Disclaimer- I already said they're not mine.
Warning- ANGST, I've never written angst before so forgive me if it sucks.
CYCLONES IN THE DUST
Zell's Return.
Zell was in the dorm, he'd arrived late last night slipping in and keeping to the lonelier and darker parts of Garden. This morning he'd gone through the motions of getting washed and dressed, then laid down on the bed again thinking his expression impassive and black and eyes blank and focused on the ceiling. His Ma had always been a nice person, she'd tried never to use people's weaknesses against them, and tried to help them whenever she could. That's how she was killed.
No peaceful drifting of for his Ma, he thought with a twist of pain in his chest. Zell hadn't been with her when she'd died. She'd told Zell what had happened and about the car crash, told him not to worry about it, told him everything would be alright.
It wasn't alright. Zell glared at the ceiling blue eyes blank and without focus. His Ma, his kind-hearted Ma had been paying a local boy to help her carry the shopping since she couldn't drive, and Zell couldn't be there all the time. Guilt burned in his chest and his eyes felt hot. He sighed and blinked furiously but would not dismiss the thoughts running through his head, he could run from it in the day but the thoughts caught him at night if he did.
The boy's name had been Richard Timms, he'd saved up the money from helping his Ma, and bought a car from the garage at the edge of town. Ma had been nice to him, and given him much more money than she should have. Zell knew that, because he knew his mother.
One Saturday over a month ago, Richard hadn't shown up to help his Ma, and being the kind women she was, she'd gone out alone not wanting to call up his house and bother him or call Zell. His Ma was strong in spirit, but he'd known she was getting old and couldn't run around like she used to. Thinking about it had always made Zell uncomfortable in the past. Thinking of his Ma as physically weak seemed blasphemous.
On her own, with only her strength it'd taken hours longer for her to get the shopping, she'd struggled home, wondering the roads as the sky darkened. Then just as she was crossing the road to get to the house, a car had burned around the corner and rushed right at her.
Zell hadn't been there, and yet the scene kept replaying in his head, the scene he pictured in detail was manufactured partly by his wakening mind and partly by his unconscious. A memory he'd created to assign his emotions and feelings to, instead of letting them fly off and out like a flock of panicked crows. Lucky for Richard he crashed into the town gates and killed himself, or Zell would've done it for him.
His Ma had been in hospital for days. The gang had come visit a couple of times. Even Seifer, he hadn't said a word, just showed up, skulked about then left. When she'd eventually died, it'd happened suddenly. The doctor said she'd left her ward, and had been found at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a broken neck She would have been fine, would have recovered if she'd called a nurse for help, but then… she'd always been to nice to bother anyone on her own behalf.
Zell inhaled shakily scrunching his eyes up and clenching his fists. Pain burned in his chest, pulling his ribs tight against his heart, and the knots of his gut tightening. It wasn't physical pain, but it hurt and it didn't feel like it would ever end.
No! he shouted at himself mentally. He opened his eyes, ignoring the hot liquid that spilled down across his temples. He would not give in, he was a fighter. He sighed calming himself, accepting that cold barren sensation on the inside. Tears still ran hotly from his eyes, but he breathed normally, blue eyes fixed expressionlessly on the ceiling.
His Ma had been kind, and what had she been returned with? 'A collision with a fucking car!' Zell had always tried so hard to be kind and likable like his Ma wanted. Had always avoid playing on peoples weaknesses, even in his defence he'd never used peoples personal weaknesses against them.
Being trained in martial arts gave Zell not only the ability to read physical movements in combat, but to also read people. Whenever he slipped up and said something he shouldn't about something, it was usually when he was covering up something else that would've injured someone on a personal level. Like that time in Timber with Seifer.
He'd known back then Seifer was a complete homophobe for one simple reason, he liked guys. Zell had watched him fight guys and girls and had noted the difference in approach. He held back with girls, not that you'd notice unless you were Zell, and the thing about Seifer is that he absolutely HATES holding back. Put that together with the fact when with Rinoa, he hadn't so much as touched her.
(She'd come knocking on Zell's door one night when she and Squall had argued and started spouting on about inadequacies, and how she wasn't enough for Seifer and maybe wasn't enough for Squall)
He'd been in love with being her knight, not her. That's why he came to Timber, to act as her knight. Zell had just wanted to yell at him 'You moron! Quit playing with Rinoa and grow up!' but instead he went of on another tirade that resulted in Seifer going of to be mind fucked by the sorceress.
Zell winced , it didn't matter what he did, either way people got hurt. It didn't matter how he treated people. Zell had tried so hard to get along with everyone, but it had never worked.
'Irvine thinks I'm a muscle brain, Quistis treats me like a four-year old, Selphie thinks I'm her clone. Rinoa loves ditching her problems all over me. Seifer plain hates my guts, and Squall is always trying to get rid of me… like sending me away after the funeral… prick.' Zell thought to himself. His eyes had run dry, but he was still staring at the ceiling.