Summary: In order to prove that insanity really is catching, a peek into Duo's Diaries should do the trick. Watch as he breaks cold exteriors and frightens away mental soundness. And Relena. Definitely Relena.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me.

AN I have returned with a lot of ideas. Ah ha ha. Be afraid. By the way, most the events that take place in this story, have some basis in my real life. (Well maybe not most of them, but quite a few. I'll leave you to guess.) Sorry for not updating as fast since I was away in London getting chatted up by too many desperate people. -shudder-

Have you hugged your God of Death today?

Chapter three:…what if he has RABIES?


6:23 pm
In kitchen - molesting the fridge

Packing was unbearably boring. So was unpacking. This house absolutely bites butt since it is small, creepy and friggin freezing. It is so cold that I've tried to sit in the fridge to warm up. But it was already full with Trowa's broccoli. I swear that he's like Broccoli Boy.

6:24

Ahahaha. Broccoli Boy, that's a good one. I think I might call him that now.

6:27

I also got the fright of my life when I turned my head away from the broccoli and saw some chicken wings. 'Yum,' I think. Then realize that they are actually a bit different than the chicken wings that we usually eat.

They were pinky pink, for one. And they had…webbed feet?

"Oh God," I said aloud, quite sickened. "That isn't-"

They were.

"QUATRE!" I hollered, leaping back from the fridge like a leaping thing. Like a frog in fact. Or like frog legs.

Ehgahd.

6:29

Here comes Q-man down the stairs, eyes wide with terror. "DON'T TOUCH THE LEGS," he bellowed and he tackled me.

Next thing I knew we were fighting over the cellophane wrapped plate of frog legs.

6:31

Has he used the Zero System again? It would certainly explain his manic behaviour.

6:32

Oh Gods. What if he has RABIES?

6:34

Quatre tugged viciously on the plate and it flew out of my hands. And out of his as well. The cellophane ripped.

'Oh bloody hell,' I thought.

The plate went sailing through the air, almost in slow motion. You know, like in movies. When the juice of the meat also flies through the air, s-l-o-w-l-y. And you see each individual brown drop and have to wait the for the pitter patter of, in this case, frog leg juice? And the legs themselves are spinning with that whumph whumph sound? Kinda like a helicopter?

Yeah, it was like that.

We both had to turn away and wait for the impending splatter. Quatre even had his eyes closed.

And suddenly –

"What the hell is all the noise abo – ACK!"

7:02

Just finished handwashing Wuffer's clothes. Frog leg juice is a real bitch to get out of white clothing.

7:04

What the hell was he thinking, walking into the kitchen at the exact moment the legs would land on him?

And why do I have to do the washing and not Quatre?

7:05

All right, I laughed a little.

7:06

Fine, maybe not a little.

7:10

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. The look on his face was priceless. I wish I had a camera.

7:47

Broccoli Boy's cooking since Quatre's too stroppy to cook without his precious legs.

Guess what we're eating. No really. Guess.

7:54

I don't think I can take vegetables for much longer. Really. I might turn into a vegetable. You know, the sort of people who just sit there and drool?

7:55

I think I should do that, just to give the others a shock. But since I'm a vegetable, Tro' would want to keep me in the fridge with his beloved brocolli.

7:56

Wait, does rabies cause cannibalistic habits in people?

What if Quatre's planning to eat me in my sleep?

8:01

"Duo, I'm sorry about the whole fro-"

"DON'T EAT ME!" I shrieked as I threw a lampshade at him.

8:06
Now in locked in bedroom

Is it possible for Quatre to actually ground me? Because I don't think he can. Isn't he younger than me?

8:07

He grounded me though. That's what matters. Shows who your real friends are.

8:08

No, wait! He grounded me, so I'd get bored and so I'd sleep and then he'd come in and eat me with his crazy cannibal friends.

That can't be right.

8:09

Can it?

8:34

I've finished booby-trapping my room for protection against cannibals.

8:35

Hm, now that I think about it, I don't really need the tear gas do I? I better take that down.

Where did I put that ladder?

8:43

As I was deactivating the tear gas in the doorframe, the door opened from beneath me. The ladder was knocked over.

I automatically fell forwards, not wanting to land on my back or to be trapped underneath the ladder, which turned out to be a bad idea anyway since my forehead slammed against the wall with a loud thunk and I saw stars erupt in my vision.

The floor rushed towards me and I thought, 'I hope I'm concussed. Then I won't remember all this.'

Strong arms managed to catch me before I could hit my head a second time.

I'm pretty sure it was Heero, but I can't be sure since his face was dissolving into lots of pretty…black…spots…

Haven't a clue about the time...

I was in the middle of making straw hats for the pink toads outside. Then an obscenely fat, naked man told me to stop it otherwise he'd fart in my face.

I said, "Bring it."

He turned around I immediately regretted my decision. I was faced with the most horrible, hairy butt I have ever dreamt of.

He farted on my face and it was like a fucking hurricane. My cheeks were rippling from the gust and my eyes rolled backwards. I fell over, twitching. His fart cloud was…orange?

As I was recovering from that he grabbed a pillow from behind his back, don't ask me where, and he pushed it on my face and sat on it so I was stuck with a three ton man on my head and the smell of wet nappies. I thrashed, but he wouldn't budge. He suddenly started playing the flute.

Suddenly he was gone and all the toads were singing, For he's a jolly good fellow and they were carrying Trowa, the Broccoli King, towards me on their shoulders.

Trowa looked at me regally and said, "Stalking is the sincerest form of flattery."

"No it's not," I replied. "Think of Relena."

He blinked at me and pointed his broccoli scepter at me. "You are her."

I looked down and screamed. "I'M A GIRL!"

"Not just any girl," Trowa said helpfully. The toads were singing The yellow submarine.

Blonde hair, pink dress, FUZZY EYEBROWS AND A WIDE FOREHEAD.

Is it possible to faint in dreams? 'Cause I think I did.

9:32 am
Two days after falling off the ladder

I shot up in bed shrieking my ass off until Wufei bellowed, "SHUT THE HELL UP MAXWELL."

I stopped screaming and frantically grabbed my crotch. I sighed in relief. Duo junior was still there and the ribbons in my hair had gone.

"We didn't castrate you in your sleep you know," Wufei muttered from my side. "Although it would help the world a lot as we'd save it from your demented spawn."

I bopped him on the head, but nearly passed out again due to the wave of nausea that flooded my system. For the first time, I noticed that I was in hospital.

"What happened?" I asked, still swaying a bit.

"Concussion," Wufei replied flatly. "Well done idiot. What were you doing anyway?"

"I sincerely can't remember," I said cheerfully. "But it must have been something stupid."

"You placed a ladder against a door and, surprise surprise, it was knocked over." He sighed. "You are an idiot. They had to drill a hole in your head to release some of the blood. So you're off missions for a while. You should be fine in about a month and no strenuous activity until you've recovered. You understand?"

"Gotcha."

The door opened and Quatre bounded in, nearly reduced to tears. "I'm so sorry," he wailed. "If I hadn't grounded you then this wouldn't have happened."

Both Wufei and I blinked.

"You grounded him?"

"You grounded me?"

Everyone hates me. I can see it. Even Trowa the Broccoli king and his army of toads laughed at me.

Wufei burst out laughing and Quatre coloured. "Yes," he said, shamefaced. "But you were just getting so obnoxious that I thought it might be a good idea to let you cool off a bit. Especially after the whole Relena incident with the pictures."

Wufei was still laughing his ass off so I hit him again.

"Ahahaha, you got grounded!"

Asshat.

9:45

Apparently I have one more day at hospital and I'm moving into a ward with other people in it. Oh joy. Joyitty joyiity joy. As long as the people there are easy to get along with, I'll be fine.

Why do I have this sense of foreboding deep within my stomach then?

AN Thanks to Nightshadesister, Chocolateriku, the sadistic homicidal child, PrincessWolfGoddess, J-chan8, Yanagi Megumi(Yes I am looking in your head. I know where you live. -Manic laughter-), Serenity Maxwell and Gigglegal for reviewing. I love you all!