A/N: For some reason my little dividers are getting cut. Spacing added, and it also was cut. SO, I am going to do someting very unstylish and put a parenthetical time shift in, and it was in italics, but that got cut too for some reason. Bleh...so tacky.

Carry me to my own
To where I can cross over...
Close to home, I cannot say
Close to home, feeling so far away

Chapter 12: Crossing Over

Seifer felt like an ass. Sitting perched on a rock in front of the Fire Cavern, he looked down at his hands on his knees and considered what had happened. He hadn't expected Quistis to show up on the beach in the middle of the night. He'd sat in tucked in the shadows, uncertain whether to approach her or follow his instincts to hide. It had caught him off guard when she'd suddenly started down the beach toward him. Squinting, he looked up at the early morning sky, remembering how he had rolled over in the sand hoping to avoid her gaze. But luck hadn't been with him...or maybe it had. He wasn't sure yet. There was no telling how she would react to him after years apart, and after his betrayal during the war. So, like the animal that he was, he sprung when she trapped him. It was the point of no return at which he knew she wasn't going to turn around and walk away. She was always persistent like that.

The rest, he didn't want to think about. Seifer had never cried in front of anyone before. Not really, anyway. And he still wasn't sure why he'd suddenly broken down. After the years of running, trying to hide from his past and his sins, he was suddenly right back on the Balamb beach with Quistis looking up at him. It was like a dream. And he'd been convinced that she would understand.

But she didn't. At least, not right away. But after the long night of holding her down in the sand, he'd made her understand. Or, he made her believe. For now, that was enough. It was all he needed. After being alone so long, her relished the feeling of being taken care of. He'd been reluctant to let her go come morning, but when she promised him food, his long empty stomach rumbled, and he'd released her with her strict promise to return. Presently, he sat waiting for her, blandly wondering if at any moment an army of SeeDs would come out of Garden after him.

Strictly speaking, Seifer wasn't a fugitive. Through some miracle, he hadn't been indicted with any war crimes. But that didn't mean that he wasn't wanted.

Turning around, he looked back into the Fire Cavern, his mind flashing back to the morning Quistis had accompanied him on one of his many field exams.

"I suppose you know the way?" she'd asked, propping one hand on her hip. "I think you've probably been through here more times than I have."

"No worries, Instructor," he'd grinned, bolstered by his cockiness. "I'll take good care of you." In reality, the Fire Cavern was a particular challenge to Seifer. He tended to rely upon fire magic, and he certainly never carried around many ice spells with him at any given time.

Quistis wasn't phased by his self-assurance. She never was.

And that worried him.

He ran his hand over the beard that was beginning to grow across his chin and looked at the line of trees she would come out of. Among the leaves, a caterchipillar squirmed by, making a grinding sound as it consumed a small bush in it's path, it's numerous ugly little teeth moving in a circular motion over the starchy material. Suddenly, spotting Seifer, it made an irritated squawk and, shocking a crabapple tree in passing for good measure, retreated back into the dark trees. He half expected to hear a loud crack as Quistis came along to whack the overgrown worm out of her path, but silence fell on him and he began to fall into a worried despair.

What if she wasn't coming back?

What if he had to stay locked in the same wretchedness forever?

No. He made up his mind. There had to be something he could do. There had to be some way to redemption. Quistis. She had to be it. He could trust her, he could tell her. And she would help him. He couldn't do it on his own, so divorced from the living world he'd become. She was the breath and the blood. And she would bring him back.

He was sure of it. (!Time shift divider that keeps getting cut!)

Quistis handed the lunch lady her SeeD ID card, listening only absent-mindedly as the older woman swiped Quistis' card through a reader and chatted endlessly about her estranged son.

"I've tried to get him to come up here and go to Garden," she shook her head, pausing long enough for the confirmation beep to interrupt her flow of thought. "Lived in Balamb all of his life, I tell you. Rose that boy myself after Alan left me. Always thought he'd go into Garden, make me proud. You know what I mean. Now he's off in Galbadia. Hear from him maybe once a month."

She snapped closed the styrofoam container filled with pancakes, sausage, and scrambled eggs. On top of it, she sat two small cartons of orange juice.

"He's involved in some sort of pyramid scam now," the woman continued, shaking her head.

"Those are pretty dangerous," Quistis agreed. "People see them as a fast track to being rich."

"Hyne forbid he should work," she agreed, handing back Quistis' SeeD card. "Want some napkins and silverware with this?"

"Please."

She laid a wrapped plastic fork and knife with a group of napkins next to the orange juice and smiled. "There you go. Enjoy your breakfast, Miss Trepe."

Gratefully, Quistis gathered the rather large take-out package in her hands and started out of the busy cafeteria. A few of her old students smiled and said hello as they spotted her, but she made it back out into the hallway without incident. She'd never been much of a breakfast person, and her order was certainly unusual, but no one seemed to notice or care.

"Quistis!" Someone called out to her as she started toward the front gate, passing by the infirmary. She turned to see Dr. Kadowaki walking toward her. "I've been paging you all morning. Where have you been?"

"Paging me?" Quistis paused and clutched the styrofoam box to her chest. "I've been out all morning. Sorry. What's up?"

Kadowaki stopped in front of Quistis with her arms crossed over her ample chest. "Bella Cevario."

Quistis groaned. "I'm sorry, I forgot. How is she?"

Dr. Kadowaki motioned for Quistis to follow her. "She's been wanting to talk to you. Her jaw is wired shut, so she can't talk very well, but she's awake and seems very eager to speak to you."

"When did she get here?" Quistis asked. "I sent some SeeD's to interview her."

"They've come and gone," Kadowaki shrugged. "But she asked specifically for you."

Quistis followed Kadowaki into the Infirmary and set her breakfast down on the desk, suddenly aware of her state of dress. She hadn't changed since her late night walk, and she still had sand in her shoes and, she was sure, a little bit under the tighter parts of her bra. Straitening her pants, shirt, and hair quickly, she followed the doctor past a set of curtains and into the private room where Bella was laying propped up in bed, drinking out of a can through a straw.

She looked up, eyes wide, when Quistis walked in.

"Morning, Bella." Quistis smiled. "How are you feeling."

Bella nodded. Her pretty blonde hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she was sitting in a white and blue hospital smock. A large yellow and green bruise spread across her jaw and up the right side of her face. She looked miserable and exhausted. A pang of regret rang through Quistis when she recalled that Bella's partner had died on the mission. She vaguely remembered signing the release form for Darshan Zinnovy's remains. Or, what was left of them, in any case.

"I'll leave you alone," Kadowaki nodded and pushed past Quistis, who lowered herself into the chair sitting beside the bed.

Quistis scooted her chair a little closer to the bed and leaned forward. "Dr. Kadowaki told me that you wanted to talk to me."

Bella nodded and lowered her strawberry flavored nutrient shake into her lap. Thoughtfully, she looked down for a moment, and then turned back to Quistis. Through her teeth, she muttered, "Seifer."

Quistis was taken back. "Seifer?" Why would Bella want to talk to her about Seifer?

"Thought..." Bella paused and swallowed, "I was you."

"Oh." Quistis leaned back, looking significantly at Bella's shattered jaw. "He did this?"

She nodded.

"Because he thought you were me?"

Bella shook her head, sighing. She looked frustrated, and Quistis wished there were some way she could make it easier.

"Do you want to write it down?" she asked. Bella shrugged, and Quistis dug through the nightstand drawer until she found a pad of paper and a pen. Setting it in her lap, Bella began to eagerly scrawl, very apparently relieved to be getting whatever she had to say off of her chest. When she finally finished, she handed the pad back to Quistis who, with a long apprehensive breath, began to read:

After Darshan died, I followed the monster into the forest and found Seifer. He was badly hurt, so we took him back into town and had a doctor look at him. He thought that I was you, and he kept asking me to forgive him. I don't know what sort of relationship you have or had with him, but I thought you should know.

Quistis scrunched up her nose as she finished. Asking for forgiveness was exactly what he'd done the night before. Why he'd chosen her, she wasn't sure. But, what she found most curious, was that he'd apparently been injured by the monster in question. Chewing at the bottom of her lip, she wondered if he would be able to identify it. As far as she knew, he was the only person who'd survived an encounter with it. Maybe he could help. And if he could, maybe that would be able to bring him back into the Garden fold, or at least set him on a path in the right direction.

Bella had confirmed that he had been in Trabia, and she had no idea how he'd managed to get to Balamb, but she supposed it had something to do with her. Maybe he was thinking along the same lines as she was. She could put him on the case, he could relieve a major thorn in Garden's side, and it was possible that he would be allowed to come back.

Looking up at Bella, she had another thought.

"Why did he hit you?"

She reached over and wrote sideways along the side of the paper, "Tried to stop him from leaving."

"Mmm," Quistis nodded. "Seifer is like a wild animal. If you try to trap him...he feels threatened. Especially by SeeD."

Bella nodded and laid back in bed, looking tired.

"I grew up with him," Quistis informed her, deciding the girl had the right to understand what she'd been inadvertently caught up in. "Squall, Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Seifer and I all lived in the same orphanage when we were little, with Edea, Cid's wife. It's ancient history, you know, but in a way he and Squall have always been brothers to me."

Bella nodded again with a look of understanding.

"I also wanted to tell you," Quistis swallowed. "Darshan's body has been sent back to his parents. They sent me a notice that the funeral is going to be a week from tomorrow. I'm giving you and anyone else who wants it vacation time to go. The headmaster has also given you three weeks of paid vacation. You don't need to stay here. Feel free to use your SeeD pass to take a train home, if you want."

Relaxing a little, Bella forced a semi-smile.

"Thank you for letting me know about Seifer," Quistis reached out and squeezed Bella's hand. "And thank you for being discreet about it." Quistis wouldn't have appreciated all of Garden buzzing about Seifer's pleading for forgiveness from his long-lost sister. His pride was a great but fragile thing, and she knew that everyone being aware of his breakdown would have ruined him. And, it was apparent, he was already having a rough enough time without something else on his back.

Giving Bella a big, buck-up grin, Quistis turned to leave. Bella sunk back down gratefully into bed, her eyes falling quickly closed. She'd had a rough few days, and Quistis couldn't help but wince at the thought of being in the other girl's position. Tentatively reaching toward a scar on her arm, she suffered a momentary flashback to moments when she had been. There was rarely anything pleasant about service, especially the sort SeeD performed. It provided a lifetime of adventure and heroism, but that lifetime was truncated by it's own fullness. The possibility of missing her old age had never particularly bothered Quistis until she ended up sat behind a desk, whiling her days away with balding, middle aged management. They had all worked toward their specific position, seeking out paperwork and answering machines to avoid the nitty gritty that wasn't outlined in red tape. Quistis felt like a strangled outcast among them, and in a frightening way found herself becoming what she had once upon a time despised.

Retrieving Seifer's breakfast from Dr. Kadowaki's desk, she sent the older woman another smile. "Sorry I missed your pages," she apologized.

"Do you have today off?" the doctor asked, looking momentarily away from a wide computer screen full of patient names, medical histories, and billing records.

"Do I ever have a day off?" Quistis rolled her eyes dramatically, then checked her watch and tried to hide her alarm. It was getting late, she was due in her office in less than an hour.

"I know Xu would be willing to fill in for you if you wanted to take a day," Kadowaki suggested blandly.

"Ahh...that's okay," Quistis shrugged. "I like working."

"You look exhausted." Kadowaki had known her far too long.

Pursing her lips, Quistis tossed her hair back. "I'm fine, but I've got to get going or I'm going to be late. Have to run and change and get this eaten before it gets cold."

"Alright," Kadowaki threw up her hands. "Beyond me sometimes why I'm even here when nobody takes my advice."

"Keep me notified on Miss Cevario's condition?" Quistis asked.

"Of course."

Nodding with authority, Quistis left the infirmary and continued on her way out the front gate. She wasn't stopped again and made it outside without incident. It was a long walk to the Fire Cavern where she'd left Seifer sitting and the sun was just beginning to heat up. A bead of sweat trickled down between her shoulder blades, and she had her jacket slung over top of the styrofoam carton when she came upon Seifer.

He looked up sharply when she came into view, his green eyes wide with what she supposed was surprise and just a hint of suspicion.

"You promised me breakfast," he barked, shooting to his feet. He jabbed one long finger accusingly at her. "What did you do? Go to Squall?"

He was stalking menacingly toward her when Quistis pulled her jacket off the top of the breakfast she'd brought him and dropped it to the ground. His face fell when he saw it, and his steps faltered. "Oh..." was all he could muster, his face flushed.

"Awfully suspicious, aren't you?" she asked, cocking her head and shoving the box toward him. One of the cartons of orange juice toppled off with her rough handling and landed with a thud in the grass. Betrayal isn't as easy for me as it is for you... The sharp thought leapt into her head and she had to force herself not to blurt it out. Forgiveness -- she had to remember. No accusations.

Eagerly, he ripped open the box and began to inhale the pancakes. Carefully, with concern for the safety of her fingers, she sat down beside him and reached for one of the sausage links which he'd allowed to roll into the syrup. Dabbing it off with a napkin, she ate slowly, inspecting Seifer for injuries while he was distracted.

He still had the old scar across the bridge of his nose. And he was thin. Under his shirt, she could see ribs protruding and could make out the ridges of his spine. A shadowy beard was in bloom across his face, and his hair was brushing against his collar, curling slightly in the humid air. Distantly, she wondered if he'd used hair gel to slick it back so strait while he'd been at Garden. None of the injuries that Bella had indicated he had were apparent, and the previous night he certainly hadn't appeared to be in any sense lame or weakened.

"What?" he grumbled through a mouthful of egg, his eyes narrowed.

"What? I wasn't doing anything."

"You're staring at me."

She shrugged. "Just noticing how you've changed."

He went back to eating, more slowly this time. After a long pause he cleared his throat. "You haven't."

"Let me guess," Quistis leaned back a little and pulled her shirt strait. "The same haughty instructor with bad leadership who isn't able to keep any of her students under control...despite the fact that the major trouble-makers head the discipline committee." She arched an eyebrow at him, and he shrugged.

"You said it, not me." But, as he finished eating and poked a straw into the orange juice, he let one hand stray over onto her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. Quistis was mildly startled by the gesture and looked even more closely at Seifer to be sure he was who she thought.

Something had happened to him. She didn't know what, but she'd never seen him broken before. Years of failure hadn't been able to do it. Loosing a war, his romantic dream, and family hadn't done it. But something had occurred in the years since which had shattered Seifer Almasy. He didn't pack the same punch, and while he hadn't lost his bite, there was a certain amount of zest he no longer infused it with. He looked -- she fought to find the appropriate word -- old. Pity welled up in her for the brother she'd known so long ago.

Patting his back, Quistis leaned a little closer to him, preparing herself to take on his burden.

"Listen," she said, "I've got to get to work or I'm going to be late. But I'll call the hotel in Balamb and reserve a room for a special guest of Garden." She reached into her pocket and pulled out her ID card. "They have a special...um...discreet entrance for SeeD in the back. Use my card to get in. Your room will be number 215. It's a suite. Nobody will bother you."

He looked down at her ID card for a long time before bringing his gaze back even with hers. He opened his mouth slowly, but nothing came out, and he finally just nodded.

"Take a bath," she suggested. "I'll come by when I get off."

Seifer looked for a terrifying moment like he was going to cry again, and Quistis stood up quickly, uncomfortable.

"I know," she laughed a little too loudly. "Bossy Quistis. Right. I'll just get going and get that ready..."

Seifer smiled a little, infused with just a little more life than he'd had before.