Ah, very sorry for the delays. I can't even come up with an excuse, my imagination falls me again. I'm not sure how this part is, maybe boring with angst but I'll let you, my readers, be the judge, so it would be great if you let me know what you think of it.

From Bad to Worse

Part Four

Reluctantly, bright green leaves fall from their roots, the wind carrying them to every which way. The sun plays with the trees, creating shadows that dance and hide and seek. These shadows circle around two still figures under their shades. One of them finally startles under the shadows' teases.

Sesshomaru sees that they are trying to wake his sleeping brother. He tries to fight the shadows away with his hand but it is not enough. Inuyasha's eyes have already opened. Those golden eyes that have not changed since he was a pup star at Sesshomaru's flawless expression. Inuyasha's consciousness slowly regains. He half believes that he has had a nightmare but the pain is real, the pain is still there. Tears suddenly overflow and he knows he is going to have a hard time stopping them. The water blurs his vision of his brother. He wipes them away, wanting to see clearly if the youkai has changed. He doesn't understand his own reasoning but he fears that Sesshomaru will change and that their relationship will change; he fears, he fears so much. But the demon lord's face shows no emotion. /Thank goodness.../ No change.

"I'm sorry..." the hanyou suddenly cries and then as if the dam has broken, a river of his sorrows fall and he repeats over and over, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

Sesshomaru can only watch at the moment, hoping the half-demon will stop on his own accord. /No more tears...there's no need for you to cry...I don't want to see you cry again.../ A memory of himself carrying the hanyou from the castle to this isolated part of the forest reestablishes itself in Sesshomaru's aching heart. His little brother was crying in his sleep, water drops gracing his distressed complexion.

"When are you going to cease your apologizes?" the demon lord demands abruptly. His hearts cries when he sees his brother cry.

"I'm sorry," Inuyasha mumbles again without thinking. /I'm so, so sorry, Big Brother...It's my fault.../

The youkai's face softens. He looks whole-heartedly at his brother, lifting the other's chin lightly. He bends his head down slowly. /You're the dearest thing to me...I love you.../

Inuyasha closes his eyes just as their lips touch, sharing warmth. /I love you too.../

The half-demon tenses under his brother's touch. Sesshomaru gently relaxes him, releasing him. But instead of feeling calm, Inuyasha fears. Something has changed. What if Sesshomaru doesn't want him anymore? What if Sesshomaru doesn't forgive him? Just the very thought brings him into despair once more. /No...Don't.../ He reaches out desperately, grasping the demon's sleeve. /I don't want to let you go.../

Gently, the youkai strokes his helpless brother's cheek, hoping that will lessen the other's fear but Inuyasha breaks out in tears again. "How much more do you need to cry?" Sesshomaru says softly and tenderly.

"I'm sorry," He apologizes. It seems it's the only thing he knows how to say.

Carefully, as if he is holding a newborn, Sesshomaru sets his brother up to rest his head on his chest. "You can apologize all you want but know this: you are not in blame." /You're my precious little brother. I have to protect you.../

"Sesshomaru..." the half-demon wraps his arms around the other's waist, holding their bodies closer together.

They stay silent for a while, each waiting for either the courage to break the tranquility or the will to assert their heart's sincerity. It wasn't always this hard before, Inuyasha wonders. He feels oddly uncomfortable and unsure. /Maybe soothing is wrong.../ He is desperate for his brother to say something to him, yell at him for making such stupid conjectures. He is too afraid to do something himself. Thus, he waits.

Finally relaxing, acquiring patience with his brother, Inuyasha carefully snuggles himself in Sesshomaru's caress. He rests his head slowly as to not disturb the youkai. When he is finally at peace with himself, he closes his eyes. He concentrates on breathing in and breathing out. He catches his brother's scent, a distinctively fresh fragrance like when it rains at night, and only at night. But as Inuyasha inhales again, he discovers another scent disturbing the nice smell like ashes from burning forests. The hanyou frowns immediately, recalling his nightmare. He is angry once again. How could he let Naraku do that? Why did it happen? He should have been able to stop him. He should have protected him. He shouldn't have the one to be protected. But no, he could do nothing.

Inuyasha releases his hold, sitting up abruptly. Sesshomaru opens his resting eyes to discover two glittering eyes staring at him. "I smell Naraku on you," the hanyou states, almost petulantly.

"I suppose it bothers you," the older brother answers coolly.

/Yes! It bothers me/ "And it doesn't bother you/oops.../ Inuyasha mentally slaps himself; he shouldn't have said that. He knows, he just knows it will upset his brother.

And sure enough, it does. "Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't!" /You know it does! But I was too damn worried about you to take a bath/

Inuyasha stands up, his stance defensive. "You shouldn't have come! I didn't want you to rescue me!" he lies stubbornly. /I didn't want you to go through that.../

Sesshomaru stands up also, as if accepting a challenge. Who can say which one of them is more stubborn? "And leave you to die!" he growls at his little brother. /There was not a doubt on my mind, I knew what I was going into and I went in knowing because you matter the most.../

"I wouldn't have died!" Inuyasha insists, raising his fangs. /I'd rather die.../

Sesshomaru takes a step forward. Grabbing his brother's wrist, he drags the other sprawling after him through a clutter of leaves, branches, and dirt. "Hey! Where are you taking me?" Inuyasha yells from behind, but his silent brother doesn't answer.

Soon enough though he finds his answer. They are in view of a clear little pond, jagged rocks on the sides, grass surrounding its sides, small flowers hiding within them. A tall tree protects this little pond from the sun's rays. And when the wind blows, its leaves get a chance to glide on the water's ripples and waves. Inuyasha watches as a butterfly flutters around the pond tauntingly. It's a wondrous view, secluded from the world, hidden in the shades.

Sesshomaru releases his hold, walking forward, leaving Inuyasha to remain like stone. As the demon lord approaches the water, he removes articles of clothing, the long fluff thingy, his armor, everything falls.

It's hard for the hanyou not to stare as he watches his brother's flawless being submerge into the water. He remembers the first time his brother strips himself and Inuyasha stands unmoving like he is now, the heart in his chest burning. He chastises himself silently for his immoral thoughts. No matter how many times they have done it, it doesn't mean it is right, it's still wrong.

Sesshomaru turns to him gracefully, the water folding around him, it waiting for his very command. Even without sunlight beaming on him, Sesshomaru seems to glow, his beautiful silver hair and his fine toned body emitting godly radiance. Even the wind submits to him, light breezes trying to seduce him. The demon lord's eyes are forbidden at this moment, the golden orbs too beautiful to look at. Inuyasha couldn't look at them, trying to hide the redness surfacing.

"Is simply staring at me enough?" Sesshomaru teases with his firm expression and tone. /You're so exposed when you blush. I know exactly what you're thinking...but just looking at you blush isn't enough.../

Involuntarily, Inuyasha's groin responds. He looks away. /It's not fair! Why is he so...? Why do I always feels so.../ He has the urges to touch the silver hair, to lick at his brother's skin, to give himself away completely, just at he sight of his demon brother.

But it is not so much easier for Sesshomaru either who contemplates impatiently at how much longer he'll have to wait in order for Inuyasha to join him. The hanyou has yet to see that while he is affected by his brother, his brother is the same.

The demon lord gazes at his brother until Inuyasha finally makes his conclusion. He unravels his clothes with slight hesitation. The youkai suppresses a grin. There is just something about the way Inuyasha looks right now. It's...cute... (like his brother always is)...and so adorably innocent (by looks), more attractive than other being in this world.

Sesshomaru's heated body tells him he is hungry, starving to ravish his younger sibling. He takes a deep breath instead, watching intently as Inuyasha slowly slips out of his hakama, his face telling the other that he is embarrassed about showing himself in his brother's presence.

The demon's senses are telling him that he is most definitely needy but it doesn't seem like Inuyasha wants to budge, holding onto his clothes in front of him as if at the same time he is taunting his elder brother.

/Come here.../ "Have time froze? Or do you want to stand there naked for me to look at?" the demon lord comments. /Not that that is enough.../

/You're not funny.../ "I'll do it when I'm good and ready," the younger one retorts, unable to will himself to be obedient yet.

/You're good, I'm ready, what more is there/ Sesshomaru swirls around, leaving his bare back to mock at this brother. "In that case, I'll handle myself." He takes three steps deeper into the water, disregarding his little brother, acting as if he didn't care. If anything, he is only counting down the seconds to the hanyou's protest.

Inuyasha's primary thought is trigged immediately. He drops his clothes and leaps into the pond. With a splash, crystals fly and then reform back into the water.

The petulant one wraps his strong arms around the youkai protectively, his chest pressing against Sesshomaru's back. /Don't walk away from me...not even an inch.../ He rests his head on the demon's shoulder blades and Sesshomaru lets him. They are only half submerged in the water. "Is this ok?" His voice tells his brother that Inuyasha is asking the same question that has been on his very mind.

"I'm not sure. Is it ok?" Sesshomaru responds.

/I want everything to be ok.../ Inuyasha presses himself closer to the body that is warm even among a pool of cold. He breathes in, again he can the fresh scent poisoned with burning ashes. He breaks out again, "I can still smell it."

Sesshomaru sighs mentally. /You can't have everything, Little Brother.../ He turns around, holding his brother's two hands in his. "Wash him from me," he says softly. Inuyasha looks up, their eyes unfolding endless secrets and mysterious to one an other. But Inuyasha is still stun still until his brother has to give him another hint.

The youkai catches the hanyou's lips, forcing his tongue in without hesitation. And for some reason it feels more comfortable, more relaxing at the moment than the one chaste kiss they shared. Inuyasha gasps when his brother leaves his mouth for the delicate skin near his jaw and neck. He pulls his head back, gradually enjoying the feeling that comes up from his stomach. Sesshomaru takes this as a sign to move further, his tongue lapping at the mark on his brother's collarbone. He kisses it, taking in the pleasure of knowing that it will always symbolize their unity.

The sensation is always new and always exiting. Inuyasha somehow always managed to feel this pleasure. Right now he wonders how his brother might be feeling. Same? No, can loving be the same as being loved? Which is easier? Which is better?

Many times Inuyasha has been loved, and every time it feels wonderful, great, beautiful, every possible word for pleasure there is. How many times have Sesshomaru felt the magnificence he gave to his brother? How can Inuyasha give his brother the same kind of love he has given him?

Inuyasha attempts to cease his panting as Sesshomaru sucks at a nipple, a tingling feeling starting to emit, his tongue always teasing. Sesshomaru grins when he makes his little brother whimper. But just as he is about to explore a little more, enjoying the dominance, Inuyasha protests, pulling away. Though the demon lord does not pursue further, his mind is caught in confusion.

They're staring at each other again. This time, though, Sesshomaru is wondering what's next while Inuyasha is planning his move. Strangely, it has never been so hard!

After awhile of silence, Sesshomaru chuckles, teasing his brother for his odd behavior and hesitation. Inuyasha glares, as if daring the demon lord to laugh again. Sesshomaru smiles. "I'm not going to stand here all day," he reminds his hanyou brother. /You know I want to fuck you and I know you want to fuck me...You're making a big deal out of this...Can't you come to me like you used to.../

"I..." Inuyasha begins, unaware of the other's inner thoughts. /How do I do this right...why is this so hard...so different...I wish.../ He cannot conjure up something to say. What is one supposed to do when something as hideous as what has happened happens? Are they simply suppose to forget it? How could he forget it? The half-demon looks down at the water, defeated in his search for the right words.

Sesshomaru inhales and exhales slowly, his rising and falling chest barely visible. He is calm, he is always calm. He moves forward and takes his brother's gaze from the water to him. /Such a wistful face...how can I take that away? Does our love run so thin/ "Does it bother you that much?" he asks gently, his face close to the other's. /So much, you cannot love me anymore/

For the moment, Inuyasha doesn't know what to answer. Of course it bothers him, it bothers him so, so much because...because Sesshomaru is and always will be his brother. But he can't say that. /And you do not care? I'm a burden to you. I can even take care of myself. It was my fault. I tried so hard, so, so hard to move my body and call out to you but nothing worked. I'm weak...I'm useless to you...I don't deserve you...Brother.../Now, shouldn't Sesshomaru find a better mate than himself, that's what Inuyasha keeps pondering even before the incident. His brother's so much better, why would he want a tail-less dog demon?

Sesshomaru doesn't push for an answer. Silence can also be an answer. He gently touches his brother's face, moving his thumb in circles. /Your acceptance is most important.../ When he has finally stared at his brother long enough for the time being, he takes his hand away and heads for shore. His walk is not crestfallen but his heart is. /Fate is crueler than before.../

At loss, the hanyou panics, "Sesshomaru!" But the youkai doesn't turn, continuing calmly to shore, gathering scattered pieces of clothing. Inuyasha, unable to call the demon back, follows. "Sesshomaru, what are you doing?"

The demon lord has slipped into his hakama. "It does not seem you care for my company," he states.

/What are you talking about? I can't live without you.../ Inuyasha grabs his brother's sleeves, "What did I do wrong?" he asks desperately.

"The problem is not in you but in me."

Inuyasha throws his head against Sesshomaru's chest. "Stop saying things I don't understand! I don't get you! How can you be like this! How can you pretend nothing's happened?" he blurts out.

"The past should not be lingered upon."

But the half-demon thrashes, "No! Stop! I hate you for being so cool! How can you say it doesn't matter to you? Do you know how painful it is to witness that? What if it was me instead? How would you feel?" /Would you not care, like you are now/

Fortunately the elder brother is blessed with unmatchable patience for him. "First of all, I never said it didn't' matter to me." /And I would not let anything happen to you.../

"But you act like it," Inuyasha pouts angrily.

"Only because I don't want it to hurt you further," Sesshomaru states truthfully. "I know it is hard on you."

The hanyou's head drops. His eyes were watery, his throat hurt. His brother is worried about him even when all the deeds were done upon his brother and not him. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...It...just...made me so angry."

"Don't fall into a trap." Sesshomaru wraps his arms comfortably around his brother. Inuyasha leans forward to enjoy the warmth his brother carries. And they stay like that, willing themselves to walk on the path of recovery...