So I would like to say that I am thankful towards my dear friend Robin, for looking this story over, and of course, being my Beta. You are the best person ever! Woohooo! Come on, let's all cheer her on! I mean, if it wasn't for her, I would probably give up on this story, so she's saved your sanity, otherwise, you would never know how the story ends. I would also like to say that I just finished my HUGE chemistry project last night which is part of my final, so let's all thank my friend Maggie for helping me survive through that and telling me how to get pictures onto the site (did I tell you it was an online assignment?). Go Maggie! I have about two more weeks of school, then finals, and then...SUMMER! Yay! But I still have two presentations on Tuesday, one in French, one in chemistry, and well...I think that I'm only able to do that is by keeping sane which is done by writing for all of you, and getting all of your pretty pretty reviews. So thank you! All of you! And I would like to know if anyone else listens to David Roth? No? Yes? Am I insane? And imagining that it's good music?
Disclaimer: uh...I don't own anything, including Gilmore Girls. Merry Christmas...oh...wait, that's not for a while...well happy third chapter of Truth Through a Veil day! Is that better?
Chapter 3: Bell Ringers and Tear Bringers
"Hurry up; I'm closing in 10 minutes." Luke said as the bell rung. He didn't even look up to see who it was.
"It might take a bit longer than that." Lorelai said quietly. She sounded defeated and quite exhausted.
"Lorelai?"
"No, just Quasimodo, just came to ring the bell." she quipped.
"I didn't think that you would…you would come in, after earlier I mean." he said.
"Well I decided that hell isn't enough, I would like a second helping please." she joked.
"Lorelai--" he started but Lorelai interrupted. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry, and he wanted to work at this, but that a baby was still too much.
"Luke? Why do we do this? I mean, why can't we just have a normal conversation like a normal couple where there is some actual listening occurring and where everything is just put out on the table for all to see? Why can't we have that? Are we just not ready? Are we not right? Are we not good enough for each other?" she asked honestly.
"Of course we're right for each other." Luke said as he rubbed his hand on her arm which was no propped up on the counter.
"But no, we're not." she said. "You can't seem to find enough time to fit me in your other life."
"My other life?" he questioned.
"and then I can't seem to find the right way to tell you, and you're too wrapped up in this Anna and April thing, and you spend more time with Anna than you do with me, I mean, why are you marrying me and not her?" she asked.
"What? Because I love you, not her."
"But you aren't even willing to consider the possibility of a child with me. You can't stand the thought of me being a mother again, and you are hoping that if I ever do get pregnant, which by the way, if we keep up this unspoken vow of celibacy, I don't think will ever happen, but if it ever did, are you hoping that the kid doesn't turn out like me? And maybe it turns out like April? Why am I not good enough Luke?" she asked him.
"Where the hell are you getting this all from?" he asked.
"You never act as if we have all the time in the world to get married; you separate me from your like with April--"
"Because she's my child"
"But she's my soon to be step-daughter. Don't you see? We are so far from getting married that you can't even remember the fact that when we do get married, your relatives become mine, and mine become yours." she argued.
"Lorelai, you know that--"
"Luke, no. stop. You have hurt me so much in the past few months, I've tried to keep it in, but now I'm not doing it anymore! I am not going to let you waist my time! It's now, or never Luke! Pick one! Choose door number one, you get it all, the wife, the daughter, the step-daughter who you have always considered a daughter, more children in the future, someone to wake up to, a reason to get up in the morning, and most of all, when you go to those graves every week to replace the flowers, you will be able to say 'hey mom, hey dad, guess what, I did what you said I would do, I ended up with someone as great as you mom, and I became someone as thankful and lucky as you dad.' you get to say that, and your parents will smile down thinking that they've done their job well, they raised the son they had always dreamed that you would turn out to be. Choose number two, and you loose almost all of it. I mean, you still get the daughter, but you don't get the wife, you don't get the step-daughter, you don't get the future kids, you don't wake up to someone who loves you more than herself, you don't have much of a reason to get up in the morning, you don't get to make you're parents as proud as you could." she told him.
"Lorelai--"
"Stop 'Lorelai'ing me! I want an answer! Screw Anna! I deserve to know my future step-daughter! You deserve to introduce me to her again! And to beg me for help when you need the help! You deserve that Luke! I deserve that! I want that! I need that!" she ranted.
"Am I interrupting anything?" Lorelai turned around to see Anna standing with her eyebrows raised, with April standing next to her holding a duffle bag.
"Ah, no…we were just…uh…" Luke didn't know how to answer that.
"April, here's ten dollars, run to Doose's and buy yourself all the candy you want because Luke probably won't be giving you much this weekend." Anna said, handing over the money.
"Sure, I'll get to check out the other things they have there too." April said, realizing the more time she spent in Doose's, the better.
Once April was out the door, Anna's face turned into one of hate and anger.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean those things I said about you" Lorelai tried to apologize. "It's just that time of the month and I'm feeling a bit testy, and very angry." Lorelai threw a glare at Luke.
"No, I think that you did mean it, and what's more is that it was said in front of April." Anna said.
"I didn't know she was there, if I did, I most certainly wouldn't have said those things, I know what it's like to be stuck on the other end of these kinds of situations." Lorelai said.
"Luke, you said that it was only you going on this trip with April." Anna said, changing the hatred towards him.
"And I am." Luke answered quickly.
"Then why is she here?" she referred to Lorelai, then she looked at Lorelai and spoke to her. "I know you seem nice and all and I'm able to forget the things said earlier, but again, I can't play around with the people in my kid's life. I can't have April on this trip with the both of you, especially seeing as how your relationship doesn't seem to be going well." Anna said. Lorelai, realizing that Anna was right, she turned to Luke.
"Luke, I'm tired, I have to go, but before I leave, I want to know, is it door one or two? I want to know whether my tears are even worth it tonight." she said.
"Lorelai, can't we talk about this some other time?" he asked, not wanting this all put out in front of Anna.
"No! No, it can't wait! I've waited for months now, I've postponed the wedding, given up so much, so no, it can't wait!" she said in anger.
"Lorelai--"
"Fine, number two it is." she said as she walked towards the door. "I hope you realize that after Frollo had kept Quasimodo up in the bell tower for so many years, away from the real world and Frollo's life, that Frollo ends up dying in the end." Lorelai said, hopping Luke would get the symbolism.
"Lorelai--" Luke pleaded, still wanting to be able to just give things time, but have Lorelai there with him to help when he needed it.
"Goodbye Luke." Lorelai said as she walked out and did her duty as bell ringer for the last time.
She walked to half way to her house before the tears that she had been crying became too much for her. She decided a nice sit on the hard sidewalk might do her some good.
The moment she sat down though, her head started thinking dozens of thoughts, all about Luke. She didn't want to face the fact that it was her fault, yet again. There went that baby out the door. There went the future happiness out the door also. Why did life have to fuck with her mind so much?
She got up a few seconds later, and decided to go to the bridge. She didn't want to have to go home. She just wanted to be where she could think, but yet not have to think at all.
"What did I do wrong?" she asked herself out loud. "Why couldn't this have happened to someone else? Maybe someone like stupid Sherry, or that stupid woman at the B&B, but not me! What have I ever done to you!" she yelled at the sky. She dropped her head in her hands. She sat down at the bridge, and tried covering her legs with her dress. It wasn't big enough so she just rocked herself back and forth trying to keep warm as a semi-heavy rain started to come down. She thought of how Luke was probably helping April with her homework, or maybe even packing some of his stuff up while letting April watch a movie.
April was supposed to spend the night and then go on the trip the next morning with Luke. Why could Lorelai have been a part of that? Was she too toxic and radical with her insane ways of entertaining people?
Lorelai sobbed some more as her dress became soaked and her makeup began to run. There went her mask. Her hair was now soaked and sticking to her skin. She didn't know why, but she just wanted to jump in the water and drown. She didn't want to have to deal with this kind of thing anymore; she wanted life to be simple again.
After what seemed like forever, she pulled herself together and walked home. She stopped when she got to the chuppah. There was the goat? What did she name it? She couldn't remember, but she remembered Luke coming over and fixing it. He was always nice like that. He always helped her, he always loved her. She walked up onto the porch and tried to open the door. It was locked. Oh yea, Luke had been the last one out. She grabbed the turtle and found the key. She pulled it out and unlocked the door. She would never know why Luke was so cautious now.
She dropped the key and her purse on the table near the door. She then walked slowly up the stairs, only to fall asleep in tears two hours later.
"Ok, I got some Twizzlers, Snickers, Twinkies, and an apple, as required by you, and I'm ready to go." April said. The previous night she had been walking back to the diner with food, just as Lorelai walked out of the diner. About two yards away from the diner, April could hear Lorelai start to sob, but she just kept on walking. What had her mother and father done? She had Lorelai telling Luke to 'screw Anna!' but she knew her mother would only yell to defend the 'innocence' of her 'baby' April. She had walked into the diner, where she found her mother looking oddly at Luke. When they both spotted her, they tried to act normal but April knew something was up. Her mother had pulled Luke outside for a few minutes and then left. April had a feeling that her mother had laid down some rules or had chastised him for doing whatever he had done earlier.
When he had come in, she was told that she could go upstairs and watch some TV or 'whatever' because he had to clean up. April took that as "I'm tired, and I need to process what the hell just happened" she just grabbed her bag and went quickly up the stairs.
-----------------------------------------
Hey! So what do you think? Any predictions? Any suggestions? Any hate reviews? I love them all! Oh! Here's the best quote ever "I'm going to marry you just to piss you off." Someone I know said that to one of my guy friends and I thought you should all know. So please review so when I'm about to die from too much caffeine (I didn't know that there was such a thing until last night), I'll at least die happy. Review!