Adventures of Supergirl 7x06
Kara stood before Cat behind her desk at Catco. She had already recovered from her surgery and was back to work once more to shit-talk politicians and celebrities. "You saw me in my moment of weakness, and you saved my life. But that does not mean I'll tolerate your shenanigans, Kara. What is this shit?" she demanded of Kara.
"It's an article on Eskimos and how Climate Change affects them," Kara said defensively.
"You can't say Eskimo anymore. It's offensive now," Cat lectured.
"Since when?" Kara asked incredulously. "It literally means 'one who laces a snowshoe'."
"According to Algonquian languages, it could also mean 'one who eats flesh raw'," Cat pointed out.
"Yeah, but they're not Eskimos so who gives a fuck?" Kara asked.
"The ICC passed a resolution in 1977 to replace the term Eskimo with Inuit. Governments and academic institutions have followed suit," Cat brought up.
"I'll be damned," Kara realized.
"How the fuck did Eskimo get past my editor?" Cat wondered.
"As you can clearly see, it's not my fault but the fault of the editor. They're paid to ensure these fuck-ups don't happen," Kara said smartly.
"I have millions of subscribers. Do you have any idea how many of those millions of readers is going to be pissed off with me over this?" Cat asked.
"Seven," Kara mocked. "Look, I brought up an important issue that brings to light the plight of these people. I should be given an award for this story. I think another Pulitzer is in order here," Kara said arrogantly.
Cat eyed Krypto barking and being generally fussy. "If you don't teach that dog some manners soon, he won't be allowed in here."
Kara petted the dog to calm him down. "So, what's my next news assignment?"
"I got a story of an angel in Iowa named Michael. Check it out. Find out if it's real," Cat ordered.
"Am I being punished?" Kara wondered.
"Yes," Cat said obviously. "Apparently, he's been living in this small town for the last six months. You are to fetch me this angel. Bring him here so I can interview him."
"You fucking serious?" Kara wondered dismayed.
"It could be some new type of alien no one has ever seen before," Cat considered.
"It's called a Thanagarian," Kara rolled her eyes.
"Verify it," Cat ordered.
"I'm taking the dog with me," Kara relented.
"Fine by me," Cat said dismissively.
The upper half of a giant Christmas tree was suspended out the window ready to be placed on top of the lower half. Kara glanced at the tree distracted. "You leave tomorrow," Cat ordered.
The crane holding the tree suddenly let go. Kara was there in a flash, became Supergirl, and stopped the tree from hitting the civilians down below. Kara then gently placed the upper half of the Christmas tree in position to the applause of the crowd below. Kara then came back into the Catco office dressed in civilians. "Take Nia with you," Cat added.
"Well...shit," Kara sighed.
Michael
Kara, Mon, Nia, and Krypto ended up in a car together in the middle of nowhere, Iowa. "So, how did you come upon Krypto?" Nia asked curiously.
"So, there I was minding my own business on the bike trail near the Metropolis bridge when someone kicked a dog over the bridge," Kara said nonchalantly.
"Oh my God," Nia said shocked and appalled.
"And I saved him before he hit the water. Ever since I've had Barney take care of him," Kara said.
"You've had my boyfriend take care of your dog?" Nia asked confused.
"Well, one of your boyfriend's drones," Kara clarified. "You know, occasionally, I pet him, give him snacks, take him out for walks, but I'm not always around all the time."
"Maybe you shouldn't be a dog owner if that's the case," Nia judged.
"I may not be the best one to take care of him but I am the best when it comes to avenging his honor. One time, these Russian thugs beat up Krypto while I was away. I must have killed fifty of them in retaliation," Kara said.
"Wow," Nia said stunned.
"The Insane would use hounds all the time to track worthy prey," Mon brought up.
"Mon, what have you been up to recently?" Kara asked conversationally.
"Same old; making sure John Milton doesn't get his ass killed," Mon said bored.
"John Milton?" Nia wondered.
"John Milton is an investor at Metropolis General. He's single handily keeping the gang together," Kara said gratefully. Kara then drove up to a gas station/motel and scanned the building for occupants. "Well, someone is here."
"What's the plan?" Mon asked.
"If he's the real deal, we shake his hand. If he's some Thanagarian fraud, we beat his ass," Kara said simply.
"I've always wanted to fight one," Mon said eagerly.
The three and the dog went up to the office door and knocked. Pansy Millbanks opened the door and gave them a confused look. "We're here from Catco magazine. We got your letter," Kara said condescendingly to the old woman. She merely stared at them. "This is my associate, Mike. This is my intern, Nia, and this is my dog, Krypto," Kara introduced.
The old woman suddenly opened the door and excitedly petted the dog. "Oh, you look so handsome," she said of the dog. "Oh, I think he's cold."
"Wouldn't know. I don't feel cold," Kara said while Nia shivered uncontrollably.
"Better get him inside," Pansy said, taking the dog inside with her with the door closing behind her.
Kara, Mon, and Nia gave each other a WTF look. When Pansy didn't come back, the three entered the house and took a seat on the couch. "What's that smell?" Nia wondered looking around.
"Smells like you're baking," Kara seconded.
"I don't smell anything," Mon said confused at them both.
Pansy ignored their questions and sat down. She then had a coughing fit where it looked like she was about to die on them. Kara scanned Pansy's lungs and found advanced terminal lung cancer. Pansy then hunched over and stopped moving. Kara eyed the woman for a moment and then touched her to wake her up. "Don't touch me! I'm contemplating my death," she told her.
"Well, okay then," Kara said withdrawing her hand.
"Is the angel with you now?" Nia asked curiously.
"Do you see an angel?" Pansy asked condescendingly.
"Where is he?" Mon pressed.
"Well, if he's not in this room, he must be somewhere else," Pansy deflected.
"He's in the upstairs bedroom," Kara said knowingly.
"You think I'm full of shit," Pansy accused.
"Well...the thought had crossed my mind," Kara admitted. "I mean, I've seen some crazy shit in my day but never an angel."
"Bring his ass down or we'll come to him," Mon ordered impatiently.
"Michael!" Pansy called him down. "Michael!"
"Alright, I'm coming down," Michael said from the upstairs bedroom and then proceeded to move towards the stares rather slowly.
"You sure you don't smell that?" Nia asked Mon.
"You mean weed, beer, and ball-sweat?" Mon asked her.
"No, like something from my childhood," Nia recalled.
Michael finally came down wearing only boxer shorts. He was a muscular man with long wavy black hair, a hairy chest, and two large angel wings. He crudely grabbed his crotch, pulled a loose feather from one of his wings, and made his way to the fridge to get a beer. "Michael, look who's here to visit us. It's Krypto," Pansy said ignoring the other three in the room.
Michael gave the dog a look and then addressed the others. "How do you do?" he greeted looking a bit groggy. He then went back upstairs.
"You'll have to excuse Michael. He's not good at suffering fools," Pansy said.
"Bitch, I don't care how old you are, I will not hesitate to give you a good spanking," Kara warned.
"He'll be back in the morning," Pansy assured them. "You're welcome to stay in three separate rooms. After all, you two aren't married."
Kara and Mon gave each a look. "That will be fine," Kara agreed.
Inside the cabins, Nia looked for the thermostat and couldn't find it as she was freezing. Kara entered her room unimpressed. "I honestly can't tell if he's a Thanagarian or not. Either that or his mother made love to the stork literally. I might need to bring Barney over to verify."
"Do you think this story will make me a regular employee?" Nia asked hopefully.
"Why would you want that?" Kara asked condescendingly.
"Job security, benefits, parking space, ability to report on real stories," Nia listed off.
"Pray to Jesus it's a real angel," Kara told her.
Mon then opened the door. "That's not an angel," he said dismissively and then went back to his cabin.
"I'll take care of him," Kara said entering his cabin. "Mon, think for a moment. If he were a Thanagarian, why has no one known about him until now?"
"Never underestimate the human ability to ignore the obvious," Mon said disdainfully.
"I feel half-offended by that," Nia said crossing her arms.
"So, what's your theory?" Kara asked him.
"He's a Thanagarian male gigolo," Mon figured.
"The hotel is shit. There's no money here," Kara rolled her eyes.
"From your rich ass perspective. Nia's poor. She understands," Mon pointed out.
"Barney has me under a conservatorship now," Nia admitted.
"More importantly, you denied me," Mon accused Kara.
"It's not that I'm embarrassed to admit I'm married to you, it's just that...and I lost my train of thought," Kara admitted.
"I see," Mon said unamused. "Once we confirm this thing is a Thanagarian, I'm going to beat his ass and then go back home."
"Fine by me," Kara allowed.
Kara and Mon then went to their separate rooms leaving Nia behind. "Wait, I need warmth."
"Come sleep with me, Nia," Kara offered.
"On second thought, I'll just enter the dream world," Nia declined and then knocked herself out on her bed.
The next morning, Michael got himself some cornflakes, milk, and a ridiculous amount of sugar. Meanwhile, Pansy was feeding and petting Krypto. Kara, Mon, and Nia merely stared at Michael as he obnoxiously ate his cornflakes making a mess of the table. "How would you like your eggs?" Pansy asked Kara.
"Over easy would be good," Kara allowed.
"Can I take a look at your wings?" Nia asked gently.
"Let them look at your wings, Michael. They're from Catco magazine," Pansy encouraged.
Nia got up and eyed Michael's wings not sure what to make of them. "Can I touch?" she asked cautiously.
"I'd rather you didn't," he declined.
"Let's see how they're attached," Mon said getting up.
"How about we see how attached your pecker is?" Michael threatened.
"Watch your language," Pansy scolded Michael as the room nearly exploded in violence.
"Let's chill the fuck out," Kara said as Michael and Mon were about to fight it out.
"What is that smell? It smells delicious," Nia said looking around.
"We're serving eggs here," Pansy told her off.
"I figured an angel would be a lot cleaner or should I not take the good book so literally?" Kara mocked.
"Can you fly?" Nia blurted out.
"Of course, he can't fly. Only the little angels can fly," Kara said hoping to get Michael to admit he wasn't an angel.
"I'm not that kind of angel," Michael replied.
"What kind of angel are you?" Kara pressed.
"An Archangel who battled Lucifer and threw him out of heaven: Revelation 12:7," Pansy said.
"That was a long time ago," Michael smiled fondly.
"Wait, I thought that was supposed to happen in the future," Kara said confused recalling her evangelical background.
"He smote a bank for me," Pansy said excitedly and then kissed Michael on the forehead.
"A bank?" Kara asked offended.
"After my husband died, they built the highway stealing all of my truckers. So, the bank came to take the motel. And I prayed for help until God sent me Michael," Pansy said.
"Well, she was persistent," Michael recalled.
"So, what's heaven's standard on banks?" Kara asked not taking him seriously.
"No interest, forgive all loans after seven years," Michael replied.
"No bank can do business like that," Kara doubted.
"I didn't make the rules," Michael excused.
"He turned it into a parking lot," Pansy said gleefully. "Of course, they said it was a tornado."
"So, what about the money?" Nia asked confused.
"We never heard a word about it," Pansy said pleased.
"Right because shutting down one branch is going to suddenly delete your account and everything you owe," Kara scoffed.
Pansy suddenly had a coughing fit, collapsed, and died on the kitchen floor. "Well...shit," Kara muttered.
At the funeral, Kara, Mon, Nia, Krypto, Michael, and the minister were present. Michael looked semi-presentable in pants, a collared shirt, and a trench coat. Kara ended up doing the eulogy for the cranky old woman. "She died last fry-day. Thank God she wasn't beaten. Don't worry, she went over easy. She's now on the sunny side. She's definitely on a better plate...I mean place," Kara said solemnly.
"That was extremely inappropriate, thank you," the minister said to Kara and then took his leave.
"So, she's in heaven, right? Like, that's where you go and stuff, right?" Nia asked Michael with a hopeful expression on her face.
"It's not my area," Michael evaded.
After the funeral, Kara called up Cat. "So, he definitely has wings," she confirmed. "Wings from his shoulders down to his ankles. He looks like shit though so we're going to have to clean him up and put him in a white robe."
"Don't fuck this up, Kara. I want him here in Metropolis now," Cat ordered.
"He's in safe hands," Kara assured her.
"No one is safe...in your hands, Kara," Cat doubted.
Kara ended the call and then went back inside the house where he found Michael reading the newspaper. "Have you ever seen the largest ball of twine?
"We have to get back," Kara told him.
"Or the world's biggest cannonball? It's in Mesopotamia. I wonder if it's still there," Michael pondered.
"Mesopotamia doesn't exist anymore. It's now the shithole known as Iraq," Kara informed him.
"Nothing lasts," Michael sighed.
"Listen, I'm on a bit of a winning streak. All I do is win and I need to keep winning...," Kara began.
"Quit," Michael advised.
"I can't quit. I have newspapers, hospitals, and weapon manufacturing that depends on me," Kara said referring to Catco, Metropolis General, and Wayne Enterprises.
"We drive to Metropolis," Michael decided.
"That's not necessary. Mon can instantly transport us all to Metropolis right now," Kara said impatiently.
"Nope," Michael shot down.
"Or how about we fly? Statistically speaking...fuck it," Kara relented.
"We need time," Michael said packing his suitcase.
"Time for what?" Kara wondered.
"I want to see the world and an apology from you," Michael said.
"I'm not really into apologies. How about some pictures?" Kara asked.
"No pictures until we get to Metropolis," Michael demanded. "Deal?"
"Deal," Kara rolled her eyes.
Michael then put on a coat covering his wings and then approached Nia in her cabin. "The biggest ball of twine is two hours from here. I'd like to see it before the sun sets," he told her.
"I'm not going. They're going to exploit you. You have to know that," Nia said changing her tune.
"I'm going," Michael said resolved.
"Well, I'm not, for your sake," Nia said stubbornly.
"Yes, you are. Only women smell my scent. It smells like cookies, doesn't it?" Michael asked her.
"Yeah," Nia nodded.
"So, as long as you can smell my scent, it affirms what you believe about yourself. Do you really want that to end?" Michael asked rhetorically.
"No," Nia realized.
The two came out to the car having settled the issue. "I also want you to sing," Michael requested.
"A song?" Nia wondered.
"Of course," Michael said obviously.
"Now?" Nia asked apprehensively.
"No, when I tell you to," Michael replied.
The four drove around Iowa with Michael in the back. "What's the opposite of white?" Michael asked randomly.
"Black?" Kara figured.
"No, yoke," Michael answered and then laughed hysterically.
"Yeah, really funny," Kara rolled her eyes. "Michael, when we stop, are you going to put your coat back on. We don't really want people to see you. You know, not everyone is as sophisticated as us about these things."
"Oh?" Michael mocked.
"I just want to get you to Metropolis safe and sound," Kara said.
"And she doesn't want anyone to steal her story," Nia added.
"Let's play car bingo," Michael said ignoring Kara's concern. "The miles will fly when you play car bingo."
"So, what do we do?" Nia asked interested.
"Everyone gets one. Just mark down what you see during the trip," Michael explained.
"Damn it. If I were driving a Tesla I could do this without needing to drive," Kara said disappointedly.
"Dog, fence, police," Michael listed off what he saw.
"Police? Holy shit!" Kara said alarmed as they were going twice the speed limit.
Michael began to laugh even harder with that one, amused by his own wit. "That was good. That's the way to true love."
The four finally drove up to the largest ball of twine. "That is one big ball of twine," Mon remarked.
As Michael investigated the big ball of twine, Kara called up Cat. "Well, it's going to take a little longer than we thought because we have to stay off the main highway," Kara lied.
"Fly," Cat said obviously.
"He won't fly," Kara replied.
"Why?" Cat demanded.
"Because his wings won't fit in the seats. Unless you want to pay for him to sit in first class," Kara said.
"Yeah, fuck no. Just get him here," Cat rejected.
"Don't worry. What could happen?" Kara rolled her eyes.
Kara then saw Michael and Mon square off in a field ready for battle. "For fuck's sake," Kara said hanging up.
"Battle," Michael said enthusiastically as he took off his coat and showed off his moves to Mon. "Battle!"
"I've finally had enough of this shit," Mon said as he didn't even bother to power up.
Michael charged Mon like a bull with his wings tucked in. Mon rushed him at the same time and the two head-butted in the middle. Michael and Mon both fell to the ground stunned. Kara sped over to the fallen Michael ignoring Mon. "I am completely happy," Michael said deliriously.
"Are you alright? Any injuries?" Kara asked as she scanned his body.
"In all my battles, no injuries," Michael reported.
"Can you stand up?" Kara asked as Nia came over with his coat.
"Of course, I can," Michael said nonchalantly as he got back up.
"Now, that is true happiness, right there," Michael pointed out Krypto playing in the field. Michael then began to dance around in the field. Mon went up to Kara unimpressed.
"What the fuck was that?" Kara asked scolding him.
"There's no way he's Michael, the angel, the second most powerful being in all of the universes in your mythology," Mon doubted. "I didn't even power up."
"Jesus came down as a man and was easily killed as a man. Power and strength won't determine whether he's a fraud or not," Kara told him.
That night, the gang stopped at a bar simply called Joe's and got dinner. Michael obnoxiously put sugar in his ketchup and on his french fries like a total weirdo. A waitress came over and stared at Michael as she sensed his cookie smell. "Hey," Michael smiled at her.
"Hey, you too," she said totally infatuated with him and delivered their plates.
Kara took out her handy notepad. "I'm a writer, too," Michael said noticing her note-taking.
"Oh, really? What did you write?" Kara asked skeptically.
"Psalm eighty-five," Michael said super-seriously.
"Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land," Kara selectively quoted from the Psalm.
Michael ignored Kara and eyed two slender attractive women eying him as they went to the restroom. "Right around the time I invented standing in line. Before that, it was a mess to get in."
"I call bullshit," Mon said quickly.
"So, why don't angels solve big problems?" Nia asked.
Michael huddled with all of them so no one else could overhear them. "We're not allowed to interfere, only small miracles and not too many. Some angels aren't so smart. They used them up in stupid ways."
"Yeah, like whom?" Kara questioned.
"I don't like to criticize other angels," Michael evaded. "I'll be with you in a minute," he said to the two women that passed by their table. "Excuse me, they want me. As John and Paul said, 'All you need is love'."
Michael then took off with the two women in his arms to the dance floor. "This is some bullshit," Mon said.
"Jesus drank wine and celebrated at wedding gatherings, alright," Kara said defensively.
"I seriously doubt he touched and danced with women in his uptight culture," Mon doubted.
Michael then got the jukebox to play "Change, change, change," and started dancing around like a freak. As if hypnotized, the other women in the bar started wandering over to Michael and danced with him. "Follow me, ladies,' he said to them all.
Even Nia got up and made her way to the dance floor. "Good thing Barney isn't the jealous type," Kara mused as Nia became Michael's primary dancing partner.
"For someone who was born a boy, she's got great hips," Mon remarked.
Kara glared at Mon as her jealousy flared. Suddenly, there was a ruckus as all the men in the bar didn't take too kindly to Michael taking all of their dates. Michael kept them all at bay with a chair. One man managed to slam his chair on Michael's back, breaking it. Michael took hold of that man and threw him into the bar. "Hey, you," one outraged man said and punched Mon to the face. The man ended up nearly breaking his hand on Mon's face.
"Battle," Michael declared as Mon joined him.
"You better believe it," Mon agreed.
While Mon fought evenly with the humans for the sport of it, Michael appeared to have super-human strength. A man punched him to the torso and face several times without effect. Michael then threw the man to the floor. As the men fought, the women stood around staring with infatuated expressions. "He smells like caramel," one woman said. "No, cotton candy," another said.
Kara gave them all an odd look realizing that Michael's scent was different for each female. Michael continued to escalate the fight using a trashcan lid as a shield and a pool stick as a weapon. After easily defeating some of the men, the cops arrived on the scene. The four of them along with Krypto would spend the night in jail. However, instead of going to sleep, Michael continued to do martial-arts moves as if the fight were still ongoing.
"You're a great fighter," Mon mocked.
"I certainly am," Michael confirmed.
"You guys from Catco magazine?" the guard asked them.
"What are we being held for?" Kara asked going into legal mode.
"Destruction of private property, assault and battery, and disturbing the peace," the guard said simply. "The magistrate will see you in the morning. Goodnight."
"I didn't even do anything," Nia sighed.
"Can I get my phone back?" Kara asked the guard. The guard ignored her, turned off the lights, and took off.
"I don't want to spend the night here. I hate you, hate you all," Nia complained.
"Maybe Krypto can get us out," Mon mocked.
"Hey, Krypto, get the keys. Krypto, go in the drawer, and get the keys," Kara ordered. Krypto ignored her and went to sleep. "If he were a Kryptonian dog, he would do it," she muttered.
"You know, the thing about dogs is that they're loyal and follow orders," Mon remarked.
"They're hairy and have tails, too. Just like your kind," Kara mocked.
Michael went over to Kara who was looking out the window of their cell. "Now...apologize," he ordered her. "Say you're sorry."
"To him? You must be joking," Kara scoffed.
"Or...I'm not going to Metropolis," Michael threatened.
"Son of a bitch," Kara said under her breath. "Sorry," she said to Mon with false sincerity. Michael shook his head unimpressed. Kara sat down next to Mon on their bunk. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "I didn't mean it, okay,"
Mon simply gave her an odd look. Michael placed his scarf around Kara's neck condescendingly. "I'm going to sleep," Michael said and then dozed off while still standing.
"Me, too," Nia said taking a bed for herself. Kara and Mon slept together in the same bed while Michael snored loudly.
"You'd think they would separate us by gender," Kara muttered as she dozed off.
The next morning, the four of them faced a female judge. "Now, you're being charged with disturbing the peace, destruction of property including a lovely portrait of a moose and a canoe," the judge said.
"Yeah, 1200 in damages," the bar owner said.
"I know. I talked with Janet," the judge said nonchalantly.
"I'm sorry. Who is Janet?" Kara asked.
"The owner's wife. We go long back," the judge explained.
"Isn't that a conflict of interest?" Kara questioned.
"Who said you could talk? Sit down," the judge ordered. "Now, who can tell me what the fuck happened last night?"
"I can," Nia volunteered.
"Anyone else?" the judge asked dismissively. "You, please...in chambers," she pointed to Michael. Kara, Mon, Nia, and the rest of the courtroom remained stunned as Michael went with the judge into her chambers for a good hour.
Afterward, Kara, Mon, Nia, Michael, and Krypto were free to get back on the road again. "It's easy, all you need is love," Michael sang in the car.
"So, what did you do in there? Fuck her?" Kara assumed.
"All you need is love," Michael repeated.
The four drove across the border into Illinois which caught Michael's interest. "We're not far from the largest non-stick frying pan," he pointed out.
"No, we're not going to that," Kara refused.
"Why not?" Michael demanded.
"Because we have to get back," Kara said obviously.
"Well, me, too, but before that happens, I'd like to see the largest non-stick frying pan," Michael insisted.
"It's on the way," Mon pointed out.
Kara glared at him. "Shut the fuck up."
"He may get us into trouble but he's always getting us out of trouble, too, am I right?" Mon said to the others. "What is it about you? What's your game?" Mon asked Michael. He merely shrugged at him.
"You're supposedly a woman. What does he have that I don't?" Mon asked Nia.
"How should I know? I'm still a boy to you," Nia rolled her eyes. "I'm not at all attracted to him. I have a boyfriend."
"I put a block on her," Michael said.
"That sounds like bullshit," Kara doubted.
"I did," Michael insisted.
"Yeah, well, we're not stopping," Kara told him off.
"You have ten seconds to change your mind," Michael told her. He then counted off ten-to-one and then suddenly one of the tires popped.
"God damn it," Kara muttered as she got out of the car and noticed the flat. She went to the trunk and discovered there wasn't a jack. "There's no jack," she reported.
"What do you need a jack for?" Nia wondered.
"Hey, asshole, come back here and fix this," Kara ordered Michael as he walked off.
"No can do," Michael said as he walked towards the large frying pan 100 yards away.
As Kara worked on the tire, Mon and Nia hung out. "Maybe you could write a song about my wife," Mon said conversationally as Kara used her fingers to take off each of the nuts.
"Do you love her?" Nia asked.
"She drives me wild," Mon said not really answering her question.
"What about her?" Nia wondered.
"Her lips when she puts on a shit-ton of lipstick on them. They're so red, it's like she's a vampire," Mon recalled.
"My wife...has lips...like a vampire," she sang. "I don't think this song is going to work," Nia admitted.
"You guys talking shit?" Kara accused as she got the tire off.
"This really is a God-forsaken place," Mon said looking around. "I bet no one goes down this road."
"Mon, get over here and help me," Kara ordered.
As it happened, a car mechanic and his new bride drove by and stopped. "Need some help?" he asked them.
Upon getting the car up and running, the gang found Michael telling his war stories about fighting demons at the giant-ass frying pan. "Michael, get your ass in the car," Kara ordered. That night, the gang went to a motel/diner. "What will it be, folks?" the cheerful waitress asked them.
"I want pie!" Kara freaked out on her.
"What kind? Should I list them all?" the waitress asked.
"No, I don't give a shit. Just any pie," Kara ordered.
"Chocolate cream?" Michael asked.
"Yes, definitely...chocolate cream," the waitress said and immediately became infatuated with his scent.
"Two slices of everything. Now go," Kara told her off.
The waitress came back with all the pies and then proceeded to sit in Michael's lap. "What is it about pie?" Michael wondered.
"It's just so pretty with the rough edges and the slits in the middle," Nia gushed.
"I invented pie," Michael boasted. Everyone simply stared at him. "Just kidding," he chuckled.
"That was a good one," the waitress laughed.
"Well, nothing more American than apple pie," Mon mocked.
"I like them all," Michael said of them.
"And I like you," the waitress said, completely intoxicated by Michael.
"Nia, sing your song about pie," Michael ordered.
"Actually, I sang that song when I was still a boy so this is awkward," Nia said distressed.
"Nia, sing...now," Michael ordered.
The gang stared at Nia as she sang a silly pie song in a more feminine voice this time. "Now, get on stage and sing some songs," Michael ordered.
"Shit," Nia muttered as she went up to the stage with the band. "I'm sorry, a little nervous. It's a work in progress, my voice, that is. It used to be a little different when I was younger," Nia said to the skeptical and unforgiving crowd.
To her credit, Nia sang the country song perfectly that referenced an angel. As the song continued, Nia got into the groove of things and became more confident in herself. The crowd clapped genuinely impressed.
The next morning, Kara felt refreshed as she now had a new understanding with Mon. "Remind me not to have a motel room right below you," Nia said scandalized.
Kara ignored Nia and focused on Krypto who was hanging out with Michael in a field across the street. "Hey, Krypto. Come over here," Kara ordered the dog.
The faithful dog ran straight for Kara, across the street, and was hit by a tanker truck. Kara stared, blinked, and then just stared at Krypto's dead body on the road. Kara slowly walked towards Krypto's body with tears in her eyes. "He's alright, he's alright," Mon said as he walked with her.
"No," Kara shook her head as she scanned the dog's body.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," Nia said sincerely now crying, too. "I should have seen a vision of it. It's my fault."
"You didn't do anything wrong. I called him over," Kara told her. She then went over to Michael. "Do something."
"It isn't my area," he evaded.
"What the fuck is your area? Explain it me," Kara demanded. "Does anyone know his area?"
"Don't look at me. I don't know anything about angels," Nia shrugged.
"I'm sorry," Michael said as Mon held the dog in his arms.
"Bring him back to life. And don't give me that bullshit that it isn't your area. You bring him back to life or go back to where you came from," Kara ordered him.
Michael relented and took off his coat. He extended his angelic wings to their full length and touched the dog. Miraculously, the dog was healed and went straight to Kara. She handed the dog to Mon and then took a knee before Michael, finally believing his story. "We don't have much time left," he said reminding her of her deadline.
"Mon, take us to Metropolis," Kara ordered.
"What about the car?" Nia wondered.
"Fuck the car. Let's go," Kara said impatiently.
Everyone touched hands and then immediately they were all teleported to Metropolis. Kara got on her phone to call up Cat. "You're out of the office? What the fuck? I brought the angel here and he's real," Kara said outraged.
"I'll be back tomorrow. Put him up in some hotel," Cat said dismissively.
"Damn it," Kara said pissed off. "We have to wait until tomorrow. Cat is out of town," Kara informed the others.
"It's alright, I'll just tour the city," Michael said.
"Do you want us to come with you?" Kara asked him.
"No, I'll be fine. Enjoy yourselves," he smiled.
"Michael, forgive me for ever doubting you," Kara said sincerely.
"When Satan accused Moses, I rebuked him. I didn't come to judge but to save hearts," Michael said to her. "Thank you for everything."
"Let's meet up for dinner and I'll make the hotel reservations," Kara said to him.
Michael nodded. "Goodbye," he said and then walked off.
Meanwhile, John Milton was with Alex giving her some professional advice in his apartment on the top floor of their building. "You look like you could use a drink," he noted.
"Yes, thanks," Alex agreed.
"Kara has gotten herself in trouble again and she wants me to save her. Only this time, I can't," John said exasperated.
"Why? What happened?" Alex asked concernedly.
"Do you have any experience with manic depression?" John asked.
"Not...directly," Alex evaded.
"Well, you have. You just didn't know it," John said referring to Kara. "Get Kara on the phone. Tell her it's an emergency," he ordered his receptionist. "Kara Danvers, ha! God's creature, right? God's special creature?"
"She sure seems to think so," Alex said resentfully.
"For years, I've seen her bounce around like a fucking game, like a wind-up toy. Like 125 lbs of self-serving greed on wheels. Take a good look at her because she's the poster child for this millennium. It's no mystery where she comes from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire, build egos the size of cathedrals, fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse, grease even the dullest dreams with those dollar greens gold-plated fantasies until every human aspires to be their own emperor to be their own god," John outlined.
"Where do you go from there?" John asked rhetorically. "And as she's scrambling from one deal to the next, who's got an eye on the planet as the air thickens, the water sours, and it just keeps coming, faster and faster. She's a runaway train. We have a billion Kara Danvers all jogging into the future every one of them is getting ready to fist-fuck God's ex-planet."
"When you're right, you're right," Alex agreed. "Do you have any siblings?"
"A shit-ton," John said vaguely. "My younger brother, Michael, he's quite a character."
"What about him?" Alex asked curiously.
"Well, he's a high-class defense attorney. You may have heard this story. He represents a man who was at the top of his game. But then his client goes and kills one of his managers, buries him in the sand, and then runs off. Years later, this client of his gets married with kids and finds religion. So, what do you think happens? He gets his client off with an acquittal," John said dismayed.
"Sounds kind of fucked up," Alex agreed.
"And it wasn't just this one. He's acquitted countless murderers, rapists, thieves, you name it," John continued. "And every time I tell him to stop doing what he's doing, he tells me to fuck off," John said exasperated.
"I know how you feel," Alex said sympathetically.
"How does one son start hospitals while the other gets crooks off the hook? Maybe God rolled the dice one too many times. Maybe God let us all down," John shook his head.
Kelly looked out the window of her apartment as she saw Michael jog in the park. A few homeless men chased after him. They eventually caught up to Michael with one tossing him to the ground. The second man hit Michael to the arm with a branch breaking his arm and shoulder. The homeless gathered around Michael and began to beat him mercilessly. Kelly stared in shocked amazement at what she was seeing. Finally, Michael received a blow to the head killing him. The homeless men then searched his clothes finding nothing valuable and then walked off.
Kelly stared out her window speechless. Yes, it was a traumatic murder right in front of her but she could swear she saw demonic expressions on each of the assailants. What was left of Michael was a bloody mess with feathers all over the place.
Cat came into the office late at night. Kara and Nia eyed the news of Michael's murder. "Oh my God," Nia said shocked and appalled.
"Well...shit," Kara sighed.
"Where's my angel?" Cat demanded.
"It was...a hoax," Kara lied.
"A hoax? Why am I not surprised?" Cat rolled her eyes. Cat then noticed the news of Michael's death investigated as an alien hate crime. "Holy shit."
"I let him out of my sight for just a moment and this shit happens," Kara sighed.
"You seem a little bent out of shape over this particular murder. Did you have a good bonding experience?" Cat asked.
"He convinced me he was a real angel but angels can't die, not like this," Kara doubted.
"But he brought your dog back to life," Nia pointed out.
"And so can a bunch of alien witchdoctors. I'm going home," Kara said taking off.
Kara and Mon met up at a bar. Kara drank away her sorrows as Mon built a fortress out of sugar cubes. "As far as I am concerned, it never happened," Kara said bitterly.
"We saw it. We were there," Mon corrected her.
"It never happened," Kara insisted.
"But it did," Mon insisted.
"Okay, it did, but he wasn't an angel. He was just some weird-ass Thanagarian that smells like sweets to attract women and can heal dead dogs. It's not outside the realm of possibility in our universe," Kara said.
"I don't know any Thanagarian that could do that," Mon doubted.
"You being argumentative? You don't believe in any of this shit," Kara questioned.
"Let's count ourselves lucky," Mon said.
'How do you figure?" Kara asked miserably.
"If we knew with absolute certainty, it wouldn't be faith, would it?" Mon asked her.
Kara simply stared at him. "You're my Michael. You always have."
"I know," Mon smirked.
Author's Notes: Whether or not Michael was an angel is left a little ambiguous here. Michael 1996 blurred the lines between being reverent and being blasphemous while also being kind of dumb. It's half a point higher than an average Hallmark movie. I just feel sorry for the real Michael, the Archangel, who hasn't been given a decent movie. Yeah, Legion, the Terminator rip-off, doesn't make it better.