AN: This story started for me as more of a writing exercise than a fanfic, so there might not be a great deal of plot involved. The exercise was originally meant to practice writing character emotions more effectively, and so a lot of this story will be spent exploring Edward and Bella's relationship. If you're looking for something action-packed, this is not the fic for you. If you are partial to fluff, angst, fighting, making out, teasing, sarcasm, and things of that nature, read on, and let me know what you think! I know reviewing is a pain in the butt (as is being begged for reviews), but if you do, I'll be your best friend. Hee. :D
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Chapter One: Beautiful Torture
An unusual beam of morning sunlight sliced into the dark room through the dusty, half-open blinds, casting glittering stripes over the smooth planes of Edward's face. He smiled invitingly at me as I reached out to touch his radiant skin, my finger tracing a path from the dip in his collarbone, over his Adam's apple and past the hinge of his jaw, letting it disappear into his hair. I watched in appreciation as his eyes fluttered closed at my touch, his lips parting slightly.
I didn't think I would ever get tired of waking up next to Edward Cullen.
As it usually tended to do, his unmitigated perfection struck at me before I could anticipate it. I watched his face as a familiar pang of unworthiness pulled at my heart. I honestly didn't deserve him.
"You're giving me that look again," he interrupted my thoughts, his voice low and sweet.
"What look?" I asked innocently, plucking imaginary lint from the collar of his mostly-unbuttoned shirt in an attempt to avoid his eyes.
"That look," he said sternly, pushing up on his elbow and leaning in, his hand reaching out to touch my sleep-ridden hair.
I tried to reply, but speaking became something of a challenge as I felt one of his knees burrow and nestle itself between my thighs. He was now crowding me somewhat, twisting a strand of my hair around his index finger, his cool breath causing my skin to prickle with heat. I shivered involuntarily as I felt his lips against my ear. "You are exquisite," he whispered, with such intensity in his voice that I completely forgot why it mattered, whether I deserved him or not. Silly thing to dwell on, really. When someone like Edward the man-god falls madly in love with you, you don't pause to ask Fate why.
I sighed softly, a line of Poe coming to mind. "And this maiden, she lived with no other thought than to love and be loved by me," I recited quietly, the corner of my mouth quirking as I caught Edward's eye. Instead of grinning back, his expression grew dark.
"Jesus, Bella, of all poems to compare our relationship to," he grumbled, his jaw tensing.
"What's wrong with it?"
He shook his head and refused to answer, though I knew Poe's Annabel Lee well enough to know why he found this particular poem so distasteful when it came to us.
"Oh, Edward, don't be so morbid," I chided, giving his shoulder a playful push. "It's just a stupid poem."
He relented with a smile, running his thumb over my bottom lip as he murmured, "And neither the angels in heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee."
All I could do was grin rather stupidly after that. He shifted slightly, reminding me of the hard thigh he had lodged between my much softer ones. I grew very still, closing my eyes as I tried desperately to push away the powerful tug of longing that had rather resolutely planted itself in the pit of my stomach. It was really rather horrifying, the amount of strain chronic sexual tension could put on a body. I felt a flash of resentment at the reminder that by refusing to make us equals, Edward was, for all intents and purposes, sentencing me to lifelong celibacy. Among other things.
Why did everything have to be so complicated when it came to Edward?
I decided that if celibacy was, indeed, what he had in mind, he hardly deserved thanks from me. I wriggled away from him, attempting to push his knee away but having very little luck. He looked mildly entertained by my battle with his leg, watching me struggle a moment before sitting up and pulling me with an iron grip into his lap.
"Bella," he soothed, holding me securely in place despite my best efforts to extract myself from his firm embrace.
"Let go!" I ordered, though once he began to smooth his fingers over the nape of my neck it became next to impossible to put up an earnest fight.
"What are you thinking?" The demand was considerably softened by his gentle tone, and my anger at him had once again melted away. Damn him and his vampirical wiles.
"I'm thinking," I said cattily, pouting somewhat, "that sexual tension is going to kill me way before you ever get the chance."
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh, honestly, Bella – "
"Don't you 'honestly, Bella' me! Immortality might cooled off your sex drive, but I am a healthy young woman with – with – " I fumed, searching for the right word. "Needs!" I concluded, somewhat lamely.
He looked at me blankly for a moment. Then, unbelievably, he burst out laughing. My face grew hot with humiliation and anger, and I shot out of his arms, stalking over to the closet in search of my bathrobe.
"No, no, darling, I wasn't laughing at you," he consoled, getting up to follow me. His hand closed around my wrist, but I yanked it free.
"Don't," I grumbled, clumsily pulling on my bathrobe and throwing most of my weight against him in an attempt to push him out of my path. I ricocheted off the solid wall of his chest like a partially deflated beach ball, landing unceremoniously on my backside.
Today was not turning out to be a good day.
Edward gathered me in his arms like a rag doll, tugging my bathrobe off and dumping it onto the floor as he carried me back to bed.
"I was laughing," he continued, as if nothing had happened, "at the idea that immortality could diminish my quote-unquote 'sex drive,' as you so delicately put it."
I leaned against his chest, knowing that it was pointless to try and stay angry with him. I toyed with the drawstring of my pajama bottoms, pushing my lower lip out. "Of course not, you manly man," I agreed, with a grudging but good-natured chuckle.
He smiled and brushed his lips against my temple. "It isn't that. Bella, you must understand. A vampire's life centers around lust. There's the bloodlust, obviously, and then there's…the other kind." Sensing the shyness in his voice, I grinned widely and waggled my eyebrows at him, enjoying his discomfort a little too much. After all, it wasn't everyday a girl caught Edward blushing. He gave me a reproachful look but went on. "Carlisle likes to joke that in the beginning, it's all about breeding and feeding."
"Isn't that sweet," I replied with no small amount of derision, raising an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes at me.
"I'm a vampire, Bella. What part of the phrase 'bloodthirsty reanimated corpse' translates as sweet to you?"
I gave an ironic half-smile. "Get over yourself, Cullen."
Edward laughed in spite of himself. I absently noted how closely his laughter resembled the pealing of church bells. "You really are a brat, you know that?" he replied, pinching my side playfully. I squealed and jerked away.
"I don't think that's the first time you've said so."
"Good. Just so long as we're clear. Now let's go back to the part where you were telling me what you were thinking."
I sighed. It really wasn't a topic I was eager to get back to. "What about after the beginning?" I stalled. "What happens to all that breeding and feeding?"
He shrugged casually. "One learns to manage it. The bloodlust is satisfied more easily, as you know, with the option of animal substitution. That option doesn't work so well with…the other type."
My lip curled in mock horror. "Thanks for that image."
"All I'm saying is this. You've had to deal with sexual tension for a few months. I've been dealing with sexual tension for the past century or so. They don't exactly post vampire personals in the Seattle Times, you see."
I sighed. "That's fair enough, I guess."
"Trust me Bella. There is hardly a moment where I'm not thinking about what it would be like to…be with you. It's nothing short of excruciating."
I giggled, despite his solemn tone. "Perv."
"No kidding," he agreed, giving me a smile that reached his eyes.
"Let me get this straight. You are constantly fighting the overwhelming desire to drink my blood. You can't take your eyes off me for a second for fear of me tripping and dying. We can't have sex. You can barely kiss me without losing it. I'd say you're turning out to be quite the little masochist, cupcake."
Instead of getting angry, he smiled wistfully and pushed the hair back from my face. "You are beautiful torture, my love. I am helpless to resist."
"And yet there is such a simple solution," I muttered unkindly, unable to stop myself.
Edward sighed and got off the bed. He had told me a few weeks ago that he refused to further discuss the subject of biting me, and had so far kept his word. "Get dressed, I'm taking you to breakfast."
I sulked. "I'm not hungry."
"Yes, you are," he insisted, rummaging through my drawers and throwing a pair of jeans at me. "Put those on."
I scowled at him. "Would you quit bossing me around?"
Edward grinned slyly. "I think you like being bossed around."
My eyes narrowed. He wasn't half wrong, but he didn't need to know that. "Smug bastard," I groused, resignedly pulling on the jeans.
Without warning, an oversized sweatshirt and hairbrush came at me as well. I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and ran the brush – with great effort – through my sleep-tossed hair.
"Happy?" I asked, my arms outstretched in an invitation for him to appraise me. I was a complete mess.
"Very," he agreed, crossing the room and entwining his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck, pulling me to him without warning.
Still feeling somewhat spiteful, I pressed myself against him, putting aside for the moment my total lack of experience. I wondered fleetingly if I could seduce him into biting me. It was unlikely, and he would hate me for doing it…but he would forgive me in time. We would have a lot more of it, after all.
His lips parted slightly against my own, and before he could dominate the kiss I caught his lower lip between my own, impulsively biting down on the cool, soft flesh in an effort to express my frustration.
My mouth absorbed his primal growl, and I trembled at the sound. I expected him to break away angrily, then, and I braced myself for the inevitable lecture about how easily he could kill me.
Instead, he pushed me back onto the bed, pressing me into the mattress with an overwhelming strength. I whimpered softly as he seized my wrists and pinned them with one hand above my head. I knew then that he was losing his grip on his unbreakable control, for he was devoting much less attention my human fragility. I suppose I should have been frightened, but instead my body thrummed with excitement as I returned his bruising kisses with equal savagery.
His free hand traveled down my side, squeezing my upper thigh. I reflexively arched against him, our bodies making full contact. With an agonized groan, he ripped his mouth away from mine and was at the other side of the room so suddenly that my mind reeled.
"Goddammit, Bella, what the hell is wrong with you!"
I just stared at him, utterly stupefied, my pulse skittering unevenly. Blood roared in my ears as my body shook with adrenaline, my eyes unable to focus for a moment as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. As I began to catch my breath, an empty ache settled over me, causing a strangled sob to erupt from my throat.
Edward was staring at me with a mixture of hunger and terror, his eyes craving me with a power that stole my breath away.
"Edward," I croaked, struggling to regain control of my voice.
"I can't stay here," he muttered, his voice chillingly close to a snarl.
"Wait – " I called after him, but he had disappeared, gone so fast that I couldn't even tell which exit he had taken.
Nice going, Bella. I thought bitterly to myself. Real nice.