Summary: In order to prove that insanity really is catching, a peek into Duo's Diaries should do the trick. Watch as he breaks cold exteriors and frightens away mental soundness. And Relena. Definitely Relena.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me.

AN First off, I must thank Serenity Maxwell for accidently giving me the most fabulous idea in the universe. A big fat thank you to her. And second...there is no second. To those who didn't read the author note in the first chapter, there is going to be shounen-ai. Okay? Got it? Didn't feel like putting that in the summary since I didn't feel like I should have to. If you read a book and someone turns out to be gay, do you stop? I should hope not. That's my mini rant over.

Have you hugged your God of Death today?

Chapter four:…goodbye, cruel, shoelaceless world

12:00

Hospital, STILL in private room

For the love of St. Peter's fire hydrant, when am I leaving this room?

12:03

Do doctors conspire against their patients and actually try to bore them to death so that they could have fun playing Operation with dead bodies?

12:04

What kind of sicko designed that game anyway? What's with the red nose? Who would stick a pencil inside their arm? Or an ice cream in the brain? I guess they thought it funny to play on words. Writer's cramp. Brain freeze. Ha ha ha. Not.

If they really wanted kids to learn something, they'd use proper kidney stones. Or… I don't know. I heard that hairballs are a bad problem for the stomach.

12:06

Why can cats cough up hairballs and we can't? That would have been handy as a kid. I remember being fed milk of magnesia to make me throw up the hair that I swallowed from sucking on my braid too much.

12:08

Ah, I still remember Father Maxwell's face when I vomited on his black robes. The hairball looked like a dead wet hamster and was about as appealing as one. He had chucked the hairball away and it landed on some other kid's head who shrieked and threw it at someone else.

It erupted into a game of 'catch the hairball' soon after that. Kinda like 'Hot Potato'.

12:10

Or 'hot wet dead hamster'.

'Hot hairball' doesn't seem to have the same ring to it.

12:15

Bored, bored, bored. Boredy boredy bored. I don't even have shoelaces to hang myself with.

Rudity.

12:17

Might as well re-braid my hair. It's a total mess. Ho hum.

12:21

Ack, this is not going very well. My head bandages have fallen off and it damn kills trying to tie them back on. They're probably in the wrong place anyway.

12:23

Is that…blood?

12:25

Oh God, I think my ears are bleeding. Eugh, it feels disgusting. Like there's water in my ear, except it's warm and sticky.

And it's probably slowly killing me. Goodbye, cruel, shoelaceless world.

12:30

As I was quickly scribbling out a will, someone knocked on the door. "Come in!" I called, wondering who to leave my coffee machine to.

Heero came in and leaned against the wall. "You are an idiot," he said dryly.

"Funny," I shot back lightly. "I seem to be getting that a lot today. I wonder why." I crumpled up the list and threw it at him. I missed. Bastard.

Heero suddenly frowned and moved towards the bed. "Is that blood?" he said, looking at my ear.

"Um…yeah. I guess so." No really. Red liquid coming out of my ear? Whatever could it be?

"You should get that checked out. Could be a sign of another fracture."

He was suddenly very close, inspecting my other ear and my eyes, turning my head this way and that. His fingers grazed the back of my head when he was turning it again and I hissed in pain.

"What the hell have you done with your bandage?" he said, sounding slightly pissed off that I had yet again made a dreadful cockup.

"It fell off!"

He sighed, frustrated. Hey buddy, you're not the one with blood coming out of your ear.

"I'll redo it then." He took the poorly placed bandage off my head and I twitched as he accidentally touched the wound left from the operation I had.

He was hesitating, which was getting quite annoying since the open air against it was starting to sting. "Well?" I prompted.

"I'll…I'll have to touch your hair."

Oh. That. I flapped my hand.

"Just do it. But don't tell anyone."

He redressed the wound quickly and cleanly. Much better than my poor attempt. His fingers lingered on the bandage and he said, noticing that my hair was still undone, "Do you want me to braid your hair for you?"

What was I? A cripple?

"It's fine, I'll do it," I said, shifting so that the back of my head wasn't facing his anymore. It was then I realized how close my head was to his.

His breath smelt like banana. Charming.

I wrinkled my nose. "You smell like a monkey Heero."

"Hn."

"No more hn-ing. Help me escape goddammit."

How can he just laugh in my face like that?

2:30pm

MOVING ROOM FINALLY

Oh God. Oh Goddy Goddy God. This is too good to be true.

Guess who I'm sharing a room with. No really. Guess.

2:32

"Greetings Mr. Wrinkly"

"YOU!"

2:35

"So, why did you get fired?"

"Because you trashed Miss Relena's car!"

"Did I?"

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Did I?"

"Yes!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

"Oh…right. Hey, did I mention I have concussion so I'm prone to forgetting things instantly and tend to repeat questions?"

"…you failed to mention that."

"Oh. Okay. Hey, why did you get fired again?"

I will crack him. I WILL. He will be gibbering like a monkey by the time I done.

2:47

Jesus, he looks pretty rough. Cuts and bruises everywhere. Even I wouldn't have like to mess with whoever mangled him up like that.

2:49

You know, I kinda feel sorry for him.

2:50

Nah, not really.

3:01

"BOTOLF, THINK FAST," I yelled as I flung a water filled latex glove at him. You know. The gloves that surgeons use when sticking their hands in people's bodies?

He woke up pretty snappish, but not snappish enough to catch the water glove.

It's his own fault if he gets wet. He should have had faster reactions.

3:02

Wtf?

3:03

Botolf brought his arms down from the protective stance and we both stared at the glove.

Why the hell didn't it burst? Impossible. I didn't just throw it. I hurled it. Hard-ish. To make sure that it would burst. But it didn't.

I gulped and backed away.

"You're in for it now brat," he sneered, picking the glove up carefully.

He threw it at me, cackling madly.

3:04

And missed, rather pathetically. "You know," I said critically, eyeing the puddle on the floor. " You probably couldn't hit the ground if it wasn't for gravity."

"Shut up brat."

Hey, I think I'll make another water glove. Just to surprise Wrinkly, who thinks it's all ove-SHIT.

I hit the ground. Stars. Not again.

Haven't a clue about the time…

"Crap," I said, looking upwards at the green sky. "Not again."

Something hit my shoulder and I turned around. A baseball with a face lay on the ground, smirking at me. Disturbing…

"Hey," it said. "Whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word 'lisp' huh? Was it you?"

"Yes," I replied automatically. "It was I."

The baseball hmmed. "Well," it said sadly. "If you do succeed, try to not to look astonished."

"Righto."

"See you around." It hopped away.

The fat man suddenly lumbered up, now dressed in a toga. "I'll fart on you," he threatened.

"Bring it!" I replied.

He bent over and –

6:02

What the hell is it with me and this fat guy? Thank you God for waking me up.

I hate the fact that you can't control what you say in dreams. Well, in this dream at least. I remember once I told Wufei in a previous dream to 'Go now or forever hold your pee.'

6:03

Apparently I slipped on the wet water on the ground. That's what knocked me out. How lame.

Now my vision's a bit funny and Bololf's little beard looks like the hairball I threw up years ago.

6:15

Dinner

Hospital food. Again, this leads to my theory of doctors trying to kill us. Botolf and I both looked down at our food and said, "Eugh."

Wow. Not even a prissy like him would eat it.

6:20

I think I saw our food move.

6:25

There is NO way I'm eating this. "Come on Botolf old buddy," I said, opening the window and hurling the contents of my plate outside. "This is no way to live. Look!"

I gingerly crouched down on the floor and pulled out a box from under my bed. "Food parcel!" I said gleefully.

I love Quatre.

6:26

I also love Quatre's money.

6:30

"So," I said, munching on a chocolate flapjack. "Why were you working for Relena? You like her?"

"What? That bint? Goodness no." He tore the wrapper off a fruit bar. "Always sticking her nose into other people's business, then broadcasting it at her social gatherings." He mimicked Relena's high voice. "Oh you did see Botolf my chauffeur? Yes, I just found out that his sister works as a pornography actress. Shocking, isn't it? Ahahaha." He bit viciously into his fruit bar.

Guilt.

Guilt guilt guilt. Ok, maybe naming him Botolf the Porn Star in my head wasn't the nicest thing to do.

"But my sister had to do it, see? We needed money for the family."

Guilt guilt guilt…Shut up head! I'm guilty enough as it is. I don't need your help.

6:45

And through our hate of hospital food, we became friends.

7:00

There was a knock on the door. "Gentlemen," the nurse said as she opened the door. Botolf and I looked up from our game of snap. "You have another roommate."

"Cool," I said, trying to see past the nurse. "What's-"

No. NO.

7:01

"Miss Relena has been badly attacked by hornets so try your best not to disturb her."

Relena saw me. I saw her.

"EUGH," I said, seeing her stings all over her face. She looked grotesque. Like someone had melted her face with a flame thrower.

"YOU!" she shrieked back.

"Hey, I have a name you know," I replied cattily.

There was no need for words. Her icy look was enough. Oh well. It doesn't matter. I'm leaving tomorrow anyway.

Botolf must have thought of the same thing. "Bastard," he said telepathically to me. He glared at me.

"Shut up ya prune," I replied in my mind.

Still. No matter. AHAHAHAHAHAHHA. I'm leaving tomorrow!

7:04

"Oh, and Mr. Maxwell?" the nurse said as she turned to leave. "I'm afraid that you'll be here for another three days or so. When you slipped on the floor, the doctors are worried that you jarred something so they'll have to do some scans on you tomorrow. "

7:10

What?

No. NO.

Did she say that I have to stay a few more days? That can't be right.

7:11

Can it?

7:13

Botolf's laughing at me. "I thought I told you to shut it," I said out loud.

"No," he said in between sniggers. "No you didn't."

I swear. That guy's crazy.

AN Another chapter done and dusted. While typing this up, I've been bitten by mosquitoes about five or six times. See what I have to suffer to make sure that this chapter is out on time?

I've realized that some people don't want a review reply everytime they review. If you want me to stop just leave a note. Likewise, if you want a note, LOG IN. Leaving short notes in the thank yous don't mean much.

Thanks go to SERENITY MAXWELL, chocolateriku, Gigglegal & Bro(Thank you!), Killiara, PrincessWolfGoddess, yanagi megumi(Quatre was creepy. But so what.), Brandi Karma, the sadistic homicidal child and Vitane Tora for reviewing.