Chapter 20-Loose Ends

That night I had a million things runnin through my mind. Thoughts of how I was gonna tell Lieu that I thought that Lily was my kid, how he was gonna react ta it (most likely pull me from the case), and how I was gonna deal with bein a father when I'd never done it before and had a poor excuse of one for my own. But mostly I thought about how hard it was gonna be for me not to strangle Nicole with my bare hands once I saw her again.

For the life of me I didn't understand how anyone could be so cruel, so devious as to keep a child from it's father—that is, a guy who would love it and treat a kid the way they were supposta be treated. She'd never even given me the chance ta step up an be that man. Over and over again I replayed that last night in my mind. She'd come to the station after my shift was over, given me back all of my stuff and demanded that I give her back her keys. At the time, when I first saw her I thought that we might have made up, but she stood her ground an I never opened my mouth ta ask her to give it another try.

She'd slept with half of the friggin New York City police force! How could I take her back after that? I knew that it was her past and I certainly had mine but I'd made no bones about it—hell, when it came ta that stuff I never kept who I'd slept with a secret, but I supposed that I should have been thankin her cause if I'd married her, like I thought I'd might do, I'd never have been together with Faith.

I know that most people would say that I was crazy for thinkin that Lily was my kid when I had no proof, no nothin, to support it. But I saw her and even though I wouldn't admit it ta Faith at first, I knew that she looked like me. Hell, she looked like my kid brother Mikey, and most of all, she looked like my ma. Had her eyes. I knew that she was mine and all I needed was a paternity test to prove it.

I stalked around the livingroom like a caged panther—antsy to get out and inflict some damage. The more I paced, the more angry I became. Every minute that passed had me more an more worked up. The next move I made would be ta talk to Lieu Swersky, and then, to my lawyer. Who knew how much one of those would cost, probably my life savings, which wasn't much, but it was all worth it if it meant that Lily was safe.

I glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven-thirty and Faith had asked me ta come ta bed about three times in the last hour. I just couldn't sit still. Another thing that I had on my mind was Sean. I was still mad at him, and I knew that he'd be mad at me once he knew that Faith was mine. I sank down on the couch after practically wearin holes in the hard wood floor, and grabbed Faith's sweater and smelled her flowery scent possessively. She was mine. She'd always been and always would be. I could never share her with another man, even if he'd asked her out first. She'd wound up with me.

"Penny for your thoughts."

I looked back over my shoulder and saw her standin there with her black lacy nightie that I'd torn off of her the night before. Her hair was down loose off her shoulders an she looked absolutely breathtakin.

Her blue eyes clung to mine and she smiled a tender, private smile as she came inta the room and sat next to me on the couch.

"You doing ok?" She asked, as she settled herself next to me and put her arm around my shoulder.

I nodded. "Can't sleep. I'm too wound up." I leaned my head next to hers and tried to relax. She smelled so good, so inviting, but I wasn't in the mood and she knew it. But just like always, when she was close to me, my mood became lighter, less tense. I could feel myself starting to feel a tiny bit better, just cause she was sittin next ta me.

She turned her head and kissed my cheek. "I know, baby. But we'll get through it."

"How do you know that?" I asked, starin strait ahead, not really believin her.

"Because there's nothing that we can't do together." She said softly. "Nothing."

"But if she is mine—" I looked over at her so she knew I was serious. "she's gonna come live with me. She hasta. How do you feel about that? Me bein a dad an all?"

She looked confused for a moment and then sighed. "Don't you know by now that it doesn't matter to me who or what is attached to you?" She almost looked sad. "Bos, I love you and if you are Lily's father, I'll be there for you and her. Always. But just take one thing at a time. We don't know for sure yet and I don't want you to make all kinds of plans when we don't know what will happen." She said wisely.

I smiled, relieved. "I know—I shouldn't —an I won't--- but are you sure?" I mean, what's gonna happen when I can't come over for the night cause I gotta get home and look after her? And who is gonna look after her when I'm at work? How would that work?"

She leaned over and kissed me. "Then I'll come to you—or the both of you will come to me. We are in this together. No matter what. And if we need to find a sitter, we will."

I liked how she said 'we', and not 'you'. I had no clue about kids and she did, but that's not why I wanted her with me, close to me. I loved her, more than life itself and at that moment I realized that there really wasn't anything I couldn't do with her by my side.

"How'd I get so lucky?" I asked her, turning my body towards hers. I rubbed my thumb over her cheek and leaned in and kissed her. When I drew back I saw the love that she had for me and it made me smile. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me." I said.

"And you, me." She replied. She started to kiss me again and this time I really thought that my previous feelin of not bein in the mood was definitely startin to wear off , but we were interrupted by the door-bell ringing.

We looked at each other. "Who could that be?" I asked. She shrugged her shoulders, indicating that she didn't have a clue.

"It's eleven-thirty at night. Who would be here now?" She mumbled, getting up and going to the door and peeking through the peep-hole.

"Uh, oh." She groaned.

"What?" I got up and walked over to her.

"Just look." She said, stepping back and letting me get a look. "What are we gonna do?" She automatically put her finger in her mouth and started to bite her nail. She always did that when she was upset or worried or just plain bored. It totally made my stomach turn.

"Don't do that." I chastised. "It's gross."

She slapped me lightly in the stomach and gave me a worried look. "Oh, just look at who is out there and stop worrying about my nails." Then she started in on her other nail. "What's out there is what we should be worried about." She added.

I leaned into the door and peeked through. Then it was my turn to groan.

It was Sean. With flowers.