A/N: Since today (January 14) is my sweet 16th, I thought I'd give my reviewers a little present by taking the time to write a new chapter for this fic! I'm starting to get ideas for BSTV's, helped by a few faithful correspondents (you know who you are), but since my exams are next week, I make no promises for a deadline. Hope you like this chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, Emperor's New Groove, any crime shows, or the Blue Jackets! I can't even get tickets, goddamnit!
Kurama: We really ought to get her writing again… Reviewers may set the studio on fire.
Hiei: So?
Kurama: Well, it wouldn't be a problem, except that the doors are locked. Youko tried to make a break for it the other day.
Hiei: -.- I see…
Yusuke: But how do we get past the system and the rabid wolves?
Kurama: They're not rabid, Ryouko would never have tolerated that. I can beat the system easily enough, but the wolves… we need bait…
Yusuke: (Smirk) Just a second…
(A couple minutes later)
(Kuwabara runs past covered in steak sauce and screaming as the wolves chase him)
Yusuke: (Dusts off hands) That takes care of that!)
Cast: -.-()
(A while later)
Kurama: Okay, we're in. (Opens door to once again reveal Saru playing her video games and totally oblivious to their presence.)
Voice of Himizu: OH MY GOD, YOU BASTARD! THAT'S IT NIKY, MAKE HIM PAY FOR THAT! WHO CARES IF HE'S SID THE WHATEVER!
(The Cast pushes open the door to the other room and find an odd sight. Himizu is on the edge of her seat staring rapturously at the TV screen, which is showing a hockey game between the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Pittsburgh Penguins. Ryouko is sitting on the couch with her headphones on, jamming to some song on her iPod and reading a mystery book. Several other books and manga are stacked around her)
(On the TV, several hockey players are involved in a scrum. Himizu's favorite player, Rick Nash, suddenly throws off his gloves and starts fighting with someone named LeClair (who totally started the fight), which makes Himizu go nuts)
Himizu: YOU BASTARD! RICK ISN'T SUPPOSED TO FIGHT! PICK ON SOMEONE ELSE! LIKE SHELLY! THEN I CAN WATCH AND LAUGH AS YOU GET SCRAPED OFF THE ICE! Oh shit, I forgot Jody got tossed out of the game already… OH WELL, SCREW YOU! POUND HIM RICK! WOOHOO!
(Referees give LeClair a game misconduct and throw him out of the game too, but Rick stays in the game)
Himizu: BOOYAH, MWA HA HA HA HA! DOWN WITH THE PENGUINS!
(TV announcers talk about how there were 152 minutes of penalties in the game and six or seven fights, meanwhile the Jackets are winning 6-1)
Himizu: MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Kurama: I'm suddenly terrified…
Hiei: Nuts, she's absolutely nuts!
Kurama: Let's leave for a while…
Cast: Good idea! (Flee)
(A/N: All the stuff that I said about the game really did happen, including a lot of the stuff I said)
(About an hour later)
Kurama: It's been quiet for a while… who wants to check?
(Cast shrugs, they go back in)
(Ryouko and Himizu are sitting in their chairs, crying and wiping their eyes as they watch an episode of Without A Trace. As Fix You, by Coldplay plays, the main character (Jack) hugs a woman. Both are crying. The woman is a friend of Jack's and her husband, another friend of Jack's, has just been murdered. The whole mood is sad, and isn't being helped by Fix You.)
TV: Tears stream down your face, I promise you I will learn from my mistakes, Tears stream down on your face, And I…
Lights will guide you home, And ignite your bones, And I will try to fix you.
(Show ends)
(Ryouko and Himizu crying)
Hiei: How can you ningens cry over something on TV that isn't even real? That's just pathetic.
Ryouko and Himizu: O.O -.- (Pull out mallets)
Himizu: How dare you enter the place of which entry is forbidden?
Yusuke: What?
Ryouko: Why did you come here when we told you not to?
Yusuke: Oh, Kurama says the reviewers are going to set your studio on fire and since we're all locked in here, we're all gonna die!
Ryouko and Himizu: GOOD! Maybe then we can finish watching TV…
Kurama: Ho boy…
Yusuke: This calls for drastic measures. (Pulls out a boom box which blares some retarded rap song)
Himizu and Ryouko: (Cover ears) NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Himizu: Fine! I'll film a couple more scenes! I thought you hated my parodies though, I can't figure out why you're making me to this.
Kurama: You'd be surprised what some people will do under threat of death…
Himizu: Not really…
Hiei: You wouldn't…
Himizu: Ok, fine, since you're all so eager… PLACES EVERYONE!
(Palace Hallway)
(As Youko Kuzco speaks we see Hiei Kronk sneaking through the city pulling a brown bag with wheels along behind him)
Youko Kuzco (Voice over): Guess where I am right now! Uh-huh, in the bag. Still think I'm not the victim here?
Saru: He's in the bag?
Himizu: Tied up, gagged, and drugged… Yes, he's in the bag. That's why the bag has wheels. There's no way in hell that Hiei would be able to lift that fat fox up!
Youko Kuzco (Voice over): Watch, it gets better!
Hiei Kronk: Ba dum… ba da da da dum… Ba dum da dum dum… (Continues singing)
Youko Kuzco (Voice over): Oh, he's doing his own theme music? Short, stupid, and tone-deaf. I am SOO glad I was unconscious for all of this.
(Hiei Kronk tosses Youko Kuzco into a stream that's heading out of the palace, purposely smacking him against the stone bridge for insulting him.)
Hiei Kronk: Mission accomplished.
Voice: You're not just going to let him die like that, are you?
Kronk: My shoulder angel!
(Chibi Hiei wearing a white robe and a halo and carrying a harp appears on his right shoulder and another chibi Hiei wearing a skintight red shirt and tight red pants and little red horns and carrying a little red pitchfork appears on his left shoulder)
Shoulder Devil: Don't listen to that guy! He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks!
Shoulder Angel: Oh, come off it.
Shoulder Devil: You come off it!
Shoulder Angel: You!
Shoulder Devil: You!
Shoulder Angel: You!
Shoulder Devil: You infinity!
Shoulder Angel: Grr... -.-#
Shoulder Devil: Listen up, big guy, I've got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Number one, look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing.
Shoulder Angel: We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it.
Shoulder Devil: Oh, right, that's a harp… and that's a dress.
Shoulder Angel: Robe! -.-# (Death glare)
Shoulder Devil: Reason number two, Look what I can do. (Does a handstand, then stands on only one hand) Ha ha!
Hiei Kronk: Wha… what does that have to do with anyth…
Shoulder Angel: No, no, he's got a point.
Hiei Kronk: Listen, you guys, you're sort of confusing me, so… be gone… or, you know, however I get rid of you guys.
Shoulder Devil: That'll work.
(They disappear. Hiei Kronk runs and catches the bag before it goes over the edge. We pull back to see how high up the stream is from the ground. The shot pulls back until we are miles from the castle. There is a bug crawling along a tree branch. A chimp comes up and eats the bug.)
Youko Kuzco (Voice over) WTF? Um...what's with the chimp and the bug? Can we get back to me?
(Zoom back up to Hiei Kronk who is now going through the palace again looking for a way to get rid of Youko Kuzco.)
Hiei Kronk: Oh boy, think, think, think! What to do? What do I do with the body?
Yusuke Pacha: (Randomly standing nearby talking to a random demon dressed as a llama) What am I going to tell the village?
Hiei Kronk: Come on, Hiei Kronk, come on, Hiei Kronk! What do I do? What do I…
(Shot of Eikichi being tied to a set of stairs by Himizu)
(Hiei Kronk starts walking down said stairs and, of course, steps on the cat)
Kuwabara: EIKICHI!
Eikichi: MROW!
Hiei Kronk: (Falling down stairs) Back! Elbow! Shoulder! Ow… shit… baka cat… (Cat attacks him and scratches his face until Himizu runs in and boots the cat out a random window that had just appeared and disappears again as soon as the cat is gone) (The bag that he'd been holding Youko Kuzco in is also gone, but he quickly sees it on the back of Yusuke Pacha's cart, so he starts fighting his way through the crowd of random demons) Oh, hey! Hey you! Hey! Excuse me. Excuse me. Stop! Pardon me. Excuse me. Sorry about that. Comin' through. Hey, you with the… … cart? (Yusuke Pacha is gone) Cool, he's gone… er… I mean… Uh-oh. This is not good. Uhh. Hope that doesn't come back to haunt me. (Gasps in fake horror)
Himizu: (Rolls eyes) Good enough I guess…
Hiei: YOU GUESS! (Looks murderous)
Himizu: Well, you're not that great an actor…
Hiei: WHAT THE HELL?
Himizu: And you have serious anger management issues.
Hiei: WHAT! (Draws katana)
Himizu: I think I'll deduct from your pay.
Hiei: YOU DON'T PAY ME!
Himizu: I know. I don't pay you anything, which means that deducting means that I'm paying you negative figures, which means I get to steal your money. (Evil grin)
Hiei: Like hell you will!
Himizu: Why are you using the future tense? It happened in the past.
Hiei: I don't want a grammar less…on… What happened in the past?
(Ryouko and Saru, who have been absent for a while, come back in through a random door carrying bags of money and what looks like most of Hiei's possessions. Ryouko is also wearing a shirt, a pair of boot, a belt, and a headband that look suspiciously like Hiei's.)
Ryouko: Hi Hiei! Has Himizu talked to you yet? (A/N: Whoa… four of those words began with H, and two each began with T and Y… weird!)
Hiei: … (Twitches madly as an aura of fire begins building up around him)
Girls: Uh oh…
(Massive explosion, lots of fire and smoke, the black dragon races around out of control… then silence)
A/N: Cliffie? Maybe? I dunno... I figure that most of you can figure out what happened and happens. Oh well, that's enough of that. Read and Review! Ja ne!