stretching and pirouetting. Don't tell my mother I said that!
A big fan,
Meg
"Cute and blonde since 1854!"
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: duckducknoose(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: Announcing a Grand Opening!
Nadir, old friend,
I seem to remember your particular talent for nail art which was such a hit with the ladies in Persia. The fop and I were hoping for your talents at the new franchise—I mean, homely little spa shop. Of course, I could just tell the managers about your boundless passion for painting giant backdrops with minute details all over them. That would certainly give you enough work.
What do you say?
An equal opportunity employer,
Erik
"The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!"
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
CC: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: Announcing a Grand Opening!
Sup guys!
First of all, -squee-, congratulations! This is awesome! ;-)
Secondly, what does VIP stand for? I see that word everywhere, you know: parking, hotel rooms (like that one my dear tutor took me to…), etc.
Toodles,
Chrissie
"…angel of music…"
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
CC: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: RE: Announcing a Grand Opening!
Oh! Jolly, jolly good! An opportunity to educate fellow Opera-ers; sharing is caring, after all!
VIP, dear Mlle Daaé, means "Very Important Person." Beware, though, 'tis a formidable title indeed!
Tothe spirit of sharing-n-caring,
Andie-n-Firmie
"I had a dream.. such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more..."
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Announcing a Grand Opening!
Actually, Mesdames et Messieurs,
In this specific case, VIP stands for Very Important Phantom. Rather fitting, isn't it? And it's so kind of the fop-pansy hybrid to advocate my supremeness so actively!
O.G.
"The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!"
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net;
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Announcing a Grand Opening!
Wait! What?
Really?
I thought we decided it means Vicomte is Phantastic! I mean, it only makes sense, no?
Agitated, yet still Phantastic,
Raoul
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty!"
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
CC: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Problem!
Well, whatever the name of the spa is, we have a larger problem. I recently received a notice (which almost met an unfortunate doom in my spiffy canal system before being rescued by a net) claiming that we are harboring a secret sex business! They claim that reports have come in saying that a certain masseuse and a certain well-known customer have been, well, doing more than massaging. In order to avoid a lawsuit, Sorel -- anonymous masseuse, we must order you to either get a prostitution license or quit!
Certainly not snickering at all,
O.G.
"The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!"
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From: bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
To: prettypirouettes(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: Problem!
Don't worry, snookie-tootles, I'll get you out of this mess! I'm buying a prostitution license for you right now. Aren't you happy?
Your devoted luv,
Philippe
"Everyone loves a well-educated man!"
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
CC: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: Problem!
Well, as… er… happy as we are to hear that the problem is resolved (and we now boast an official prostitute as a leading ballerina), larger problems are dooming the VIP Spa… Namely that we need our rehearsal room back! Yes, we are actually still doing operas, people, and that means that rehearsal is necessary. We will expect the spa products to have made their way out of the rehearsal room by tomorrow, although we fear that the scent of nail polish may be a bit more lasting.
Mssrs O.G. and de Chagny, we do encourage you to continue with your business ventures. Perhaps with an actual venue and some advice from us, you'll find yourselves following in the great entrepreneur-ing footsteps of Andre and Firmin! Preferably after we have already made our riches, though.
Looking forward to making more money,
Andie and Firmie
"I had a dream… such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more.."
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Authors' Note: Why, it looks like Erik does have a sensitive side after all! Or maybe he just feels pretty with pink nails. You never quite know.
PS. Dear readers, review! Your kind words make us feel warm and fuzzy inside… and warm and fuzzy writers update faster!