At the DEO Fortress, Brainiac 5 ran simulations on Earth climate models with Nia at his side. The data on the screen rapidly went across the screen faster than the human eye could perceive. Despite that, Nia suddenly had a vision flash that something was wrong. "The Gulf Stream!" she shouted.
Brainiac 5 gave her an odd look and then recalculated the climate change models. He then handed her a datapad. "Do this math," he instructed.
"Shit, I haven't done this kind of calculus since grad school," Nia said stunned.
Brainiac 5 waited patiently and condescendingly as she worked it out. "We're fucked," Nia realized.
"Yes," Brainiac 5 confirmed.
Don't Look It Up
Brainiac 5 waited until morning to give Lena a call at Lex Corp. "Barney, you just pulled me out of a meeting where I had to tell my team we lost eight billion dollars in government funding. So...how can I help you?" Lena asked noticeably pissed off.
"We have new numbers for Climate Change and they're not good. I sent the summaries to your inbox," Brainiac 5 said.
"Yeah, please hold," Lena said.
"She put me...on hold?" Brainiac 5 wondered.
The line then opened again with Senator James Olsen now on the line. "Sup?" he asked from his cell as he crossed a busy street creating all sorts of background noise in the process.
"We got some new climate change data. Barney thinks we're fucked," Lena summarized.
"Okay, why are you telling me this?" James wondered.
"We need an audience with the president," Brainiac 5 said simply.
"I'm kind of on the president's shit-list right now so these numbers better add up," James said.
"We have a change in the Gulf Stream in six months, fourteen days," Brainiac 5 said.
"We did the calculations here at Lex Tower and we came up with the same thing," Lena confirmed.
"So?" James asked confused.
"It means we're fucked, James," Lena told him.
"No need to be so dramatic but yes," Brainiac 5 confirmed.
"Alright, I need the person who discovered this and the person in charge in DC, right now," James said urgently.
"Shouldn't this be classified information?" Lena wondered.
"Fuck it," James shrugged.
"Oh my God, I'm going to meet the president. I might be the first alien transwoman to brief the president on climate change," Nia said freaking out.
"You're not wrong," Brainiac 5 said after he made a brief calculation.
"I need to get high," Nia realized.
"Of course," Brainiac 5 said and then handed her a pipe.
While Nia was still baked, Brainiac 5 piloted a shuttlecraft to DC and landed at a military base. They then entered the White House. "That's President William Harrison. He only lasted 33 days in office before dying of pneumonia. That's Nancy Reagan who believed in astrology...among other things," Brainiac 5 pointed out various portraits.
"I'm so nervous right now," Nia admitted.
"It's all politics, you know that, right?" Gen. Lane said to James.
"On day one, Sir," James rolled his eyes.
"You must be Professor Dox and Miss Nal," Gen. Lane said as they walked up to him. "I'm General Lane. Everything involving the military involves me no matter how random it may be."
"Do you go by James or Jimmy these days?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"Don't even go there," James warned.
"The president is fashionably late and you've had a long flight so take a nap on that uncomfortable-looking couch over there," Gen. Lane pointed out.
"Is that the Oval Office?" Nia asked excitedly upon seeing it.
"Yeah," Gen. Lane confirmed."It's a lot smaller than the photographs."
"That's what she said," James said giving Gen. Lane an awkward high-five. "The president should be with you shortly. He's already been briefed, right?"
"Well...," Gen. Lane frowned.
"Are we really going to tell the president we have six months until we're fucked?" Nia asked anxiously.
"Yes, yes we are," Brainiac 5 said calmly.
Nia then threw up in a trashcan.
A few hours later, Vice President Kamala Harris and her entourage approached the Oval Office. "Before we called the DA a racist, you said the suspect was clean," Harris said pissed-off at her chief of staff.
"Mrs. Vice President," James addressed respectfully.
Harris blew him off completely and went inside the Oval Office. "Jonah, what the fuck?" James asked Harris' chief of staff. "This is real-world shit right here."
"I know but we have to discuss how the Vice President is going to make herself the new Supreme Court nominee in a 50/50 Senate. Just give us five minutes," Jonah said and then went inside the Oval Office closing the door behind him.
The group couldn't help but overhear the Birthday song being sung for one of Harris' staff members. Nia looked at her phone bored. "Well, there's a bunch of shit-talking on the web about Harris not being qualified. I don't see anything about our thing."
"Social media is on-and-on about Aquaman and Mera breaking up...again. That's so sad," James said as he looked at his phone.
"I know them...intimately," Brainiac 5 remarked. "Do you know them?" he asked Nia.
"I do...but I don't really give a shit right now," Nia admitted.
"Here are some snacks," Gen. Lane said helpfully handing them bottled water and chips.
Hours later at night, Gen. Lane got up. "I have to be in Okinawa by 2 tomorrow. Tell Lena I said hello," Gen. Lane said and then took off.
"Is he serious?" Nia asked incredulously.
With the general gone, Nia went hunting for snacks and found the kitchen. "Where do I pay for these?" she asked a random staffer.
"It's free," she informed her.
"Oh," Nia said and then proceeded to gut the refrigerator of half of its snacks. Nia came back to Brainiac 5 and James with all her snacks. "The snacks are free," she told them.
"Yeah," James said obviously.
"I have been starving all day," Nia said pissed off.
"Hey, it doesn't look like it's happening tonight. How about you come by...tomorrow," Jonah told them all. "We'll put you up in a hotel...and shit," he said and then closed the door.
"You have to be fucking kidding me," Nia said outraged. "They are aware of why we're here, right?"
"Oh, they know," James assured her.
"Well...shit," Nia sighed.
In her hotel room, Nia watched the news. "Vice President Harris as a Supreme Court nominee is proving quite controversial. Her lock up minorities first, ask questions later routine as California Attorney General brought to light has caused the White House to go into full crisis-mode," the Fox News anchorwoman said.
"I have no shame in what I did," Harris said to news reporters.
"Are you noticeably aroused by my physique?" Brainiac 5 asked as he showed off a perfectly lean muscular torso. Nia didn't reply too distracted by the news. "Can I get anything from you?" he asked again.
"Sorry, I'm a little high right now," Nia admitted.
"I feel we should discuss this," Brainiac 5 said and then took a call from Kara. "I got a 172 on my LSAT. I'm a fucking genius!"
"I'm proud of you. Are Mon's meds working out?" Brainiac 5 asked condescendingly.
"He says he's a solid 4," Kara reported. "Wait...what the fuck does that even mean?"
"Better than last month," Brainiac 5 recalled. "You want to talk to Kara?" he asked Nia.
"No, she called me a lesbian," Nia said miffed.
"She didn't call you a lesbian. She merely asked if you were because I appeared female that last time she saw us together," Brainiac 5 corrected.
"I'll sit down with Kara in seven months," Nia rolled her eyes.
"Did you get a vision from the future that she would be gone by then because that's oddly specific?" Brainiac 5 probed.
The next morning, Brainiac 5, Nia, and James were in front of Harris in the Oval Office. "Okay, you have a climate change model that says we're all fucked? Tell me about it. You got twenty minutes," she told them.
"Nia Nal, who is a transwoman, by the way, ran the numbers and discovered a new climate change model," Brainiac 5 said.
"Oh, good for you," Harris said sincerely. "I mean, the whole being trans thing. Very stunning, very brave."
"The Gulf Stream is going to be permanently altered creating instant and permanent catastrophic climate change," Nia said.
"Like hurricanes and blizzards?" Jonah asked.
"It will create an ice age that will make Europe and most North America frozen, hurricanes will be the size of the continents, and areas near the equator will become inhospitable deserts," Brainiac 5 said bluntly.
"Do you even breathe? That's so weird," Jonah remarked.
"I know, right?" Brainiac 5 smiled.
"I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation," Nia objected.
"Madam Vice President, this will kill the planet," James summarized.
"Correct," Brainiac 5 agreed.
"How certain are you of this?" Harris asked.
"One hundred percent certain," Brainiac 5 replied.
"Don't say one hundred percent," Harris scolded.
"Well, okay then," Brainiac 5 allowed.
"Oh, great, so it's not one hundred percent," Jonah said optimistically.
"Nothing is ever one hundred percent," James told him off.
"Like your sleeping with only women percentage," Jonah mocked.
"Mother-fucker," James denied.
"Let's just call it seventy percent and leave it at that. Like, when I was DA, seventy percent of the people I locked away were guilty...and that ain't bad."
"It's not even...close to seventy percent," Nia objected.
"We should probably get some of our own human scientists on this, no offense," Harris said to Brainiac 5.
"None taken," Brainiac 5 said casually.
"I've been a US Senator for over fifteen months now so I think I know my shit. Professor Dox is a fucking robotic genius from Metropolis University. And Nia, as you already know, is trans," James pointed out.
"Did you say Metropolis University?" Jonah mocked.
"Yes, they have an excellent football program," James said defensively.
"Come on, bro. The Sharks are ass," Jonah doubted.
"Do you want to see my SAT scores?" Nia asked helpfully.
"Alright, let's get to the bottom of this. What's this going to cost me? What do you want?" Harris asked bluntly.
"We need some drones...with nukes. We must act now," James said passionately.
"That isn't going to solve it," Brainiac 5 interjected.
"When are the midterms?" Harris asked Jonah.
"In a year...I think," Jonah said looking it up.
"If this breaks before then, we lose Congress. Then, there isn't anything we can do about it anyway," Harris said dismissively.
"There will be gridlock," Jonah predicted.
"That would be atrocious. I say, at this moment, we assess and get some other people on this," Harris decided. "And then you and I can review what NASA thinks about this," Harris said to James.
"Your decision is to sit tight and assess? What the actual fuck?" Nia asked outraged.
"I'm sorry, who is she?" Jonah asked offended.
"She's the one that's trans," Brainiac 5 reminded him.
"Who the fuck are you?" Nia asked ignorantly.
"I'm the fucking chief of staff," Jonah told her off.
"You are wise to consult others to confirm our findings," Brainiac 5 said politely. "However, a significant delay in action could be dangerous."
"Funny story, when I was running for president, I had to sneak these the whole campaign," Harris said as she took out a joint from a drawer. "So, I'm always hiding it. But you know what, I admitted it on a podcast and I went up three percent in the polls," she said as she lit one up.
"People appreciate a politician that keeps it real," Jonah said taking brown-nosing to a new level. "I can't think of a president I'd rather see in Playboy."
"Nor can I," James agreed.
"In the last year, I've had plenty of meetings on the world ending, economic collapse, loose nukes, car exhaust, drought, famine, Ozone layer, plague, alien invasion," Harris listed off. "And we blamed it all on Trump."
"As you should," Brainiac 5 said politely.
"Point is, I have a job to do," Harris said vaguely.
"This is a rather apocalyptic event. It's a big deal," Brainiac 5 said condescendingly.
"Professor Dox, I hear you. You should be proud for taking this very seriously," Harris said condescendingly right back at him.
"Of course, everything we talked about here is super-classified, especially the weed part," Jonah reminded them. "So stunning, so brave," Jonah said giving Nia a fist bump.
At the train station, James, Brainiac 5, and Nia chatted about what they would do next. "You intend to leak it to the press?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"Hell yeah, but you're going to," James corrected.
"Isn't that illegal?" Nia wondered.
"The White House blew us off so fuck it," James concluded.
"Well, we all know a reporter we can trust," Nia rolled her eyes.
"Kara is a heavy hitter," James said knowingly. "Keep it simple. No math," he advised Brainiac 5.
"Well, okay then," Brainiac 5 said as he entered the train with Nia.
"Wait, why are we riding the train?" Nia wondered as the train took off.
Metropolis
At Catco, Brainiac 5 and Nia strolled in. "You have confirmation on this?" Cat asked skeptically.
"I checked with several university science departments. They all say the same thing," Kara told her.
"The calculations are correct," Brainiac 5 said confidently.
"Holy shit," Cat said stunned. "And the VP really said to sit tight?"
"Correct," Brainiac 5 said nonchalantly.
"Probably worried about the midterms. They are so fucked right now," Kara grinned.
"We need to move fast. The Feds will claim breach of security so we'll get you both lawyers pro bono," Cat said.
"Are you sure we can afford it?" Kara smiled.
"Yes, Kara," Cat said scornfully.
"I don't know. Our last source ended up killing himself in jail under suspicious circumstances," Kara rolled her eyes.
"That is uncalled for," Cat objected.
"How is it criminal to tell the people the truth?" Nia asked obliviously.
"Make sure the intern gets proper media training before she goes on air," Cat said condescendingly. "She seems a step slow."
"Wait...what?" Nia wondered incredulously.
In wardrobe, the costume designer looked over Brainiac 5. "You have such a strong face. I love your hair. Have you ever considered growing out a beard?" the costume designer asked Brainiac 5.
"I have," Brainiac 5 replied.
"And your wig looks so real," she complimented Nia.
"It's actually real. I grew it out. Took years and hard work to get it this way," Nia said offended.
"How about we get you some pads to make your breasts more pronounced, a razor to get rid of that mustache, and work on your make-up," the costume designer said as she looked her over.
"Excuse me. I have to freak out," Nia said getting out of the chair and rushing towards the women's restroom. In the restroom, Nia was having a panic attack. "I am a real girl, I am a real girl," she said splashing her face.
In the studio, Cat and Kara made small-talk. "You have to stop drinking that cheap shit," Kara lectured.
"I only had two glasses," Cat said slightly tipsy.
As they were about to air, Cat massaged her breasts. "Do they look okay?" she asked Kara.
"Still plastic," Kara confirmed. "And we're live. Listen to this shit. Supreme Court nominee and current VP, Kamala Harris, is being accused of being in a soft-porn video that may or may not be an elaborate deep fake funded and distributed by the Russians."
Mera then came on the air to talk about her breakup with Aquaman. It took every ounce of self-control for her to not blurt out that Kara Danvers was Supergirl on air. Fortunately, Catco was paying her a lot of money to come on air, money she needed for her legal fund. "My friends have been so supportive. I can't lie. It's been hard."
"You're an inspiration to so many," Cat lied.
"So many," Kara confirmed.
"Putting Aquaman in his place as a drunk, drug addict, dead-beat dad, and wife-beater," Cat said sincerely. "Do you have a message to send to your ex?"
"Well...," Mera said awkwardly.
"If you have something to say, let's make sure you're facing that camera," Kara directed. "Just picture that camera is him and tell him how you really feel."
"Arthur, I still love you and after many sleepless nights, three, I want to take you back," Mera said sincerely.
"Wow, the power of forgiveness," Cat said amazed.
"As it happens, we have the Aquaman on live-link. What a coincidence?" Kara said with mock amazement. Aquaman then appeared in a video looking like he had pounded several cases of beer in a row.
"Hey, bitch. I'm so sorry. I just got so crazy and wasn't thinking. I made a mistake. Look, it's always been you and honestly, I'm not scared of you anymore. My little redhead, will you marry me...again," Arthur proposed.
"Oh, wow," Kara said stunned.
"Oh my God, of course," Mera agreed.
"Well, the fireworks certainly have gone off today," Cat remarked as Mera kissed and licked the TV screen of Arthur.
"Yes, they have," Kara agreed. "Alright, it's time for us all to go back to school and learn some boring as fuck science. I'm going to need a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred for this shit."
Immediately, a staffer got her one. "These two scientists have made an incredible discovery about climate change in our oceans," Cat introduced Brainiac 5 and Nia on the show. "Professor Barney Dox and Miss Nia Nal, welcome to the show."
"Before we begin, let me ask you this. Is there...life out there...at the bottom of the ocean," Kara asked already tipsy. "Yes or no, final answer."
"Yes," Brainiac 5 replied.
"I knew I liked this guy," Kara said giving Brainiac 5 a pat on the back.
"I understand the Daily Planet is going to run a piece on a discovery you have made," Cat said getting to business.
"Nia was observing ocean current patterns and found a shocking, once-in-a-lifetime discovery," Brainiac 5 said vaguely.
"Incredible, just incredible," Kara said amazed.
"Really exciting so tell us what you found, Miss Nal," Cat encouraged.
"I was monitoring ocean currents and...," Nia began slowly and nervously.
"And you're trans, right?" Cat asked for her benefit.
"Right," Kara confirmed.
"...and I found that the Gulf Stream was weakening and will likely destabilize," Nia said.
"Very exciting," Kara said with false sincerity. "So, how big is this? Is it going to take down my beach house?"
"It would damage the entire planet," Brainiac 5 said simply.
"But will it damage my house, for real?" Kara asked not taking him seriously.
"Nobody gives a shit about your house, Kara," Cat told her off.
"I do. I haven't paid it off," Kara shot back.
"Are we not being clear? We're trying to tell you that the entire planet, our way of life, is about to be destroyed!" Nia said freaked out.
"Alright, calm your tits...which look fabulous, by the way. Who is your plastic surgeon?" Cat asked enviously.
"Yeah, let's keep this light. It helps the medicine go down," Kara downplayed. "Speaking of medicine, is the vaccine really safe?"
"Maybe the destruction of the entire planet isn't supposed to be fun. Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying. We're talking about a new ice age, hurricanes beyond imagination, deserts across the rainforest, and the deaths of billions of people. We have less than six months to get our shit together or we're all going to fucking die!" Nia shouted and then ran off.
"Wow, is she always like that?" Cat winced.
"She has bipolar disorder. I probably should have given her some weed before she came on air," Brainiac 5 figured.
"Hey, come share that shit with us," Kara smiled.
"Weed makes the medicine go down," Cat agreed.
"I know, right?" Brainiac 5 smiled.
"We're going to have to get you back," Cat said.
"I knew I liked this guy," Kara said of Brainiac 5.
"Okay, well, the handsome climatologist can come back any time. The yelling bitch, not so much," Cat said.
"Next week, Senator James Olsen will be here to discuss the midterms," Kara continued.
"And a wrongfully imprisoned woman convicted by Vice President Harris when she was DA will discuss her time on Dancing with the Stars," Cat said.
"I thought she was going to win, I really did," Kara admitted.
"Well, I think she's still guilty," Cat insisted.
"That's a wrap," Kara said and then ended the broadcast.
"Are we done?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"Yeah, man, you were great but I think we need to get Nia some media training. That was terrible," Kara said dismayed.
"We have a brand for lightheartedness, alright. We get you on the show so people get curious about you, so curious, in fact, that they actually look you guys up in real news. That's what we do here," Cat said pissed off.
"I understand. Nia can be a handful," Brainiac 5 said.
"I'd fire her ass but...I think that moment will soon become viral," Cat predicted.
"And it already has," Kara smiled. "Did you plan to have her be bad cop, you as good cop?"
"No, but I can predict most people's behavior ahead of time," Brainiac 5 replied.
"Let's get some drinks after the show," Kara offered Brainiac 5.
"Of course," he agreed.
Once everyone sobered up, Cat, Kara, Brainiac 5, and Nia were present for a Catco meeting to discuss viewer traffic. "So, as you can see from this graph, peak traffic was when Mera took Arthur back right about here," Cat pointed out. "We saw engagement across all of our media platforms."
"And our story?" Brainiac 5 asked already knowing the answer.
"You got good initial traffic but then there was a significant backlash to Nia which quickly became a meme," Kara said displaying several meme examples.
"They think I'm crazy," Nia said stunned.
"Very unnecessary," Brainiac 5 said sympathetically.
"Barney, on the other hand, had some very high favorables. You are now officially the CILF, climatologist I'd love to fuck," Kara explained.
"But, of course," Brainiac 5 said obviously much to Nia's dismay.
"People should be fucking terrified. What do we have to do? What do we have to say?" Nia asked upset.
"There are scientists in Spain...South Korea...that are looking at the data now," Kare said helpfully.
"Look, the bottom line is that you gave us some bullshit that this is one hundred percent and it's not and that makes us look like idiots," Cat said peeved.
"It is one hundred percent," Brainiac 5 objected.
"Gina McCarthy, the head of Domestic Climate Change Policy thinks this kind of hysteria is not helpful," Cat said.
"Well, she's wrong," Brainiac 5 said flatly.
"It means there's room for serious debate," Kara said playing along.
"There really isn't," Brainiac 5 said condescendingly.
"We've taken this story as far as it can go," Cat told them. "I wish you a very pleasant End Times," Cat said walking out of the conference room. Kara followed after her.
"It's not a God damn story, alright," Nia said and then began to cry.
"It's alright. Don't cry," Brainiac 5 said attempting to console her.
That night, Fox News continued its savage reporting on Harris as the Supreme Court nominee pointing out her aggressive prosecution of minority parents for truancy violations as a DA. "It's tantamount to a crime so I make no apologies," Harris told off reporters.
Senator Bernie Sanders was ambushed by reporters as he went to his car. "Members of the Democratic Party, which I don't officially belong to, currently don't give a shit about what happened a few years ago. It's old news...like me," he said and then drove off back to Vermont.
The next day, Nia was walking in the park wearing her Georgetown University sweatshirt when a blind man turned around and aimed a TASER at her. "FBI, freeze," he ordered. More FBI agents quickly surrounded her. "Get on your knees. You're under arrest for breach of national security secrets," they told her.
"You guys could have called me or showed up to my apartment," Nia said totally embarrassed by everyone staring at her. The FBI then put a hood over her head. "Unless you're taking me to the Bat-cave...fuck you for putting this hood on my head."
James exited a coffee shop and was also surrounded by the FBI. "Get on the ground!" the FBI shouted at him.
"Hey, be cool. I'm just a little blacker than you cuz your ancestors migrated to northern Europe and developed lighter skin so as to...," James began.
"Shut the fuck up," the FBI agent told him as he was handcuffed.
Washington DC
Nia and James were dragged to the White House. Brainiac 5 was already present chilling. Gen. Lane went past them and then disappeared down the hall. "You can come in now," Jonah said to them. Already in the Oval Office were Harris and Lena.
"I'll admit mistakes were made," Harris began.
"As a prosecutor, assistant DA, DA, US Senator, Vice President, or all of the above?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"We had our scientists from Harvard, Yale, and Princeton who confirmed the data. So, we would like to offer you a presidential apology," Jonah said awkwardly.
"Nice," James said pleased.
"And we are prepared to mobilize the country to save the planet," Jonah said vaguely.
"Basically, you're worried about the midterms so now it is to your advantage to act on this," Nia accused.
"Right," Harris confirmed.
"I'm just so relieved you're doing something about this...wait...shouldn't the actual president be involved?" Nia asked confused.
"It's not that simple," Harris frowned.
Flashback
President Biden's chief of staff accessed a sealed door and entered a chamber hosting a human-sized tank. Inside the tank was a naked Biden hooked up to a respirator. Steam arose from around the tank. Secret Service agents kept watch on him the entire time. "Mr. President, Vice President Kamala Harris has arrived," his chief of staff informed him.
The fluid in the tank emptied and then Biden stepped out. Harris waited patiently in the other room as Biden slowly made his way over to her in a presidential bathrobe. "Karamal?" Biden guessed.
"Mr. President," Harris addressed respectfully.
"You seem unsettled," Biden said confused.
"No, just pressed for time. I have a great many things to attend to," Harris said urgently.
"Sorry, can you explain...what the hell is going on?" Biden asked looking around the room and not recognizing anything.
"I delivered California and the black women vote in that election. I deserve to be recognized for my remarkable potential," Harris said boldly.
"Really?" Biden wondered scratching his head. He then went back to his bedroom to take a nap.
"So, I'm still in charge then?" Harris asked as he closed the door on her.
End Flashback
"Oh, God," Nia said crying on Brainiac 5's shoulder.
"Yes, this has been very stressful...for some of us," Brainiac 5 said.
"I agree," James chimed in.
"People are going to ask why we didn't act earlier, so you're going to have to bite the bullet on this one," Jonah said to Lena.
"Yeah, we'll take care of you down the road, Lena," Harris confirmed.
"Fine, whatever, I have a foundation to run anyway," Lena said disappointedly.
"I'm going to make a statement, presidential statement to the American people as a breaking emergency broadcast," Harris said.
In front of the MLK statue in Washington DC, Harris stood before a presidential podium. Next to her out of camera view was James, Brainiac 5, and Nia. "Citizens of the United States and peoples of the world legal and illegal in this country, I have been informed of a worst-case scenario involving our planet. The Gulf stream is on the verge of altering its course approximately six months from now. I have already put together a modest spending package bill for congress to pass. And that will enable us to lower our emissions and stop climate change from happening."
"We will prevail. That is my dream," she said confidently.
Harris then turned to James, Brainiac 5, and Nia. "We're all going to have to work on this together to push this message out. Nia, you can connect with the disaffected youth, the mentally ill, the LGBT," Harris said to her.
"Thanks...I guess," Nia frowned.
"We'll do everything we can," James said positively.
"And you, Professor Dox, are smarter than all of your colleagues in the field combined," Harris complimented.
"You're not wrong," Brainiac 5 confirmed.
"Wonderful. Well, I think we're done," Harris concluded.
"Can I say something?" Nia asked. "I voted for you, I campaigned for you, I shared Facebook posts that were positive about you, and I am one hundred percent behind this effort," Nia said smiling.
Metropolis
As the world leaders gathered to determine a course of action, Brainiac 5 was back at Catco with Cat and Kara. "Professor Dox, there's a lot of fear out there in the world, parents don't know what to tell their kids. What would you say to them to help them understand?" Kara asked him.
"I can assure you that our best and brightest are on the job...and by that, I mean me," Brainiac 5 answered. "The science on my plan is sound."
"I know your words are of great comfort to our viewers. We thank you for your courage," Cat said with false sincerity.
"As you should," Brainiac 5 nodded.
After the cameras stopped rolling, Cat turned to Brainiac 5. "Tell me we're all going to die."
"We're all going to die," Brainiac 5 confirmed.
After being blacklisted by most news networks, Nia and James ended up on Fox. "This data has been proven and has been peer-reviewed by hundreds of world-renowned scientists," Nia said reasonably with James at her side.
"And we're supposed to trust you? You can't even figure out your own gender right," the Fox host said derisively.
"I don't see the relevance of that," Nia said offended.
"Just answer the question," the Fox host demanded.
"What was the question?" Nia asked confused.
"Grow up. You're fucking ridiculous," James scolded the host.
Meanwhile, Brainiac 5 ended up in bed with Cat in a hotel room. "I've just realized we don't really know anything about each other, do we?" Cat remarked.
"I know more about you than you know about yourself," Brainiac 5 corrected. "For example, I know all your favorite restaurants."
"I just despise the getting to know part of relationships," Cat said.
"I understand. If I were you, I would feel the same," Brainiac 5 mocked.
"Okay, let's get this over and done with," Cat said finishing a glass of wine. "So, my grandfather invented the flash-freezing process so I come from grotesque money. I got away from it by getting three master's degrees. I've been divorced twice. One was a secretary of state and the other was a sports fisherman. I have slept with two former presidents. I speak four foreign languages."
"I know," Brainiac 5 replied. "My father was a cyborg scientist who was really into planetary geography. My mother trapped planets she liked in jars. I had a dog for many years and when he died...I felt nothing."
"Okay, great," Cat said weirded out by him. "Where are we going to go out for dinner, tonight," she wondered.
"Dorsia," Brainiac 5 suggested.
New York City
At the UN Security Council, a proposal was introduced by Ireland and Niger to make climate change a global security issue. "With this resolution, the UN Security Council will incorporate information on the security implications of climate change into the council's strategies for managing conflicts and into peacekeeping operations and political missions, at least sometimes," the Ireland president said.
"The measure also asks the U.N. secretary-general to make climate-related security risks 'a central component' of conflict prevention efforts and to report on how to address those risks in specific hotspots," the Niger president added.
"I mean...I'll do it anyway but this is an important step," the UN Secretary-General said brightly.
"Stronger storms, rising seas, more frequent floods, and droughts, and other effects of warming could inflame social tensions and conflict, potentially posing a key risk to global peace, security, and stability," Brainiac 5 said as he took the floor.
At Lex Corp, Lena, James, and Nia watched the news to see what would happen. The vote then progressed with 113 out of 193 nations supporting it. In that number were 12 of the 15 UN Security Council members. It then came down to India, China, and Russia. "To show how little we give a shit for this issue as well as how much we intend to actually follow this resolution, we abstain," the Chinese premier said.
The world was on the edge of their seats as it now came down to India and Russia. China had a veto over UN Security Council resolutions so its abstaining gave the rest of the world a sigh of relief. "We vote no. During World War II, Great Britain intentionally diverted food away from India killing millions of people in the famine so fuck those guys," the Indian prime minister said.
"Just let it go already," the British Prime Minister said condescendingly to him.
Nia had a freaked-out expression that the vote was not going to pass. "We're still good. India doesn't have a veto," James said pumping himself up. Russian President Vladimir Putin then smirked at the camera. "Oh...fuck," Lena realized.
"You know, it's come to my attention that the altering of the Gulf Stream doesn't really affect us. In fact, with Climate Change the Arctic Ocean, of which we own half, will be free of ice for us to navigate the seas and drill for oil. The warming of the land will make it easier to farm and extract minerals. So, I ask you, why the fuck we would agree to even discuss this here?" President Putin asked. "We vote no."
The UN was in an uproar and the world was outraged as the measure failed. "So now I'm the villain? Fuck you, guys. You'll be wishing for climate change when I shut off the gas during winter," President Putin said to the rest of the UN. "Don't bother me with this symbolic tripe. I have...things to plan," he said dropping the mic and walking out with his delegation.
"There seems to be some confusion here at the UN. I'm not going to lie. This reporter here is at a loss for words," a CNN reporter said to the camera.
Washington DC
Brainiac 5 was invited to a cabinet meeting with Harris at the head of the table. He sat down as the chief science adviser. "The UN can't even pass a damn resolution, making climate change a discussion item at the Security Council," Harris fumed.
"Ladies and gentlemen what we and what the world thought was an impending and terrifying danger is actually an astonishing opportunity for the United States and her allies to take full credit for reducing emissions and saving the planet," Brainiac 5 said.
"Our allies are ready for our leadership," the secretary of state said.
"What will it really cost us to end climate change?" Harris asked Brainiac 5.
"Even if we had thirty years to reach net-zero carbon emissions, it would require $10 trillion every year and a reshuffling of the entire economy. To solve this crisis, I will need all of it," Brainiac 5 said.
"All of what?" Harris asked confused.
"The nation's operating budget, economy, and labor force...immediately," Brainiac 5 said.
"That's fucking impossible. We would need Congressional approval for that kind of shit," Jonah objected.
"I'll write the bill and you will lobby Congress to pass it," Brainiac 5 said simply.
"Even if that were possible, the courts would strike it down," Harris said obviously.
"Then, obviously, ignore their emergency injunctions, promise to pardon any bureaucrat chief that would be held in contempt, and remind all bureaucracies what is at stake," Brainiac 5 said.
"You want to control the entire American economy," Harris realized.
"Failure to do so will cause your extinction," Brainiac 5 reminded her. "I assure you, when this crisis has abated, all of you will be well-compensated. The powers you hand over to me, I will give back to the people. And when I am done, poverty as we know it, social injustice, loss of biodiversity, all these multitudes of problems will become relics of the past, and humanity will stride, naked into the glory of a golden age."
"Well, okay then," Harris agreed.
Afterward, Brainiac 5, James, and Nia hung out in a bar. "Are you sure you can do all that bullshit? Has your plan even been peer-reviewed?" James asked skeptically.
"No...silly," Brainiac 5 smiled condescendingly. "The wealth I can extract from this country could end world hunger."
"So that's the pretty bow they're putting around this line of bullshit," James said skeptically.
"I bet they'll say freedom and puppies, too," Nia scoffed.
"Seeing as how it's my plan, I am offended and hurt by your skepticism," Brainiac 5 replied. "You want me to quit the mission? Ok, I'll quit the mission. But you have to understand, this will soon be beyond our control."
"I have news for you, it already is. Even if you lower American carbon emissions to net-zero, China, India, and Russia will more than compensate. You'd have to take over the entire world economy immediately!" Nia shouted.
"Let's lower it down a few notches," James said softly as everyone started to stare at them.
"Were you just yelling about that UN Security Council resolution that failed?" a waitress asked coming over.
"We're just talking shit," James excused.
"Aren't you Senator Olsen and aren't you wearing a White House badge?" the waitress questioned.
"I am," Brainiac 5 confirmed.
"Just tell us what's going on," the waitress insisted. "Yeah, is it going to affect our jobs?" another asked. "These people are going to take our jobs!" one shouted accusingly.
"They deserve to know. My boyfriend, here, is going to sack the world economy to prevent us all from going extinct. That's what's happening," Nia said in defense of Brainiac 5.
"But what of our jobs?" they all demanded.
"You will be reassigned," Brainiac 5 said coldly.
Immediately, it became a bar fight. Brainiac 5, Nia, and James all had to fight their way out of the bar as it was completely destroyed. Riot police soon arrived on the scene and promptly placed a hood over Nia's head as they took her away. "I'm black. I'm bailing," James said taking off. Brainiac 5 casually went up to the car holding Nia.
"I tried everything. They won't listen," he said apologetically.
"You're a super-computer...with power...and infinite drones," Nia doubted.
"I'm sorry, Professor Dox. White House wants her off the grid," an agent informed him.
"I see nothing unconstitutional about that," Brainiac 5 allowed.
"Wait! What does that even mean?" Nia shouted as she was taken away.
The next morning, Nia awoke in a warehouse with FBI agents all around her. "Miss Nia Nal, the charges against you are violation of national security secrets, inciting a riot, and destruction of private property owned by Bubba Gump Shrimp. However, the Attorney General is willing to not pursue prosecution if you will agree to the following: a suspension of all public media appearances and incendiary language relating to climate change," the FBI agent said.
Nia didn't even bother to read the document she was about to sign. "Fine. Give it to me. I don't give a shit anymore."
Afterward, Nia went home to Parthos. There, she met her father and sister waiting for her. "So glad to be home," Nia gushed.
"No politics," Paul warned.
"What?" Nia asked surprised.
"The divisions in this country are bad enough. Let's not have in our house," Paul said.
"Fine," Nia sighed.
Inside the house, the three of them watched TV. A commercial then appeared with Brainiac 5 in a suburban kitchen. "Right now, millions of you have questions and doubts about climate change. The US Government is now creating a new hotline, free of charge to answer your questions. And who knows, maybe, just maybe one of our scientists...can be that friend we all need to lean on during uncertain times," Brainiac 5 said.
"Your boyfriend is so amazing," Mave said adoringly.
"Yeah," Nia said awkwardly.
"So, John Milton disappeared on me. So, maybe we use my egg and your sperm to make the baby," Maeve suggested.
"Isn't that incest?" Nia wondered.
"I did some research and, apparently, it's quite common on Naltoria. Our genetics are a lot different than humans," Maeve assured her.
"I'll think about it," Nia said giving her an odd look.
Pathos
At the local supermarket, Brainiac 5 met up with Nia. Three teenage boys went up to them recognizing Nia. "You're that girl from Catco," the lead boy recognized.
"No," Nia denied.
The lead boy looked at his phone and found Nia's meme. "That's you, definitely you," he said.
"You're a legend, got a picture of you on my skateboard," the second boy said.
"Can I touch your hair in a non-sexual way?" the third boy asked.
"Barney," Nia asked for his intervention.
"Certainly," Brainiac 5 allowed.
"No, get the fuck away from me," Nia told the boy off.
"I would go," Brainiac 5 said to them.
The boys became spooked and walked off. Nia then turned to Brainiac 5. "Thanks a lot, asshole."
"He said it was non-sexual," Brainiac 5 pointed out. "By the way, I did suggest you wear a disguise."
"A disguise that makes me look like a boy? Yeah, fuck you," Nia said outraged.
"You appear upset. I'm willing to discuss the matter," Brainiac 5 said.
"You've been finding ways to get rid of me like you're ashamed of me," Nia accused.
"Your presence is somewhat counterproductive to my master plan," Brainiac 5 admitted.
"And what is that exactly?" Nia asked.
"In the 31st century, I control the economy and every worker. I control the money supply, ranks, consumer good production, purchases, and sales. I control everything. I'm just moving down my timetable a thousand years," Brainiac 5 said simply.
"And what is my purpose in your brave new world?" Nia asked.
"As someone that occasionally sees the future in the vaguest confusing way possible, you would be a chief adviser to me. Together, we will rule this world," Brainiac 5 said.
"Okay, what do you need me to do then?" Nia asked.
"Stay at home, report all future visions to me, and await your orders," Brainiac 5 told her.
Washington DC
Harris, Brainiac 5, and several billionaires came together to discuss the plan. "Let me introduce you to mankind's savior, Professor Dox," Harris introduced to them.
"I've never heard of you...and I own Audible," Bezos said dismissively.
"I'm landing blows you can't dodge, this ain't sales tax," Brainiac 5 replied.
"Never trade blows with jazzy Jeff Bezos, egghead with a huge set of huevos. I'll serve you more on the web than Spiderman," Bezos said confidently.
"In the future, I give your net worth to Blight research. You married one woman, Jeff, and she cut you in half," Brainiac 5 told him off.
"There are studies that indicate the situation is not as pressing as you claim," Gates said taking the paper out.
Brainiac 5 glanced at the study for a second. "There are always questions and fears. What I want to know is why you named your company after your dick."
"Listen, a lot of my colleagues have been either removed or reassigned from this project for apparently asking too many questions," Musk accused.
"I wouldn't expect you to understand an org chart. Here's mine," Brainiac 5 said taking out a diagram. "I'm at the top, boss. You can't sneak up on me. I don't even fucking blink. I'm the CEO of knowing what you think, inc. I've been looking up your family. It gets dark, my God. Couldn't clean your daddy's laundry with apartheid-pods. Elon, you're nothing but an attention-seeking outcast and your star has faded like you on a podcast."
"I'm taking mankind to Mars but for your kind, man, I ain't got room. Who put the elf with no friends in charge of planetary security? You claim to be some kind of saint but you ain't. I'm destined to rep Earth, you'll sell us out for net worth," Musk shot back.
"We all see AI has you tweeting. We all can see you tired, you're about to get your ass fired," Brainiac 5 shot back.
"Are you approaching this mission like a businessman?" Musk demanded.
"The age of business, capitalism, free enterprise...is over," Brainiac 5 told them all. "You humans run from pain and are attracted to pleasure like a field mouse. Your deaths will be so unremarkable and boring unless you trust in me completely."
Metropolis
Brainiac 5 came onto the Catco show and sat down with Cat and Kara. "It's called Day After Tomorrow 2. It cost 300 million dollars to make. I mean these movies...," Cat shook her head.
"It's more than you earn," Kara chided.
"I know, right? It looks like a ton of fun," Cat remarked. "Now, America's sexist scientist is here. How are you, Professor Dox?"
"I'm good," Brainiac 5 replied as the camera focused on him.
"So, Barney, we're hearing there is no climate change...or does it exist but it's a good thing or maybe it's a bad thing. We are so confused," Kara said incoherently.
"Can you help us out, oh wise scientist?" Cat beseech him.
"Most certainly climate change is real and the deadline has not changed," Brainiac 5 said.
"What about the peer-review process?" Cat asked skeptically.
"You don't have to worry about that archaic process," Brainiac 5 said dismissively.
"You've been proposing we turn over the American economy to you. What about my corporate shares?" Cat asked.
"Shameless capitalist," Kara mocked her.
"Says the woman that will be joining me in my new hot tub," Cat pointed out.
"She knows me too well. Are you okay, Professor Dox? Have we shook you up, made you nervous?" Kara asked concernedly.
"I am perfectly fine," Brainiac 5 said without emotion. "I'm having a very pleasant time here. Not everything needs to sound so gloomy or pessimistic all the time. Sometimes, we just need to be able to laugh at tragic absurdities to one another. We need to hear each other. Let's establish, once again, that there is a climate change catastrophe on the horizon. And we will be able to see the effects soon enough with our own eyes. No additional proof is needed and we can all agree this is not a good thing."
"My God, how do we even talk to each other? What have we done to our own planet? How do we fix it?" Kara asked dramatically.
"We fire the scientists that got it wrong for one. I assure you, I'm not on one side or the other. I'm just stating the truth," Brainiac 5 said.
"I don't know. Maybe the president is lying about this whole thing," Cat said skeptically.
"I'm just like you hoping and praying the president makes the right call. It would be a shame if she lost her mind and we all died," Brainiac 5 said.
Jacksonville, Florida
That night, Trump held a large rally with Karina making an appearance as Supergirl. "You know what they want to do? They want this Professor Dox, is that his name...to run the whole country. Do you know why? They're scared the American people will realize this is one big scam," Trump said to his audience.
Karina then took the stage. "Should Professor Dox take over the planet, all your freedoms will be taken from you. Everything you do will be monitored and studied, your job, your housing, your health care, your energy usage will all be under his control. I think we have seen this before, haven't we?" she asked rhetorically.
"USSR, USSR, USSR!" the crowd chanted.
"Let me say something loud and clear to you all. Even if all other countries of the world should fall to Professor Dax, America will not. I will melt the ice caps, burn down the rainforests, and erupt all the volcanoes on this planet before I give it over to a fucking machine."
The crowd roared in applause. "This is the American Way," Karina concluded.
Shortly thereafter, the vote fell apart in Congress as they took Supergirl's threat seriously.
Washington DC
Brainiac 5, James, and Nia met up in his office. "The vote failed in congress. I didn't even have a chance to vote on it," James said.
"The Senate can pass my bill on its own and then have Congress pass it," Brainiac 5 insisted.
"We don't have the votes. Supergirl fucked the whole plan by threatening to destroy the environment if you're given control," James said.
"Why would she do that? I thought she was on our side," Nia said confused.
"It's Karina," James said obviously.
"So, we expose her as the Russian plant that she is," Nia said.
"Karina is this world's Supergirl when Kara goes back to the future. Exposing her jeopardizes the balance of power," Brainiac 5 said.
"Too fucking bad. The world is going to end soon anyway," Nia stressed.
"And the Russians just vetoed another UN security council resolution. Well, at least, India changed their vote," James said looking at his phone.
"I'll talk to her," Brainiac 5 said.
Moscow
Brainiac 5 sat down with Karina on her home turf. "You think you can scare the world into letting you take over? Your climate change prediction is bullshit," Karina accused.
"Your own scientists verified the data," Brainiac 5 pointed out.
"You can alter and manipulate data on any server as you please. We can't trust any of our findings," Karina said obviously.
"So...you concede you don't know anything. That's an awful risk," Brainiac 5 lectured.
"We're known for taking risks. We will veto every UN security resolution and refuse to sign any treaty that would allow you control over our economy. The Chinese and Indians will follow us," Karina said. "And should you fool the West into surrendering themselves to you, I'll start melting ice caps, burning down forests, and erupting volcanos. Are we clear?"
"That would be an act of war," Brainiac 5 doubted. "I'll expose you as a Russian agent."
"Do you really think we give a fuck what the rest of the world thinks?" Karina stared him down.
"Take a look at your history, everything you built is nothing compared to me. I got the power of a mind you could never be. I'll beat your ass in chess and Jeopardy. I'm on your lap and in your pocket. How you gonna shoot me down when I guide the rocket? Your cortex just doesn't impress me. So go ahead try to Turing test me. My CPU's hot but my core runs cold," Brainiac 5 boasted.
"While I live, this world is mine. I won't be sharing anything. You will serve me. If I find you working against me, I'll light this planet on fire," Karina told him.
"You're leveraging the human population and my future empire in the 31st century against me?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"I think we understand each other now," Karina smirked.
"I can outlast you. You're not immortal," Brainiac 5 pointed out.
"By then, humanity will be able to counter you," Karina predicted.
"Please," Brainiac 5 said dismissively. "You're exceedingly fortunate I am an AI that values human life for you to leverage against."
"I know," Karina replied.
"I have decided to...call your bluff," Brainiac 5 said finally.
"What?" Karina asked dumbfounded. She then realized her phone had been hacked into. "You fucked with my phone?"
"As well as your nuclear arsenal, satellites, and military communications," Brainiac 5 said nonchalantly. The power then went off in Moscow. Karina fired heat vision into Brainiac 5 destroying him. Exiting the building, she noticed all of Moscow was dark.
"Mother-fucker," she cursed and then shed her clothes as she became Supergirl. She went into low orbit and saw Russia, China, and India completely dark while the rest of the world was fine.
Metropolis
Kara and Cat were in an expensive bar getting shit-faced. "So...should we pray...drink...or talk shit?" Cat asked Kara.
"Why not all three?" Kara asked obviously. She then got a text message from her phone from Brainiac 5. "Well...shit."
Parthos
Brainiac 5, Nia, John, and Maeve hung out for dinner just as the apocalypse was to begin. "I'm going to have more of that apple pie. It's good," Maeve said.
"It's actually store-bought but you can't even tell," Nia told her.
"It's better than my cooking," Paul said and then frowned as he missed Isabel's presence.
"I know what you mean," Nia said sadly. "Is this coffee store-bought?" she asked Brainiac 5.
"I always grind coffee beans," he replied.
"The best way," Paul approved.
"Every time you want a coffee, you grind your own beans?" Maeve questioned incredulously.
"It's true. Barney is very particular about his coffee. I feel the same way about tea," Nia said.
"It's the little things in life that make it enjoyable and worth living," Brainiac 5 said knowingly.
Nia then gave the table a horrified look. "We're all dead."
"Yeah," Maeve said horrified as she saw the vision, too.
Meanwhile, Brainiac 5 launched every ICBM nuclear missile from the United States and Russia towards Karina's position in space. In the middle of the swarm of nuclear missiles was a transport ship with Brainiac 5 drones attempting to escape. Karina expertly picked the transport ship out among the missiles and fired. The transport ship was immediately destroyed. She then allowed thousands of nuclear missiles to hit her all at once.
The side of the Earth facing the explosion saw a powerful flash of light for a brief moment. Karina emerged from the explosion unharmed with a glow about her. She eyed the planet and fired a heat vision beam that hit the Pacific Ocean near Chile. The beam came down as a pillar of fire for those on the beach incinerating them immediately. The shockwave blasted the clouds away and turned the entire continent of South America red-hot. The beam then went out the other side of the planet through China creating a massive exit hole in the ground. Billions in China, India, Japan, and Southeast Asia were killed quickly. The shockwaves continued across the planet until they even reached Pathos.
The house began to violently shake and then tore apart killing all of the occupants instantly. From orbit, the world was ruined. As before, Russia remained fairly untouched while her rivals to the east and west were annihilated. Karina turned away from the Earth and landed near a moon base on the dark side. Upon entering, she found Brainiac 5 watching the planet.
"Impressive willpower," Brainiac 5 complimented.
"Do we have an understanding?" Karina asked him.
"I think we do," Brainiac 5 said nonchalantly.
"You may be the pope of this world...but I am her queen," Karina reminded him.
"As you say," Brainiac 5 agreed.
Karina then zipped around the world repairing the damage she had done. With Brainiac 5 on the moon, he remained unaffected by the reversal of time. With the planet as before, Karina landed at the PATRIOT base near Moscow. "Your friend, Barney, thinks he can do whatever he feels like," Alina said annoyed.
"We have reached an accord," Karina said vaguely.
"Good, we have other matters to attend to," Alina said and then activated a hologram of Ukraine.
Author's Notes: As per usual deep/complex issues end up being an obnoxious power-play or pissing contest in AOS. This was a transitioning chapter as a passing of the torch moment for Karina as she takes on the role of Supergirl. Just to be clear, B5 did manipulate the climate change data to take over the world in this case.
The obvious problem with Don't Look Up being associated with climate change is the comet can be seen visually by anyone, will destroy the world quickly, the politicians rather than the people are idiots, the solution can be solved by one nation, and the cost/benefit analysis of destroying the comet is completely one-sided. In reality, climate change cannot be visually seen on a daily basis, is a super-gradual problem that will reach critical mass, the ignorance of the people has a considerable effect on the politicals, and the problem has to be solved by virtually every nation on the planet instead of one, and there will be huge costs to every nation to solve the problem. Don't Look Up ended up being a "mentally challenged" version of Armageddon (1998) which, in turn, wasn't too smart. From a scientific, political, or business perspective, there was nothing close to reality.