Moxxie: One Mystery Taco for table two. Mei, I don't have the whole day.
Mei: Oui, oui. Un Mystery Taco, Monsieur. First, les taco. (flips ground beef in air and behind her ear)
Moxxie: Come on, Mei!
Mei: Next, les ingredients. Ah, whee! (catches food all in her coat pockets) Les salsa. (squirts some in eye)
Moxxie: Will you quit fooling around, where's my Mystery Taco?
Mei: Les hold on a second! (takes her coat off and shakes it then puts it back on) And voila. (pulls out a Mystery Taco from behind Moxxie's horns) It's behind your horns!
Moxxie: You're killing me Mei! Ha ha ha ha...you really are.
Mei: Look at it, Moxxie. Mr Pines gift to all of Celestial Falls, the Mystery Taco.
Moxxie: Ok, give it to me. (taco jumps off plate and climbs all over the kitchen stuff) Come on Mei, stop it!
Mei: I swear, I'm not doing anything! Mr Pines! The Mystery Taco is haunted! (Mr Pines stabs the patty with his leg)
Mr Pines: Avas, ye taco pirate! This is no ghost. It's Reginald! Stealing me booty!
Reginald: Hear me Pines. When I discover your formula for Mystery Tacos, I'll run you out of business. I went to college! (picks up Reginald) Hey! Let me go!
Mr Pines: I'll let you go all right, squirt. On a flying saucer! (puts Reginald on a plate throws the plate back to the Fish Bucket) Back to the Fish Bucket with you!
Reginald: You'll pay for this Pines!
Mei: Uhh...Reginald, sir?
Mr Pines: Aye, he's been trying to steal me secret formula for years. But you haven't got it yet, have ye bug? Ok. (Mei laughs) Enough lass, it wasn't that funny. (Mei laughs more) Get back to work! (stops laughing)
Mei: Ok Mr Pines, see you tomorrow!
Mr Pines: Good night, me lass!
Reginald: Psst...young lady. (Mei looks around) Yes, over here. Come on lady, a little closer. (walks forward) Closer... (walks closer) Not that close! (steps on Reginald) You blasted barnacle head! I mean, hi!
Mei: Reginald? What do you want?
Reginald: I just want to talk. You could say we're friends, right?
Mei: Umm...no.
Reginald: Acquaintances?
Mei: No.
Reginald: Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we?
Mei: I guess so.
Reginald: You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. I've been keeping it in my secret compartment. (takes out a golden taco frying basket) Ching! Sparkle, sparkle.
Mei: Wow! A golden taco frying basket! And it's even got my name on it!
Reginald: It's a gift! A gift from a friend. (hugs Mei's thumb) Friends give each other gifts. And tomorrow is my birthday. (puts on a birthday hat and on Mei's thumb and takes out a cake) And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world? (blows out the candles)
Mei: A booster seat?
Reginald: Booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you my friend, is one of those tender...delicious...Mystery Tacos!
Mei: You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Mystery Taco! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow.
Reginald: Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
Mei: You'll never get a Mystery Taco from me, even if we are friends! Never, never, never, never!
Reginald: Oh, I'll get a Mystery Taco and you're going to hand-deliver it to me personally! You weak-minded fool! (takes out a record player and plays evil music and laughs along with it)
Mei: Good night, Nigel.
Nigel: Caw.
(Mei goes to sleep then Reginald jumps up as a flower on Spongebob's bed)
Reginald: Mei, you will be mine! (pulls out the record player and laughs with it but instead it plays the ABC's. Reginald flips the record and laughs again then pulls out a map of a brain while in Mei's head) It should be in here...but where? (standing on the brain) Where? Oh. This will be the beginning of the end! (Mei turns over on his left side and the brain rolls over Reginald) Ouch! Stupid brain. Come back here you swine! (Mei rolls around a couple more times until the brain stops and Reginald tapes it down) That's it brain, you're going down! Yes, yes, that's grand. (takes out some blueprints) And now, for my very elaborate and college-educated plan. (Reginald puts the antenna in Mei's brain) And now it's time for a little wakey-uppy. (Reginald touches the 'total control' button with his foot that tells Mei to wake up)
Mei: Morning already? (Reginald shifts the controls to where Mei's legs are at her side) I...I feel a little funny today.
Reginald: I have you now! (Mei walks to the kitchen)
Mei: Time for a well-balanced breakfast. (crashes through the wall and through the fridge) This isn't what I had in mind. (walks toward her clothes) Let me just grab my clothes. (runs into clothes but doesn't put them on) I guess I'm not wearing any clothes today. (crashes through the wall) I guess I'm not using the door either. See you later Nigel…I guess.
Nigel: Caw.
Mei: You're right, Nigel! There is something wrong with me! Moxxie! Moxxie! Wake up! I need some help! Moxxie! Help!
Moxxie: Be quiet, Mei! (crashes through Moxxie's wall)
Mei: Help!
Moxxie: Mei! What are you doing? I'm talking to you! Mei! (Mei crashes through the opposite wall then turns head) Mei, are you mad?
Reginald: Shut your mouth, you mediocre violin player.
Moxxie: Mediocre?
Reginald: You pretentious little insignificant artist. Your snivelly creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste!
Mei: Something must be wrong with my brain! (rolls her eyes to the back of her head and notices Reginald) Reginald! What kind of friend are you?
Reginald: Nonsense. You never liked me anyway. You wouldn't even come to my birthday party!
Mei: Get out of my head! Leave me brain alone! Never! Never! (laughs evilly and walks out backwards. Mei walks through Peter's house and then onto the Mystery Hut)
Reginald: How about a little take-out!
Mei: No, never! You can't fool me Reginald, you want the Mystery Hut secret formula! (walks into the Fish Bucket)
Reginald: You are going to hand it over to me personally!
Mei: No, no, no! There's no one here.
Reginald: Don't remind me. Brace yourself Mei, this is my lab! (walks into a room with a video of a Labrador Retriever then walk into Reginald's laboratory) And And this is my laboratory! And did I ever show you my record player? (pulls it out and plays dramatic music)
Mei: I must fight! (tries to break free but can't)
Reginald: No, no, no. There, you see how much easier it is when you help, friend? How do you like my analyzer? It tells the ingredients of whatever I put into it. (a mechanical arm puts in some seaweed in the analyzer)
HAL 9000: Seaweed: 50% Sea; 50% Weed. (picture of the seaweed appears)
Reginald: Impressed? Now let's reveal that secret formula. (pulls the lever forward making a couple of Mei's fingers slip off) And this little piggy brought home a Mystery Taco. (more fingers let go of the taco) This little piggy will help me drop it in. Any last words, Mei Secrethair?
Mei: I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr Pines down. I let all of the Celestial Falls down. But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little Mystery Taco.
Reginald: Mmm.
Mei: With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, fried goodness.
Reginald: Fried... (a real taco is shown being created)
Mei: I'll never forget your 100% all-secret taco meat, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly put between a crunchy corn tortilla shell. (Reginald drools)
Reginald: Yes…yes…yes!! (jumps at the taco) Come to poppa! (Reginald bounces off the taco and goes in the analyzer) Oh boy.
HAL 9000: Reginald: 1% Evil, 99% Hot Gas. (shows Reginald on the screen)
Reginald: Well this stinks.
Mei: Well taco, I guess we can go home now.
Reginald: Mei, that's my Mystery Taco! (Mei walks out and the doors swing open and close a few times) Give it back you freak! I command you! My taco! No!! I'll settle for some nachos.
I changed the patties to tacos... because I thought why not and Reg owns a failing fish and chips restaurant.
SpongeBob- Mei (My Oc)
Patrick- Peter (Your Boyfriend)
Squidward- Moxie (Helluva Boss)
Gary- Nigel (Rio)
Mr Krabs- Stan Pines (Gravity Falls)
Plankton- Reginald Copperbottom (Henry Stickmin)
Karen- HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)