Author's Notes: Hey! Sorry it took so long, but I'm back again and as you can see, I decided to write more. Thanks so much to those who reviewed! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :)

I have not fixed that strikethrough problem yet, and I don't think that will ever get properly resolved, so I'm going to have to continue with the ((double parentheses)) thing. Unfortunately, I'm just going to try not to bother with Voldemort crossing things out so much anymore. After all, it's his diary, so he can write whatever he wants and leave it at that, right?

Also, I made a horrible mistake in the last chapter with Voldemort talking to Nagini. Forgot he was a Parselmouth. Hehe… Thanks to Silver Sailor Ganymede for letting me know about that! And thanks also for the suggestion, which I took into consideration and did my own thing with it. :)

And before I move on, I shall once again thank Serene Seer for editing my story and helping me out. I don't know what I'd do without her. :D

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Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and Voldemort his diary. I'm just a fanfiction writer.

Voldemort's Diary

August 28

Dear Diary,

I apologise for not writing back as soon as I had intended. I had to schedule extra Death Eater meetings because summer vacation is ending soon. Yes, we have summer vacation, too. Not only that, I apparently was a bit ill. It turns out that I am suffering some sort of memory loss. I had somehow forgotten how to speak Parseltongue properly and did not realise that Nagini can indeed speak back to me, after all. The mediwitch said that I was an idiot, but no matter.

She is dead now.

Alas, Nagini is now very angry with me and refuses to speak at all. At first, I worried that my Parseltongue issues were not yet over. However, I recently had quite a lovely conversation with one at the zoo with Severus the other day. Poor Severus seemed rather bored though, so I had to say my good-byes to the kind fellow. After I realised that I could speak to snakes relatively fine now, I knew immediately that there was something wrong with Nagini. I arrived home and tried once again to speak to her.

No luck.

She simply turned away and slithered to her room in silence. This broke my heart. And, mind you, that is saying something. The Dark Lord cannot be saddened so easily, yet I care very deeply for Nagini. She is special to me in many ways. At times like these, I wonder why I even bothered getting a pet. On the other hand, I figured that since I somewhat resemble a snake and because I am a Parselmouth, a snake was the ideal pet for me. Not to mention that snakes tend to elicit great fear in others.

I need that extra boost of fear at times. Just like my yellowing teeth and horrible stench.

At any rate, I have other things to write about at the moment. Let me see here… ah! I mentioned that I would write of my secret crush. Well, Diary, I would like you to guess first. Yes, that's it. Guess. …. No? No clue whatsoever, eh? Well, I shall give some hints.

He is not dead.

Alright, that was two hints. He is male and not dead.

No, not Harry Potter, you dolt. ((I am merely jealous of his green eyes and glasses! Or, err—no!))

Hm, well, my crush suffers from some specific problem…

And he is not a Death Eater. … So… Have you figured it out, yet?

…Okay, fine, I admit it. It is… Remus Lupin. I confess. I do not understand it, Diary. A werewolf, for goodness sake! Maybe I am attracted to the werewolf side of him because werewolves tend to be on the Dark side. My side. But he is not. I do not know, Diary, but maybe it is because he is somewhat "unattainable" for me. Is that it, Diary? I am wondering if I should just forget him and move on.

Or if I should kidnap him.

Or send him some flowers. Dead decapitated ones.

The last option is becoming more and more likely… Although, I do find that Dobby character to be quite attractive. Well, he is not exactly my type. ((Maybe that Hagrid oaf…. No, no—that will not do…))

On another note, I have discovered a new favorite snack of mine.

Chocolate chip cookies dipped in mayonnaise and mustard.

Indeed. Absolutely delectable.

And the mustard gives it a little kick. Mayonnaise balances things out a bit. And the chocolate chips for my sweet tooth. It is perfect.

Speaking of food, I decided to take this cooking class. I really do enjoy good cuisine, so why not learn of it further? I think first-hand practice will do nicely for me. Hopefully, I will be able to beg Nagini for forgiveness through food. So, the first class was today. It was interesting. We did introductions and such and then went over some basics. I had to endure signing up for a Muggle class, of course. I cannot risk the Ministry catching me while I take a Wizarding cooking class! But, with foolish Muggles, I can stay undercover. They will not recognise me, and even if they did, a simple Avada Kedavra should do the trick.

Insert malicious, maniacal laugh here.

Oh! I just remembered. I had a particularly peculiar (say that three times fast) dream last night.

First, I was sitting on a park bench, and there were children running around and being silly. I apparently had a cold, because I was constantly coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose. And the children were probably the cause of it. Damn them…. They were probably Muggles.

And then, all of a sudden, a dictionary was thrown at my face, and I suddenly had one eye! With an eyelash in it. It was very bothersome. Next thing you know, my teeth were falling out, and I stood up suddenly in surprise.

Only to find myself pregnant!

I ran to the hospital, where the mediwitch told me that the baby was dying and had a scar on its … nose. I do not know why.

Then, out of nowhere, a goat came running down the halls of the maternity ward right into me. When I got up from the fall, I found myself to be in a graveyard. But, instead of being dark and gloomy like most graveyards, this one was bright and happy. It was completely absurd!

Then, a cheetah arrived and handed me an index of oxymorons. This was especially ridiculous, because I have no need of such an index, nor can cheetahs "hand" things to anyone! Subsequently, the cheetah pointed me in the direction of a house on top of a hill, and thus I walked in that direction.

With my index of oxymorons.

As I was hiking my way up the hill, which suddenly became very steep, I fell into a hole, and found myself falling through a dark abyss.

And then—I woke up.

I think maybe this dream was a result of my killing that foolish mediwitch that called me an idiot last week. No matter. I shall not let it bother me. Even so, it was an exceptionally odd dream.

Well, I really must go now. I have yet another meeting with the Death Eaters tomorrow morning, and I really do need my ((beauty)) rest. Malevolent, sinister lords such as myself need to recuperate after a long day of evil.

Certainly the cooking class was considerably cunning. Alliteration indeed.

Especially given that I need to prepare for a little discussion with Wormtail immediately following the meeting. I really need to let him know to stop eating at that Muggle Mickey Mack Donald or whatnot and lose some weight, for once. It makes me sick just looking at the wretched thing.

Much Love to My Darling Diary,

Voldemort ♥

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A/N: So that's that. Now you know Voldemort's current secret crush. He might change his mind every now and then, but there you go. I really tried to make this chapter a bit longer than the previous so that's part of the reason why it took so long to get this out. But mainly because I got really busy the past couple of weeks, and now it's my last day of summer. :(

Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Please feel free to give some suggestions on what Voldemort should write about in his wonderful diary! And please review! Those are very, very much appreciated. :D Thanks!