Regina was more than a little relieved once she returned to the castle. While she enjoyed hearing stories about a young Emma, the stories gave her only a temporary reprieve from her anxiety. She kept wondering how Emma was faring and if she had been able to ascertain if any of the magicians were truly magicians. She knew it was a long shot and she probably shouldn't get her hopes up but it was hard not to hope that one of the people they had invited could help her.

Upon arriving back at the castle she wanted to return to their room and maybe take a small nap. She hadn't slept well the last couple of nights and she knew once the festival started she wouldn't get much rest. With the things she and Snow had noted about the staging areas she had a last-minute to-do list to have carried out and it occupied her time for the next couple of hours.

Once those items were taken care of she decided to take a few moments for herself and she took a walk out into their garden. Sitting down on one of the stone benches she thought about how she should take some more time on having the garden worked on. Her mother's garden far surpassed what they had here. Emma hadn't had any thoughts about the garden and last year Regina was so busy in those first couple of months of their rule that she too had neglected to give it much more than a cursory observation. Her mother had always taken a pride in her garden, not just in the garden itself, but in working in it. Each plant had been chosen by Cora and often planted by her.

There were many times when she was young that she would play in those gardens while her mother tended to some plant or flower. Her mother liked to tell the story of how when she was a child she had once picked some freshly planted flowers and presented them to her mother in a bouquet.

"There you are." She turned to see Emma approaching her. "What are you doing out here?"

"I just needed a moment to be alone," Regina responded.

"Oh, well I can go. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"No, it's fine. Come sit beside me."

Emma took her seat and for a few heartbeats, neither woman said anything.

"I'm sorry," Emma said finally, and Regina faced her with a confused expression.

"Why are you apologizing?"

Emma shrugged. "I couldn't tell anything about the magicians, nothing useful at least. One of them I'm fairly certain doesn't know real magic, but the others, I just don't know."

Regina took her wife's hand. "You don't need to apologize," she said. "We both knew going into this that we didn't know enough to be certain about anything."

"Yeah I know, but I was hoping I would be able to you know. I wanted to be able to give that to you."

"I know you did," she said squeezing Emma's hand. "It's fine really. You eliminated one; it doesn't mean the others don't possess some knowledge. You know I can't go see all three of them once the festival starts – not with my parents here. The most I am going to be able to risk is seeing one and there is no telling if I will fare any better with being able to tell anything. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't risk it all."

"What do you mean? You've been waiting for this chance."

Regina let go of her hand and got up, walking over to one of the hedges and letting her hand glide across the top of it. Her side was to Emma who could tell this was one of those times when Regina was thinking about something before speaking it aloud.

"Maybe I should ask my mother while she is here what she thinks we can do with this space to improve it. She is an expert on knowing what plants will thrive and which will not," Regina said.

Emma stood and approached Regina, taking her hand in hers once more. "What's wrong? Did something happen while you were with my mother?"

"No. Your mother was perfect. She told some rather humorous stories about you. Stories you hadn't shared like your first birthday."

Emma groaned. "Remind me to have a word with my mother about the stories she chooses to share."

Regina gave her a half-smile. "Your parents love you very much."

"So do yours."

"I know, but they don't show it as your parents do with you," Regina said. "You and I, it's like we're from two different worlds. I was sitting here thinking about this time when I was younger and my mother had planted these flowers in our garden back home. She probably spent hours picking the right flowers out and arranging them perfectly. I knew at a young age that my mom loved flowers so what did I do? I picked them. I picked them and gave her what I thought was a pretty bouquet."

"What did your mom do when you did that?"

"She graciously accepted the bouquet from me, told me how lovely they were, and then proceeded to sit me down and tell me that in the future I shouldn't pick the flowers or remove leaves from plants," Regina said. "And I was sitting here thinking about that and how that seems to be a theme for my relationship with my parents – forever being told what I should or shouldn't do."

"Parents are like that," Emma said. "My parents were like that with me. I got lectured all the time about things. Now tell me what all of this has to do with you suddenly not wanting to go see the magicians."

"I've never really defied my parents before," she admitted. "Yes, I've pushed some boundaries with them like with the whole riding solo thing, but I've never outright defied them. And this is the one thing that if I defy them and they find out …"

"You are worried about what this will mean for your relationship with your parents – both of them, not just your mother?"

Regina nodded.

"I still want this though," she said. "I still want to learn about the magic. I need to learn about it. It's been getting worse lately. All day today I kept fearing I was going to end up doing magic in public and people would see or I would do something dangerous with it. It could happen and there would be nothing I could do about it. Am I being selfish for wanting to learn about something that I've been told my entire life is dangerous?"

"Listen to me, you aren't being selfish," Emma said grasping both of her hands now. "Your parents have instilled this fear in you. I don't know why, but they have made a conscious effort at it. As long as you have no knowledge of the magic, you are going to live in fear of it. It's not selfish to not want to live in fear."

"There is something I haven't told you though, about the magic," Regina said, again letting go of Emma's hands and taking a step away. "Remember when I first told you about this and you asked me if it was dangerous and I told you that not all of my accidents had been good things?"

Emma didn't think Regina was expecting her to answer, but as Regina paused, Emma said yes. Regina kept her eyes on the ground in front of her but still hadn't spoken. Emma moved in closer putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me," she said softly.

"My magic. I …I caused someone's death. I killed a person, a young boy. He was um … he was a stable hand that worked for us. His name was Daniel." She hesitated once more. "We were about the same age and he had this shyness to him that made him all the more endearing. I had wanted to try out this new horse my father had purchased from one of the northern kingdoms. Daniel didn't think I should so when I insisted, he insisted on accompanying me. The two of us rode out along with a couple of the guards who were maintaining their distance. The horse was big – probably the biggest I had ever ridden – and we were coming back around to head back. We paused and Daniel and I were just sitting there on our horses and he looks at me and smiled and I can still remember that moment, seeing him there with this wonderful smile directed at me. I smiled back and that's when I felt it, the magic. The horse seemed to sense it and got a little jittery and I placed my hand alongside its neck to try and calm it down and that is when the magic flared up. To this day I don't know exactly what the magic did, but the horse reacted like it had been branded with hot metal. I couldn't control it and it ended up bucking me off. I crashed to the ground and Daniel immediately dismounted to come to my aid, but as he was nearing me, the horse raised up and Daniel froze for a second and the hoofs came down on him. He got trampled several times. Once the guards got there, I was holding on to Daniel crying. He was barely breathing. One of the guards sped off to the castle and they got a cart and loaded Daniel into it. I demanded he be taken to the castle so our physician could tend to his wounds. He lasted into the night and died the next morning."

Emma hugged Regina to her as she saw the first tear fall. "It's ok," she whispered. "It wasn't your fault."

"But it was," Regina said. "It was my magic that caused the horse to do that. My magic."

"It was an accident. You didn't do it on purpose. You would never have done something like that on purpose. I know you, and I know you wouldn't," Emma insisted. "This happened because you haven't been allowed to learn how to control your magic. But that ends now. You don't need your parents' permission, and if they find out well, fine they find out. No matter what happens from this day forward, I will be right by your side. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I can't let anything happen to you. I can't because I love you."

Regina pulled back from her and Emma realized she had just told her wife that she loved her – for the first time out loud.

And Regina was staring at her with complete disbelief on her face.

"It's ok if you don't feel the same," Emma quickly said. "I was um … I was going to tell you when our actual one-year anniversary takes place in a couple of days. It's just … these last few months I've been thinking about you more and more and some days it seems like you are the only thing on my mind. The feelings have grown considerably with each passing day. I mean, I know it's crazy, cause it was only a year ago that I was dreading having to get into that gown and stand in front of everyone and marry you. That felt like a farce, but this now, this feels real to me. I guess it was time to tell you how real it is to me."

Regina turned from her, putting more distance between them. Emma continued to stand there looking at Regina's back.

She loves me, Regina thought. She knew she should turn and face Emma, say something to her, but right now she felt dangerously out of control. She looked down at her hands, feeling the magic welling up there. She couldn't risk anything happening to Emma.

So she did the only thing she could think to do – she ran from the garden.

….

Emma couldn't believe that Regina ran out on her like that. Sure she hadn't planned on that exact moment to tell Regina of her feelings but she was going to do it nonetheless. That was not the reaction she had been hoping for and despite having grown closer in the past year she wondered if she had seriously misjudged Regina.

No, she thought, there was no way she had been that wrong about Regina's affections. Her wife may not be ready to say the words or might not quite be there yet, but Emma was sure that Regina cared for her.

It meant something else was wrong.

She hurried from the gardens intent on finding Regina as soon as possible. She asked several people, only one of which had seen Regina heading upstairs. She must be going to our room, Emma thought and she picked up the pace. Reaching their outer chamber, there was no sign of Regina so she moved on to their bedroom, bursting through the door.

Regina was there sitting on the edge of their bed, her arms wrapped around her midsection like she was in pain.

"Regina."

Hearing her name, Regina immediately got to her feet and began backing up. "Stay away."

"Regina, what's wrong?" Emma asked carefully moving forward.

"You have to get out of here. Please. I don't want to hurt you."

Emma stopped upon hearing this and noticed Regina's hands were balled up into fists.

"Is it your magic?"

Regina nodded. "Now please go."

"No," Emma shook her head. "I'm not leaving you."

"Please Emma, you know I can't control it."

"You aren't going to hurt me," Emma said stepping closer to her. "I know you won't. Just calm down."

"I can't," Regina said. She brought her hands out in front of her, looking down at them. Emma could see a faint light emitting from Regina's palms. She could see the fear in her wife's eyes.

"Regina, listen to me. Concentrate on my voice. Don't look at your hands, look at me," she said moving closer.

Regina looked up at her.

"That's good," Emma said. "Now it's going to be okay. Just breathe. Think about something good, like riding Quicksilver out in the fields or lying on the couch reading a book. Just keep breathing, in and out, in and out."

As she spoke Emma stepped closer to Regina until she was right in front of her. She carefully reached out for Regina's hand, but the brunette tried to pull away from her. "It's okay," Emma said. "You aren't going to hurt me. It's okay."

This time Regina didn't pull away and Emma took Regina's hand. When she did, she felt something – she didn't know how to explain it – and she assumed it was Regina's magic.

"See," Emma said. "You're fine. Everything is going to be fine."

Regina started to calm down and Emma embraced her. She felt Regina breathing as she held her close and whispered soothingly to her.

"I'm sorry," Regina said finally.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Emma said. "Come on, lay down."

"We should get back downstairs. I'm okay now and there is still a lot to do."

"The only thing you are going to do right now is lay down. You've been running yourself ragged preparing for this festival. You need to rest."

Regina got onto the bed and Emma joined her, hugging her close. "I've got you," Emma whispered. "Close your eyes."

Emma waited until Regina fell asleep before carefully getting out of bed. She hoped Regina would be able to rest for several hours. Before exiting the room she stood in the doorway looking back at Regina and while she felt love for the woman lying there, another emotion was beginning to form – anger – anger at Regina's parents for causing her to have to go through this.